What young people are telling us when they selfharm

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What young people are telling us when they
self-harm Tony Bates
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Core human problems

• What can I expect of the world I live in?
• How do I make my world safe?
• How to act in a way that gives meaning and
  brings satisfaction ?

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At an individual level, the road to mental health
could be seen as a journey of discovery and
adventure. It is a courageous confrontation of
fear, pain and sadness. A journey that at times
is reliant on the support of others, but is
ultimately a solitary quest for ones true self.
Sinead Corcoran, member of the Youth Advisory
Panel, speaking at the public forum in UCD Time
to Act on Youth Mental Health
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• Emma, age 21
• The biggest problem for young people is mental
  health and yet there is nothing out there, there
  is just this huge gap in the system, where the
  most important thing for young people has been
  neglected

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• Tim, age 17
• You cant really ask your parents because what
  they went through isnt really relevant to whats
  going on now, you cant really ask your friends
  because its sort of dodgy to start talking about
  things that are going on in your head. Its scary,
  to a lot of people it seems scary

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Marie, age 20 There is a lot of talking about
young people but not a lot of talking with young
people
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This other self of mine
She wants to drown me. How can this part of me
be thinking, wanting this, when I am totally
clearly aware also simultaneously of wanting to
live live live? Its this damn dissociative
disorder of mine. She scares me, this other
part. And yet, she is possessed of a fragile
beauty, like a siren, calling me to my end. No
no no no no. My head aches and I feel tense.
Trying to breathe, mustn't let this other me take
over. I'll be ok. I just need to communicate,
to be seen and heard.
Sorell (theicarusproject.net July, 2006)
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my friends see me as the happy go lucky girl, the
mad, sarcastic, weird sense of humour, fun one.
and i am like that, when i'm not like this, and
its hard to explain. its so strange. i have no
concentration, i don't want to do anything, and
its like there's a brick in the front of my head
right behind my eyes thats weighing me down I
just wanted to cry and scream and fight all day.
didn't want anyone near me. i couldn't do that
tho, cos then my dad, who was here, would ask
awkward questions. and i don't want him to know.
i've never told my parents any of my problems.
i've just never done it, and can't do it now.
when i try to, they say i'm being dramatic, or
i'm ungrateful. my mum will start turning it
around, saying i'm blaming her. its easier to
just not say anything.
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Feeling out of control
High-pressure
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I can't take the pain anymore. I need to die. I
need to die. Someone hold my hand and tell me it
won't ever have to be this bad again. Why am I
so depressed? Why won't anyone believe me? When
will I feel better? When? I probably need to go
to the hospital but I have no insurance and I
don't want to go to the state hospital. This
feels like the worst it's ever been. I can't
believe it could ever get better. Please someone
euthanize me. People put sick pets to sleep. I am
sick too and need to be put to sleep. (www.theicar
usproject.net)
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i know how it feels for the whole world to want
me dead, for the whole world to fucking hate me,
i know how it feels to have nothing to live for
and dread waking up i know how it feels, but
it's been so long since i've actually felt that
way for more than a fleeting moment that it
almost feels like i'm talking about someone
else's life entirely. and that's what i want to
say to you right now, this is my little thursday
evening message of hope from a farm in new york
try and remember that the only constant is
change. we don't stay the same person for very
long, and the world changes even more
quickly. please don't fucking kill yourself.
you are not alone in this. there are lots of
us out here. take some deep breaths. take some
more. (www.theicarusproject.net)
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Nowhere to turn to, no one to talk to
Im a teenager that cuts myself and i have
decided i need help. the reasons i decided i
needed help is because im starting to scare
myself i dont know myself any more ive been
doing 4 nearly 3 yrs can some1 tell me where i
can get help. please i need help From
irishhealth.com
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Three decades of my life have been totally
destroyed by this mental illness. What else do
I have left to lose? I mean I literally have
nothing. No home of my own. No money. No job.
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I hope this helps.
I hope it doesnt sound too negative (www.theicaru
sproject.net)
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why am i writing notes to you over the internet
and walking around with your cheer up card
haunting me. why are you gone... why couldnt
it just have been better for you. for all of us.
my brain is freezing.. i want to hurt myself..
not to die.. just to bleed... to feel.. or not..
Ive been cycling real bad too in the past few
weeks... i always feel too much... or nothing
at all. i wonder what its like to have normal
emotions... (www.theicarusproject.net)
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Help-seeking
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I ended up here because I was looking for help,
and dammit, I'm not finding anythingit's
bollocks, we're hurting ourselves, scarring
ourselves for lifeit's bloody well time that the
mental health of the youth in Ireland was being
looked after
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• Why do young people self-harm? What studies tell
  us
• To cope with extreme distress, reduce tension
• Interpersonal conflict
• Hopelessness
• Alcohol drug misuse
• Heavy metal music
• Forced/abusive sexual activity
• media
• Haughton Rodham (2006)

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Self-harmers on why they self-harm

• I wanted to get relief from a terrible state of
  mind (72)
• I wanted to die (52.8)
• I wanted to punish myself (46.3)
• I wanted show how desperate I was feeling (40.7)
• I wanted to find out whether someone really loved
  me (31.3)
• I wanted to get some attention (24)
• I wanted to frighten someone (21.1)
• I wanted to get my own back on someone (14.3)
• Haughton Rodham (2006)

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Silvano Arieti (1961) (Man with schizophrenia -
71 suicide attempts)

• To commit suicide was the only act he could
  perform, the only act which would go beyond the
  barrier of immobility. Thus, to commit suicide
  was to live the only act of life left to him

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What allows us make the journey to mental health?

• Being heard
• A safe place to explore our experience
• Acceptance of all that we are experiencing
• Trust in ourselves
• Acting in a way that makes sense

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What do young people want from health
services? They want a welcoming facility,
where they can drop in and be attended to
quickly. They insist on privacy and
confidentiality, and do not want to have to seek
parental permission to attend. They want a
service in a convenient place at a convenient
time that is free, or at least affordable.
They want staff to treat them with respect,
not judge them. They want a range of
services, and not to be asked to come back or
refer elsewhere. (WHO, 2002)
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The Achievable Dream I got help early, and when
I needed it, and so did my family. We were able
to see doctors and others who were smart, well
trained, and knowledgeable about where, when and
how to make referrals. No one hassled me about
how sick I was or whether I deserved to get help.
I just got it. And when I talked, people
listened.
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I hate simple reasons for why. It is like a
fingerprint, each suicide is so unique. Every
cirumstance is different, the things in a life
leading to that point are different Looking
for Answers (Irish Times, 23/10/2004) Shane
Hegarty
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A Poem by Me A whirlwind of thoughts, a
mountain of stress, low self esteem, a
life thats a mess. Maybe Ill cry for the rest
of my years, or maybe someone will reduce my
tears. But then Ill keep hiding, and hurting
inside for Im just a no one with no sense of
pride (from UCD public forum Time to Act on
Youth Mental Health)
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I just want to speak about the helplessness that
parents are feeling at this moment. There is no
help out there. I came in two evenings ago to
find my 27 year old beautiful talented daughter
crying uncontrollably. I asked her what was wrong
and she said Mum, I am crying for my teenage
years, I am crying for my talents that are
wasted, and Im crying for my life. (from UCD
public forum Time to Act on Youth Mental Health)
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Adolescents attitudes towards people who self
harm (percentage in agreement) according to
whether in the previous year they had
self-harmed, had thoughts of self-harm or neither