Marriage

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Marriage
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Transition to Marriage

• 90 of us eventually marry

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Ages at marriage has changed

• 1995
• men 26.7
• women 24.5
• 1960
• men 22.8
• women 20.3

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Commit to 3 things in marriage

• Other person
• Family to Family
• To the State

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Rites of Passage

• Wedding - 80 married by clergy
• Honeymoon

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COHABITATION

• Two unrelated adults who live in the same
  household and have an emotional and sexual
  relationship

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Summary of Evidence

• There is no evidence that cohabitation benefits
  future marriage. And some evidence that it is
  damaging to future marriage
• David Popenoe -Co-director of the National
  Marriage Project (Revitalizing Marriage
  Conference, 3/9/00)

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COHABITATION AND SATISFACTION IN MARRIAGE

• Marriages are less satisfactory and more unstable
  (see list of articles in DeMaris MacDonald,
  1993 JMF 55)
• 1983 NCFR study of 309 subjects found that
  couples who live together before marriage are
  less happy in their marriages
• More marital conflict and poorer communication

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More negative effects

• Increased risk of domestic violence for women
• Increased sexual abuse for children

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HOW MUCH HIGHER DIVORCE RATE

• 80 higher div. Rate. Sweden (Bennett et al.
  1988)
• 33 higher div. Rate in USA sample (Bumpass and
  Sweet 1989)

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Why higher div. Rate?

• 1) unconventional
• 2) Less committed to institution of marriage not
  see marriage as lifelong commitment
• 3) less stable part of population (Blaguer
  markman 1994) having a higher likelihood of div.
  Anyway.

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• 4) or cohab has something inherently negative in
  it that CAUSES more negative marriages

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• A lot of people marry unwisely because of
  cohabitation (Norval Glenn)
• when people cohabit they still drink and drug a
  lot
• Married people are more faithful than cohabitors.
  
• The longer you are married, the more wealth you
  accumulate. This is not true of cohabitors.

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• Cohabitation is different from marriage- What are
  the limits, what are their obligations to each
  other, and to others, thus there are freedom from
  norms.
• Basically you are practicing something different
  than marriage.

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Four Principles

• 1) Consider not living together at all before
  marriage
• 2) Do not make a habit of cohabiting
• 3) Limit cohabitation to the shortest possible
  period of time
• 4) Do not cohabit if children are involved

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OTHER TIDBITS

• tend to cohab with diff. Type of people than
  people we marry. Found cohab to be a looser
  bond than an informal marriage (Schoen Weinick,
  1993 jmf 55)
• Multiple cohabitations -cohabitation that doesnt
  end in marriage tends to weaken commitment to
  later marriage.
• I have handout of references if interested.

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Changes after marriage

• Higher SE
• Adopt new spouse behaviors values
• disenchantment - develop realistic view of
  marriage

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Changes after marriage

• In-law relationships improve friendships become
  less intense

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Changes after marriage

• Frequency of intercourse goes down
• Tri-weekly
• Quality may improve
• About one year after marriage, wives are doing
  more domestic work

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Marital Myths

• Our marriage will be different
• We will make each other happy
• Our disagreements wont be serious
• My spouse is all I need

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College Marriage

• Problems
• Role conflict
• Money
• Benefits
• Grades

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Marital Quality

• Stable phenomena
• marital happiness and interaction decline over
  time
• divorce proneness/disagreements dont change

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7 Year Itch?

• Is there such a thing?

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Negative reasons to get married

• rebellion against parents
• independence
• pregnancy
• rebounding from another relationship
• family or social pressure
• economic security

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Warning signs of a problem marriage

• see in book

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Mixed Religion Marriage

• More accepted now
• Key question is how devout each spouse is.

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Interracial Marriage

• Less than 2 of Am. marriages
• Problems
• Grandparents do not approve until grandkids are
  born
• Divorce rate is higher
• lack of support, hostility and different
  backgrounds

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Cross Cultural Marriages

• problems values, customs, rituals

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American Culture Marriages

• Blacks
• Mexican American
• Native American
• Japanese
• Other

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Very Happy Marriages

• 61 said they have an excellent or very good
  marriage
• we tend to dwell on the negative in this class,
  and in general

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Characteristics of very happy marriages

• Quality time together
• High affection and high sex frequency
• Equality of respect for each others needs

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Marriage better for men or women?

• Men in general
• Women if marriage is good.