The Descriptive Essay: What Does The Reader See?

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The Descriptive Essay What Does The Reader See?

• Catherine Wishart
• Literacy Coach
• Adjunct Instructor,
• Burlington County College
• http//www.easyliteracy.com

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Seeing Through All the Senses

• Make sure that the readers senses are involved
  in the description, even the description of a
  person
• Can the reader see the person?
• Can the reader hear the person?
• Can the reader smell a special perfume or
  after-shave worn by the person?
• Obviously, when describing a person, certain
  senses are not possible, such as touch and taste.

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Use Descriptive Words

• When something is described, the writer usually
  has had an emotional response to the object or
  person being described.
• An emotional response is called a cathartic
  response.
• Make sure you know what your own emotional
  response is and stick to it. Dont vacillate
  between nice and mean, heroic and charlatan. Is
  the person nice or not? Is the person ethical or
  not?
• To describe the emotional response, use verbs,
  adverbs, and adjectives. These words will make
  the writing deeper and more meaningful than mere
  nouns will.

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Prove Your Descriptive Words

• Can you back up what you said about the person?
  Did you use examples to prove what you are saying
  is true?
• When telling a story about the person, did you
  tell the story in chronological order?
• Does the reader understand why you feel the way
  you do?

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Avoid Passive Language

• Make sure that you use words that convince the
  reader you are correct in your description
• Avoid would, should, or could.
• Use will, can, and is.

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Avoid Second Person

• In a descriptive essay, the words you, your,
  and youre are not acceptable. These words are
  too informal for a descriptive essay.
• Use only first person I, we, me, our,
  or third person he, she, it, they.

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The Dominant Impression

• Make sure that you leave the reader with one
  dominant impression of the person you are
  describing.
• Again, dont vacillate choose how the person is
  and stick to your point.
• Sometimes you may have points that are
  contradictory make it clear that your dominant
  point is this is a person full of contradictions.

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Lets Put It Into Practice

• Steps to Plan the Essay
• Prewrite brainstorming is a good choice when
  trying to describe a person. Take the time to
  brainstorm a list of words that describe the
  person
• The way the person looks
• The way the person talks
• The way the person makes you feel
• The way the person acts
• Organize and Write the Outline (another
  brainstorm?)
• Choose type of hook for introduction and type of
  conclusion
• Draft (another brainstorm?)
• Revise and Edit
• Final Copy

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Example My Grandson Drew Brainstorm List

• Smart
• Toddler
• Athletic
• Huge for age
• Loves The Incredibles
• Has a twin
• Loves to eat
• Tunes everything out when watching TV
• Loves books
• Plays soccer
• Has temper tantrums
• A good eater
• Says amazing things
• Doesnt like to help fix things
• Likes to cook

• Loves his parents
• Great vocabulary
• Brown hair
• Blue eyes
• Huge smile
• Loves his dog
• Gets jealous of brothers
• Has asthma
• Born with hole in lung
• A real fighter
• Healthy now
• Loves Harry Potter but not the scary parts
• Has twin speak with his brother

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Write the Thesis Statement

• In the case of a 5-paragraph essay, choose three
  things that you as the writer find most
  fascinating about the person.
• Write a thesis statement that previews the main
  points.
• Make sure the thesis statement is in parallel
  form.

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What About Drew Impresses Me Most?

• Drew has an amazing vocabulary
• Drew is athletic
• Drew has a huge capacity to love
• All these points are taken from the brainstorm
  list. I had to choose the three most important
  ones to me, the writer
• And the thesis statement is What makes me admire
  Drew the most is his vocabulary, his athleticism,
  and his ability to love.

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But. Is That Parallel?

• NO! Lets fix it.
• ability to love uses a noun and an infinitive
  verb, but vocabulary and athleticism are both
  nouns.
• If I change ability to love to loving nature,
  it is closer, but loving is an adjective. What
  adjectives can I use to describe vocabulary and
  athleticism so this is parallel?
  Mini-brainstorm time.
• And the thesis statement is What makes me admire
  Drew the most is his bountiful vocabulary, his
  agile athleticism, and his loving nature.
• Now its parallel.

