Language Review

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Language Review

• 2004 Spring

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Outline

• I. Wording (or Diction), Word Form and Usage
• II. Sentence Structure or Syntax
• III. Precision and conciseness
• IV. Logic
• V. Paragraphing and structure

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Wording (or Diction), Word Form and Usage 1-1

• G 1 Anna possess the responsibility
• Few, a few, little, a little, much, --How do you
  distinguish them? (What are Uncountable N. and
  Countable N. give some examples.)
• It is possible for ones mind may go blank when
  he/she is lack of (prep. phrase) background
  knowledge, comprehension, or proper expression.
  (CF. He just lacks (v) a little confidence. Her
  only problem is lack of confidence.(n. phrase.))

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Wording (or Diction), Word Form and Usage 1-1
Suggestions

• Have/take/shoulder the responsibility
• Few, a few, little, a little, much -- The museum
  is just a few steps from the hotel.-- Few things
  in this world give me more pleasure than a long
  bath.
• It is possible for ones mind to go blank when
  he/she is in lack of background knowledge,
  comprehension, or proper expression.

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Wording (or Diction), Word Form and Usage 1-2
devote, only, the imperative

• 2. 7-eleven has devoted to providing more and
  more goods such as high-quality goods, a broad
  selection of fresh food as well as offering more
  convenient services(7-eleven Inc.)
• G 2 Natalies 7-eleven has been devoted to
  providing more and more products such as high
  quality goods, a multiple choice of fresh food as
  well as more convenient services.
• obligated, obliged choose one to make a sentence
• G 2 Natalies Parents are obligated to give
  children proper advices (X --UN) when they bump
  into difficulties.

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Wording (or Diction), Word Form and Usage 1-2
devote, only, the imperative

• Only knowing how to respect your roommate you
  wont feel yourself as a victim. Having an open
  mind and you will have a happy residential life!
  (imperative)
• G 2 Natalies Knowing how to respect your
  roommate is the only way to prevent yourself from
  feeling like a victim. Living with an open mind
  so that your life would be happy and residential.
  (frag)

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Wording (or Diction), Word Form and Usage 1-2
devote, only, the imperative

• Only knowing how to respect your roommate can you
  not feel (avoid feeling) like a victim. Have an
  open mind, and you will have a happy residential
  life! (imperative)

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Wording (or Diction), Word Form and Usage 1-3
and or (in negative)

• I dont want to go to church, and stay home.
• G 3 Mandys I dont want to go to the
  church, but stay home. (nothing but trouble
  anything but violent.)
• I dont want to go to church, (n)or stay home.
• -- There has been no concern for preventing
  accidents and (?or) for emergency rescue even
  though the bridge is the heart of Tsing Yi.
• G 3 Mandys -- There has been no concern for
  preventing from (vt) accidents and for emergency
  rescue even though the bridge is the heart of
  Tsing Yi.

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Usage 1-4 Concern relate to punctuation,
transition

• 4. G 4 Judy
• -- Parents usually concern more practical aspects
  while children concern spiritual(emotional) sides
  when it comes to a love relationship. And when
  two sides attitudes or recognitions are quite
  different from each other, the conflicts appear.
• -- Although the themes of Turn Left, Turn Left
  and Then the Moon Forget are different, they
  both relate to the separation from their
  companion. Yet, unlike the stories of separation,
  Sound of Colors and Mr. Wing talk about how
  the lonely protagonist find their own light in
  the darkness.

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Usage 1-4 Concern relate to suggestions

• -- When it comes to a love relationship, Parents
  are usually concerned with more practical aspects
  while children, the emotional. And when two
  sides attitudes or views are contradict each
  other, the conflicts appear.
• -- Although the themes of Turn Left, Turn Left
  and Then the Moon Forget are different, they both
  relate to the separation from their companion.
  Sound of Colors and Mr. Wing, on the other hand,
  deal with how the lonely protagonists find their
  own light in darkness.

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Word Form and Usage 1-5 even words mistaken
for conj.

• 5. -- Even the actor and the actress tries every
  approaches to find each other, they cant make
  it.
• G 1 Alans Even though the actor and the
  actress try every approach to find each other,
  they cant make it.
• -- Just like the author of Shadow Dancing says
  . . . (too colloquial)
• G 1 Alans Just as the author of Shadow
  Dancing said . . .

