The

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The Barbie Cage Valentine Haiku
Contest Anthology 2005
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(No Transcript)
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Japanese Barbie Dolls at Yagi Festival
Photographer Unknown
There's a good reason some talent remains
undiscovered. -- Waiting for Guffman
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Top Five
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Barbies' argument bikinis and C we code better
naked -- Sibley Bacon
From the Judge The obvious masking of the
authors depraved tendencies to prance naked
around the house and hang out at remote Bay Area
clothing-optional beaches is passed onto the
Barbies who the author imbues with
computer-programming abilities. The author is
fully delusional, and fully deserving.
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head all full of holes pantene lingers in her
eyes liked it better long -- John Lentz
From the Judge The sting of shampoo in ones
eyes and the porousness of our scalps combine
with a final, semi-random twist of longing to
engage us entirely.
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Barbie haute couture Is all the rage in the
cage Wish I was tiny -- Beth Rebuck
From the Judge A perfect poem and arguably my
favorite. Haute couture is precisely what the
supremely superficial Hello Kitty designer has
aimed for and achieved in the cage that is
undeniably the rage. Its a simple but effective
rhyme (cage/rage) that captures the childlike
madness of the occupancy. Lets not forget the
authors contrast of dollish high fashion to the
mundane and flash-free personage of the Whole
Earth computer types that fill the buildings
plethora of cookie-cutter cubes. The author is
compelled to make the final and perhaps mandatory
conclusion that to reach haute couture nirvana
as a computer nerd, one has to be tinyvery
tiny.
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Barbiesthey love, hate. Some hate more kill
with lollies. They wanted straight hair. --
Camille Selena Spain
From the Judge This haiku starts nervously with
its odd love/hate categorization, but it quickly
recovers into a candy-coated homicidal mood. And
just when the author has you enveloped in a world
of plastic murder intrigue, we are rocked back to
earth with the revelation that its not revenge,
but hair length that preoccupies their fantasies.
Plus. I like the word lollies.
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Barbie makes me smile, filled with gunpowder,
fuse lit, those legs will fly far. -- Joe
Wegrzynowski
From the Judge I am not sure what the author
was smoking when he wrote this. The haiku is
totally irrelevant, totally irreverent, and
totally irrational. For those reasons, as well
as the fact that it has anarchic tendencies, I
put it top of the list.
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Honorable Mentions
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The Cage, it is art Van Gogh? No!
Hasegawa Everyone adores -- Beth Rebuck
From the Judge With its subtle comparison to
the one-eared plastic doll aficionado from
Holland, this seeming demeaning of that artist
who rendered the not-so-famous piece entitled
Les Femmes Plastiques Agitaires en Cage is
apt. Similarly, Hasegawas creative genius in
the midst of a techno-drab environ is underscored
and then actually underplayed. Bravo to give
credit where credit is dueovertly to one little
master and subtly to another.
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Chillin' in a cage. Unbelievably slender. I mean,
what the fuck? -- Greg Sawyer
From the Judge Well, not much you can say about
that one is there?
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Anthology of Entries
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On the fourteenth of February, loves a thing To
buy at Walmart. -- Deborah Craig
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Mean Barbies descend. Horrific Valentines Day Is
my hair still full? -- Selena Spain
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Displayed in a cage, resplendent in pink and
red, Barbie is freezing! -- Allyson Thompson
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Such fabulous clothes Legs and hair and
--- What's in the little handbag? -- Leif Brown
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Wasp waist, legs so long Bend them and they break
like twigs Smile, Barbie...smile on... -- Kathy
Ellis
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polystyrene skin corner of my eye again she's
leapt on my neck -- John Lentz
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A piece of plastic molded by man made
machines beauty to all girls -- Jeff Prehm
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Who are you Barbie Dressed like a mom on
acid What, is that Botox? -- Amy Seo
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Loves smoldering corpse. Stench of Slim Fast
gone bad. Oh. Barbies hairs on fire. --
Jennifer Hasegawa
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Ken and Barbie sitting in a tree. Barbie falls.
-- Jenny Collins
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Peer into the cage. Hmmm..... indecent
exposure. It's called winter fun. -- Greg Sawyer
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Yelling in shock, foot numb from pain, a barbie
shoe, how did that get there? -- Joe
Wegrzynowski
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Little Barbie smile No need to escape The cage?
What cage? -- Leif Brown
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About the Judge
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Having the lowest recorded bribe rate of any
peach inspector in the California Central Valley
(at 14.1), we felt Ninos Isaac was uniquely
qualified to judge The Barbie Cage Valentine
Haiku Contest 2004.
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About The Barbie Cage
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The Barbie Cage is maintained by Jennifer
Hasegawa, MCSE (Mattel Certified Systems
Engineer). It is located in F-5326.