Whose Baby Is It Helping Teen Fathers Become Parents

1
Whose Baby Is It? Helping Teen Fathers Become
Parents

• Jose Ruben Parra Cardona
• Richard S. Wampler
• Linda Olguin Flores
• Mary Ann Gutierrez

2
Whose Baby Is It?Workshop Objectives

• Workshop Objectives
• Participants will be introduced to the life
  experiences of teen fathers as described by them.
• Participants will become familiar with the
  development and implementation of a
  community-based program for teen fathers.
• Participants will learn the major components of
  the teen fathers group curriculum.
• Participants will be given reports regarding the
  usefulness of the teen fathers group as expressed
  by former group participants.
• Participants will learn about the advantages of
  pairing community-based parent educators with
  marriage and family therapists.

3
The Voices of Teen FathersBeing put down by
others

• Making Me Feel I Was Nobody
• My dad used to tell me I was nothingHe used to
  put me down, telling me that I was going to be
  nothingHe left me and I thought I was nobody
  because he didnt care for me.
• I remember being with my brother and I was
  crying and my dad was drunk and hed tell me Get
  up! You are just a chicken ass! You need to stop
  crying! Just get up!...After that, every time
  pain would come, I just wouldnt cry

4
The Voices of Teen FathersBeing put down by
others

• Making Me Feel I Was Nobody
• I remember the pain I went through, I remember
  the depression, the angriness, the bitterness, I
  remember all that they brought to my
  lifememories you can never forget about.
• As a societyHow have we made teen fathers feel
  that they are nobody by humiliating them in overt
  or covert ways and by thinking that they are
  defective?

5
The Voices of Teen FathersBeing put down by
others

• Taking Away My Pride
• I dont like when teachers start shitting on me,
  like one of the teachers recently in my school,
  like she said that those who have kids at early
  ages are dumb.
• I would get high and my dad would come back and
  just laugh at mehe wouldnt encourage me to
  stophe would just laugh and take picturescause
  I have pictures when I was highand my dad took
  pictures of meHed laugh at me.

6
The Voices of Teen FathersBeing put down by
others

• Taking Away My Pride
• As a society, how have we taking away the pride
  of teen fathers by either
• Criticizing them?
• Stereotyping them?
• Ignoring them?

7
The Voices of Teen FathersBeing put down by
others

• Crying By Myself
• In my family, we were always fighting and
  yellingWith my father, we were always trying to
  say to each other mean things and everythingIt
  made me feel really sadI would go to my room and
  I would just sit there and cryI didnt have
  anybody to talk to.

8
The Voices of Teen FathersBeing put down by
others

• Crying By Myself
• My real dad was never here, he never called or
  anythingI know nothing about my dadI dont even
  know what he looks like, I dont know nothing
  about himhe was never there for me.
• My dadhe was here in this worldHe was
  physically, but he wasnt there to help me
  outemotionallymentallyand all thatit hurtsHe
  wasnt there to talk to me about what I did
  wrong.
• If we use the word society or people instead
  of dadhow does that last paragraph read?

9
The Voices of Teen FathersBeing put down by
others

• A Word of Caution
• Considering teen fathers and those who have put
  them down as defective by nature blinds us to the
  realities of their lives. It is a convenient
  myth.
• Who has put down those who have put down teen
  fathers?
• Those who suffered abuse in their childhoods may
  continue to carry anger and redirect it towards
  other targets (Dozier, Stovall, Albus, 1999).

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The Voices of Teen FathersBeing put down by
others

• A Word of Caution
• Family of origin wounds (e.g., Andres father).
• Oppression related to gender, race/ethnicity, SES
• (e.g., getting punished for speaking Spanish).
• As a society and therapists, what has been our
  part in the complex social machinery by which
  teen fathers and their families continue to be
  put down through overt and/or covert ways?

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The Development of the Teen Fathers Group
Background

• In Summer 2002 I developed a parenting program
  specially designed for teen fathers.
• To date, 14 teen fathers have participated in the
  teen fathers program (4 groups).

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The Development of the Teen Fathers Group
Recruiting

• Referred to the PEP program by probation
  officers.
• Parenting was required as part of their probation
  requirements.
• Home visits (The need for consistency and
  planning ahead of time)
• 14 teen fathers have participated (ages ranging
  from 13 to 17 years old).
• 8 (57) participants have completed the group
  curriculum (Numbers cannot be sole indicator of
  success)

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The Development of the Teen Fathers Group Design

• 6 sessions (2 hours each), addressing the
  following topics
• Family of origin issues.
• Personal responsibility.
• The meaning of being a father.
• Prevention of abuse and neglect.
• Basic child development and child care.
• Basic parenting skills.