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Wording (or Diction)1-6 Difference between
self-conscious and self-aware

• He looked uncomfortable, like a self-conscious
  adolescent who's gone to the wrong party.
• Awareness is the first step in the creation
  process. As you grow in self awareness, you will
  better understand why you feel what you feel and
  why you behave as you behave.

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Wording (or Diction), Word Form and Usage 1-7
-preposition word forms

• -- About the reasons about work pressure, they
  can be divided into two aspects.
• Alans About the reasons for work pressure,
  they can be divided into two aspects.
• -- Actually, holding healthful activities does
  not waste people time, but also save time. That
  means, doing healthful activities can increase
  the efficiency about work, so people who have
  regular healthful activities can finish their
  work more soon. To sum up, having healthful
  activities is not only helpful for personal, but
  for whole family.
• Alans Actually, holding healthful activities
  doesnt waste peoples time on the contrary, it
  saves time. By saying that, I mean doing healthy
  activities can increase the efficiency in work.
  People who have regular healthful activities can
  finish their work soon.
• To sum up, having healthful activities is helpful
  not only for the person, but also for the whole
  family.

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II. Sentence Structure 2-1 conjuction w

• 1. G 1 Cordelia However, it is because they
  have experienced the beauty once showed up in
  their life, the lost connection is like a huge
  stone that oppressed(VT) on their hearts.

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II. Sentence Structure 2-1 Cordelia

• 1. However, it is because they have experienced
  the beauty once showing up in their life, the
  lost connection is like a huge stone oppressing
  on their hearts.
• However, it is because they have once experienced
  the (short) appearance of beauty in their life,
  the lost connection turns out to be like a huge
  stone oppressing their hearts.
• However, it is because they have once tasted the
  sweetness of beauty (red) in their life, so that
  (red) they cannot deal with the oppressed
  feelings after losing the connection.

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II. Sentence Structure 2-1 Suggestions

• However, since/because they once experienced some
  beauty in their life, . . . .
• However, with all the transient beauty they once
  experienced in their life, the lost connection is
  like a huge stone weighing on their hearts.
• Cf. I got so many problems (I got so many
  problems)And they weigh on my mind (And they
  weigh on my mind, now)(by The Transplants)

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II. Sentence Structure 2-2

• 2. G 2 Jason In the case of Justin, an
  outgoing boy in Electronic Engineering
  Department, he got frustrated by being mocked at
  pronunciation by the teacher once in class. (O.
  passive V) Her classmates, Judy and Carmen, they
  think that they do not dare to speak out result
  from the sense of embarrassment. (Two S Two V.)

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II. Sentence Structure 2-2 Jason

• 2. In the case of Justin, an outgoing boy in
  Electronic Engineering Department, he once got
  frustrated by being mocked by the teacher in
  class because of his pronunciation. (OK, wd) His
  classmates, Judy and Carmen, dared not to speak
  out under the embarrassing circumstance (W).
• Ref. Under no circumstances should you ( You
  must not) approach the man.

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II. Sentence Structure 2-2

• 2. In the case of Justin, an outgoing boy in
  Electronic Engineering Department, he got
  frustrated by having his pronunciation mocked at
  by the teacher once in class. (O. passive V) As
  for his classmates, Judy and Carmen, they think
  that they do not dare to speak out our of
  embarrassment. (Two S Two V.)

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II. Sentence Structure 2-3 conjunctions

• 3. G 3 Mavis -- He or she talks too loudly
  over the phone or gossiping. (awk)
• -- Eva whose father is a professor teaches
  Chinese in university. (frag)
• -- Unlike a credit card that (X) the bank will
  inform you when to hand in the money you borrow,
  a cash card company usually will not additionally
  inform the applicant of the due day to return the
  money. -- They dont want their daughter fell in
  love in her high school year since she still got
  the entrance examination to prepare.(T V)

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II. Sentence Structure 2-3 Mavis

• 3. He or she talks too loudly over the phone or
  gossips. (awk)
• Eva's father who is a professor teaches Chinese
  in university. (two V frag)
• Unlike a credit card, of which the bank will
  inform you when to hand in the money you borrow .
  . .
• They didn't want their daughter to fall in love
  in her high school year since she got the
  entrance examination to prepare.

