NANC Biblical Counseling Class

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NANC Biblical Counseling Class

• Lesson 8 The Husbands Role the Wifes Role in
  Marriage

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VII. The Husbands Role in Marriage
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The Bible reveals that a God-honoring husband is
one who is like Christ. A husband needs to be
like Christ in several ways
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A. A Christ-like husband is a lover (Eph. 525-33)

• Love defined
• Popular views physical (sexual), romantic,
  emotion, feeling-oriented, etc.
• Biblical view A sacrificial giving to meet the
  needs of another person without ulterior motives
  for their good and Gods glory Stuart Scott (1
  Cor. 13, John 316, John 15).
• love in the Bible is often a verb an action.
  Since the Bible commands us to love (and we
  cannot, by an act of our will, feel a certain
  way) biblical love cannot primarily be a feeling.
• Biblical love commitment ongoing, continual
  action

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A. A Christ-like husband is a lover (Eph. 525-33)

• Love described as Christ loved the church
• In principle, love is
• Initiatory (1 John 419) the husband will take
  the loving initiate to resolve conflict, to
  lead, to communicate, etc.
• Sacrificial (Eph. 525)
• Humble (Phil. 23-4)
• Volitional (John 1516)
• Contra-conditional (Rom. 58) the husband will
  love his wife regardless of circumstances or an
  conditions
• Eternal and Committed (Rom. 89)
• Forgiving (Col. 313)
• Purifying and Constructive (Eph. 526-27) the
  husband is concerned about the spiritual growth
  of his wife

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A. A Christ-like husband is a lover (Eph. 525-33)

• In actual practice, Christ loves us in ways we
  can understand. So a husband should love his
  wife by
• Telling her (verbally and non-verbally)
• Appreciating her (praising her, emphasizing her
  character, etc.)
• Making time for her (requires scheduling)
• Communicating (listening to her, not assuming she
  can read your mind)
• Sharing (every area of life, treat her as
  complete partner)
• Providing for her (1 Tim. 58)
• Promoting her spiritual growth and development
• Treating her as priority (your love for her
  should supersede all other loves in your life,
  except for God Himself)
• Initiating love (dont wait, but take the lead)
  When there isnt not enough love in the
  marriage, one place for a husband to look is in
  the mirror Dr. Wayne Mack
• Loving her like he already loves himself (Eph.
  528-29)
• By nourishing her and cherishing her

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B. A Christ-like husband is a learner (1 Pet. 37)

1. Literally, it reads live (with your wives)
   according to knowledge or understanding
2. Since this is a command, a husband must learn to
   know and understand his wife.
3. The culture says it is impossible for a man to
   understand a woman. But the Bible commands
   husbands to know and understand their wives.

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B. A Christ-like husband is a learner (1 Pet. 37)

• It takes time. It must be a priority.
• It takes effort (Prov. 205)
• Study your wife continuously ask questions
  what she thinks, believes, etc. Take mental
  notes. Make a notebook about your wife.
• God does not call men to know and understand ALL
  women, just one!
• The Effect Your wifes problem is your problem.
  Her concern is your concern. If its important
  to her, it must be with you as well (Eph. 528-29)

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C. A Christ-like husband is a leader (Eph. 523)

• What godly leadership is NOT
• It is not a dictatorship (Matt. 2025 that is
  what pagans do)
• He does not demand submission
• His home is not his castle
• He does not expect his wife to serve him
• He does not force his wife to accept his opinion
  or preference
• It is not making all the decisions
• There is not enough time to make all the
  decisions
• It is not his responsibility to make them alone
  he is a team leader
• He needs her insight, because she was made to
  help him (Gen. 218)
• She will be his best counselor
• He should listen to his wife but verify what she
  says with Gods Word

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C. A Christ-like husband is a leader (Eph. 523)

• What godly leadership is
• Biblical headship is a divine calling of a
  husband to take primary responsibility for
  Christ-like servant leadership, protection, and
  provision in the home (John Piper, Recovering
  Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, pp. 52-53).
• Christs example
• Husbands should want their wives to be excited
  about their plans
• He doesnt drive her (like a cowboy) but leads
  her (like a Shepherd). John 1027
• He has a humble attitude (Phil. 25-8)
• He is a servant leader (Luke 2226, John 135ff)
• He does the will of God, not his own (John 434,
  638)

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C. A Christ-like husband is a leader (Eph. 523)

• Practically, how does a husband be a leader in
  his home?
• He is others orient his concern is for her
  needs and desires
• He is goal oriented he knows where he is
  leading his wife and family he has a plan
• He sets the example of self-control in the home
  (Phil. 49, Prov. 2326)
• He is solution oriented he solves problems
  biblically. He is the problem solving initiator
• He instructs her not as her father but more as a
  coach
• He is a motivator he helps her grow in her walk
  with the Lord and in her God-given
  responsibilities
• He is a coach he comes alongside her and
  encourages her
• He is a manager his wife is a teammate (1 Tim.
  34, 5, 12)
• He is pleasant to be around He lives joyfully
  with his wife, he is fun to be around and fun to
  live with (Ecc. 99)

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VIII. The Wifes Role in Marriage
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The Bible shows that a godly wifes relationship
to her husband is modeled by the churchs
relationship with Christ. A wife is to be like
the church in many ways.
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A. A godly wife is an honorer (through loving
submission) Eph. 522-24

