We Must Make Our Lives an Act of Love

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We Must Make Our Lives an Act of Love

• Created by Michael H. Cheney

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Goals for the Session

• To understand that love is essentially a
  decision/commitment to the happiness, well-being,
  and security of others.
• To understand that there are different levels of
  love based on different levels of commitment.
• To understand the three stages of love.

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Review

• Vision of Life
• We have a habitual attitude or life principle
  that governs our choices and decisions (pleasure,
  power, avoidance of responsibility, love)
• Our society holds that status, power,
  possessions, good times fulfillment.
• Yet, research shows that if one feels fulfilled
  it is not because of the above, but only out of
  living a loving life, i.e., contributing to the
  good of others.

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Making Our Lives an Act of Love

• What makes our lives meaningful and fulfilling is
  knowing
• that we have made a difference
• That we have contributed the gift of ourselves to
  others
• The Christian asks what is the more loving
  thing to say, do, or be?

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It is through love that we enter the fullness
of life and ultimately find happiness and
fullfillment
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Thesis of Love

• Love is not a feeling
• Love is a decision-commitment
• Love should not be confused with the need to love
• Love exists at different levels based on
  different levels of commitment

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Love is not a feeling

• Feelings vacillate like yo-yos
• Sometimes we feel good, relaxed, comfortable,
  romantic, social, and so on
• Other times we feel sad, angry, passionless,
  unhappy, and so forth
• Feelings are fickle
• If identified as a feeling will go through life
  looking for that old feeling we had in the
  beginning of the relationship
• Yet, feelings are a vital part of a relationship
  yet they are not love.

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Discussion

• Do you agree that love is not a feeling?
• If it is not a feeling but rather a
  decision-commitment, what role do feelings have
  in the decision of love?

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Love is a decision-commitment
You know you love someone when his or her
happiness, well-being, and security are as real
or more real than your own. - Harvey Sullivan
Stack, Ph.D.
Real love requires an act of the will to promote
whatever is best for the one we love. At times,
it may be tough love at other times, tender
love
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Discussion

• What are some concrete ways one may love, that
  is, make a decision-commitment to the happiness,
  well-being and security of another?
• If we accept Harvey Sullivan Stacks definition,
  then what does it mean to love strangers? Or
  love ones enemies?

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Love should not be confused with the need to love

• I love you because I need you
• I need you because I love you
• The first creates a pan-scale relationship
• Conditional love I love you because I need you
  to fill my emptiness, to meet my needs and
  expectations
• If I am to really love you, then it has to be
  unconditional
• I dont love you to fill my emptiness, my need

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Love exists at different levels based on
different levels of love

• Are we called to love others all the same way?
• Are there some people with whom my commitment of
  love will be closer, and others with whom it will
  not be close?

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Love exists at different levels based on
different levels of love

• We are called to love everyone, i.e., to promote
  their happiness, well-being, and security (agape)
• Yet personal friendships (philia) and romantic
  relationships (eros) are by nature selective
• Limited by time and psychological strength
• There will be different degrees of closeness
  based on different levels of commitment
• E.g., siblings, acquaintances, strangers, enemies

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Wrap-Up

• Love is a decision-commitment to the happiness of
  others
• Requires discernment to determine if its a
  season to be tough or tender in love
• Involves feelings, but is not a feeling
• Must be unconditional or its a counterfeit
• Is an art to be learned.

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Three Objects of Love

• Self
• Others (family, friends, acquaintances,
  anonymous, enemies)
• God

• Called to promote our own happiness, well-being
  security
• Need to balance our needs with those of others
• Called to love God with our whole heart, mind,
  strength.
• How? By loving others as we love ourselves, and
  to do Gods Will in all things (Ch. 24).

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Discussion

• We are called to love other unconditionally. Yet,
  how do we handle people who repeatedly betray or
  remains unfaithful to us?
• How do we reconcile our love of the person and
  love of ourselves in this situation?

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Three Stages of Love
Stretch You can do it!
Challenge
You can do it!
I care for you Im on your side
Encouragement
Kindness
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City of Joy

• How did Azaris stretches increase his own
  self-esteem?
• Maslow describes five steps to self-actualization
  to accept oneself, be oneself, forget oneself in
  loving, to believe in a God or cause, and to
  belong. How are these featured in the video?

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Discussion

• Have you ever had to offer tough love? Was it
  effective or not? Explain.

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An Act of Love, Not Another Performance
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Wheres your focus?

• Its impossible to be nervous when you are
  genuinely loving another.
• Do you ever become nervous in front of others,
  for example, having to give a speech?
• Recall a situation in which your focus of
  attention was on another and not on yourself.
  Describe how you felt. Were you nervous or
  comfortable? If you were nervous, was it because
  your attention was not totally on the other
  person? If you felt comfortable, was it because
  you focused your attention on them?

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Love of God

• Christian belief asserts that God is love.
• Accordingly, Christianity asserts that
• Love is a gift of God
• When we love, God acts

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Small Group Exercise

• Love is a Gift of God
• When we love, God acts
• Discuss the meaning of these two phrases and
  offer a clear explanation of what they mean.

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The only life worth living is a life for others -
albert einstein

• As we make a commitment to promote the happiness
  of others and ourselves, as we strive to do Gods
  will in all things, as we utilize the 3 parts of
  love, and as we act as Gods instruments of peace
  and love to effect a more humane and caring
  world, we will discover true happiness and
  fulfillment.