Take Back Your Power NOW! - with Vanessa Simpkins

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Take Back Your Power NOW!
How to Overcome Your Resistance To Creating a
Life You LOVE The Ultimate Confidence Guide for
Women
Vanessa Simpkins
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Copyright 2014 Vanessa Simpkins All rights
reserved. No part of this publication may be
reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or
transmitted in any form or by any means,
electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording
or otherwise, without the prior written
permission of the author. This book is designed
to provide information to our readers. It is
provided with the understanding that the
publisher is not engaged to render any type of
legal or any other kind of professional advice.
The content of each chapter is the sole
expression and opinion of its author, and not
necessarily that of the publisher. No warranties
or guarantees are expressed or implied by the
publishers choice to include any of the content
in this volume. Neither the publisher nor the
individual author(s) shall be liable for any
physical, psychological, emotional, financial, or
commercial damages, including, but not limited
to, special, incidental, consequential or other
damages. Our views and rights are the same You
are responsible for your own choices, actions,
and results. Please consult with a legal
professional for consul. Layout and Design by
Marianne Curtis Editing by Monica
Guetre Published by Vanessa Simpkins ISBN ISBN-
13 978-1-897509-28-9
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CONTENTS
1 Aloha Fellow Goddess Diva
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2 Courage
9
3 Wanting and Needing Other's Approval
15
4 Mind-Ego - Your Mind is Not Your Friend
25
5 Radically Honest
33
6 Life is JUST a Decision! Just Say YES to Life
39
7 The Women are Gathering
47
8 Financial Independence
53
9 Stop Playing Small, Stand Up, Stand Out and Own
It
59
10 The Power of Pleasure
67

1. Commitment - High Octane Gasoline to Fuel Your
   Dreams Into Reality
2. Own It

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77
13 Boundaries
81
14 Confidence is the New Sexy
91
15 Compatibility
101
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16 Classy Relationship
107
17 Law of Attraction
117
18 Sales
125
19 Handling Objections
133
20 How to NOT let People Take Advantage of You
141
21 The Release Technique
147
22 Personal Responsibility
155
23 Reconnect with Your Body
161
24 Your Connection to Source, God, Spirit
165
25 10 Powerful Secrets of Women who say YES to
Themselves
171
26 Congratulations! All My Love to You Sister!
181
Work with Vanessa
183
Take Your Power Back Resource Guide
187
About the Author
193
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ALOHA FELLOW GODDESS DIVAS
CHAPTER 1
I
wonder why you picked up this book. Maybe its
because you're feeling
trapped or you feel powerless in your own life or
youve lost that spark,

• your joie de vivre.
• Perhaps you have been feeling this call to show
  up and do something much bigger, much more
  different, even a complete 180-degree turn even
  though you dont know where that turn is leading
  you. You just know a big change is looming and
  its got you a bit scared. Have you been stuck in
  this comfortable uncomfortable and know there is
  a big great fabulous life waiting for you if you
  just had the guts to pull the trigger and jump,
  fly, leap into the unknown and really show up
  for YOU!
• If youve been, feeling there has to be more to
  life than this and you
• just cant seem to figure out how to flip the
  switch and make it happen then keep reading.
  There is a magical unfolding of your greatest
  good, total fulfillment and happiness awaiting
  every woman reading this book. You simply need
  to be willing and open to doing some exploration,
  to try something new and maybe a little
  unorthodox. A willing and open mind is all that
  is required on this magical journey!
• That amazing fulfilling life, high on happiness
  and gratitude flow

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everything just shows up for you lining up to
deliver amazing synchronicities and magical
encounters, income spikes, the perfect
opportunities, great relationships, money, that
fabulous new career, YOU name it. It exists! It
unfolds for you on a silver platter when you show
up and say, yes to God! I dont want you to be
all freaked out by the word God, so use
Universe, Higher Power, Source Energy, whatever
you want to call that power. Ok? I want to share
with you my secret recipe for taking your Power
Back and putting it where it belongs with God
and your relationship with the source that
creates worlds - and when you do - the sky is the
limit! I know what its like to feel dull, stuck
in a total rut in that comfortable uncomfortable
and afraid that you couldnt make something
better for myself. Imagine making 900 a day
selling mops while doing live product
demonstrations in chain stores across Canada for
4 years. Sure, I was the best sales person in
the company although, I was watching time go by,
praying for each day to end because I had to be
stuck working in a store, inside a mall on a
gorgeous day while always working for someone
else. No matter how many courses I took on
personal development that promised huge cash
generating results, I couldnt seem to get my own
coaching and consulting business off the ground.
