Composing Business Messages

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CHAPTER 3

• Composing Business Messages

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Effective Sentences
Complete sentences have subjects and verbs and
make sense (are capable of standing alone).

• subject verb
• Employees send many e-mail messages.

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Effective Sentences

• Clauses also have subjects and verbs.
• Independent clauses can stand alone.
• Dependent clauses rely on independent clauses for
  their meaning.

dependent clause independent
clause When you speak, you reveal yourself.
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Effective Sentences

• Phrases are groups of related words without
  subjects and verbs.

phrase
phrase In the afternoon, I work at the mall.
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Sentence fragment

• Fragment
• Even though the pay was low. Many candidates
  applied.
• Revision
• Even though the pay was low, many candidates
  applied.

Avoid sentence fragments.
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Run on sentences

• Run-on Sentence
• Two candidates applied only one was hired.

Avoid run- on sentences.
Revisions Two candidates applied. Only one was
hired. Two candidates applied only one was
hired. Two candidates applied, but only one was
hired.
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Comma splices
Avoid comma- splice sentences.

• Comma Splice
• Many were qualified, Jeff was hired.

Revisions Many were qualified. Jeff was
hired. Many were qualified Jeff was hired. Many
were qualified however, Jeff was hired. Many
were qualified, but Jeff was hired.
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Revise the following to avoid fragments, run-on
sentences, and comma-splices.
You can create a Web-based job portfolio it will
impress potential employers.
You can create a Web-based job portfolio it will
impress potential employers.

• Send a scannable résumé. When you apply for a
  job.

Send a scannable résumé when you apply for a job.
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Revise the following to avoid fragments, run-on
sentences, and comma-splices.
Although technical skills are important,
communication skills are also in great demand.
Although technical skills are important.
Communication skills are also in great demand.
College used to be for young people however,
many older students now seek degrees.

• College used to be for young people, however many
  older students now seek degrees.

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Revise the following to avoid fragments, run-on
sentences, and comma-splices.
Technology is changing the business world. People
are writing more messages than ever before. OR
Technology is changing the business world people
are . . . .
Technology is changing the business world people
are writing more messages than ever before.
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Revise the following to avoid fragments, run-on
sentences, and comma-splices.
Executives are busy. They won't read wordy
messages and reports. OR Executives are busy
they won't read . . . .
Executives are busy, they won't read wordy
messages and reports.
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Emphasis Through Mechanics

• Underlining
• Which of these methods do you prefer?

Italics and Boldface The use of boldface and
italics captures the readers attention.
All Caps Notice how EXPENSE-FREE VACATION
stands out.
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Emphasis Through Mechanics
Dashes Other methodsincluding dashesmay be
used.

• Tabulation Listing items vertically emphasizes
  them
• 1. First item
• 2. Second item
• 3. Third item

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Emphasis Through Mechanics
White space
Color
Lines
Boxes
Columns
Titles
Headings
Subheadings

• Which of these other means of achieving
  mechanical emphasis is/are appropriate in
  business letters?

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Emphasis Through Mechanics
White space
Color
Lines
Boxes
Columns
Titles
Headings
Subheadings
Which of these other means of achieving
mechanical emphasis is/are appropriate in memos?
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Emphasis Through Mechanics
White space
Color
Lines
Boxes
Columns
Titles
Headings
Subheadings
Which of these other means of achieving
mechanical emphasis is/are appropriate in e-mail
messages?
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Emphasis and De-emphasis Through Style

• To emphasize an idea
• Use a vivid expression, such as in bug-free
  software rather than dependable software.
• Label the idea with expressions such as more
  importantly, the principal reason, or the best
  alternative.
• Put the important idea first or last in the
  sentence.
• Put the important idea in a simple sentence or in
  an independent clause.

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Emphasis and De-emphasis Through Style

• To de-emphasize an idea
• Use general, rather than specific, words (some
  customers complained, rather than 125 customers
  complained).
• Place the idea in a dependent clause connected to
  an independent clause containing a positive idea.
• Although items cannot be returned for cash, you
  will receive store credit for any returned
  purchases.

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Active- and Passive-Voice Verbs

• Active-voice verbs show the subject performing
  the action.

• Most major employers require drug testing.
• (Active voice the subject is
  acting)
• Dr. Smith recommended Tina for the job.
• (Active voice the subject is acting)

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Active- and Passive-Voice Verbs
In passive-voice sentences, the subject is being
acted upon. Passive-voice verbs require helper
verbs

• Drug testing is required by most major employers.
• (Passive voice the subject is being acted upon)
• Tina was recommended for the job by Dr. Smith.
• (Passive voice the subject is being acted upon)

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Active- and Passive-Voice Verbs

• Use the active voice for most business writing.
• Use the passive voice to emphasize an action or
  the recipient of the actionrather than the actor
  (New laws were passed drunk drivers were
  targeted).
• Use the passive voice to break bad news (Although
  your lease cannot be renewed, we can offer . . .
  ).

