BECOMING A PARENT

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BECOMING A PARENT

• MOTHERS FEELINGS
• Needs to share fears
• Needs support from others
• Feelings about sex change
• FATHERS FEELINGS
• New feelings about sex
• Dreams change
• Many anxieties
• Involvement in pregnancy and birth affects,
  parenting

2
SHIFTS IN ROLES

• Identity inner life changes (values goals)
• Marital roles relationships
• Intergenerational relationships
• Roles outside family (work)
• New parent roles relationships (division of
  child care)

3
PARENTHOOD

• Irreversibility
• Lack of preparation
• Idealization and romanticization
• Suddenness
• Role conflict

4
MOTHERHOOD

• Intensive Mothering Ideology
• What mothers ought to provide
• Full-time attention
• Self-sacrificing devotion
• Expert guided
• Labor-intensive involvement with the child
• Childs needs are more pressing than those of
  mothers

WHAT MOTHER COULD LIVE UP TO THIS EVEN IF SHE
STAYED AT HOME. WHAT IF SHE WORKED?
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WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A FATHER

• Some Facts
• ½ of all children will spend part of their
  childhood in a father absent home.
• 32 of all children are born to unmarried women.
  Among African American it is 68.
• Children raised in two-parent families rarely
  experience poverty.
• Data has linked growing up without a father to
• Under achievement in school
• Mental illness
• Drug abuse
• Youth suicide
• Delinquency
• Crime

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INVOLVE MEN EARLY IN CHILDRENS LIVES
Questions

• How many male preschool teachers are there?
• How many male teachers teach grade K-3?
• How many male religious teachers teach ages 3-6?
• How about a male cub scout leader?
• When was the last time you had a male nurse care
  for you?

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FATHERHOOD

• Changes in sexual relations.
• Anxiety about abilities, baby, money.
• Witnessing birth is a positive bonding experience
  with child.
• Nurturing father is able to participate in all
  parenting practices child benefits.
• Fatherhood is changing fast.

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THEORIES OF CHILD DEVELOPMENT

• PSYCHOANALYTIC THEORY Freud
• ID (pleasure seeking)
• Super ego (Controlling)
• Ego (Rational)

Age 4-6 child identifies with parent of same sex
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THEORIES OF CHILD DEVELOPMENT contd

• PSYCHOSOCIAL THEORY
• Erickson (8 stages)

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THEORIES OF CHILD DEVELOPMENT contd

• BEHAVIORISM Watson and Skinner
• (reinforcement operant conditioning)

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THEORIES OF CHILD DEVELOPMENT contd

• SOCIAL LEARNING THEORY Rotter Bandura
• (interactions of culture, society and family)

COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT THEORY Piaget
(assimilation/accommodation) Genetic
epistemologist (genetic inborn traits,
epistemologist how you learn about
world) Written in 1930s translated in
1950-60 Based on brain Foundation for
Headstart Specific ages develop progressively
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THEORIES OF CHILD DEVELOPMENT contd
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THEORIES OF CHILD DEVELOPMENT continued

• DEVELOPMENTAL SYSTEMS APPROACH Covey
• Development takes place within changing family
  system.
• Interdependence, birth order and sibling
  interaction

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THEORIES OF CHILD DEVELOPMENT continued

• SYMBOLIC INTERACTION THEORY looking glass self
• (we see self as others see us)

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BASIC NEEDS
List basic need of a child and what you want for
your child on board.
Activity
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STYLES OF PARENTING

• AUTHORITARIAN
• Control
• Punishment/Reward
• Order without freedom
• Outcome Rebel, Resent, Revenge, Retreat

People are fired in childcare if they spank,
slap, hit, shake, pull or pinch. They are not to
use loud or harsh words. No teasing humiliating,
insulting. blaming, threatening, frightening or
laughing at a child.
Activity
THIS POLICY SHOULD ALSO BE USED IN EVERY
HOME Agree--------------------------------------
---------------------Disagree
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• PERMISSIVE
• Laissez Faire
• Anarchy
• Freedom without order
• Outcome Demanding children, no inner control
• AUTHORITATIVE
• Respect
• Consistency clarity
• Logical consequences
• I messages, family meetings
• No physical violence
• Behavior modification rewards, time out
• Outcome Self reliant, self controlled, happy

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Activity

• Role play 3 parenting styles with the following
  situations
• Its bedtime and the children will not go to bed.
  
• Your childs room is a mess.
• It is time for your child to come home but they
  are in the middle of a school project.
• Your child came home from the store with a candy
  bar that she had not paid for.