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II. Sentence Structure 2-3 Suggestions

• 3. He or she talks or gossips too loudly over the
  phone. (?????)
• -- Eva, whose father is a Chinese professor, in a
  university, happens to hate Chinese. (????????)
• -- Unlike a credit card, whose bank will send you
  bills regularly (whose services include regular
  billing), a cash card company usually will not
  remind their users of the due day to return the
  money.
• -- They didnt want their daughter to fall in
  love in her high school years since she still got
  the entrance examination to prepare for.

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II. Sentence Structure 2-4

• 4. G 4 Selene
• -- In my opinion, since smoking is no good but
  just hurt health, why my father like to smoke so
  much?
• -- Comparison
• Being more serious than Justins case, Alice,
  junior in French Department, was scolded by a
  foreign professor due to communicative mistake
  when she was her part-time assistant one year
  ago.
• -- At the modern time, the life style becomes
  very different from before.

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II. Sentence Structure 2-4 Suggestions

• -- In my opinion, since smoking is no good but
  just hurt health, why my father like to smoke so
  much?
• Since smoking does us no good but harm, why does
  my father like to smoke so much? I wonder.
• -- Comparison
• Being more serious than Justins case, Alice,
  junior in French Department, was scolded by a
  foreign professor due to communicative mistake
  when she was her part-time assistant one year
  ago.
• ? More seriously, Alice, a junior in the French
  Department, was scolded by a foreign professor
  due to a communicative mistake she made when
  working as the latters part-time assistant one
  year ago.

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II. Sentence Structure 2-4 Suggestions

• -- At the modern time, the life style becomes
  very different from before. ?
• Our life styles in modern times have become very
  different from those before.

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II. Sentence Structure 2-5

• 5. G 5 Verony
• Most of the student cash card applicants want to
  have a cash card is that consuming with a card is
  more convenient than with cash also, consuming
  with a cash card helps the students to gain more
  credits in the bank, so that the credits they
  store will can be traded with some presents
  offered by the bank, which is seen as the feed
  back of using a cash card.

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II. Sentence Structure 2-5 Suggestions

• 5. Most students cash card applicants want to
  have a cash card because consuming with a card is
  more convenient than with cash also, every
  purchase with a cash card involve getting ones
  credits accumulated in the bank, which can later
  be traded for some presents the bank offers as
  feed back for using a cash card.

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III. Precision and conciseness 3-1

• 1. G 1 Amanda The first requirement that both
  two sides ought to be equipped with is an
  attitude of respecting each other. Parents
  should try to listen to children and hold a more
  considerate or open attitude toward their choices
  while trying to protect children from getting
  hurt.

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III. Precision and conciseness 3-1 Amandas

• 1. The first requirement that both parents and
  children ought to be equipped with is an attitude
  of respect. Parents, when trying to protect
  children on friends-making issue, should listen
  to childrens ideas and hold a considerate or
  open attitude toward childrens choices.
• ? Avoid rep. Why not just use verbs?

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III. Precision and conciseness 3-1 Suggested
Correction

• 1. First of all, the two parties ought to truly
  respect each other, their concerns and
  differences. The first prerequisite in
  communication is mutual respect. In other
  words, on the one hand, parents should try to be
  considerate and open in listening to children
  when trying to protect their children from
  getting hurt. On the other, children . . .

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III. Precision and conciseness 3-2

• 2. G 2 Claire
• To deal with the new phenomenon, in public, more
  and more places, such as classrooms, conferences
  and hospitals, forbid turning the cell phones on
  because of their disturbing noises moreover,
  people are forbidden to answer the phone while
  driving when taking a plane and MRT, it is
  better to turn it off.

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III. Precision and conciseness 3-2 Suggested
Correction

• 2. G 2 Claire
• To deal with the new phenomenon, more and more
  places in public, such as classrooms,
  conferences, hospitals and even MRT restrict or
  discourage the usage of cell phones because of
  their disturbing noises moreover, out of
  security concerns, people are forbidden to answer
  the phone while driving or taking a plane.

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III. Precision and conciseness 3-3

• 3. G 3 Kenny
• The cell phones indeed do good services to humans
  since they are just like walking secretaries (?)
  who do service whenever you need such as
  (misplaced) offering music and games when people
  are tired, downloading information and sending
  messages when people need help, answering all the
  phone calls without missing any one when people
  need to contact with others, etc. (Inc. Subject)

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III. Precision and conciseness 3-3 Kenny

• 3. The cell phones indeed do good services to
  humans since they are like walking secretaries.
  In other words, cell phones can offer people
  games and music. Also they can download
  information, send messages, and answer all the
  phone calls.

