DEALING WITH ABUSE

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DEALING WITH ABUSE

• Gloria Trotman, PhD
• Pastor Jansen TrotmanInter American Division

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Definition

• Domestic violence and abuse, also called intimate
  partner violence takes place when one person
  deliberately causes physical, or mental harm to
  another. This includes physical or psychological
  abuse, sexual assault, isolation or control of a
  victims money, home, etc.

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Anyone can be an abuser if . . .

• You were abused as a child
• You witnessed abuse/violence when you were
  growing up
• You are a substance abuser
• You were raised in a home where females were told
  that they are inferior and males were taught that
  they had the right and authority to dominate
  women

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Anyone can be an abuser if . . .

• You are highly stressed and have poor parenting
  skills
• You suffer from a lack of empathy

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Anyone can be an abuse victim if . .

• You are from a family in which there was abuse
• You were abused as a child
• You have certain beliefs/behaviors that
  predispose you to becoming a victim
• You have low esteem

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Anyone can be an abuse victim if . . .

• You crave acceptance
• You have been a victim before
• You are isolated from family/friends
• You are constantly controlled, threatened,
  blamed, criticized by the abuser

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Major Categories of Abuse

• Physical abuse involves aggressive behavior
  towards the victims body pushing, pinching,
  spitting, kicking, etc
• Psychological abuse (emotional) includes
  consistent and harsh criticism, degrading,
  belittling, and name-calling. It can also
  include verbal threats, episodes of rage.

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Major Categories of Abuse

• Sexual abuse refers to inappropriate touching,
  verbal remarks incest, molestation, rape,
  oral/genital contact or the fondling of breasts
  or genitals insisting that the victim touch the
  perpetrators body.

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Physical Elder Abuse

• Ignoring the elderly person
• Isolating an elder from friends or activities
• Terrorizing or menacing the elderly person
• Neglect or abandonment by caregivers
• Financial exploitation

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Stalking

• Any unwanted contact between a stalker and their
  victim, which directly or indirectly communicates
  a threat, or places the victim in fear.
  National Center for Victims of Crime Stalking.
• More than 3 million American women (18 24
  years), are stalked each year. Chicago Tribune.

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Dating Violence

• About one in 11 teens reports being a victim of
  physical dating abuse each year. 
• About one in four teens reports verbal, physical,
  emotional or sexual abuse each year.
• The overall occurrence of dating violence is
  higher among black (13.9) than Hispanic (9.3)
  or white (7.0) students.

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Steps to Recovery the victim

• Get help. See a doctor.
• Go to a counselor.
• Stay away from predators.
• Watch diet, exercise, sleep, and study your
  Bible.

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Steps to Recovery the victim

• Stay away from children and possible victims.
• Diet, exercise and get sleep.
• Find a buddyone to whom you can be accountable.

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Still More Steps to RecoveryThe Abuser

• Be honest with yourself
• Get counseling.
• Study your Bible, attend church regularly and
  pray without ceasing.

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Still More Steps to RecoveryThe Abuser

• Avoid all materials (music, movies, internet,
  etc) related to violence/abuse.
• Be careful with your choice of friends.
• Rely on God for strength.
• Phil. 413
• Remember that God is able to keep you. Jude 24

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What Role Should the Church Play?

• Education of the church, including parents and
  children
• Screening of volunteers who work with children
• Protection policies for children
• Reporting all forms of abuse

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What Role Should the Church Play?

• Dealing with perpetrators
• Advocacy for all victims
• Counseling
• Be familiar with the official statement of the
  SDA Church on violence.

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How Can the Church Help the Victim?

• Teach victims that it is OK to admit the problem
  and face the truth.
• Teach victims to identify and manage their
  emotions.
• Teach victims to identify and manage their
  feelings of shame.

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How Can the Church Help the Victim?

• Teach the victims to place the blame where it
  belongson the perpetrator.
• Teach them to keep away from the perpetrator and
  recognize dangerous situations.

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How Can the Church Help the Victim?

• Prepare victims to get out of the abusive
  relationship.
• Teach victims to set barriers.
• Provide counseling.
• Encourage victims to claim Gods promises and
  strength for the future.

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How Can the Church Help the Perpetrator?

• Teach him/her to admit his/her behavior, and
  accept that punishment is deserved.
• Keep him/her out of activities that involve
  working with possible victims.

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How Can the Church Help the Perpetrator?

• Provide counseling. This is one of the most
  important contributions the church can make to
  the abused and abusers.

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How Can the Church Help the Perpetrator?

• Teach the importance of shunning pornographic and
  violent material.
• Present God as forgiving and urge confession of
  sins to God.
• Encourage the perpetrator to join a support
  group.

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Hope for All

• Teach victims to accept the power of Gods
  restoration, and to make a decision to enjoy a
  renewed life.

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Speak up for those who cannot speak for
themselves for the rights of all who are
destitute. Proverbs 318
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CONCLUSION

• When we love working with and for the abused and
  suffering as Jesus did, we are fitted for heaven,
  and we will have heaven in our hearts.
• In as much as we help the least of Gods
  children, we are really helping God, and He will
  remember it always.

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• Gloria Trotman, PhD
• Pastor Jansen TrotmanInter American Division