So you want to be happy

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So you want to be happy

• Learning how to live a happy effective life
• A brief workshop based on
• Dr William Glassers Choice Theory

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Your facilitator

• Linda Koh
• M Soc Sc (Counselling)
• RTC, Faculty (WGI, USA)
• Counsellor,
• NUS Counselling Centre

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What is Choice Theory?

• Choice Theory is an explanation of the HOW WHY
  of human behaviour as developed by an American
  psychiatrist
• Dr William Glasser

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Choice Theory Application

• Workplace
• Lead Management
• Counselling
• Reality Therapy
• Schools
• Quality Schools

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Choice Theory

• Personal Choice Taking Responsibility
  Constructive Action for ones own life
• Promoting Satisfying Relationships
• Opposite of External Control (the belief that
  we can be controlled by external stimuli)

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Before we start

• What do you want to get from this workshop?
• How will you know you have got it by the time we
  finish?
• If you dont have it, what will you do to get it
  by the time we finish?

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Activity

• Have you eaten? Are you rested? Have you been
  rushing about? Are you getting sufficient
  exercise? etc
• How are your important relationships coming
  along? Is there a particular relationship that
  youre not very satisfied with? Are you feeling
  lonely or isolated? etc
• How are you coping with your studies? Are there
  arenas of interest you want to pursue but arent
  doing so right now? Do you feel accomplished,
  competent, capable? etc
• Are you feeling trapped in any way? Do you feel
  like you have choices in life? etc
• Do you have or set aside time for recreational,
  leisure or social activities you like? Are you
  having enough fun? Are you excited by what you
  are learning or experiencing growth in? etc

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Choice Theory

• All we do is behave
• Almost all behaviour is chosen
• We are driven by our genes to satisfy 5 Basic
  Needs Survival, Love Belonging, Power, Freedom
  and Fun

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Choice Theory The 5 Major Components
V a l u e s F i l
t e r
K n o w l e d g e F i
l t e r
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5 BASIC HUMAN NEEDS
SURVIVAL
FUN
LOVE BELONGING
FREEDOM
POWER
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Our BASIC PSYCHOLOGICAL NEEDS are
LOVE
Belonging ? Friendship ? Caring ? Involvement
POWER
Importance ? Recognition ? Skill ? Competence
FUN
Pleasure ? Enjoyment ? Learning ? Laughter
FREEDOM
Choice ? Independence ? Liberty ? Autonomy
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• CHARACTERISTICS
• Universal
• Innate
• Overlapping
• Satisfied from moment to moment
• Conflict with others needs
• General Motivation for everything we do

5 BASIC HUMAN NEEDS
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Basic Human Need
SURVIVAL

• To survive as individuals
  and as a species is
  a physiological need
• Food,water,health
• Shelter,warmth
• Safety
• Sexual drive
• Need to Reproduce

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Basic Human Need
To Love To Belong

• Psychological Need
• LoveRelationships
• Friendships,Social Connections
• Give Receive Affection
• Share,Co-operate, Feel part of a group

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Basic Human Need

• Psychological Need
• To Achieve, be Recognized for it
• To be Competent, Skilled
• Self-esteem,Worth
• Empowerment
• To be Listened To
• To be able

Power
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Basic Human Need
Freedom

• Psychological Need
• To be Independent, feel unrestrained
• To be Autonomous move around
• To have make Choices
• To be able to Take Control of the Direction of
  Ones Life

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Basic Human Need
Fun

• Psychological Need
• To Find Pleasure Enjoyment Things of
  Interest
• To Play
• To Laugh
• To Learn Important Life Skills from Playing

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How do we satisfy our Basic Needs?
By getting what we WANT (Satisfying our QUALITY
WORLD pictures)
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Quality World a personal picture album of all
the PEOPLE, THINGS, CORE BELIEFS VALUES, that
we have experienced, or think will experience, as
satisfying increasing the quality of our lives
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Pictures in our Quality World 1) Meet one or
more of our Needs

2) Are changing and
changeable, can be replaced 3) Are specific
unique 4)
May be in conflict with each other 5) Vary
in levels of intensity 6) Vary in
levels of attainability
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PERCEIVED WORLD
PERCEPTUAL SYSTEM
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PERCEIVED WORLD PERCEPTUAL SYSTEM
The only way
we experience the real world
is through the perceptual system
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PERCEIVED WORLD PERCEPTUAL SYSTEM
Information about the real world comes to us
passing through OUR 5 SENSES OUR KNOWLEDGE
FILTER OUR VALUES FILTER
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PERCEIVED WORLD PERCEPTUAL SYSTEM
KNOWLEDGE FILTER all that we know/have
experienced VALUES FILTER positive, negative or
neutral
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PERCEIVED WORLD PERCEPTUAL SYSTEM
Ones reality is actually ones perception of
the objective, real world. We live our lives in
our Perceived Worlds.
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THE COMPARING PLACE
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THE COMPARING PLACE
As we experience life we are constantly comparing
what we want (our Quality World pictures) with
what we perceive we have (our Perceived World
pictures)
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THE COMPARING PLACE
When the two match fairly well, we feel good.
Happy.
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THE COMPARING PLACE
When there is a mismatch, we will feel a degree
of frustration, depending on how important the
Quality World picture is to us
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THE COMPARING PLACE
That frustration signal is felt as an
urge to BEHAVE in a
way that will help us get
more of what we want
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TOTAL BEHAVIOUR

• TOTAL BEHAVIOUR IS GENERATED IN AN ATTEMPT TO
  GET WHAT WE WANT

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TOTAL BEHAVIOUR

• All behaviour is purposeful, our best attempt to
  meet our Basic Needs by making our Perceived
  World pictures conform to the pictures in our
  Quality World
• Usually we choose organized behaviours familiar
  with, used before

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TOTAL BEHAVIOUR

• 4 COMPONENTS
• Acting
• Thinking
• Feeling
• Physiology
• All 4 components are simultaneously present
  all the time. Change in 1 component affects the
  other 3 components.