I was totally stuck, terrified and frustrated. I
know that I was meant to be doing more than
selling these darn mops but I couldnt piece it
together. I simply couldnt break free from that
job where I was making a good living but not
fulfilling my purpose. I had to learn how to
take my Power Back. The Wake up Call Back in
the summer of 2009, my on-again off-again
ex-boyfriend of 8 years nearly killed me in
a drunken rage in a hotel room on his
birthday because I didnt want to have sex
with him. Actually, truth be told, I was 2
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ONLY drunker than a skunk myself. We were both
out of our minds escaping the ugliness and
craziness of our lives. I remember being thrown
across the room. When I opened my eyes I was on
the floor with my face two inches away from a
big vase - you know one of those big ceramic
flower vases, hip height and 3 inches thick.
Thats when I thought to myself holy smokes
Vanessa, two more inches and you could have been
killed. Well that sobered me up pretty fast. I
escaped from the hotel room thanks to the knife
that we used to cut our limes. Thank God, for
vodka cranberry drinks because I had that knife
to protect myself. In reality, I could have just
as easily killed him with that knife. Thank God,
I didnt or this would be a very different story.
When I escaped into a taxi, it hit me all at
once. I had just become one of those battered
women you read about in the newspapers. I wanted
to know, how did my life end up like this? The
next question I asked myself was, God why is
this happening to me? The reply was immediate
just like a domino effect with all of the pieces
clicking into place. Gods answer was, So you
can help women not fall into the same patterns,
and that terrified me. It scared me more than
what had just happened in the hotel because for
years I had been asking the Universe for a
meaningful way to serve. Please God show me how
to serve, show me my purpose, I am ready, who
are my clients, whats my mission, whats my
offering, my tag line, just show me what to do
and Ill do it. I surrender! This went on for
years. I kept asking, begging and pleading with
God to send me a real sign, some clarity,
anything but selling any more of these freaking
mops!! Well when the answer finally arrived, I
was horrified. All I could respond with was,
Youve got to be shitting me! You want me to
share this shameful story with the world, all
the shame and guilt, this crazy roller 3
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ONLY coaster relationship, all the addiction and
the darkness. Are you kidding me?! I have this
tag line in my previous book From Bankrupt to
900 a Day Selling Mops and on the book cover,
Authenticity is the new currency in business
today. (S., ed. 2011) Ya, thanks - you want me
to be that authentic?! Talk about swallowing
your own pill of advice! Well I decided, I cant
do it. Theres no way. I was like, I take it
back, I dont want this mission, rewind, cancel
the request, I dont want to do this, what will
people think of me? Instead, of answering the
call, I sat on the story for a few years. A good
friend of mine after hearing the story told me
that God sends you wake up calls. The more you
ignore them the more intense they get. She said,
Vanessa just remember, to ask God for toothpicks
now instead of 2 x 4 wake-up calls. That night
was a serious 2 x 4 upside the head wake up
call! For years, I had been successful keeping up
this happy mantra and insisting to myself that I
had it all together. I kept everything together
in my relationships just as I kept it all
together in my family and as long as I was in
control of it all, it was all good. That night
was my wake up call and in that moment when I
heard the message, I made a decision. I decided
that this was going to be the year that I heal
everything in my life! Ill heal it all. I would
go into all the places that are dark, that I had
been avoiding, delaying, procrastinating on with
no holds barred, no excuses, just do it, heal it
all in one year and the most amazing things
happened. I launched my successful coaching
career and was invited to teach at a prestigious
Technology, Entertainment and Design (TED) talk
on success in Costa Rica. I took my new portable
freedom based business on the road sky rocketed
my hobby from 600 a month to 15k per month and
moved 4
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Hawaii. Now I tell people that this Canadian
traded in her red shovel for a red bikini! All
kidding aside, I have an amazing life and
business now, my relationships are fulfilling
and I live in paradise usually with as little
clothing as possible. Because I love living in
the tropics, I get to enjoy plenty of time to
play on the most stunning beaches in the world,
