Write A Concise Passage

1
Write A Concise Passage
use few words express clear meaning
2
Compare the passages
Tom is four years old and he is energetic.
One day a bike was given to him. The bike is new
and it is a light blue in color. Tom received the
bike for his birthday. He struggled to ride his
bike. He struggled for two hours. However, he was
unsuccessful in riding the bike.
Four-year-old Tom is energetic. One day, He
got a light blue bike for his birthday. He
Struggled for two hours to ride it, but he was
unsuccessful.
3
Tom is four years old and he is energetic.
One day a bike was given to him. The bike is new
and it is a light blue in color. Tom received the
bike for his birthday. He struggled to ride his
bike. He struggled for two hours. However, he was
unsuccessful in riding the bike.
concise(best)
better
wordy
4
Improve the wordy sentence(I)
1. There are many people hunting animals for
living in the mountain. 2. A girl likes Chinese
food better. 3. The employee with anger
quarreled with his boss. 4. In the not too far
future, our dreams will come true. 5. He gave up
school on condition of the reason that it was
necessary for him to support his family.
(hunters)
(prefer)
(angry)
(near)
(because)
5
Summary one change phrases into single words
6
improve the wordy sentence(II)
1. His family live in a village which is near a
river. 2. The house, which was newly built is
very large. 3. People who are interested in the
job must send your resume to our company before
Friday. 4. We will have the party in the garden
which is on the top of the main building.
5.While he is waiting for the bus, he always
recites texts.
(His family live in a village near a river)
(The newly-built house is very large)
(People interested in the job must send your
resume to our
company before Friday.)
(We
will have the party in the garden on the top of
the main building.)
(While waiting for the bus or Waiting for)
7
Summary twochange unnecessary clauses into
phrases
8
improve the wordy part(III)
1. A letter was sent by Mrs. Smith. 2. Your
luggage will be checked by a custom official and
then a pass card will be given to you. 3. The
gifts should be wrapped up and written a few
words of best wishes on by you.
(Mrs. Smith sent a letter)
(A custom official will check your luggage and
give you a pass card.)
(You should wrap up the gifts and write a few
words of best wishes on them. )
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Summary threechange useless passive into active
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Summaries

• 1. Change phrases into single words.
• 2. Change unnecessary clauses into phrases.
• 3. Change useless passive into active.

11
Improve the following sentence(1)
1. Although Chinese is regularly used by
students, a close and complete study of the
subject is seldom taken by them.
(Although students regularly use Chinese, they
seldom take a close and complete study of the
subject.)
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Improve the sentence(2)
2. I am familiar with the farmers who are
planning to attend the meeting which is fixed
for next Friday.
(I am familiar with the farmers
planning to attend the
meeting fixed for next Friday.)

13
Improve the sentence(3)
3. The decision that was reached by the
committee was to put off the vote.
(The committee reached the decision to put off
the vote.) (The committee decided to put off the
vote.)
14
Make the passage short and clear
Were so glad you will join in our picnic
which will be held in the Peoples Park. Here is
how we can be found After you go into the park,
walk on till you see a river. Cross it and make
a turn towards the right. Then a hill will be
seen by you. Walk around to the other side of the
hill, and a lake will be found by you. We will
have our picnic in the small wood which is by the
lake. I am sure you will have no trouble in
finding us.
15
Have you found it?
Were so glad you will join in our picnic
which will be held in the Peoples Park. Here is
how we can be found After you go into the park,
walk on till you see a river. Cross it and make
a turn towards the right, then a hill will be
seen by you. Walk around to the other side of the
hill, and a lake will be found by you. We will
have our picnic in the small wood which is by the
lake. I am sure you will find us without any
difficulty.
16
Build a concise passage

• Requirements
• Write a story about dog.
• Use the first person e.g.
• my parents, my sister
• 3. Write concisely and clearly.
• 4. About 100 words.