Parent Relationships: One District

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Parent Relationships One Districts Efforts

• Ascension Parish Schools
• 2009-10

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True or FalseGood Parents

• Good parents believe that they must control
  their children
• Good parents believe that they are superior
• A good parent also feels entitled
• Good parents believe that they must be perfect
• Good parents believe that they dont count

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True or FalseResponsible Parents

• Responsible parents believe that the child can
  make decisions
• They believe that their child is equal and not
  more or less worthwhile than others
• Responsible parents believe in mutual respect
• Responsible parents have the courage to be
  imperfect

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• They believe that all people are important
  including themselves

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Effective Parenting Strategies

• The program begins by teaching the parents
  that behavior is shaped by its consequences. A
  great deal of emphasis is placed on helping
  parents transform their usually global
  descriptions of their childrens functioning
  (hes selfish) into specific behavioral
  descriptions (he doesnt share his toys with his
  brothers)

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Effective Parenting Strategies

• They are then taught exactly how to pinpoint the
  specific behaviors that they would like to see
  their children engage in more frequently and
  those they would like to see less of. The
  pinpointing involves not only being specific
  about observable behaviors but indicating where
  and when the parent would like to see more or
  less of them (at bedtime, in the morning, at the
  dinner table, in the grocery store etc.)

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• The parents are taught to count and chart
  behavior so that they will have a record of what
  is or is not taking place.

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What We Want Our Children to Understand

• Involvement and Contribution
• (I am interested in cooperating)
• Responsibility for My Own Behavior
• ( I can be responsible for my behavior)
• Withdrawal from Conflict, Refusal to Fight, and
  Acceptance of Others Opinions
• (I can decide to withdraw from conflict)

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Managing Consequences with Effective Praise

• Parents are taught how to praise their children
• Looking at the child
• Moving close to the child
• Saying positive things to the child
• Praising the childs behavior and not the child
• Being physically affectionate with the child

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• Moving into action immediately upon recognizing
  desirable behavior
• (Effective Praise)

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Setting Rules in the Home

• One of the most important of effective parenting
  is the use of clear and reasonable family rules.
  When we use clear and reasonable rules or
  expectations, we are modeling and teaching
  respectful behavior.

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Assessing the Rules

• What are the reasons for the rule?
• Have we had a meeting or discussion about the
• Rule?
• Have we told the child the reasons for the rule?
• Have we explained the reasons in terms of
• Either child trustworthiness and growth, or
• Family togetherness, cooperation and pride?
• Is the child sure which behaviors the rule refers
  to?
• Does the rule ask too much?

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• Does it ask from one equally capable child but
  not from another?
• Is the child capable of doing what the rule
  requires?
• Have we given the child consistent positive
  consequences for following the rule?
• Have we given the child consistent corrective
  consequences for not following the rule?
• Have we tried to prevent rule violations by
  reminding the child of the rule?

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Parents are Encouraged Not to Use Corporal
Punishment (Spanking)

• Seek other alternatives such as
• Mild Social Disapproval
• The Ignoring Method
• The Time-out Method
• The Point-System Method
• Chit Chat Time

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Decreasing Repeated Misbehaviors and Establishing
limits

• Mild Social Disapproval
• Looking at the child
• Moving close to the child
• Disapproving facial expression
• A brief verbal comment
• Low intensity
• Non-verbal gesture consistent with disapproval
• Immediate delivery

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• The verbal delivery is to be disapproving but not
  threatening
• (Disapproval of negative behavior)

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Time-Out

• When all else fails and the childs behavior
  exceeds reasonable limits. It is time for
  time-out. (from social interaction and attention)
• Time out is explained as having to go to a
  cooling off place for a short period of time
  when the childs behavior has gone too far.

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• Parents are instructed to make a rule about how
  time out is to be used
• For example The parent may have a rule that
  destroying property automatically earns a child
  time out. Then when the child breaks the rule,
  the parents begin and follow through on the time
  out sequence.

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Time Out Sequence

• Remain calm
• State the rule and its consequence
• Ignore the childs extraneous verbalizations and
  excuses
• Follow through quickly by initializing the time
  out procedure

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• Soon after the child is removed from time-out,
  and when he/she is behaving appropriately again,
  parents are instructed to praise the child to
  show they still love the child and that they hold
  no grudges.

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Ignoring and Withdrawal of Attention

• The essence of this ignoring skill is that it be
  used consistently in response to the behaviors
  that it seeks to reduce
• -Looking away from the child
• -Moving away from the child
• -Neutral facial expression
• -ignoring the childs verbalizations
• -ignoring immediately upon noticing
  misbehaviors

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Special Incentive System

• This system consists of having the child earn
  points, stars or tokens for engaging in specified
  desirable behaviors. The child turns these in
  for various tangible rewards and/or special
  privileges. The rewards or privileges are
  chosen from a Reward Menu which is negotiated
  cooperatively by the parent and the child.

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Components Of Special Incentive Program

• Defining desirable behavior
• Counting the target behavior
• Creating the reward menu
• Establishing the exchange ratio
• Charting the behavior
• Praise for positive behavior changes
• Program adjustment
• Phasing out the program

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• Parents are given weekly homework assignments,
  including behavior-change projects.

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• Thought Provoking Parent Activities

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Are we allowing our children to take care of
their own nutritional well-being? Are we that
busy?
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Parents are reminded to be aware of what their
children are watching on TV and the internet.
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THOUGHT PROVOKING PROVERBS

• CHILDREN ARE THE REWARD OF LIFE
• HE WHO LEARNS TEACHES
• WHEN THE HEART OVERFLOWS IT COMES OUT THROUGH THE
  MOUTH
• IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD
• NOT TO KNOW IS BAD NOT TO WISH TO KNOW IS WORST
• A SHEPHARD DOES NOT STRIKE HIS SHEEP
• WISDOM DOES NOT COME OVERNIGHT
• LITTLE IS BETTER THAN NOTHING
• A SINGLE BRACELET DOES NOT JINGLE

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Working with Parents in Meetings

• Kathy Edmonston-Parent Facilitator
• Shirley Christopher-IEP Facilitator