Better Parenting a powerful lever for raising achievement

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Better Parenting a powerful lever for raising
achievement
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About Positive Parenting

• UK charity serving the statutory and voluntary
  sectors
• Working across social and cultural boundaries
• Over 35 years experience in the field
• Head office in Birmingham regional offices in
  Croydon, Birmingham, Rotherham and Scotland
• Have been running parenting workshops and courses
  for over 20 years in schools, childrens centres,
  churches, community groups and prisons

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Our distinctives

• Accessible
• Visual
• Preventative
• Realistic

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Our values

• Parent-to-parent
• Universal
• Relationship-based
• Parent/child relationship is the key to outcomes
  for children
• Respect for each individual
• One-size doesnt fit all!

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Ken Shorey

• Married, 4 adult children foster carer
• Head teacher for 20 years
• LIG consultant
• Unemployed SIP
• Became involved with PP in DfES project
• Chief Executive of PP since Dec 2006

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A rationale for schools supporting parents in
developing their parenting skills

• Because every child matters
• Core service for extended schools
• Family learning
• Home/school agreement
• Better support when things go wrong
• Raising achievement

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2003 research by Charles Desforges

• Good parenting in the home can make more than a
  10 difference in childrens academic achievement
  in school even after all other factors (such as
  social class) have been taken out of the
  equation.

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Professor David Hargreaves

• In terms of attainment in school, if a child had
  a choice between moving from having a bottom
  quartile parent to having a top quartile parent
  or moving from a bottom quartile school to a top
  quartile school, the child should change the
  parent every time!

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What PP offers

• Taster workshops
• Parenting courses
• Parents handbooks
• Leaflets and other resources
• Training
• Contracts with local authorities

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Parenting Courses

• Time Out for Parents
• For parents of children aged 0-9
• 5/6 sessions 3 optional sessions
• Time Out for Juniors
• For parents of juniors aged 7-11
• 8 sessions
• Time Out for Teenagers
• For parents of teens/preteens aged 9-16
• 6 sessions 2 optional sessions

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Special Needs Courses

• Time Out for Special Needs (7 sessions)
• Time Out from ASD (3 sessions)
• Time Out from ADHD (2 sessions)
• Time Out from Anger (4 sessions)
• Time Out for Dads (5 1 sessions)

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Evaluations - what parents say!

• I am more confident and my sons behaviour has
  changed. I share more love with them and
  understand their emotions. Lone parent
• I have realised I need to give my children hugs,
  kisses and praise. Single parent
• I have learned how to deal with bad behaviour by
  putting boundaries in, and how to keep my
  children safe.
• Ive learned how to discipline my child in love.
  Everything, no matter how hard it is, is about
  whats best for the child.
• I have learned more things about my child. I
  understand now how to deal with sex education.
  It is important to talk to my child about this. I
  now feel really good about myself and happy
  because I have learned more ideas.
• The environment was very friendly and I felt I
  could tell the trainers everything about my life
  and family. My children are now
  different. Albanian immigrant

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Parents Handbooks

• Time Out for Parents (0-9)
• Time Out for Juniors (7-11)
• Time Out for Teenagers (9-16)
• Time Out for Special Needs
• Time Out from Anger
• Time Out from ADHD
• Time Out from ASD
• Time Out for Special Parents (Behaviour
  Management)

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Parents Handbooks

• Time Out for Parents (0-9)
• Time Out for Juniors (7-11)
• Time Out for Teenagers (9-16)
• Keep them in the corner!