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Convert the following sentences to active voice.
You may have to add a subject.
Our membership meeting was postponed by the
president.
The president postponed our membership meeting.
The résumés of job candidates are sorted quickly
by the software program Resumix.
The software program Resumix sorts résumés of job
candidates quickly.
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Convert the following sentences to active voice.
You may have to add a subject.
All team messages are sent by e-mail.
Team members send all messages by e-mail.
Drug tests are required of all new employees.
The company requires drug tests for all new
employees.
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Convert the following sentences to active voice.
You may have to add a subject.
We were given our orders by the manager.
The manager gave us our orders.
Our intranet is used by employees to complete
forms.
Employees use our intranet to complete forms.
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Convert the following sentences to passive voice.
We must delay shipment of your merchandise
because of heavy demand.
Your merchandise shipment must be delayed because
of heavy demand.
Management rejected our plan.
Our plan was rejected by management.
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Convert the following sentences to passive voice.
The technician could not install the computer
program.
The computer program could not be installed.
Someone did not submit the accounting statement
on time.
The accounting statement was not submitted on
time.
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Developing Parallelism

• Parallel expression uses balanced construction.
  Match nouns with nouns, verbs with verbs, phrases
  with phrases, and clauses with clauses.

Training sessions have been stimulat- ing and a
challenge.

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Developing Parallelism
We are very concerned with the quality of raw
materials, where they are located, and how
much it costs to transport them.
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Developing Parallelism
Serena takes the telephone orders, Matt locates
the items in the ware- house, and the items are
sent by Yolanda.
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How could parallelism be improved in the
following sentence?
Our knowledge management system focuses on the
collecting, storing, and sharing of best
practices.
Our knowledge management system focuses on the
collecting, storage, and sharing of best
practices.
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How could parallelism be improved in the
following sentence?
The fall seminar is in October, the winter
seminar is in December, and the spring seminar is
in May.
The fall seminar is in October, December is
scheduled for the winter seminar, and May is the
month of the spring seminar.
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How could parallelism be improved in the
following sentence?
We are pleased to recommend Elizabeth because she
is sincere, reliable, and diligent.
We are pleased to recommend Elizabeth because she
has sincerity, she is reliable, and she works
with diligence.
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Dangling and Misplaced Modifiers

• For clarity, modifiers must be close to the
  words they describe or limit. Be particularly
  careful to place a logical subject immediately
  after an introductory verbal phrase.

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Dangling and Misplaced Modifiers
After considering the problem carefully, new
procedures were suggested by management.
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Dangling and Misplaced Modifiers
Any student has full online privileges who is
enrolled in the college.
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Dangling and Misplaced Modifiers
Its hard to under- stand why employees would
not go to our technical support staff with
software problems.
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Dangling and Misplaced Modifiers
Using a search engine, the Web site was finally
located.
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Revise the following sentence to correct any
misplaced modifiers. Retain the introductory
phrases.
To be hired, two years of experience is required.

• To be hired, one must have two years of
  experience.

Dipped in butter, you can really enjoy a fine
lobster.
Dipped in butter, a fine lobster can truly be
enjoyed.
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Revise the following sentence to correct any
misplaced modifiers. Retain the introductory
phrases.
By advertising extensively, all open jobs were
filled quickly.
By advertising extensively, we filled all open
jobs quickly.
After leaving the office, Jeff's car would not
start.
After leaving the office, Jeff could not start
his car.
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Revise the following sentence to correct any
misplaced modifiers. Retain the introductory
phrases.
She died in the house in which she was born at
the age of 88.

• At the age of 88, she died in the house in which
  she was born.

Despite being paralyzed, doctors hoped that Mark
would walk again.
Despite Mark's paralysis, doctors hoped that he
would walk again.
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Revise the following sentence to correct any
misplaced modifiers.
The sentence is correct as it stands. You is
the understood subject of a command.
To receive an employment form, fill out this
application. (Tricky!)
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Three Ways to Achieve Paragraph Coherence
To help guide your reader or listener from one
thought to another, develop coherence by using
one of these devices

• Repeat a key idea or key words.

• Next month we plan to launch a promotion for our
  new Web site. The promotion will involve
  newspaper and TV campaigns.

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Three Ways to Achieve Paragraph Coherence

• Use a pronoun.

• Considerable interest is being shown in our
  extended certificates of deposit. They are more
  profitable when left on deposit for long periods.

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Three Ways to Achieve Paragraph Coherence

• Use an appropriate transitional expression.

Time Association before, after first, second
meanwhile next until when, whenever
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Three Ways to Achieve Paragraph Coherence

• CauseEffect
• consequently
• for this reason
• hence
• therefore

• Contrast
• although
• but
• however
• instead
• nevertheless
• on the other hand

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Three Ways to Achieve Paragraph Coherence

• Additional Idea
• furthermore
• in addition
• likewise
• moreover
• similarly

• Illustration
• in this way
• for example

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Composing the First Draft

• Complete all necessary research.
• Find a quiet place to concentrate and work.
• Prohibit calls, visitors, and interruptions.
• Organize information into an outline.
• Decide whether to write quickly (freewriting) OR
  revise as you go.
• Imagine you are talking to a reader or listener.

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• END