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III. Precision and conciseness 3-3 Suggestions
S, order

• Cell phones indeed offer to their users quite a
  lot of good services, allowing them to answer and
  make phone calls anytime and any place they want,
  to send messages to their friends, to download
  information for their studies or business, and to
  even play music or games when tired. (Inc.
  Subject)

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III. Precision and conciseness 3-3 Suggested
Correction

• The cell phones offer us convenient services such
  as music and game playing when people are tired,
  information download and message transmission
  when people need help, and, most importantly,
  connecting people who are not reachable at a site
  with regular phones.

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III. Precision and conciseness 3-4 rep awk

• 4. G 4 Camille
• -- As an English major, I have been immersed in
  (art) all-English environment for three years.
  Besides speaking and writing in English in all of
  our courses, we are also asked to acquire
  professional knowledge in several academic fields
  related to this language literature,
  linguistics, and TESOL. Besides these courses, I
  have also taken some courses are corresponded to
  children education, for instance, child language
  and SLA.

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III. Precision and conciseness 3-4 rep awk
Suggestions

• 4. G 4 Camille
• -- As an English major, I have been immersed in
  an all-English environment for three years.
  Besides speaking and writing in English in all of
  our courses, we have also acquired basic
  (professional) knowledge in three academic fields
  related to this language literature,
  linguistics, and TESOL. Furthermore, I have taken
  some advanced courses on child education for
  instance, child language and SLA.

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III. Precision and conciseness 3-5

• 5. G 5 Karen
• -- Sometimes young people are regardless (adv.)
  of consequence(pl). Therefore, young couples
  (rep) share the same problem when dealing with
  breaking up. (? gap) Romantic break-up means one
  separates (two V) from the other part that has
  been closely together, spiritually and
  physically, for a certain period of time.
• Ref. These figures mean that almost 7 of the
  working population is unemployed.

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III. Precision and conciseness 3-5 Karen

• Sometimes young people do not care about
  consequence. Therefore, they have the same
  problem. Romantic break-up means one separates
  from the other one who has been together closely,
  spiritually, and physically for a period of time.

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III. Precision and conciseness 3-5 Suggestions

• Break-up is hard to take when two lovers have
  close to each other, spiritually and/or
  physically, for a certain period of time. The
  situation can be worse for young people, since
  they tend to be impetuous and reckless, rushing
  into or out of love regardless (adv.) of
  consequences(pl). Therefore, they (rep) may also
  be quite hurt and heart-broken when facing
  break-up.

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IV. Logic4-1

• 1. According to Cheers magazine, the immune
  system of people with confidence is better and a
  better immune system can help to eliminate work
  pressure.
• Suggestions According to Cheers magazine,
  confidence can allow a person more space to
  develop his/her stronger body with a better
  immune system. A healthy body, in turn, handles
  work more efficiently and with less sense of
  pressure.

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IV. Logic4-2 (1.cause-effect effect before
cause 2. focus one-sided)

• 2. G 2 Monica Generally speaking, parents have
  their own definition of unaccepted love
  relationship, so children may want to reduce the
  conflicts by communicating with parents according
  to their different standards of viewing a person
  so that it is easier for the two generations to
  keep a balance that can both attain their
  satisfactions without getting hurt. Since this
  paper is talking about how to communicate with
  parents about unaccepted relationships in their
  perspectives, then its important for children to
  understand why parents would say No to such a
  relationship what are their concerns?

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IV. Logic4-2 Monicas

• Generally speaking, parents have their own
  definition of unaccepted love relationship. And
  the standards of how they view a person are the
  keys for them to judge whether the love
  relationship is acceptable or not. However,
  parents usually have different standards with
  childrens. And then, it is easy to have
  conflicts when children talk about their love
  relationships to their parents. Since this paper
  is talking about how to communicate with parents
  about unacceptable relationships in their
  perspectives in order to keep a balance as well
  as attain satisfactions without getting hurt of
  both parents generation and childrens , then
  its important for children to understand why
  parents would say No to such a
  relationshipwhat are their concerns?

