Ohio Air National Guard Youth

1
Ohio Air National Guard Youth

• Meeting the Challenges of a New Experience

2
Called to Duty Telling the Children

• When- when definite notice is given that the
  military member will deploy.
• Examine- Examine your own feelings first. Be
  positive when telling your children
• You will project to your children what you are
  feeling so evaluating your own feelings is an
  important step to keeping your children positive
  about this separation.
• Reaction- Understand that each childs reactions
  to the news may be different.

3
Telling the Children

• How- Both parents, together if possible.
• Surroundings- Be aware of time, place and
  circumstances.
• Dont discuss when children are distracted or
  already upset about something else that has
  happened during the day.
• Age Appropriate- Discuss the event in
  age-appropriate terms.
• Only give information that they are ready to
  process. A small child needs simple, a teenage
  wants facts.
• Daddy is going to go on a trip for a while to do
  his job
• Mom is going with her military unit to Iraq
• Truthful- Keep it honest, straight forward, and
  factual- inform but do not alarm.

4
Telling the Children

• Discuss expectations of life during deployment.
• Help the child picture how life will be for them
  during this time
• Always remain positive
• Share your feelings.
• Explain why you are leaving, who will be with
  you, what your job will be.
• Provide a timetable. Use a calendar or make
  something special
• Explore the destination.
• Address fears or concerns about possible injury.
  (If the child asks), Age appropriate.
• Be honest with your teenager. They want to be
  enpowered. They want to know what to expect.

5
Telling the Children

• Key Points to Remember
• All children need to feel safe.
• Acknowledge and normalize childrens feelings.
• Provide extra support and reassurance.
• Involve children in planning how the family will
  function on a day-to-day basis.
• Maintain a healthy routine.
• Give each child individual time.
• Make plans for Communicating during the
  deployment.
• Do NOT say to your child, Now you are Man or
  Mommy of the House

6
The Effects of Separation in Children

• Infants- 6 to 18 months
• Changes in eating and sleeping patterns.
• May want to be held more.
• May seem fussier.
• Can feel the anxieties/distress of the caregiver.

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Ways to Help During Separation

• Infants- 6 to 18 months
• Provide a calm, unchanging environment.
• You must remain calm. Children sense when the
  adult is uneasy and stressed
• Keep Quality of care and caregivers as consistent
  as possible.
• Long walks, music, warm baths and other calming
  activities.
• Interact with your infant as much as possible.

8
The Effects of Separation in Children

• Toddlers- 18 to 36 months
• Regress in walking or potty training.
• Emotionally withdraw.
• Refuse to eat.
• Temper tantrums.
• Difficulty sleeping.
• May not want to associate with others.
• Whine and cling more than usual.

9
Ways to Help During Separation

• Toddlers- 18 to 36 months
• Provide a predictable routine.
• Provide lots of extra attention.
• Plan projects and activities.
• Keep their minds busy and motivated.

10
The Effects of Separation in Children

• Preschoolers- 3 to 5 years
• Whine and cling more than usual.
• Regress in potty training.
• Unexplained crying or tearfulness.
• May become more aggressive and demanding.
• Worry about the safety of everyone.
• Fear of new people or situations.
• Maybe afraid to sleep alone or to be left alone.

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Ways to Help During Separation

• Preschoolers- 3 to 5 years
• Explain the reason for the parents absence.
• Reassure that it is not their fault.
• Simplify daily schedules.
• Pay attention to their basic needs and their
  desire for attention.
• Plan fun Homecoming activities.

12
The Effects of Separation in Children

• School Age Child- 5 to 11 years
• May complain often and loudly.
• Head or stomach aches, more frequent urination.
• Change in school performance.
• May place significance on missed family events,
  i.e Birthdays, Holiday, Sports and Church events.
• Experience sadness and grief.
• Fear for their own safety and well-being.

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Ways to help During Separation

• School Age Child- 5 to 11 years
• Provide opportunities to express emotions.
• Youth Smart Book
• Comfort Objects. (pillow, teddy bear, item that
  belonged to the service member)
• Keep involved in activities that focus energies
  and allow discussion with peers.
• Feeling Charades
• Family comes together to pick a feeling that each
  had during the day. Each one acts out that
  feeling and the rest of the family asks questions
  about the events surrounding those feelings
• Encourage them to talk with someone they can
  trust.
• Talk with your childs school or teacher prior to
  the deployment.
• Let them know there are temporary changes in the
  homelife and to notify you if there are changes
  in behavior or attitude

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The Effects of Separation in Children

• Adolescent Young Adult 12 to 18 years
• May act out.
• Show low self-esteem.
• Have misdirected anger.
• Distance themselves from others.
• School problems.
• Loss of interest in hobbies and activities.
• Loss of appetite.
• Know that alcohol problems may start as early as
  12 yrs and drugs as early as 13.
• If you are concerned that your child may be drawn
  to drugs or alcohol, Military One Source has
  information to help you talk to your child about
  it and also determine if counseling is needed

15
Ways to Help During Separation

• Adolescent Young Adult- 12 to 18
• Keep lines of communication open.
• Youth have told us that they want you to tell
  them what is going on and they want you to ask
  them how they are doing. They may not tell you,
  but they want you to ask.
• Provide a setting where discussion is natural.
• Give them more responsibilities.
• Do NOT present the appearance that you expect
  them to be Man or Woman of the House
• Hold them responsible for their behavior and
  actions.
• Allow them quality time to share with their
  peers.
• Always have them communicate to you who they will
  be with and where they will be.
• Talk with your childs school or teacher prior to
  the deployment.
• Let them know there are temporary changes in the
  homelife and to notify you if there are changes
  in behavior or attitude.