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A conceptual model
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Environmental factors
The house that built Jack
Resilience
Nurture
Discipline
Love
Attachment
Temperament and personality
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The house that built Jack
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Environmental factors
The house that built Jack
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Environmental factors
The house that built Jack
Temperament and personality
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Temperament

• Temperament consists of the traits you were born
  with
• It can be modified but not changed
• Nature plus nurture

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Environmental factors
The house that built Jack
Temperament and personality
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Environmental factors
The house that built Jack
Attachment
Temperament and personality
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Attachment Theory

• Attachment is a strong long-lasting emotional tie
  or bond to a particular individual or individuals
• Children are profoundly affected by the care they
  receive between the ages of 6 months to 3 years

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Internal Working Model (IWM)

• During this time a child develops an Internal
  Working Model that underpins their relationships
  and expectations of others

Is someone there for me when I need them?
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Implications of secure attachmentin children

• More popular with peers
• Friendly and co-operative
• Independent
• Confident with strangers
• Curious, ready to investigate
• Eager to learn
• Positive outlook
• Emotionally mature

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Environmental factors
The house that built Jack
Attachment
Temperament and personality
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Environmental factors
The house that built Jack
Nurture
Attachment
Temperament and personality
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Nurture

• Essential care
• Food and diet
• Exercise and play
• Rest and sleep
• Safety and security

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Environmental factors
The house that built Jack
Nurture
Attachment
Temperament and personality
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Environmental factors
The house that built Jack
Nurture
Love
Attachment
Temperament and personality
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The importance of theparent/child relationship

• The quality of parenting that children receive
  has enormous impact on their lives (Kuczynski,
  2003)
• They become socialised by participating in close,
  enduring relationships

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Emotional needs

• All human beings have complex emotional needs
  that we seek to have met in a number of different
  ways
• When our relationship needs are met we feel
  secure, happy and confident
• When our needs are not being met, the reverse is
  true

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Environmental factors
The house that built Jack
Nurture
Love
Attachment
Temperament and personality
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Environmental factors
The house that built Jack
Nurture
Discipline
Love
Attachment
Temperament and personality
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An example of Learned Behaviour (Social
learning)

• A child is ignored when they are being quiet and
  only gets attention when they are acting up.
• What is the child learning about behaviour?

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Social Learning

• Children do what works! e.g. arguing and
  pestering to get their own way
• Since difficult behaviour is often learned, it
  can be UNLEARNED and more appropriate behaviour
  taught
• Hundreds of studies confirm the effectiveness of
  Social Learning Theory when used to train parents
  of difficult children (Dr Stephen Scott, 2006)

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Environmental factors
The house that built Jack
Nurture
Discipline
Love
Attachment
Temperament and personality
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Environmental factors
The house that built Jack
Nurture
Discipline
Love
Attachment
Temperament and personality
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Environmental factors
The house that built Jack
Resilience
Nurture
Discipline
Love
Attachment
Temperament and personality
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Parenting style

• Parenting style is the way in which parents
  relate to their child
• Parents behaviour affects childrens behaviour
• Having an appropriate parenting style has been
  shown to be a key factor in outcomes for children
  and young people

(Baumrind, 1977 Maccoby Martin, 1983)
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Parenting style

• Identified as one of three key factors affecting
  outcomes for children
• Children tend to do better in families where
  parents use an assertive parenting style. This
  means both warm and structured.
• (Cowan Cowan 1992 Marsiglio et al 2000)

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Other factors affecting outcomes

• Family stability
• Children tend to do better in families where
  both parents live and stay together (Brown 2004
  McLanahan Sandefur 1994)
• Parental conflict
• Children tend to do better in families where
  conflict is low level (Booth Amato 2001)

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Causes of stress in young people

• School work
• Conflict at home (including being shouted at)
• Relationships outside the family
• How I look
• Worry about parents splitting up
• Peer pressure
• Worries about getting a job
• Being followed or attacked
• Bullying
• Money
• (Study carried out on behalf of Young Voices
  2004)

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Do as youre told and dont argue!
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Authoritarian parenting

• This kind of parent expects to be obeyed without
  question
• They like to be in control
• Winning is more important than the relationship

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Do as youre told and dont argue!

• Does anyone recognise this parenting style?
• What effect might very strict parenting have on a
  child?