hike and adventure out in this lush playground
and magical enchanted land called Kauai, Hawaii,
which is my absolute favorite place on
earth. Sacred Contracts People always want to
know what happened to the ex-boyfriend. Well he
came back to apologize after the weekend was over
even though it wasnt even necessary. I had
forgiven him in that moment in the Taxi. Boom,
it all made perfect sense. This man I had been in
a relationship with for a total of 8 years whom
I couldnt for the life of me leave, whom I would
leave and always go back to, feeling like a
prisoner with everything decided for me and doled
out to me! On a very fundamental level, I knew
it wasnt where I should be, yet I couldnt
break away from him, and from his family and the
only somewhat normal community I had. I believe
we have contracts with people before we come into
this world with predestined agreements with your
self and with these people. In the book by
Carolyn Myss, Sacred Contracts she explains in
depth what is meant by a sacred contract. I
believe that each of us is guided by a Sacred
Contract that our soul made before we were born.
That Contract contains a wide range of
agreements regarding all that we are intended to
learn in this life. It comprises not merely what
kind of work we do but also our key
relationships with the people who are to help us
learn the lessons we have 5
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to work on. Each of those relationships
represents an individual Contract that is part
of your overall Sacred Contract, and may require
you to be in a certain place at a certain time
to be with that person. (M., ed., 2003) This
mans contract was to wake me up to myself, to my
own power. No matter that, I may have killed him
with the knife. I am not pretending for one
minute I wasnt angry, totally out of control and
no matter what, he was going to wake me up. What
a mission to undertake and what a blessing he
gave me, an entire business, a movement and a
message that I had been begging God to deliver
to me all along?!! Wow! It was right under my
nose all along! While I was giving my power away
stumbling around in that relationship, consumed
and drained with all the problems, I had a great
excuse for why I wasnt living my purpose. I
was totally consumed about taking care of him,
the relationship and my family issues. As soon as
I let go of the relationship and began focusing
my attention on my relationship with God,
everything changed. What an amazing God to have
pre-calculated all of this in advance! I mean
come on! God's Got Your Back! No matter where
you are in your life, maybe you hate your job,
youre stuck in a bad relationship, you live with
weirdo roommates in a bad part of town or you
drive a crock boxcar, whatever it is, just know
that God has your back. Everything changes
in that moment you decide to take your Power
Back and stop giving into fear, worry, self-doubt
and all of the separation the ego causes.
When you take your Power Back, have
the courage to show up and place it in God,
listening to that small voice of intuition
when you love yourself enough to honor and obey
that above anything else, when you discover
who and what you really are, as the child 6
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loving God that wants to give you the world and
you say, Yes! Wow, hang on because you are in
for the ride of your life!! If youre stuck and
dont know what to do, where to go or how to
begin - start by asking for a sign. Whenever I am
unsure about my next step, I begin wheeling and
dealing with God. God has a sense of humor and
wants to give you the world. I wheel and deal
with God by saying to myself, Hey God if you
want me to do xyz then show me a sign, show me
the money, give me this or that or Im not doing
it! Show me, open the way and open the door when
the doors are shut. Show me how! Make the signs
clear and easy to understand. Let your will be
done not mine. Have the courage to hear the sign
too, unless you want a big fat 2 x 4 wake up call
upside the head have the courage to act on these
signs. Yes, you will need courage. Listen I will
be the first to admit in big pink flailing
letters that showing up and saying yes to God is
anything but convenient! Do it, no matter what
because it is Oh, so worth it! When you put
yourself first, when you love yourself more than
needing others approval, or stop looking for
happiness outside yourself and begin to open up
to that source coming from you, guiding you - you
stop being a victim and start really living and
creating the life of your dreams. It goes even
beyond your dreams. Thats my invitation for you
in this book. Take your POWER BACK and thrive in
every area of your life, business and personal
relationships because you are creating it with
every decision you make.
