A Taxonomic Guide to the Pathology Kingdom

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A Taxonomic Guideto thePathology Kingdom
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KingdomPathologia

• Phylum Ratmedicina
• Phylum Populomedicina

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PhylumPopulomedicina

• Class Academia
• Class Prostituta

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Class Academia

• Order Tenuria
• Order Atenuria

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Order Tenuria

• The variegated departmental chair (Rex
  variabilis)
• Chair hires and fires not a democracy
• Good chairs stick with their hirees
• Chairpersons tend to move around the country

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Order Tenuria

• The promotions committee member (Cerberus
  cluelessicus)
• Is responsible for your promotion
• Knows nothing about what you do
• Would not recognize you in the hallway

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Order Tenuria

• The emperor dean (Imperator omnipotens)
• Hires and fires chairpersons, who serve at deans
  pleasure (no job security)
• Probably will leave you alone unless you make the
  front page of the Metro section

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Order Tenuria

• Full professors, genus Professor, 2 species
• P. hydrambulans
• P. akineticus

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Order Atenuria

• Genus Subprofessor, 3 species
• S. respectatus
• S. manipulans
• S. absentis
• Genus Protoprofessor, 2 species
• P. aureus
• P. damnatus

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Academic CareerAdvantages

• Work more self-designed than demand-driven
• Be a part of new medical discoveries
• Career ladder
• Develop true expertise
• Residents to extend productivity
• Time off-service
• Less tedium
• Better benefits
• Management decisions more fact-based

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Academic CareerDisadvantages

• Fate in the hands of an ever-changing leadership
• Move around to move up
• Overspecialization risk
• Less income than private practice (at upper
  levels)
• Humiliating promotions/tenure procedure
• Anatomic path a mature science clin path
  research by more specialized PhDs

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Academic CareerKeys To Success

• Thoroughly assess chair and senior faculty
  beforehand
• Identify aims early and choose institution
  accordingly
• First author of articles in peer-reviewed
  journals
• Early involvement in national special interest
  groups
• Get involved!
• Do thankless jobs

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Academic CareerRisk Factors

• Hired by acting chair or chair near retirement
• Good teaching never goes unpunished
• No time for research
• Demographically homogeneous faculty
• Decimated training program
• Offending someone later important to you

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Class Prostituta

• The private practitioners and allied species
• 3 Orders
• Ipsinerdiales - pathologists
• Allonerdiales - clinicians
• Anerdiales - nonphysicians

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Order Ipsinerdiales

• The ruling pathologists - suborder
  Archopathologii
• Genus Monarchopathologus, the sole proprietors, 4
  species
• M. augustus
• M. immortalis
• M. avitae
• M. akineticus

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Order Ipsinerdiales

• The ruling pathologists - suborder
  Archopathologii
• Genus Communopathologus, the group owners, 3
  species
• C. democraticus
• C. sociopathicus
• C. akineticus

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Order Ipsinerdiales

• The subordinate pathologists - suborder
  Asthenopathologii
• Genus Shlimazopathologus, the employed
  pathologists, 2 species
• Sh. servus - the permanent employee
• Sh. oriens - the partnership-track associate

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Private Practice CareerAdvantages

• More income at upper levels
• Never need to have an original idea
• No research requirement teaching duties mostly
  informal
• More comradeship with docs in other specialties
• A more immediate view of the whole healthcare
  picture
• Opportunities in other hospital departments

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Private Practice CareerDisadvantages

• No insulation from liability claims
• Few rungs on career ladder
• Always on service
• Deadening sameness broken only by exceedingly
  unpleasant surprises
• Hospital can close or sell out
• Poor self-marketability after 10 years post
  training
• Management decisions may not be fact-based

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Private Practice CareerKeys to Success

• Choose entry level job primarily for skill
  development
• Closely evaluate personalities of boss(es) and
  employees at interview
• Get along well with competitors
• Always save money
• Manage liability exposure
• Dont be scared of clinicians

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Private Practice CareerRisk Factors

• Sell-out to practice management corp sole
  proprietor up in years
• Boss who seems to have no life outside of work
• Boss who seems to have no life inside of work
• Demographically homogeneous group
• Hospital that seems to be struggling (no recent
  expansions, walking wounded med staff)

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Of course, thats just my opinion I could be
wrong.
Dennis Miller