• The primary way in which a wife pleases God in
  the context of her marriage is by loving
  submission to her husband (Eph. 524, 33, Titus
  25)
• What loving submission is NOT
• Submission is not putting the husband in place of
  Christ (no husband-worship)
• Submission is not giving up independent thought
  and becoming intellectually stagnant (the husband
  does not do all the thinking, give all the input,
  etc.)
• Submission is not giving up all efforts to
  influence her husband
• A wife primarily influences her husband through
  her behavior (1 Pet. 31-2)
• The excellent wife speaks wisdom (Prov. 3126)

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A. A godly wife is an honorer (through loving
submission) Eph. 522-24

1. Submission is not giving in to every demand of
   the husband
2. Submission is not the same as being fearful or
   timid of the husband
3. Submission is not letting her gifts lie dormant
   and becoming immobile
4. Submission is not believing her husband is
   infallible
5. Submission is not based on her husbands
   superiority to her

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A. A godly wife is an honorer (through loving
submission) Eph. 522-24

• What loving submission IS
• Biblical definition of submission
• the Greek word for submission means to arrange
  or place yourself under
• Biblical submission for the wife is the divine
  calling to honor and affirm her husbands
  leadership and help carry it through according to
  her gifts (Piper, Recovering Biblical Manhood
  and Womanhood, p. 53).
• Submission is Gods way of attaining and
  maintaining function and order in the home.
  According to 1 Cor. 1433, 40, God wants the
  various realms of society to function decently
  and in order and so He has ordained that some
  should be leaders and some should be followers

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A. A godly wife is an honorer (through loving
submission) Eph. 522-24

• True in the government (Rom. 131ff, 1 Pet.
  213ff)
• True in the church (1 Tim. 31ff, 517ff, 1 Pet.
  51ff)
• True in the Trinity (Phil. 25-8, etc.)
• Also true in the home (Eph. 5, 1 Cor. 113)
• Submission is a away of life for all believers
• for children (Eph. 61)
• For young people (1 Pet. 55-6)
• for employers and employees (Eph. 6, Col. 3 4)
• for all people to the government (Rom. 13)
• for all believers to God Himself (James 47)
• for all believers (Heb. 1317)
• for wives (Eph. 522)
• for all believers in different ways (Phil. 23-4,
  Rom. 151ff)

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A. A godly wife is an honorer (through loving
submission) Eph. 522-24

• Submission includes a reverence and dedication
  toward her husband
• Functioning as her husbands teammate
• Means that she does all she can to help her
  husband be a good leader (no tearing down in
  public, etc.)
• She is her husbands helper (Gen. 218)
• Submission is not based on his worthiness but on
  his God given position and role (Eph. 524)
• Submission is a spiritual matter for a wife in 3
  senses
• The manner as unto the Lord (Eph. 522)
• The model as the church is subject to Christ
  (Eph. 524, 32)
• The means be filled with the Spirit (Eph.
  518)
• Submission is a volitional matter the wife must
  choose to be submissive
• Submission is a command. It is ultimately an
  act of obedience and worship to God (Eph. 522)

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A. A godly wife is an honorer (through loving
submission) Eph. 522-24

• Submission is a practical matter
• It affects actions (1 Pet. 31-2, Prov. 3110-12,
  Gen. 218)
• It affects attitudes (Eph. 533, 1 Pet. 31-6,
  Prov. 219, 19, 3110-12, 124, 141)
• Submission may not always be fair, but
  submission is always what pleases God because He
  asks us to do it.

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B. A godly wife is a helper (Gen. 218)

1. She complements her husband as his companion
   (Gen. 218)
2. She uses her many gifts and abilities to assist
   her husband by being an industrious, frugal,
   diligent, ambitious, and creative member of the
   team (Ps. 1283, Prov. 3110-31)
3. She finds fulfillment in helping her husband
   serve God (1 Cor. 117-9)

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B. A godly wife is a helper (Gen. 218)

1. She communicates with a respectful attitude (Eph.
   533)
2. She shows confidence in his decisions (1 Cor.
   134-8)
3. She is grateful to him (Rom. 137)
4. She maintains a good spiritual life (1 Pet. 22)
5. She offers suggestions, advice, and corrections
   when needed in a loving fashion (Prov. 3126)
6. She realizes the positive influence she can be to
   her husband through her respectful attitude and
   godly behavior (1 Pet. 31-4)
7. She sees that her primary act of worship to God
   as a wife is her calling to be her husbands
   helper (Gen. 218)

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C. A godly wife is a homemaker (Titus 24-5)

• By diligently loving her husband and children
  (Titus 24)
• Building loyalty to him in the children
• Cooperating with him in raising children (Prov.
  18, Eph. 61)
• By diligently working in the home (Titus 25)
• workers at home literally means home-worker
• The home is the sphere or context in which she
  fulfills her God-given responsibilities

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C. A godly wife is a homemaker (Titus 24-5)

• The Proverbs 31 model
• She makes the home a safe place (vv. 10-31)
• She is trustworthy and dependable (vv. 11-12)
• She is organized and productive (vv. 13-14)
• She is enterprising (vv. 16-19)
• She is generous as a neighbor (vs. 20)
• She is a teacher (vv. 25-26)
• She is blessed as a mother (vv. 27-31)