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CONTEMPORARY CHILD-RAISING STRATEGIES

• Respect
• MAKE SURE THE MESSAGE
• OF LOVE GETS THROUGH
• Consistency and clarity
• DETERMINE THE RULES
• AND CONSEQUENCES BEFOREHAND
• Logical consequences
• THE 3 Rs RESPECTFUL, RELATED, REASONABLE

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continued

• Open communication
• The key to good discipline is the relationship
• Children will listen to you after they feel
  listened to
• No physical punishment
• Where do we ever get the crazy idea that in order
  to get children to do better, first we have to
  make them feel worse?
• Impossible to solve problems at time of conflict
• Behavior modification
• Spend special time
• Mistakes are wunderful oppertuniteez to lern

Activity
Solve problem behavior situations
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CHILD CARE What effect does it have?

• Public policy
• Need for time enhancing policies (paid leaves
  flexible)
• Provide economic security
• Give parents right to vote on behalf of their
  children
• Legal policies (paid leave for fathers, increased
  adoption, less divorce)
• Improved environment (safer communities, media,
  better schools, medical care)
• More value authority to parental role

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RATIOS FOR LICENSING IN UTAH

• Do these ratios seem reasonable and beneficial to
  children in Utah?
• DAY CARE NEEDS
• need low ratios
• check references and observe
• sensitive, stimulating environments

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ADOPTION

• Problems faced by adoptive families
• Choosing open or closed adoption
• Dealing with feelings about biological parent
• Dealing with insensitivity and prejudices of
  society
• Should you tell a child they are adopted?

2 ARE ADOPTED fewer today due to birth control
keeping of babies
Activity
Read Letter from a birth mother
COST 6,000 20,000
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SELF ESTEEM
An Optimal sense of identity by Erikson

• What do we base self esteem on?
• Extrinsic Values
• Intrinsic Values

Self esteem has been shown to be more significant
than intelligence in predicting scholastic
success.
It is only with the heart that one can see
rightly what is essential is invisible to the
eye. The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint
Exupery
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LOW SELF ESTEEM
Powerless, poor ability to cope, low tolerance
for differences, inability to accept
responsibility, impaired emotional responsiveness.

• Girls found to have lower self esteem than boys
  Age 9 most girls felt positive, but by high
  school only 29 felt good about self. Boys less
  also, but not as much.
• Ethnicity African American much higher due to
  strong role models.
• Taught there is nothing wrong with them, only the
  way the world treats them.

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NEED FOR FOSTERING HIGH SELF ESTEEM

• Sense of connectedness
• Sense of uniqueness
• Sense of power (responsibilities rules)
• Sense of models of values goals

Feedback timely, honest, specific
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VOCABULARY

• 1. Child-free Marriage Marriage partners have
  chosen not to have children.
• 2. Couvade The psychological or ritualistic
  assumption of symptoms of pregnancy childbirth
  by a male.
• 3. Deferred Parenting Intentional postponement
  of child-bearing until after certain goals have
  been fulfilled.
• 4. Infant Mortality Babies that die close to
  birth.
• 5. Postpartum Period Three months following
  childbirth. A time of physical emotional
  adjustments.

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VOCABULARY contd

• 6. Spontaneous Abortion The natural but fatal
  expulsion of the embryo or fetus from the uterus,
  miscarriage.
• 7. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) Death
  of an apparently healthy infant during it's sleep
  for unknown reasons.
• SECTION 2 (Pages 333-336)
• 1. Accommodation How a child makes adjustments
  to his or her framework in order to incorporate
  new experiences.
• 2. Assimilation How a child makes new
  information compatible with his or her world
  understanding.

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VOCABULARY contd

• 3. Behaviorism Explains behavior solely on the
  basis of that which can be observed.
• 4. Developmental Systems Approach Recognizes
  the importance of an individual's interactions
  within a complex and changing family societal
  system.
• 5. Ego Part of the personality that is
  rational and mediates between the demands of the
  id and the constraints imposed by society.
• 6. Id Part of the personality that seeks to
  gratify pleasurable needs, especially sexual
  ones.
• 7. Looking glass stage The influence of others
  perception of us on how we come to perceive
  ourselves

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VOCABULARY contd

• 8. Operant conditioning A behavioral technique
  that uses a reinforcing stimulus to increase the
  frequency of a desired behavior.
• 9. Play Stage Children play at being specific
  other people, taking on one role or viewpoint at
  a time.
• 10. Reinforcement The process of influencing a
  behavior by adding or withholding a stimulus.
• 11. Superego Part of the personality that has
  internalized societies demands and acts as a sort
  of conscience to control the id.

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VOCABULARY contd

• SECTION 3 4 (Pages 337-351)
• 1. Attachment The degree and quality of an
  infants attachment to his or her primary
  caregiver is reflected in his or her love
  relationships as an adult.
• 2. Parents Bill of Rights Recommended policy
  initiatives and reforms to improve the conditions
  under which parents attempt to raise children.