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IV. Logic4-2 Suggestions

• Generally speaking, the conflicts between parents
  and children over childrens love relationship
  are mostly caused by a basic difference their
  different standards in choosing an ideal spouse
  or lover. Thus both parties need to
  understand the others standards in order that it
  is easier for the two generations to meet each
  other half way. Since this paper discusses how
  children can solve the problem of their loves
  not being accepted by their parents, it is
  important for children to understand why parents
  would say No to such a relationship and what
  their concerns are.

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V. Paragraphing and structure5-1.1 -- An
autobiography for the application for the job as
wedding ceremony designer

• Q Is the chosen paragraph logically developed
  and does the paper cover enough aspects?
• 1st wants both studies and activities in
  college
• 2nd ? ? suggestions
• 3rd Although my department focuses more on
  literature and research, I still try hard to use
  ideas from extracurricular activities to make my
  presentations more abundant. . . .
• 4th -- Besides, I like people and I love to see
  them happy. In my extracurricular activities, . .
  .
• Conclusion -- Throughout my college life, the
  experience of extracurricular activities helps a
  lot in interpersonal relations since . . .

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V. Paragraphing and structure5-1.2

• (our focus) To be frank, I do enjoy having two
  positions in college an English major and the
  active participant of -- Association in Fu Jen.
  The former one is where I learn professional
  knowledge while the latter is where I obtain
  practical experience with different people in
  various activities. Can I handle both well? Of
  course I can! Through studying hard and
  participating much in activities, I know what I
  want more clearly to be a creative guy and make
  good use of what I have learned in life.
• Back to outline

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V. Paragraphing and structure5-1.2

• (our focus) In college, I have enjoyed having
  two positions in college an English major and
  the active participant of -- Association at Fu
  Jen. The former one is where I learn professional
  knowledge while the latter is where I obtain
  practical experience with different people in
  various activities. From the courses in the
  English department, I have not only learned to
  improve my English but also cultivated my
  knowledge of and sensitivity to different
  personalities, manners and cultures. Being well
  immersed in this environment of English cultures
  and active learning, we dont even need to be
  taught by teachers the basics in table manners or
  greetings they are actively acquire by us
  through research, observation and actual
  experience.
• Back to outline

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V. Paragraphing and structure5-2 paragraphfocus
and development (underlined partsideas which do
not belong)

• Some of her classmates always said, ---, you are
  not like a real English major student. You spend
  lots of time designing websites and taking
  photos. Does English Department help you
  anything? When someone asks her this question,
  she would reply Yes, I spend my life on
  designing all the time, but English Department
  does help me a lot! Designing things needs
  numerous ideas, and the ideas come from
  literature, drama, music, history, and every
  possible thing in this world. From taking course
  in English Department, literature courses and
  performing arts help her think more about
  different issues, and stimulate her imagination
  to transfer verbal texts into images (S). For
  example, from reading The Invisible Cities
  (proper title), she can imagine a scene in mind
  through the city text description. In other word,
  literature helps her developing her own
  creativity. From watching a performance, its her
  study time through observing others works.

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V. Paragraphing and structure5-2

• . . .Artistic design needs intellectual input and
  inspiration, which she has got a lot from
  literature and drama, just as she has from music,
  history, and living actively in this modern
  world. Of the courses she took in the English
  Department, literature courses stimulate her to
  think more about different issues, and Performing
  Arts, to transfer ideas and verbal texts into
  images. For example, when reading The Invisible
  Cities, she can visualize the cities through
  their descriptions when watching her classmates
  perform, she can study different ways of
  embodying ideas. In other words, both kinds of
  courses help her develop her own creativity.

51
V. Paragraphing and structure5-3 Is there a
topic sentence? A proper focus?

• When I was young, I showed my interests in
  language, especial English and me parents send me
  to Childrens Language School. Even though I am
  not a so-called genius, however with my hard
  working, great interest in English, and the sense
  for language, I did a good job on English
  learning. Whats luckier, with my abilities in
  and enthusiasm for English, I passed the JCEE,
  and entered Fu-Jen Catholic University
  successfully. For sure, English is my major. In
  the English Department at Fu Jen, we are required
  to present our opinions in English, either in
  public speeches, group or personal presentations.
  Therefore, with no doubts, how can I be not
  fluent in it when I have an interest in English
  for my whole life? How can I be not proficient
  after the four-years strict and professional
  training in English department?