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Building a Village Children During
SeparationChildren who have learned to cope
successfully with separation often have

• A good relationship with parents.
• A strong sense of self worth and self confidence.
• An understanding of parents job and its
  importance.
• Dependable communication.
• An adult who will listen and talk with them.
• Opportunities to participate in their community.
• A supportive neighborhood.
• Healthy stress relief techniques.
• Realistic expectations.
• Caring and understanding schools.

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Helping Children During Separation

• Pre-Deployment
• Home Checklist
• Start Communicating with your child early.
• Encourage the child to talk and be available to
  listen to the child.
• Make emergency plans.
• If Dads gone and something happens to Mom, what
  to do.
• What if theres a fire?
• What if you get separated in a store?
• Plan a special countdown.
• Allow kids to help pack. They may want to add a
  special surprise that helps you think of them
  while you are away.
• Use stories in books to help them identify with
  their feelings.

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Helping Children During Separation

• Pre-Deployment
• Home Checklist Activities
• Keep routines as normal as possible before
  leaving.
• Talk about and practice any new routines so they
  understand that both parents are setting the
  standard during this time.
• Remind them the same rules and limits apply.
• Decorate a Mommy or Daddy box together.
• Leave good-bye surprises.
• Make an activity calendar.
• Exchange comfort items. (Make a pillowcase).
• Help make a list of ways to help out.
• Choose a special time each day to think about
  each other.

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Helping Children During Separation

• Pre-Deployment
• Home Checklist Activities
• Youth Smart Book. Go through all the sections
  with your child before you leave.
• Available in the Family Program Office
• Plant some seeds and talk about their growth.
• Plant memories before you leave.
• Make a parent pin to wear.
• Scatter photos throughout the house.
• Leave a hat in a prominent place to salute.
• Give each child an activity IOU from the
  returning Parent.
• Write letters.
• Make video and audio tapes before and during the
  deployment.

20
Helping Children During Separation

• During the Deployment time help your Child
• Focus on their strengths.
• Manage stress- burn up emotional energy.
• Do something positive to help others.
• Limit their TV. Limit the amount of news media
  they are exposed to. Be prepared to discuss
  things they have heard, seen or read from the
  news media
• Encourage children to act out their feelings
  through Feeling Charades or with toys, stuffed
  animals, paper dolls and toy telephones.

21
Helping Children During Separation

• During the Deployment time help your Child
• Give children some degree of control. Give them
  manageable choices such as
• Let them decide between 2 food options for a meal
  once a week.
• What kind of snacks to send to the deployed
  parent
• Which day of the week they will clean their room.

22
Helping Teens During Separation

• Keep a journal to write down their emotions.
• Watch a video or read a book at the same time
  together.
• Play card games together
• Plan a shopping day, trip to the zoo, or attend a
  sports game
• Attend a Military Youth function
• Homefront Gatherings
• Military Youth Camps

23
Helping Teens During Separation

• Teens Can
• Follow a Low-Stress Diet. (seek your physicians
  help)
• Encourage them to talk and play with peers.
• Encourage talking to someone they trust .
• Plan to do Acts of kindness.
• Try Breathing Techniques during stressful times.
• Make a scrapbook of pictures, letters and etc.

24
Helping Children During Separation

• During the Deployment time as a family
• Talk about the deployed parent in daily
  conversation.
• Cut out and send clippings from the local papers,
  magazines.
• Tape record or videotape a day in the life of the
  family.
• Let your child sleep with something that smells
  like the deployed parent.
• Sign up for Operation Pillowcase to receive a
  pillowcase and pin with the deploying parents
  picture on it

25
Helping Children During Separation

• During Deployment as a Family
• Send care packages - use school work as packing
  materials.
• Make a Daddy or Mommy book to carry everywhere.
• Make a family newsletter or video to send.
• Send blow kisses to parent every night.

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Helping Children During Separation

• During Deployment as a Family
• Write letters then cut them into puzzle pieces so
  the receiver of the letter has to put the pieces
  together to read it.
• Play games through the mail.

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Helping Children During Separation

• Plan Family Projects
• Age Appropriate
• Choose a theme song.
• Make a Family Pledge
• Redecorate a favorite room of the deployed
  member. Be careful with this one!!
• Visit the parents of the deployed member