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Authoritarian parenting (0-9s)

• There are times when this is quite suitable for a
  child under 5 because they need to learn to be
  obedient
• But children who are bossed about all the time
  can get damaged
• It makes Typhoon Tims worse and there will be
  more power struggles
• More compliant children may obey out of fear but
  resent the parents deep down

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Authoritarian parenting (9-16s)

• Being heavy-handed usually makes teenagers worse,
  especially if they are strong-willed
• There will be lots of arguments and power
  struggles
• More sensitive children can feel squashed and
  fearful
• Children may appear to submit on the outside but
  inwardly resent the parent

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Do as youre told and dont argue!
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Four more parenting styles

• Permissive/passive
• Over-generous
• Over-protective (fussy)
• Pushy

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Do what you wantbut dont get into trouble!
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Always giving presents
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I dont want to let you go!
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Pushy parenting
What! Only a B?
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In groups

• Why might a parent have adopted this parenting
  style?
• What are the possible effects on the
  child/teenager?

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Do what you wantbut dont get into trouble!
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Permissive parenting

• Parents who felt over-controlled as a child may
  think its best to give teens no boundaries at
  all
• Maybe they dont like saying NO and hate
  confrontation
• Maybe they feel theyve lost control and dont
  know what else to do
• Maybe they are too busy with other things
  to take much notice

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Possible effects

• Young person likely to feel unloved and
  disconnected
• Will feel no-one really cares
• Deep down may feel a bad person and seek
  acceptance from gangs and peers
• They may say or do shocking things to
  provoke a reaction

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If we dont put in boundaries, someone else will
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Always giving presents
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The Over-generous Parent

• Maybe using money to buy love
• Maybe feeling guilty about something, e.g. being
  absent or family breakdown
• Maybe reacting to their own past where they felt
  they never got anything

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Possible effects

• Teenager will see parent as a Soft Touch
• Likely to be irresponsible with possessions
  easy come, easy go
• Will not respect parent much
• May be spoilt and demanding

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I dont want to let you go!
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The over-protective parent

• May be frightened to let teen take responsibility
  for themselves
• May be so involved with the young person that
  they have no life of their own
• May have lost a child or taken a long time to get
  pregnant
• May have a strong desire to be needed

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Possible effects

• Teenager may become frustrated and rebellious
• May become very secretive (which will make the
  parent anxious)
• More gentle-natured teenagers may become
  dependent and not want to make decisions or take
  risks

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Pushy parenting
What! Only a B?
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Pushy parenting

• Could be a high achiever who expects a lot from
  themselves and others
• May believe good results are the only way to
  success in life
• May have unfulfilled ambitions of their own

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Possible effects

• Young person may never feel good enough and stop
  trying
• May lose confidence in who they are and not value
  their gifts and abilities
• This style of parenting can be a factor in the
  development of eating disorders

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Freedom within limits
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Freedom within limits
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Assertive parenting

• Is neither bossy nor permissive
• Gives freedom within limits
• Is willing to set boundaries and face temporary
  unpopularity
• Teaches the child to take responsibility for
  their actions

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Assertive parents

• Are reasonable, friendly and fair
• Have clear expectations
• Negotiate boundaries
• Choose their battles
• Model saying sorry
• Are consistent

This is what were aiming at!
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Assertive parenting

• Warm and authoritative (assertive) parenting
  protects children and teens from adverse outcomes
  regardless of whether they are raised in intact,
  divorced, remarried or lone-parent homes
• (Brody et al, 2002 Buehler and Gerard, 2002
• Winbraub, Horvath and Gringlas, 2002)

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Group question

• Did anyone experience assertive parenting as a
  child?
• What effect do you think it has had on your adult
  life?

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Aim to be assertive
Warm
and
Structured
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Young people more likely to be

• Happy
• Self-reliant
• Popular with peers
• Have good social skills
• Confident
• Able to set own standards
• Less vulnerable to risk taking

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Personal reflection

• Most of us use a mixture of styles at different
  times and with different people, but we revert to
  our favourite style under stress
• Which style do you most relate to?
• How different are you from your parents?
• What changes could you make?

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Personal reflection

• What style were your parents?
• What style are you mostly?
• Do you want to make any changes?