52
V. Paragraphing and structure5-3 Is there a
topic sentence? A proper focus?

• I have been learning English actively since I was
  5, when me parents sent me to a Childrens
  Language School to satisfy my interest in
  English. With both great interest and diligence,
  I read in high schools . . . and thus developed a
  proper sense of the language. It was,
  therefore, no surprise that I got admitted to the
  English department at Fu Jen, where I have
  recieved more comprehensive training in the four
  skills of English. Here, we are trained listen to
  and communicate in English all the time with both
  native-speakers and second-language users we are
  required to present orally and in written English
  our opinions in English both in public speeches,
  group or personal presentations. After 15
  years of constant learning and the four years of
  intensive training, in which each semester, the
  papers we wrote amount to 8, the books we read,
  no fewer than 5, the presentations and public
  speeches, 5, not to mention the countless times
  of informal conversation, how can I be not
  proficient in English?

53
V. Paragraphing and structure5-4 Is there a
topic sentence? A proper focus?

• 4. Example 4 (fix the underlined sentences
  phrases, too.)
• As an English major, I have been immersed in
  all-English environment for there years. Besides
  speaking and writing in English in all of our
  courses, we are also asked to acquire
  professional knowledge in several academic fields
  related to this language . . . . Besides these
  courses, I have also taken some courses are
  corresponded to children education, for instance,
  child language and SLA. As a whole, these courses
  help us understand English and English learning
  in its cultural, theoretical, and practical
  aspects. Having this information background, I am
  capable of introducing and promoting childrens
  books professionally. (contd)

54
V. Paragraphing and structure5-4 Is there a
topic sentence? A proper focus?

• 4. Example 4 (fix the underlined sentences
  phrases, too.)
• As an English major, I have been immersed in
  all-English environment for there years. Besides
  speaking and writing in English in all of our
  courses, we are also asked to acquire
  professional knowledge in several academic fields
  related to this language . . . . Besides these
  courses, I have also taken some courses are
  corresponded to children education, for instance,
  child language and SLA. As a whole, these courses
  help us understand English and English learning
  in its cultural, theoretical, and practical
  aspects. Having this information background, I am
  capable of introducing and promoting childrens
  books professionally. (contd)

55
V. Paragraphing and structure5-4 Is there a
topic sentence? A proper focus?

• (e.g. 4 contd) Moreover, our independent and
  critical thinking is continually developed and
  sharpened in the endless research papers and
  journals. Therefore, I have developed many
  creative ideas in designing and organizing
  projects. Also, through these courses and
  activities in our department, I also learned
  about creativeness and comprehend understanding
  of human differences. It is vital background
  knowledge of being an education consultant. More
  specifically, we have plenty of group reports and
  paper presentations, therefore, we are acquired
  communication and presentation skills. I think
  team work is essential to work in a magazine
  company, especially for the position I am
  applying for, and this ability, I believe I have
  trained a lot and Ive been used to at least for
  three years. As for computer skills, I have taken
  computer and office automation courses, so I am
  very familiar with basic applied computer skills.

56
V. Paragraphing and structure5-4 Is there a
topic sentence? A proper focus?

• (e.g. 4 contd) Moreover, our independent and
  critical thinking is continually developed and
  sharpened in the endless research papers and
  journals. Therefore, I have developed many
  creative ideas in designing and organizing
  projects. Also, through these courses and
  activities in our department, I also learned
  about creativeness and comprehend understanding
  of human differences. It is vital background
  knowledge of being an education consultant. More
  specifically, we have plenty of group reports and
  paper presentations, therefore, we are acquired
  communication and presentation skills. I think
  team work is essential to work in a magazine
  company, especially for the position I am
  applying for, and this ability, I believe I have
  trained a lot and Ive been used to at least for
  three years. As for computer skills, I have taken
  computer and office automation courses, so I am
  very familiar with basic applied computer skills.

57
V. Paragraphing and structure5-4 Is there a
topic sentence? A proper focus? --Suggestion

• 4. Example 4 --the par. Contains too many
  ideas. It should be divided into two paragraphs
  one on language education and the other
  interpersonal skills. (Therefore I have to omit
  the parts on computer ed. and the critical
  thinking.)

