Relationship Dissolution

1
Relationship Dissolution

• How and why relationships breakdown

2
Background Facts

• Between half and a third of all marriages in
  Western societies end in divorce (Holmes 2000)
• This can be a highly traumatic experience for all
  involved, including children.
• If a person in a relationship is dissatisfied AND
  has alternative options, the r.ship is likely to
  break up.

3
Spirals of Escalating Negativity

• This refers to the fact that the negative
  feelings and actions of one partner in a
  relationship have a tendency to be reciprocated
  with negative feelings and actions of the other.
  This can lead to an escalation or rapid increase
  in negativity.

4
Spirals of Escalating Negativity

• Transgression- compliant- defence set of actions
  one person does something wrong
  (transgression), the other complains, leading to
  the other feeling they have to defend themselves.
• Eg Husband forgets to make the bed, wife
  complains thats typical lazy behaviour, the
  husband says youre always nagging me!

5
Spirals of Escalating Negativity

• Couples can also start to view each other as
  enemies rather than cooperating with each other.
• Gottman (1979) coined the term negative mind
  reading which refers to the way unhappy partners
  read negative motives behind their partners
  actions. He also found that such couples engage
  in character assassination.

6
Spirals of Escalating Negativity

• Bradbury and Fincham (1990) attributions -
  unsatisfied partners tend to maximise a negative
  event by making it global, stable and internal
  and minimise a positive event by making it
  specific, unstable and situational.

7
Hes always late. Its so typical of him. He
cant even do just one thing right. Hes always
going to be like this. He doesnt even care.
Hell never change.
8
Hes only giving me these because he feels guilty
about being so late for dinner last night. Hes
just trying to worm his way back in to my good
books.
9
Phases of Dissolution

• Although each break up is unique, there do seem
  to be some general patterns
• Duck (1986) proposed 5 phases of dissolution
• The breakdown phase at least one partner is
  unhappy with the relationship. When they cant
  stand it anymore they move to the
• Intrapsychic phase in which they complain openly
  to other people about their dissatisfaction.
  Others may support their views and they may feel
  justified in leaving the r.ship.

10
Phases of Dissolution

• The dyadic phase involves the task of confronting
  the partner with the dissatisfactions. A review
  of the r.ship will usually take place. If this is
  unsuccessful, they may talk about splitting up.
• This moves into the social phase where family and
  friends talk about the break up and the social
  networks change accordingly.
• Finally, the grave dressing phase occurs where
  the now dead r.ship is buried and given a place
  in the continuing story of each exs r.shp
  history!

11
Problems with Ducks Phases

• They may represent the typical phases of a
  breakup but by no means apply to everyone. Many
  people simply leave a relationship with very
  little warning and some end in confrontation,
  rage and conflict.
• Some people take a passive role (let it take its
  course so they are not responsible for the
  breakup) and others take an active role in the
  breakup (to speed things up!)

12
Parts Played Breaker and Breakee

• The breaker and breakee may play very different
  roles.
• Akert (1992) found that the breakees tend to be
  considerably more upset about the ending of the
  r.ship than the breaker, suffering from more
  physical symptoms and also more depression and
  anger.
• Also found that those who mutually agreed to
  split up tended to be more upset that breakers,
  but less than breakees.

13
Parts Played Breaker and Breakee

• In general, men were found to make more drastic
  and complete breaks than women who tended to
  want to keep some contact with their ex-partners.