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Organizing the Essay Around the Thesis

• Write an outline
• Choose examples that prove the parts of the
  thesis
• It may be time for another brainstorming session
• Decide on what type of hook to use
• Decide on what type of conclusion to use

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Writing My Outline and Choosing Examples

• Thesis What makes me admire Drew the most is his
  bountiful vocabulary, his agile athleticism, and
  his loving nature.
• Outline
• I. Introduction Quote about children
• II. Vocabulary
• A. Grocery store story
• B. Are You Being Served story
• III. Athlete
• A. Playing soccer
• B. Playing catch
• IV. Loving Angel sick
• V. Conclusion reflect on quote

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My Draft The Introduction Using a Quotation as a
Hook

• While each of us has been a child, in reality,
  we do not often recall the joys and amazement of
  childhood. One of the greatest joys of childhood
  is realizing ones own uniqueness. As author
  Pablo Casals said, The child must know that he
  is a miracle, that since the beginning of the
  world there hasn't been, and until the end of the
  world there will not be, another child like him.
  So, how is my grandson Drew unique? What makes
  him so special to me? What makes me admire Drew
  the most is his bountiful vocabulary, his agile
  athleticism, and his loving nature.

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My Draft Proving the Thesis Statement

• Watching any child develop a vocabulary is
  always fun, but Drews vocabulary amazes me. Drew
  is only three years old, but he uses words that
  are mature. For example, last week Drew went to
  the grocery store. While he was there, a woman
  banged into the cart and then just kept going. In
  response, Drew shook his head and said,
  Oblivious. I was shocked when he used such a
  word, and I was even more surprised when he used
  the word correctly. Again last night, Drew proved
  his vocabulary. He was watching Are You Being
  Served? on television. This British comedy uses
  coloquialisms from England and presents a dry
  sense of humor. Drew started laughing at the show
  and exclaimed, This is so funny. It really
  cracks me up!

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Revising and Editing My Draft Adding Words for
Clarity and Checking Grammar

• Watching any child develop a vocabulary is
  always fun, but Drews robust vocabulary
  continues to amaze me. Drew is only three years
  old, but he uses words that are mature. For
  example, last week Drew went to the grocery store
  with his mother. Shop Rite just took over another
  store, so there were crowds of people swarming
  the aisles. While Drew and his mother were there,
  a stout, frazzled woman banged into the cart and
  then just kept going. In response, Drew shook his
  little head and muttered, Oblivious. I was
  shocked that he had used such an adult word, and
  I was even more surprised that he used the word
  correctly. Again last night, Drew proved his
  adult vocabulary skills. He was watching Are You
  Being Served? on television with his family. This
  British comedy uses colloquialisms from England
  and also uses a dry sense of humor that plays on
  the meanings of words. When Mr. Rumbold, the
  supervisor said, How am I going to get down?
  and Mrs. Spooner answered, Jump off the parapet
  and flap your ears, Drew started laughing and
  exclaimed, This is so funny. It really cracks me
  up! He understood that a parapet meant the ledge
  by the window and flapping ears meant trying to
  fly like a bird.

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Paragraphs 3 and 4

• Complete them just as paragraph 2 was completed.
• Make sure to add words so the reader can see and
  hear the scenes.
• Make sure to stay focused on the dominant
  impression you feel.
• Add adjectives, adverbs, and verbs to paint the
  pictures you see in your own head.
• Go back and revise and edit the paragraphs for
  clarity, detail, and grammar.

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The Conclusion The Last Chance to Impress

• There are many different ways to write an
  effective conclusion.
• Every good conclusion will reflect on the hook in
  the introduction.
• Every good conclusion will restate the thesis
  statement in a creative way.
• Many good conclusions will comment about the
  future.

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Is This Conclusion Effective?

• Yes, my grandson Drew is amazing. He has a huge
  vocabulary that he uses all the time. He also is
  an athlete. Finally, he is a loving child.

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Revising and Editing the Weak Conclusion

• My grandson Drew continues to impress and amaze
  me. Just as, according to Casals, every child
  knows there will never be another child like him,
  I know that Drew is irreplaceable. His wonderful
  word knowledge, fabulous dexterity, and profound
  caring demonstrate how special he is. What does
  the future hold for Drew? If he continues along
  the path he has chosen, I am sure that he will
  only continue to impress and amaze me more and
  more in the future.

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Reviewing Some Important Steps In Putting a
Picture Into Words A Descriptive Essay

• Use descriptive words, such as verbs, adverbs,
  and adjectives.
• Make sure to prewrite.
• Use an outline to stay organized.
• Use words that allow the reader to use his/her
  senses.
• Revise and edit to add clarity, depth, and
  correctness to your writing.