Commitment And Vows In Marriage

1
Commitment And Vows In Marriage

• Refreshing And Re-instilling Marital Commitment
• Song Of Solomon 86

2
Contract vs. Covenant

• Marriage is sacred Matt 196
• Holy Triune Not Human Duet
• Proverbs 2025 ½ of divorces in first 2 years
• Difference between a contract and a covenant

3
Scriptures On Vows

• Genesis 224
• Matthew 196
• Ecclesiastes 52-7
• Psalm 154
• Ephesians 525
• Numbers 302
• I Samuel 111-21
• Judges 1130-39
• Joshua 916-20

4
Commitment Is The Cornerstone

• "COMMITMENT ... is what transforms a promise into
  reality. It is the words that speak boldly of
  your intentions. It is the actions that speak
  louder than words. It is making the time when
  there is none, coming through time after time,
  year after year. Commitment is the stuff
  character is made of, the power to change the
  face of things. It is the daily triumph of
  integrity over skepticism."
• "Marriage demands toughness, and toughness
  proceeds out of commitment. No marriage will ever
  be stronger than the commitments that serves as
  its infrastructure."
• Commitment must lead to skill development
• Usually those skills develop after the marriage

5
Willpower Understanding Vows

• Willpower gets a couple through while learning
  skills
• By itself, eventually wears out
• Where do we go wrong?
• Treated superficially
• Encourage couples to write their own vows
• Save the ceremony and go over it at least once a
  year on your wedding anniversary
• It is so easy to forget
• What you have vowed to each other must be
  kept current and fresh

6
Whats Your Current Level Of Commitment?

• Vows seem less vital and are less passionately
  held as time passes
• Many only vaguely remember what they said
• Commitment should be active not passive
• I made these promises to you as long as we both
  are alive and there is no condition to my
  promises. If things really get bad, you can
  depend on me. I will never go out and find a
  substitute mate."

7
Boot Camp For Commitment Training In Marriage!

• We need informed consent when it comes to
  marriage
• Young couples need premarital Biblical counseling
  
• Already married, need to recommit themselves to
  each other
• After understanding what marital promises all
  about
• We need a thorough and insightful understanding
  of the marital promises
• Need a "promise orientation" that is highly
  enlightened

8
Traditional Vows

• Six separate parts
• I will love you as long as we both live
  (Kindness, sacrifice)
• I will cherish and honor you as long as we both
  live (Thoughtfulness, attentiveness)
• I will be to you what a husband or wife owes to
  their spouse. (Dedicated to doing my part and
  meeting your needs)
• I will take you as you are (Acceptance)
• I will forsake ail others - (Be Faithful!!)
• I will do all these things - for better or worse,
  in sickness and in health - (unconditionally
  serve and stay with you for as long we live.)
• What does that mean practically?

9
We Need To Rehearse These Promises Until They Are
Burned Into Our Brain

• Marriage vows are usually spoken a single time
• Dr. Clark Warren suggests a change in frequency
  of the marriage vows
• 2 - 3 times a week for first 10 yrs, at least
  once a week for the rest of the marriage
• Maintains focus on steel framework of the
  marriage
• Verbalized regularly over a long period of time
  it takes on tremendous power
• HOW?
• Find a way that is natural, meaningful, and even
  fun! BE CREATIVE (See Sue Jim)

10
What About You?

• The more each person can find new and creative
  ways to affirm their commitment the better
• Recite over over, when troubles come the brain
  will trigger new ideas on how to fulfill these
  vows
• Periodic rewrites of the commitment statement
  will make it even stronger
• We are creatures of habit
• Gives maturity and steadiness in the
  midst of the storms

11
Your Assignment

• Write your own concise summary of your vows
• You will see dramatic benefits from this simple
  exercise designed to help both clarify and
  articulate promises
• Marriages do not come easily
• Two people must be skillful strong.
• Strength and toughness come from reciting over
  and over and over I will love you when times
  are good or bad. So help me God."

12
I PROMISE...(Him To Her)

• I promise I will do everything in my power to
  help you to get to heaven to accept you and to
  remain loyal to you always.
• I promise to put you and our marriage second only
  to God to be open and honest with you always as
  we strive for oneness.
• I promise I will cherish, honor, and support you
  in good times and bad and strive to love you
  selflessly, like Christ loves the church as I
  meet your deepest needs.
• I promise to pilot, provide, and protect you and
  our family and to do these things
  unconditionally forever so help me God!!

13
I PROMISE... (Her To Him)

• I promise I will do everything in my power to
  help you get to heaven to accept you and to
  remain loyal to you always.
• I promise to put you and our marriage second only
  to God to be open and honest with you always as
  we strive for oneness.
• I promise to admire, honor, and obey you in good
  times and bad and strive to be an excellent
  keeper at home and be sensitive to your deepest
  needs.
• I promise to love you and to do all these things
  unconditionally forever so help me God!!