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Training to run courses

• 4-day facilitator training
• In line with National Occupational Standards
• NOS 319 Underpinning Parenting Knowledge
• Based on Training for Work with Parents (TWP)
• OCN accredited (9 credits at QCF Level 3)
• In-house training
• Key Stage transition workshops
• Awareness days

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Topics covered on 4-day course

• Attachment theory
• Parenting styles
• Principles of positive parenting
• Working one-to-one with parents in difficult
  situations
• Group work skills
• Hands on experience (microteach)

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Questions?
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Questions?

• How do you engage the hard-to-reach parents?
• Avoid using the P word and never refer to
  parenting support as treatment
• Find an advocate within their community and
  appoint them as a Family Support Worker!
• Get the children to invite their parents
  (letter-writing in English?)
• Try running your parenting course in tandem with
  the Citizenship unit on Home and Family?

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Positive Parenting

• www.parenting.org.uk
• 109 Court Oak Rd, Birmingham, B17 9AA
• Email info_at_parenting.org.uk
• Head office 0845 643 1939
• Ken Shorey ken_at_parenting.org.uk
• Home 01252 843803

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Positive Parenting

• Merging with Care for the Family
• ...a significant merger These are the biggest
  UK players in the prevention /tier 1 /universal
  family support field.
• Dr Samantha Callan

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21st Century Parent
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Care for the Family/Positive Parenting

• This is a significant merger
• These are the biggest UK players in the
  prevention /tier 1 /universal family support
  field
• Dr Samantha Callan

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Positive Parenting

• www.parenting.org.uk
• 109 Court Oak Rd, Birmingham, B17 9AA
• Email info_at_parenting.org.uk
• Head office 0845 643 1939
• Ken Shorey ken_at_parenting.org.uk
• Home 01252 843803

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Where are we now

• as a nation?
• Increasing pressures on family life
• Growing concerns about children and young people
• Slipping down international league tables of
  educational achievement despite large increases
  in funding
• Massive investment in parenting support
• Well intentioned social aims not being realised
• In every measure, gap between rich and poor is
  widening
• 2007 UNICEF report well-being of UK children
  lowest in OECD

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OECD report Doing Better for Children

• High public spending in the UK on child welfare
  and education is failing to deliver results
  (Guardian)
• UK has higher rates of teenage pregnancy,
  underage drinking and school dropouts (NEETs)
• 10 of 15-19s NEET - only Italy, Turkey and
  Mexico have more
• Drunkenness highest in OECD of 30 countries (33
  drunk 2)
• 4th highest teen pregnancy rate after Mexico,
  Turkey USA
• UK benefits too generous for single parents
  spending should be targeted to young
  disadvantaged and vulnerable teens
• UK 4th of 25 countries for quality of school life
  (low bullying higher school satisfaction) but
  big gap between high and low performers

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Where are we now

• as a nation?
• Change of government likely in next eight months
• Growing awareness that improving family life is
  crucial to tackling problems in society
• Strengthening of relationships will be at the
  core of future government policy
• More faith and voluntary groups seeking to
  support and serve the families in their community

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FMI report More Than Sundays

• 24 of churches are involved in parent and family
  support (c. 9000 churches in England)
• 43 of churches are providing activities, courses
  and information for parents and carers
• 55 are providing parent and toddler groups
• 52 of children under four years old access
  parent toddler support via churches
• 13 of churches running pre-schools or playgroups

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Family structure

• The traditional family structure of a married
  mother and father with a child or children
  remains the most common family type
• More than 8 million (64 per cent of) dependent
  children lived with married parents in the UK in
  2008
• This compares to 13 per cent living with
  cohabiting couples and 22 per cent with lone
  mothers

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Family breakdown

• Data shows that only 8 of married parents,
  compared to 43 of unmarried parents, had
  separated before their childs fifth birthday.
• Kiernan, K., 1999

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Family policy

• The evidence is compelling that stable,
  harmonious relationships improve the quality of
  life for adults and children Current policy
  mainly addresses families as individuals,
  ignoring the defining feature of adult life
  interdependence
• Penny Mansfield, Director of One Plus One