Some Points on American Culture

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Some Points on American Culture

• Dr. M. Connor

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How is America seen?

• America is a large, friendly dog in a very small
  room.  Every time it wags its tail, it knocks
  over a chair.  Arnold Toynbee
• America is a mistake, a giant mistake!  Sigmund
  Freud

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National characteristics

• Probably the most common trait Americans share is
  a belief in the power of dreaming and then doing.
• Its no wonder that Martin Luther King, Jrs I
  Have a Dream speech is still quoted and cited,
  even in non-racial situations.
• Overall, this makes the US a country of optimists.

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Visualization

• Kids are told early on that they need to have a
  dream, a goal.
• If they work at it, they can achieve it.
• Is this true? No, but its truer in America than
  in many other places.
• Take me, for example. Im the daughter of a high
  school drop-out, a construction worker who died
  when I was 12. Im the first Connor to graduate
  college. Now Im a PhD.

The big secret in life is that there is no big
secret. Whatever your goal, you can get there if
you're willing to work. - Oprah Winfrey
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Hard work

• Many American idioms and proverbs reflect the
  need to work hard.
• Strike while the iron is hot (move/act quickly)
• Actions speak louder than words.
• God helps those who help themselves.
• If at first you dont suceed, try, try again.
• Make hay while the sun shines (work hard when the
  opportunity is there)
• Nothing suceeds like sucess.
• Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

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Self-reliance

• Americans can achieve, but they do it themselves.
• This doesnt mean alone, but they dont rely on
  the government to help them or family connections
  (both do help in reality, but again, not as often
  as in many other countries).
• If you want to look at the cultural basis of
  this, see the American philosopher Ralph Waldo
  Emersons essay Self Reliance (1841) at
  http//bellsouthpwp.net/k/e/kerjsmit/self_reliance
  /self_rel.htm

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Individualism

• Americans are taught that the individual is
  important.
• BUT, your rights only extend to the tip of your
  nose.
• In other words, you cant infringe upon the
  rights of others.
• And the group is never excluded in calculations,
  because in groups, we build strength.

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American Friendliness

• Much is made of how friendly Americans are.
• This stems from the belief that all men are
  created equal.
• This is the theory.
• Of course, there is a difference between the
  theory and the reality, but one difference I find
  between America and other places is that
  Americans readily admit theres a problem with
  things like racism and sexism and many people try
  to find solutions.

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Friendly ? Friend

• Some foreigners view Americans as hypocritical
  because friendliness does not translate to
  friendship.
• For Americans, friendliness is considered common
  good manners, the oil that keeps society from
  squeaking.

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Need for social oil

• In a country of 250 million plus, were crowded!
• Just like Taiwan, we need to have conventions
  that keep things civilized.

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Layers of friendship

• As in Taiwanese relationships, Americans have
  layers of friendship.
• What follows are some examples.

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Acquaintance

• Someone we know to chat with.
• Examples may be someone who works in the same
  place but in a different department, or the
  relative of a friend with whom we may
  occasionally socialize.
• Neighbors can fall into this category.

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Work Friend/School Friend

• Someone with whom we work or go to school, and
  with whom we socialize through work or class, but
  communication is not very intimate.
• These may be the people we eat lunch with and
  sometimes we do things together after work or
  classsports teams are popular or perhaps just
  going out for a Friday night drink.

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Close/Good Friend

• These are people with whom we are more intimate.
• There are shared confidences.
• How people move from acquaintance or work or
  school friend to close friend is almost like
  alchemy. It moves in phases.
• Most Americans distrust instant intimacy, though,
  and believe that relationships can not be forced.

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Best Friends

• Most Americans have a very small circle of best
  friends who are considered family and enjoy
  all the privileges and all the responsibilities
  of that position.
• Theres a joke among American women that you can
  tell the level of intimacy you have with someone
  based on the amount of housecleaning you do
  before he or she comes to visit!

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More on friendliness

• Americans are friendly and casual with strangers
  and new acquaintances they readily welcome and
  are willing to help newcomers. This does not mean
  an automatic commitment to friendship. In the
  U.S., people enjoy doing things together and
  exchanging ideas that may lead to friendship.
• Ohio State Universitys page for incoming foreign
  students.

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Appropriate questions

• One way to start conversation with strangers in
  America is through questions.
• Its perfectly okay to ask if someone is married
  or if they have children (in social settings),
  but it is not considered polite to ask why or why
  not.
• Good conversational gambits are travel, someones
  work, books or film.
• Current events are okay, but some Americans are
  raised that its bad manners to discuss politics
  or religion as these topics can lead to
  disagreements.

18
Manners

• Compared to many countries, America has a very
  informal style with few taboos.
• In America, theres something called The Golden
  Rule (based on Christian precepts) Do unto
  others as you would have others do unto you.
• In other words, treat people as youd like to be
  treated. If you follow this, you usually cant
  go far wrong.

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Whats in a name?

• Most Americans will invite you to call them by
  their first name, especially your peers and
  younger folks.
• BUT, most Americans appreciate the opportunity of
  granting that familiarity. Until told otherwise,
  its always good manners to call someone by their
  honorific and surname
• Dr. Connor
• Ms. Jones
• Mr. Smith

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Children

• Children are always addressed by their first
  names.
• If you are not comfortable being called by your
  first name by a child, its okay to say so.
• Many Americans are now falling into the practice
  of allowing children to call adults by their
  first names, but almost all Americans will
  respect your wishes in the matter.
• Sometimes with their parents close friends,
  children will use the honorifics aunt and
  uncle even though there is no blood
  relationship.

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Time is not relative!

• A very famous American adage is Time is Money!
• Its not to be wasted. Its to be saved and used
  wisely.
• For the most part, Americans are prompt people
  and dont like to be kept waiting.
• In a business setting, this means not wasting a
  lot of time on idle chit chat, something at
  odds with Taiwanese norms.

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Problem alert

• When I lived and taught in Taiwan, this was often
  a problem.
• Studies have shown that New Yorkers are some of
  the most time-conscious people in America!

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Sources

• Aiken, Jennifer. Interpersonal Communication.
  Communication differences in the same culture
  group
• http//www.intractableconflict.org/m/interpersonal
  _communication.jsp

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From Aiken

• Men and women, in particular, are thought to
  have different styles. Linguist Deborah Tannen
  notes that, for women, "talk creates intimacy...
  but men live in a hierarchical world, where
  talk maintains independence and status."1 Her
  research has also shown that, when speaking,
  women tend to face each other and look each other
  in the eye, while men prefer to sit at angles and
  look elsewhere in the room. Women also express
  more agreement and sympathy with one another's
  problems, while men will dismiss each other's
  problems. Both sets of responses are meant to
  reassure, but do not have that effect when used
  with the opposite gender. For example, women
  often become angry if a man dismisses their
  problem.

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Sources

• New International Student Orientation
  Understanding Americans,Utah State University
• http//www.usu.edu/iss/undameri.html
• Gene Griessman, The Americans Who Are They, And
  How Did They Get This Way? 
• http//www.achievementdigest.com/article-americans
  -achievement.html