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COURAGE
CHAPTER 2
Ithis is your message! Your story is not about
the mops!!! Let go of the
ts The first time I shared my horror story was
to a colleague in a
bathroom at an event and she cried her eyes out
telling me, Vanessa
freaking mops! Well I wasnt convinced. I wasnt
ready to show the world just yet. Then God sent
me a psychic lady to tell me, Vanessa youre
going to transition into a huge new movement,
youre going to write a new book! I told her,
You have got to be kidding me theres no way Im
writing another book. The first one nearly killed
me! Its a big job writing a book and I didnt
want to do it. I continued resisting for a few
years. You see its not always convenient to show
up and say yes to God. We have other ideas on how
its supposed to go, how our life should unfold.
Still, God is just waiting for you to obey. By
being obedient, showing up and surrendering to
Gods will for your life, is what turns the magic
key that opens the door to your greatness. Its
not always convenient, let me tell you! It takes
courage to show up and leap into the unknown, to
let God handle the details and continually take
the next step to what feels right and good.
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ONLY Houdini Returns A few weeks ago, I lost my
dog while hiking with him on the Kalalau Trail,
which is this magical vortex, located on an
11-mile hike along the Na Pali coast on the
island of Kauai that leads to an ancient valley
and the Hawaiians consider it to be sacred. I
simply consider this trail as pure magic. It is
a place where there is no veil between thoughts
and instant manifestation. I took my new dog
Houdini that I rescued from the humane society
out to Kalalau. Hes such a little trooper, he
makes it all the way, all 11 miles! The
following day he gets spooked hearing some men
hiking on the trail and pulls a Houdini, he
literally vanishes into thin air, poof gone! We
look everywhere for him, all the hippies living
in the valley are alerted but no one has seen
him. Devastated I hike back without my little
cookie cruncher. One day I post a rant about my
roommate on Facebook and this writing coach Les
Kletke, whom I met a few years prior at an event
held by the Canadian Association of Professional
Speakers, messages me, Vanessa you have to
write a book about this! Women so need to hear
this! I tell him, Les, no way Im writing
another book, look if God wants me to write a
book hes going to have to pay me to write it!
Remember Im always wheeling and dealing with
God and I was seriously resistant to writing
another book. Soon, Les partners with Kevin who
is a savvy marketing dude and we all jump on the
phone a few days later and they fill me in on a
beautiful strategy to help coach the book out of
me, Kevin will market it and we all split the
profits, no money out of pocket and each one of
us doing what they do best by collaborating for
the greater good. I said, Yes! There is a
Hawaiian saying I got off my coffee cup one
morning, which goes, A ohe hana nui ke alu
ai. Translated it means, No task is too big
when done together. 10
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next phone call I receive immediately after this
decision is with a random woman who friends me
on Facebook named Jennifer. She tells me she is
very intuitive and that I should connect with
this woman Erin Saxton who is a PR and speaking
rep, booking big names in the speaking industry
such as Lisa Nichols and Jack Canfield. I said,
Yes. Heck, if Im going to do another book I
have a feeling it will be a big one especially
since Gods behind it - so lets go all the way.
She connects me with Erin. The next phone call I
have is with a lovely lady named Sheri Rosenthal
who runs a website called Journeyofthespirit.com
that markets spiritual adventure retreats. I had
paid her to market my Kauai retreat 2 years ago
when I had first decided to run the retreat. As
it happens, it wasnt the right time and the
retreat didnt happen. Still, its all good
because that is what brought me back to Kauai.