58
V. Paragraphing and structure5-4 Is there a
topic sentence? A proper focus?

• 4. Example 4 (fix the underlined sentences
  phrases, too.)
• As an English major, I have been immersed in
  all-English environment for three years. Besides
  speaking and writing in English in all of our
  courses, we are also asked to acquire
  professional knowledge in several academic fields
  related to this language . . . . Furthermore, I
  have taken some courses on children education
  for instance, child language and SLA (spell it
  out). As a whole, these courses help me
  understand English and English learning in its
  cultural, theoretical, and practical aspects.
  Firmly based on the theory and methodologies of
  language education, I am capable of introducing
  to my clients how childrens books can be used
  efficiently and professionally. (contd)

59
V. Paragraphing and structure5-4 Is there a
topic sentence? A proper focus?

• (e.g. 4 new par.) Moreover, the many group
  presentations we have done in the department have
  stimulated my creative ideas in designing and
  organizing projects, improved my skills in
  communication, as well as increased my
  comprehension of human differences, all of which
  are vital for being an education consultant. More
  specifically, to do a successful group report, we
  need to find some ways to present our ideas
  creatively, such as talk show or dramatic
  performances. Through preparing for a
  presentation, we also need to learn to express
  ourselves while listening to others, negotiate
  and think from different perspectives. This type
  of team spirit, I believe, is essential to
  working in a magazine company.

60
V. Paragraphing and structure5-5 vary sentence
structure with conj.

• 5. G 3 Molly As an English majored student, I
  believe I can perform well in journalism
  studying. Through analyzing lots of English
  literature works, I am used to catching the most
  important points of an event. Besides, I can also
  analyze it with good organization. I took
  American Literature and Modern and Contemporary
  American Poetry in the English department. I
  understood the gap among different cultures or
  races. I also took one year oral translation
  course. Based on the training I received, I can
  catch the key part of the news, analyze and
  organize it well. I can sense the issue among
  different cultures, races, and classes. If a
  piece of news comes from the BBC news or CNN, I
  can translate it and relate it with the situation
  or effect in Taiwan. I believe I can use what I
  learned in the English department well in your
  journalism program.

61
V. Paragraphing and structure5-5 Mollys

• 5. As an 1. English majored student, I believe I
  can perform well in 2. journalism studying.
  Through analyzing lots of English literature
  works, I 3 am used to catching the most important
  points of an event. Besides, I can also analyze
  it with good organization. I took American
  Literature and Modern and Contemporary American
  Poetry in the English department. I understood
  the 4.gap among different cultures 5.or races. I
  also took 6. one year 7. oral translation course.
  Based on the training I received, I can catch the
  key 8. part of the news, analyze and organize it
  well. I can sense 9. the issue among different
  cultures, races, and classes. If a piece of news
  comes from the BBC news or CNN, I can translate
  it and relate it 10 with the situation or effect
  11. in Taiwan. I believe I can use what I learned
  in the English department well in your journalism
  program.

• 1. As an English major. 2. In journalism studies
  3. I have got used to 4.discrepancies 5. and
  6. one-year 7 either interpretation or
  translation. .8. parts 9. issues 10. to 11. on.

62
V. Paragraphing and structure5-5 Mollys

• 5. As an English major, I believe I can perform
  well in journalism studies. My rich experiences
  of analyzing literary works gain me skills of
  good organization and enable me to grasp the most
  important points in an event. From courses such
  as American Literature and Modern Contemporary
  American Poetry, I come to understand the
  discrepancies in different cultures and races.
  The training I acquire in the one-year
  translation/interpretation course manifests
  itself concretely in my ability to translate the
  news from the BBC or CNN and apart from
  analyzing, organizing, and catching the main
  ideas of the news, I am able to sense issues
  among different cultures, races, and classes, and
  relate the news to the current situation and its
  effect on Taiwan. I am convinced that with all
  the solid learning I have so far absorbed in my
  department, I will put it into full practice in
  your program.

63
V. Paragraphing and structure5-5 order of ideas

• As an English major, I believe I can perform well
  in journalism studies. First of all, the
  translation course I took for one year, as well
  as the three-year composition and conversation
  training, allows me to translate correctly and
  efficiently in oral and written Chinese the news
  from BBC news or CNN. Through analyzing lots of
  English literary works, I have mastered the
  skills of catching the main points of an event
  and organizing them in a clear order. The
  courses such as American Literature and Modern
  and Contemporary American Poetry, furthermore,
  allow me to understand the gaps among different
  cultures or races in the U.S. and, by extension,
  all over the world, and thus analyze the world
  news in sufficient depth and relate them to
  Taiwan.