Marriage Relationship between Husband and wife

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Marriage Relationship between Husband and wife

• Tips for a Better Husband and Wife Relationship

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• Many Muslims may right now be thinking about
  marriage, yet afraid because of what they see and
  hear about others in similar relationships!
• Or are already in a marriage relationship and on
  a fast track to divorce and its terrible
  consequences!
• Whatever the case may be, there are many ways to
  put this marriage back on the right track if the
  husband and wife are sincere in their desire to
  reconcile. Or view Marriage as a positive and
  healthy institute to enjoy and feel happy about!
• The following principles can be used by Muslims
  whose marriages are already in trouble or by
  Muslims who would like to avoid trouble in their
  marriage.

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Examples of NegativeRelationship of Husband
Wife

• Many Muslim husbands and wives treat each other
  like adversaries rather than partners.
• The husband feels that he is the boss, and
  whatever he says goes.
• The wife feels that she must squeeze everything
  she can out of her husband.
• Some wives never show their husband that they are
  satisfied with anything he does or buys for them
  in order to trick him into doing and buying more.
• They make him feel like a failure if he does not
  give them the lifestyle that their friends and
  families enjoy.
• Some husbands speak very harshly to their wives,
  humiliate them, and even physically abuse them.
  Their wives have no voice or opinion in the
  family.

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Marriage in The Eyes of Allah

• It is very sad that this relationship which Allah
  (SWT) has established for the good has been made
  a source of contention, deception, trickery,
  tyranny, humiliation, and abuse. This is not the
  way marriage is supposed to be.
• Allah (SWT) described marriage very differently
  in the Holy Quran
• '. . . He created for you mates from among
  yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity
  with them, and He has put love and mercy between
  your (hearts) " (Holy Quran 3021).
• And in the words of the Prophet and our Imams
  marriage is something that increases faith Imam
  Jafar is quoted to have said
• Whenever a persons love for women increases,
  his faith increases in quality.

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Do not be a Tyrant

• Regardless of whether or not Islam has made the
  husband the head of the household, Muslims are
  not supposed to be dictators and tyrants. We are
  taught to treat our wives well.
• The Prophet Muhammad (S) was reported to have
  said
• The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith
  is one who has excellent behavior and the best
  among you are those who behave best towards their
  wives

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Be Partners in the Decision-Making Process.

• Follow the principle of 'Shura," and make
  decisions as a family!
• There will be much more harmony in the family
  when decisions are not imposed and everyone feels
  that they had some part in making them.

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Never be Emotionally Involved

• Never be emotionally, mentally, or physically
  abusive to your spouse.
• The Prophet (SAWS) never mistreated his wives. He
  is reported to have said
• How could they beat their women in daytime as
  slaves and then sleep with them in the night?
• While on another occasion the Prophet said
• Whoever exercises patience towards the
  mistreatment of his wife Allah shall bestow upon
  him as much reward as he bestowed upon Ayoub (A).
  And any women who exercises patience towards the
  mistreatment of her husband Allah shall bestow
  upon her as much rewards as he bestowed upon
  Aasiya bin Muzahim (the wife of Pharos)

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Be Conscious of Your Words

• Be very careful what you say when you are upset.
• Sometimes you will say things that you would
  never say when you were not angry. If you are
  angry, wait until you calm down before continuing
  the conversation.
• Imam Ali said
• Words are under your command unless you utter
  them out. However, once you utter your words out
  you become under their control! Thus guard your
  tongue as you would guard your gold and silver
  for sometimes a word may bring you happiness
  while another may bring you misfortune

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Show Affection

• Show affection for your mate. Be kind, gentle,
  and loving.
• Imam Ali Asked Fatima once for food to eat. She
  said By the One who have gave Prophethood to my
  father and gave you the post of leadership
  (Wasiyah) we dont have anything today, and
  whatever you have been eating for the past two
  days, is in fact food that I deprived myself and
  these two children of mine from for you sake !
• Imam said O Fatim (away of showing considerable
  kindness to someone) Why did you not tell me
  before so that I whould bring you some food?
• She replied O Aba Al-Hassan (respect) I feel
  shy from my Lord to burden you with more than you
  are capable of!
• Look at this, we are talking about food! look at
  our men and women today who demand unrealistic
  things from one another!

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Be Your Spouse's Friend

• Show interest in your mate's life. Too often, we
  live in the same house but know nothing about
  each other's lives.
• It would be great if the husband and wife could
  work together for the same cause or on the same
  project.
• They could perhaps establish a Quraan forum,
  take care of orphans in their home, or lead an
  Islamic weekend class.
• Allah said in the holy Quraan
• Believing men and believing women are the
  protectors and maintainers of one another and
  Allah also said And mutually cooperate and help
  you one another towrads virtue, rightousness and
  piety but do not help one another in sin and
  transgression. And fear Allah, Allah is severe in
  punishment.

