Choosing a Marriage Partner

1
Chapter 7

• Choosing a Marriage Partner

2
Chapter Outline

• Love and Marriage?
• The Marriage Market
• Homogamy Narrowing the Pool of Eligibles
• Courtship in a Free-Choice Society
• Mate Selection and Marriage Stability

3
Arranged Marriages

• Not uncommon in the less Westernized parts of
  Europe, Asia, and Africa.
• Couples in arranged marriages are expected to
  develop a loving relationship after the marriage.
• Arranged marriage developed in collectivist
  societies based on strong extended family ties.
• In these societies, marriage unites two kinship
  groups as well as two people.

4
Functions of Arranged Marriages

• Affirms parents power over their children.
• Helps keep family traditions and value systems
  intact.
• Helps consolidate and extend family property.
• Helps young people avoid the uncertainty of
  searching for a mate.

5
If a partner had the qualities you desired,
would you marry if you werent in love?
6
Courtly Love

• Most marriages in the upper levels of society
  during the Middle Ages were based on property and
  family.
• Tender emotions were expressed in nonmarital
  relationships in which a knight worshipped his
  lady, and ladies had their favorites.
• These relationships involved idealization, were
  not necessarily sexually consummated, and did not
  require the parties to live together.

7
The Marriage Market

• People enter the marriage market and bargain for
  the best buy they can get.
• Sometimes the exchange involves a bride price
  that the future groom pays the future brides
  family so he can marry her.
• More often the exchange is accompanied by a
  dowry, money or property brought to the marriage
  by the female.

8
Exchange Theory

• Individuals pick the relationship that is most
  rewarding or least costly.
• In romantic relationships individuals have
  resources beauty, personality, status, skills,
  maturity, intellect, originality, etc.
• Individuals also have costly attributes being
  demanding, low status, geographic
  inaccessibility, etc.

9
The Traditional Exchange

• Women trade their ability to bear children and
  perform domestic duties, along with sexual
  accessibility and attractiveness, for a mans
  protection, status, and support.
• Both women and men can experience gender related
  disadvantages in the traditional exchange.

10
The Marriage Gradient

• The tendency for women to marry up with regard
  to age, education, occupation, and earning
  potential.
• In about 57 of U.S. married couples, the husband
  is two or more years older than his wife
  however, the wife is older in only 11 of todays
  unions.

11
Homogamy

• People tend to marry people of similar race, age,
  education, religious background, and social
  class.
• Endogamy marrying within ones social group.
• Exogamy marrying outside ones group.
• Heterogamy, marrying someone dissimilar in race,
  age, education, religion, or social class.

12
Reasons for Homogamy

• Live in close proximity.
• Culture encourages people to marry others similar
  to themselves.
• People are more comfortable with others from
  similar backgrounds.
• People want to strike a fair exchange.

13
Examples of Heterogamy

• Interfaith Marriages
• Interclass Marriages
• Interracial/interethnic marriages

14
Interracial and Hispanic non-Hispanic Married
Couples, 2002
15
of Racially Homogamous Marriages, 1990
No Diploma No Diploma High School Diploma Some College College Diploma
Whites Whites Whites Whites Whites Whites
Men () 98 98 98 98 98
Women () 97.5 97.5 98 98 98
African Americans African Americans African Americans African Americans African Americans African Americans
Men () Men () 94 93 91 90
Women () Women () 97 97 97 96
16
of Racially Homogamous Marriages, 1990
No Diploma No Diploma High School Diploma Some College College Diploma
Hispanics Hispanics Hispanics Hispanics Hispanics Hispanics
Men () 76 76 67 55 41
Women () 78 78 66 55 34
Asian Americans Asian Americans Asian Americans Asian Americans Asian Americans Asian Americans
Men () Men () 0 21 31 52
Women () Women () 14 11 32 42
17
Heterogamy and Marital Stability

• Differences in values and interests can result in
  a lack of mutual understanding.
• Marriage may create conflict between the partners
  and parents, relatives and friends.
• High divorce rate may reflect that the partners
  have less conventional values.

18
SVR- Stimulus Values Roles Filtering Sequence

• Stimulus stage - interaction depends on physical
  attraction.
• Values stage - partners compare values and
  determine whether they are a match.
• Role compatibility - prospective spouses
  negotiate their marital and leisure roles.

19
Attachment Theory

• During infancy and childhood, individuals develop
  a style of attaching to others.
• Children learn and take for granted one of three
  attachment styles
• Children who trust that their needs will be met
  form a secure attachment style.
• Children who feel abandoned are likely to acquire
  an insecure/anxious or an avoidant attachment
  style.

20
Purposes of Courtship Patterns

• Romantic partners try to get to know each other
  better.
• Partners gain each other's progressive commitment
  to marriage.