Sheri agreed to market my retreat to her list of
7,200 active subscribers for free. Were in the
midst of celebrating, reconnecting when I look
down at my phone to see that I have four missed
calls and a text message from someone claiming to
have found my dog! Houdini was missing for 20
days! Here, I am showing up saying, yes to God,
yes Ill write the book, yes I will go out and
speak, yes I will do the retreat, all these big
risks that are inconvenient, with no real
guarantee of reward and God was like, Yeah
youre going to show up and obey Bam, heres
your little dog back! Kabam! The funny thing is,
the day before three dogs randomly came up to
me on my favorite beach in Haena at the end of
the road close to the Kalalau Trail head and I
was thinking, Oh my gosh I miss my little cookie
cruncher. Lo and behold, he was found 1 mile
down the road the next day. A tourists son had
seen a flyer I posted at the Last Chance store
and gave me a call telling me that he gave my
dog to the storeowner. I received a phone call
from the storeowner, who was all excited. He and
his wife were leaving for the airport and they
let me know that Houdini was left with the 11
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ONLY cleaning lady. I then had a message from
Janice the cleaning lady, called her up and
drove right away to pick up my little
dog! Surrender God wants to give you the world
if you just show up and obey his will for your
life. Surrender to that small persistent niggling
voice, that small whisper, that intuitive bit -
that thing that doesnt make any sense
perhaps, that thing that makes you wonder how
is that going to work out!! Ya, that one,
thats the voice Im talking about, surrender,
trust and obey that one. Just take the first
step, you dont have to see the whole staircase,
just take the first step. Ill tell you another
story about when I first came to Kauai. I
thought, Ha Im going to be a Bikini Business
Coach. Live all day long in as little clothing
as possible, be an internet marketing rock star
and live in paradise for the rest of my life!!
Well God had other plans. I was living with a
dear friend of mine, who is an energy and
lightworker, meaning she works within the
energetic realm, prayer and cleansing
frequencies. I love energy workers and know that
the biggest work we do here is the internal
work clearing and shifting agreements. She would
go out on tour for two months, come back and
rest, work in Hawaii for two to three months and
I would rent her room or act as a caretaker for
another rented room in her home. I must have
moved and lived in nearly all the possible rooms
within the house. For some reason I could not for
the life of me find a place that I wanted to
rent on the north shore of Kauai that winter. I
had the money so it wasnt a price thing. I just
couldnt find a good fit or the right home
until that is I surrendered. It seemed like a
moment that God reminded me with, Hey, hey, hey,
dont forget what the deal is here kiddo. Dont
think I didnt groom you for years selling those
mops for nothing! Remember the deal youre a
speaker! 12
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replied with, Ohhhhhh, so thats what you want
me to do - you want me to go on tour a couple of
months, speak and then come back and relax on
Kauai. Ok I get it, I can do that. As soon as I
surrendered, boom a beautiful goddess palace
opened up for me. I rented the top room in a
Buddha center that had a big high bed and
screens all around with a big river running down
below in the valley. I would go to sleep to the
sound of the rushing river and awake to the
sounds of beautiful birds each morning. I said
yes, hit go, not knowing how it would all work
out while doing a 100-day speaking tour in the
U.S. I connected with folks on Facebook and
everything worked out. As soon as I said yes,
everything unfolded. It was a phenomenal trip I
went to amazing events, met all the right people
and picked up a ton of new business. It was wild
how everything worked out as soon as I
surrendered. It does take a magnitude of courage
and it isnt always convenient however, it is
always well worth it! You must surrender to the
crazy idea and make a decision to do it, then
commit to it and take action. In Latin, the word
decide means to kill off all other
opportunities. People say, Oh when I have the
money Ill do this thing, when I lose the weight
I will attract the perfect partner, when I feel
more confident then Ill start that career, yet
it doesnt work that way. The way to manifest
your goals, the way to unfold in Gods divine
glory is to show up, say yes, surrender, decide
you will do it, commit and in your decision and
commitment is created the way. Hear this -
nothing happens until you decide. Your decision
has the POWER. THAT IS YOUR power! We have been
granted free will to choose to go with God or
resist. People also say, Oh I have to work
hard, I have to earn it and I have to deserve
it. Absolute nonsense, all you have to do is
decide. You are the master of your mind dont
forget this and dont give your 13
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away to your fears and lower emotions - youre
ego is always trying to protect you with fear
dont buy into it. Decide, commit and start
taking action, just take the next step - dont
let yourself get all overwhelmed with what will
happen in 5 months or 5 years down the road.