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The Development of the Teen Fathers Group Design
and Implementation

• 6 sessions 2 hours/ Boys and Girls Club
• Co-leader (Without them, just impossible!)
• Letter 1 Letter to Dad
• Letter 2 Ideal letter from Dad
• Letter 3 Letter to Baby
• Letters shared in group
• Letters collected/ 24 sessions videotaped
• Payment for completing assignments

15
The Development of theTeen Fathers Group
Dissemination and Feedback (AAMFT)
Modifications to design
Follow up Interviews
Implementation
Recruitment
Advertising
Design
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Letters Written by Teen Fathers

• Letter Written to Fathers
• I just want to tell you that I feel angry
  because of the stuff you put me and my brother
  thru and I aint blaming only you, Im blaming
  myself for not ever trying to stop you from
  drinking.
• Why werent you ever there? Even though my
  struggles were hard, you never made an effort to
  come see meYou were no daddy, just the one who
  helped make me.

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Letters Written by Teen Fathers

• Letter from Dad Written to Themselves
• Dear sonI wish I would have called you on
  especial days like the holidays and your
  birthdayEven though I wasnt there I want to
  tell you that I love you and I am sorry for not
  being there for you.
• Son, its your dad I just wanted to say how
  sorry I am for the time we did not have a
  connection I am still here and I want to try
  things over and spend all the time with you.

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Letters Written by Teen Fathers

• Letter Written to Their Children
• Son, its me dad. I love you so much and as
  you grow you will know. I really hope our
  relation does not end up like me and my dad. Ill
  always be there no matter what so you dont
  struggle and you can have an easy life.
• Baby, I am sorry for all the things I have done
  and have not done for you. You mean the world to
  me and always will till the day I die and still
  one more day.

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Teen Fathers Talk About Group The Need for
Support for Teen Fathers

• Theres a lot of people to help the mom with the
  kid, but like the groupit helps to think that a
  child needs his father as much as his mother and
  there arent a lot of things out there for
  teenage fathersIts likethe perfect opportunity
  to learn more about how you can develop a better
  relationship with your child.

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The Process of Joining Group Avoiding Hearing
What I Had to Hear

• And then you introduced this father thing and I
  was like Man, this is dumbI aint going to do
  thisThis is dumb, I wont participateThis is a
  little goofy thingI wanted to do my own thingI
  could care less about what other people thought
  of me.
• When you first start group you really dont want
  to hear the truth, but then you start to change
  about thatYou hear the truth and you want to
  hear more about that.

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The Process of Joining Group Comfort and
Trusting

• If you dont have anyone else to talk tothe
  group is the place to do itGroup was like We
  are not going to be mad at you or think less of
  youWere not going to push you to the
  side...Somebody is there who I can talk to.
• When those ladies came inThat helped me a
  lotThey always told us not to give upWhen they
  came they told usWhen they left they told us not
  to give up.

22
Teen Fathers Talk About Group A Learning
Experience

• It group teaches us things we dont know and
  different things about what a child will go
  through and what we could go throughWhat we can
  do betterYou also put goals ahead of us, which
  was completing something in order to get what we
  wanted.
• I paid attention to what to do and what not to
  dowhat was going to happen when kids get older
  and stages you are going through, and controlling
  your temperThat helped me a lot.

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Telling in Group the Person I Want to Be Liking
and Trusting

• You are real polite and we learned to trust you,
  and we just trusted you more and more as we were
  seeing youand thats when we started talking.
• I started liking it because it group kept me
  in touch with the person I should beAnd it got
  me to tell the person I want to beGroup got me
  to be different than what I used to be instead of
  being so self-centered.

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Telling in Group the Person I Want to Be Letting
Feelings Out and Taking a Lot Out of Me

• I never had anyone to express myself to, but
  group was like, they were willing to listenand I
  knew nobody would laugh or be mad at me because
  of the way I felt about thingsIt was like the
  comfort feeling.
• I feel better because I expressed my feelingsI
  dont have them inside no more.
• It group took a lot out of mejust talking
  about the relationship with my father.

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Telling in Group the Person I Want to Be Facing
My Fears

• Anybody can have a mouth and talkbut whenever
  you write it downthats paper an ink right
  thereLike if a little dude is scared of
  fighting, and one day somebody is picking on
  himand hes tired and fed up with itHe throws
  the first fit and if he ends up winning that
  fightor even if he loseshell see that if you
  face your fears, theres nothing to be afraid of
  no moreYouve been there, youve done it!

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Telling in Group the Person I Want to Be Wanting
to Be a Good Father

• I dont want my kids to feel that they are
  nobody because they are somebody, they will be
  somebody, regardless of the fact if he is gay,
  goes gang bang, he is my sonregardless of the
  fact--he is my son..

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Break your heart!!

• My childshes not my heart, shes the top of my
  heartShes making it keep beating you know?

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Whose Baby Is It? Helping Teen Fathers Become
Parents

• Discussion
• and
• Final Comments

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Whose Baby Is It?Workshop Objectives

• Workshop Objectives
• Participants will be introduced to the life
  experiences of teen fathers as described by them.
• Participants will become familiar with the
  development and implementation of a
  community-based program for teen fathers.
• Participants will learn the major components of
  the teen fathers group curriculum.
• Participants will be given reports regarding the
  usefulness of the teen fathers group as expressed
  by former group participants.
• Participants will explore ways in which the teen
  fathers group can be improved and disseminated.