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Show Appreciation

• Show appreciation for what your spouse does for
  the family.
• Never make your husband feel that he is not doing
  good enough for the family or that you are not
  satisfied with his work or his efforts, unless,
  of course, he is truly lazy and not even trying
  to provide for the family.
• The Prophet (SAWS) was reported to have said
• On the Day of Judgment, God will not look upon
  the woman who has been ungrateful to her
  husband."
• Show your wife that you appreciate her. If she
  takes care of the house and the children, don't
  take it for granted.
• It is hard work, and no one likes to feel
  unappreciated.

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Work Together in the House

• The Prophet (SAWS) is known to have helped his
  wives in the house. And if the Prophet (SAWS) was
  not above doing housework, modern Muslim husbands
  shouldn't feel that they are.
• According to the Tafseer of ??????? on the
  authority Saif and Najm
• Imam Abu Jaffar said
• Fatima gave a vow to Ali to fix the house, make
  the dough and to sweep, while Ali gave her a vow
  to do everything behaind the door, to move the
  woods and to bring food home.

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Communication is Important

• Communication, Communication, Communication!
• This is the big word in counseling. And so it
  should be!
• Husbands and wives need to talk to each other. It
  is better to deal with problems early and
  honestly than to let them pile up until an
  explosion occurs.
• Talk about the real problems and do not hide
  behind false pretence and turn them into the real
  issue when in fact they are not!
• Imam Jaffar Al Sadiq said May Allah have mercy
  upon a husband who always acts well between
  himself and his wife

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Forget Past Problems

• Don't bring up past problems once they have been
  solved.
• Do not be the Hanna ?????? type of a wife as
  described by Imam Ali (A).

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Give Your Spouse Time Alone

• If your mate doesn't want to be with you all the
  time, it doesn't mean he or she doesn't love you.
• People need to be alone for various reasons.
• Sometimes they want to read, to think about their
  problems, or just to relax.
• Don't make them feel that they are committing a
  sin.
• However do not make it a constant habit!

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Admit Your Mistakes

• When you make a mistake, admit it!
• When your mate makes a mistake, excuse him or her
  easily.
• And
• If possible, never go to sleep angry with each
  other.

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Physical Relationship is Important

• Be available to your mate in an intimate way!
• Don't let your intimate relationship be
  characterized by selfishness.
• The Prophet (SAWS) was reported to have said
• It is not appropriate that you approach your
  wives like a beast but you must send a message of
  love beforehand.

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Have Meals Together

• Try to eat together as a family when possible.
  Show the cook and the dishwasher, whether it is
  the husband or the wife, appreciation for his or
  her efforts. The Prophet (SAWS) did not complain
  about food that was put before him.
• Feed your wife with your own hand and sip from
  each others drinks, this will bring more
  affection and love into the relationship.
• It is reported that the Prophet said that
• In doing so you will get 10 rewards and in
  holding her hand you will get 10 hasanat and 10
  sins will be wiped off.
• In kissing her you will get 100 reward and 100
  sins will be wiped off.
• If this leads to intimacy, Allah will give you
  1000 rewards and 1000 sins will be erased.
• If they bath together, Allah will give each one
  of them one Hasanah and erase one sin for each
  hair the water touches.
• If this happens during a cold night Allah says to
  the Angels bear witness that I have forgiven
  their sins and if it happens that the wife
  conceives on that night, this baby will be a
  servant of honor in Jannah for them. (Mustdarak
  Al-Wasael)

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Be Mindful of Your discussion Topics

• Never discuss with others things about your
  marriage that your spouse wouldn't like you to
  discuss, unless there is an Islamic reason to do
  so.
• Some husbands and wives, believe it or not,
  complain to others about their mate's physical
  appearance.
• This is a recipe for disaster. Information about
  your intimate relations should be kept between
  you and your spouse.
• Many of us treat our spouses in ways that we
  would never treat others.
• With others, we try to be polite, kind, and
  patient.
• With our spouses, we often do not show these
  courtesies.
• Of course, we are usually with our spouses at our
  worst times --- when we are tired and frustrated
  after a hard day.
• After a bad day at the office, husbands usually
  come home angry and on edge. The wife has
  probably also had a hard day with the children
  and the housework. What should they do?
• Wives and husbands should discuss this potential
  time bomb so that if they are short-tempered with
  each other during these times, they will
  understand the reasons rather than automatically
  think that their spouse no longer loves them.

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What does a Good marriages require

• It requires patience, kindness, humility,
  sacrifice, empathy, love, understanding,
  forgiveness, and hard work.
• Following these principles should help any
  marriage to improve.
• The essence of them all can be summed up in one
  sentence Always treat your spouse the way you
  would like to be treated.
• If you follow this rule, your marriage will have
  a much greater chance for success.
• If you discard this rule, failure is just around
  the corner!