Just take the next step. Show Up and Say YES to
Your Dreams! It was Woody Allen, who he said, 80
percent of anything is showing up. What have you
been slacking on, procrastinating, what dreams,
visions and goals have you put on the shelf? Make
a list right now and check-off if youre
actively making decisions and commitments to the
things that are important in your life such as
health, career, relationships, travel, education
and family. One of my favorite things to do is to
create a bucket list. I do this at the beginning
of each year - all the things I desire to do! On
my bucket list, I have things like, buy a fancy
shmancy camera, take a photo course, have a solo
photo show and sell out! Go sky diving, shopping
on rodeo drive, put 25 bikinis into retirement
(a life well lived on the beach), visit the
Grand Canyon and own a vineyard in Italy. What is
on your bucket list? Write it down. Next, make a
list of which goals on your bucket list are
actually a priority. Put them in order. Take
the top three and write out the first 3 - 6
actions you could take to get these ideas or
dreams into reality. Maybe its doing a little
research or taking a course, whatever it is,
show up and say YES to it and watch your goals
and dreams spring into life. Have the courage to
take the first step and let God handle the
details. God always provides!
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WANTING AND NEEDING OTHERS APPROVAL
CHAPTER 3
Hwomen entrepreneurs is around the topic of
being visible in
ave you given up on your passion in trade for
others approval?
One of the biggest problems that I encounter
while coaching
the market place. There are thousands of women
struggling, suffering with their incomes because
they have a fear of being visible, a fear of
being seen as a phony and what it really boils
down to is a deep-seated fear of how others will
judge them. Needing others, approval is a major
block that holds not only entrepreneurs back
from going for and taking action to achieve their
goals, for women in general, it is the
people pleasing syndrome. Too many women
have fallen victim to the need of being liked
by everyone, pleasing your family, your boss,
your partner and losing your own voice and sense
of self, sacrificing your own values for the
need of approval from others. You teach people
how to treat you by the kind of behavior you
allow others to treat you. When you give voice
to your boundaries, what you will and wont
do, being clear, standing up for yourself,
what feels right and doesnt feel right is
paramount to taking your power back. People
pleasing is a total power and energy drain.
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Death In 2008, my father died suddenly of a
massive heart attack. My sister who was 23 at the
time and me at 28 were traveling together on the
big island of Hawaii. We had decided to stay,
change our tickets adding a few extra weeks and
thank God, we did, because we were in the right
place with the right people to be able to grieve
this tragic loss. I began questioning myself,
What is really important in this world and what
was I doing with my time here on earth? Death
has a funny way of shocking you into the truth
really fast and facing my fathers death showed
me that I needed to really stop talking about
what I was going to do and actually start doing
it because before you know it youll be dead
too! It was a big turning point in my life. My
fathers death acted like a catalyst to take my
power back in my family, in my career and in my
relationships. That began my whole career as a
sales and business coach for women entrepreneurs
it set me in motion. I came back to Canada,
became the best sales person, selling mops on
live demo stages, wrote a book and started my
public speaking career instead of just
practicing. Things shifted in my family dynamics
as well, I stopped mothering my sister and became
a sister. I stopped putting up with my mothers
bag of dirty laundry and let her be responsible
for the bed she made, I let go a ton of guilt
and responsibility I was carrying for others and
started living my life the way I wanted. No more
guilt, no more shame no more carrying anyones
deception and nonsense for them, no more excuses,
it was my time to shine! A huge weight began
lifting off me as I continued to take more of my
Power Back. However, let me be clear here nobody
in my family enjoyed the new Vanessa! Oh no, on
the contraire. I went to Al-Anon and discovered
how dysfunctional our family was, as it was
riddled with 16
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ONLY alcoholism. Dad was a brilliant artist but
had major demons in the closet around addiction
and our family had certainly paid the price. I
had paid the price and I was making new
decisions for myself and cleaning up the mess my
life had become. I remember one day having a
conversation with my aunt about a certain family
member whose life was falling apart. She said
there was hoarding and alcohol involved, that
this person was being evicted and the entire
family had to pull together to save this person.