21
Dating

• Emerged at the beginning of the 20th century,
  prevailed in the 1950s and early 1960s, became
  less popular in the late 1960s and early 1970s,
  and became popular in the 1980s.
• Consists of an exclusive relationship developed
  through a series of appointed meetings.
• Getting together is courtship in which groups of
  women and men meet at a party or share an
  activity.

22
Margaret Meads Criticisms of Dating

• Encourages men and women to define heterosexual
  relationships as situational rather than ongoing.
• Sex becomes depersonalized and genitally oriented
  rather than oriented to the whole person.

23
Margaret Meads Proposal Two-stage Marriage

• Two stages each with a license, ceremony and
  responsibilities
• Individual marriage - serious commitment with
  limited responsibilities and no children.
• Parental marriage - follows if the couple wants
  to continue a relationship and have children.

24
Cohabitation and Marriage

• Marriages preceded by cohabitation are more
  likely to end in divorce
• People who cohabitate have liberal attitudes and
  are accepting of divorce.
• Cohabitating affects individuals so they are more
  likely to divorce.

25
Cohabiting Couples The Paths They Take
Type of Relationship in 198788 All Couples Still Live Together Married Separated
All unmarried couples 100 21 40 39
Substitute for marriage 10 39 25 35
Precursor to marriage 46 17 52 31
26
Cohabiting CouplesThe Paths They Take
Type of Relationship in 198788 All Couples Still Live Together Married Separated
Trial marriage 15 21 28 51
Coresidential dating 29 21 33 46
27
Indicators of Dating Violence

• Handles ordinary disagreements with inappropriate
  anger or rage.
• Struggles to regain self-control when a minor
  issue triggers anger.
• Goes into tirades.

28
Indicators of Dating Violence

• Quick to criticize or verbally mean.
• Unduly jealous, restricting and controlling.
• History of violence in previous relationships.

29
Guidelines for Ending a Relationship David Knox

1. Decide that terminating the relationship is what
   you really want to do.
2. Assuming you have definitely determined to break
   up, prepare yourself for waveringbut dont
   change your mind.
3. Plan the break-up discussion with your partner in
   person, but at a location from which you can
   readily withdraw.

30
Guidelines for Ending a Relationship David Knox

1. Explain your reasons for breaking up in terms of
   our own values, rather than pointing out what you
   think is wrong with the other person.
2. Seek out new relationships.

31
Critical Elements of Maturity

• Emotional maturity - sense of self-worth allows
  intimacy and interdependence.
• Economic maturity - able to support self and a
  partner if necessary.
• Value maturity- recognizes and feels confident
  about own personal values.

32
Critical Elements of Maturity

• Relationship maturity
• Able to understand a partners point of view.
• Can make decisions about changing behaviors a
  partner doesnt like.
• Able to explain own points of view and ask for
  change in partner's behavior.

33
Quick Quiz
34

• 1. Ahmed concludes that arranged marriage
  performs certain functions. Which of the
  following is NOT one of these?
• maintains sexual fidelity
• affirms and strengthens parents power over their
  children
• enhances the value of the kinship group
• helps keep the family traditions and value
  systems intact

35
Answer a

• Ahmed concludes that arranged marriage performs
  certain functions. Maintaining sexual fidelity is
  NOT one of these.

36

• 2. Marikesh belongs to Asian Indian culture.
  She will soon marry. When she does, Marikesh
  will bring to the marriage a sum of money or
  property. This custom is referred to as
• marital exchange.
• a dowry.
• bride price.
• endenturement.

37
Answer b

• Marikesh belongs to Asian Indian culture. She
  will soon marry. When she does, Marikesh will
  bring to the marriage a sum of money or property.
  This custom is referred to as a dowry.

38

• 3. In the __________ stage of the SVR process,
  prospective spouses test and negotiate how they
  will play their respective marital and leisure
  roles.
• values
• role compatibility
• stimulus
• socialization

39
Answer b

• In the role compatibility stage of the SVR
  process, prospective spouses test and negotiate
  how they will play their respective marital and
  leisure roles.

40

• 4. In Margaret Meads thinking, _________
  marriage involves serious commitmentin which
  each partner would have a deep and continuing
  concern for the happiness of the other.
• two-stage
• individual
• Conjugal
• parental

41
Answer b

• In Margaret Meads thinking,individual marriage
  involves serious commitmentin which each
  partner would have a deep and continuing concern
  for the happiness of the other.

42

• 4. Which of the following guidelines is offered
  by sociologist David Knox for ending a
  relationship?
• Follow your initial thinking to its logical
  conclusion.
• Plan the breakup discussion with your partner in
  person, but at a location from which you can
  readily withdraw.
• Avoid seeking out new relationships.
• Be sure to make clear what you think is wrong
  with the other person.

43
Answer b

• Which of the following guidelines is offered by
  sociologist David Knox for ending a relationship
  is Plan the breakup discussion with your partner
  in person, but at a location from which you can
  readily withdraw.