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TOTAL BEHAVIOUR

• What can we directly control?
• ACTING and THINKING
• We have no direct control over
• FEELING and PHYSIOLOGY
• When Acting or Thinking components are
  changed, the Feeling Physiology components
  change

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SO

• How do I use this information to help myself lead
  a happy effective life?

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STEP 1

• The only person whose behaviour I can control is
  my own. I am responsible for my own behaviour and
  choices in getting my Basic Needs met (hopefully,
  in constructive ways).

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STEP 2

• WANTS
• DOING
• EVALUATION
• PLAN

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WANTS

• What do I want? REALLY want?
• (from myself, my family, my friends, my boss, my
  colleagues etc)
• What do I want that I am getting?
• What do I want that I am not getting?
• How much effort do I want to exert to get what I
  want?
• What will I settle for?

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WANTS

• What am I getting that I dont want?
• What are the priorities in what I want?
• What do I have to give up to get what I want?
• What needs to be done regardless of whether I
  want it or not?
• (etc)

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DOING

• What am I currently doing to get what I want?
  Where am I now in getting it? Am I getting closer
  to what I want?
• Is what I am doing helping me get what I want
  (now or in the long run), or is it hurting me?
• Is what Im doing getting me closer to those I
  treasure?
• Do I want to try something different?

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• The more we do what we are doing, the more we
  will get what we got.

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(SELF)-EVALUATION

• Evaluate Wants/Doing/Plan
• Is it REALISTIC? (reality, attainability)
• Is it RESPONSIBLE? (morally sound etc)
• Is it RIGHT or WRONG? (legal, within the rules)
• Is it HELPFUL?
• Is it EFFECTIVE?

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(SELF)-EVALUATION

• Evaluating ones PERCEPTION is also often a
  useful exercise
• E.g. how objective, accurate, reasonable, etc is
  my perception? How open am I to another
  perspective that might serve a more useful or
  helpful function?

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(SELF)-EVALUATION

• Includes thinking about both what went well and
  what I might want to do differently next time
• E.g. What did I like best about what I did? If I
  was to do it again, would I make any changes?
  What would I do differently next time?

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(SELF)-EVALUATION

• Self-evaluation is NOT self-criticism!
• I wont criticize myself there are more than
  enough people willing to do that for me W.
  Glasser

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PLAN

• Make a Plan!
• Simple
• Attainable
• Measurable
• Immediate
• Consistent
• (Self)-Controlled
• Committed to

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NO MAN IS AN ISLAND

• If having satisfying relationships are integral
  to a having a happy life, how do I relate to
  people dont seem to want to co-operate or get
  along with me?

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CHOICE THEORY SAYS

• Each persons reality is unique I try to
  understand each persons worldview
• I can only change myself, respecting the choices
  made by others even if they conflict with my own
• I am actively involved and responsible I choose
  to respond or not to respond
• I cant control others, I can only control
  myself

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CHOICE THEORY SAYS

• All behaviour is seen as purposeful (ones best
  attempt to meet ones Basic Needs)
• I alone am responsible for the consequences of my
  freely-chosen behaviour
• I inform myself and seek knowledge about the
  consequences of my choices
• Win-win mentality I practise collaboration
  consensus to create new options
• I will only evaluate/judge myself, in a
  non-judgmental self-evaluating way

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Think about

• My satisfying relationships what are the
  relating dynamics? What do I enjoy or appreciate?
  What will I do more of, that is already working?
• My not-so-satisfying but still-important
  relationships what are the relating dynamics?
  What do I dislike or wish to change, that is
  within my direct control?

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Relating Habits

• 7 Caring Habits to gain happiness foster
  Positive Relationships
• LISTEN
• SUPPORT
• ENCOURAGE
• RESPECT
• TRUST
• ACCEPT
• NEGOTIATE DISAGREEMENT

• 7 Deadly Habits to destroy happiness and form
  Negative Relationships
• CRITICIZE
• BLAME
• COMPLAIN
• GRUMBLE OR NAG
• BRIBE
• PUNISH
• THREATEN

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• I have noticed that happy people are constantly
  evaluating themselves, and unhappy people are
  constantly evaluating others
• William Glasser M.D.

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Prayer for Serenity

• Lord grant me the serenity to accept the person
  I cannot change
• The courage to change the person I can,
• And the wisdom to know that that person is me.

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For more information

• www.wglasser.com
• www.WGI-Singapore.com

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The end

• Thank you for your participation
• For more information or feedback please contact
  Linda at 65162376
• To download slides, visitwww.nus.edu.sg/uhwc/cou
  nselling