I refused to be involved any more than I wanted
to. I recall the very moment when I took my Power
Back and said, No I will not be bullied into
doing what you expect me to do. To be a caretaker
for this sick person, to put my sanity in
jeopardy, or waste any more of my precious time
and energy on this sick insane person. No, I
wasnt going to do it and I calmly told my aunt,
who nearly lost her mind over the phone. If I
wasnt going to take care of this sick person
then who do you think was next in line? Thats
right, she was and she didnt want to be
responsible either! Let me put this word of
warning out there, so that you dont trip on the
dead bodies you might leave behind. When you
decide to take your Power Back and take a stand
for yourself, your worth, your values and your
feeling good, above others (no it is not selfish,
its called self-love) get ready to face some
major resistance from the people closest to you.
These people have a stake in you staying small.
By caretaking the insanity, they are usually
excellent at using guilt and shame to manipulate
you. Be ready to face some resistance, have the
courage to stand up for yourself, own your voice
and speak your truth always! I remember one day
on the mop stage in some store north of
Montreal. I was doing the announcements for a
live demo show with a telephone in my hand
making the sale broadcasts. A crowd was
gathering 17
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my 6 x 6 foot stage and this beast of a manager
roared over to stop me. She began shouting at me
that I was in no way allowed to do this kind of
long announcement. I brushed past her, eager to
get to the stage, do my thing before the crowd
got antsy and left. She became so irritated that
I had disrespected her she plunked herself
right in front of the stage and watched the
whole show scowling at me with a fuming colleague
alongside waiting to pounce on me the minute I
was done. This is exactly what she did. It was a
crazy scene from a sci-fi movie. This woman acted
like a real tyrant. I told her, Listen lady, the
company I work for gets head office approval for
the announcements we do and without them nobody
comes to the stage and buys the product. If no
one buys the product your company doesnt make
any money, I dont make any money and everyone
loses. I explained to her very nicely that this
is the way weve been working in all the other
stores across Canada and no one ever had any
issues until now. She continued to scold me,
refused to let me do my job, she phoned the
manager of the store and spoke to my manager. I
mean, it was a real farce. Moreover, I decided,
You know what Im not wasting my time here in
this store, putting up with this drama to make
money. Im done with dealing with drama for
money, done! I bypassed everyone, jumped in my
car and left the store. Done, no more arguing,
no more trying to make it work. Done. I simply
decided that if making money was going to be
this difficult they could fire me. I wasnt
going to be bullied or controlled by anyone. This
bending over backwards arrangement, trying to do
my job when there were 1,000 other things to
worry about and master without some nasty manager
breathing down my back was not worth the
paycheck. I left the store that day trembling
because I knew very well my hotheaded managers
would not be happy that I simply picked up and
left a store empty handed. However, thats
exactly what I did. I was fined which meant I was
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ONLY allowed to work for 2 weeks, which was
acceptable by me and from then on, I only worked
where I wanted to be. No one died and I wasnt
even fired! When I stood up it taught me an
unforgettable lesson that day. When You Stand Up
for Yourself You Give Others Permission to Be in
Their Power as Well. I remember another instance
from years ago while working as a massage
therapist. The owner of the yoga massage studio
was a lovely lady who could never seem to pay me
on time. This came shortly after I had declared a
personal bankruptcy. Trust me, I learnt my
lessons in life the hard way - now I ask for
toothpicks instead of 2 x 4 wake up calls thank
you very much. I had just gone bankrupt, filled
with shame, regret and self-loathing and speaking
up to ask this lady to pay me on time might
sound like a simple thing to do to most. It ate
at my nerves day in and day out. I was not happy
about this and terrified that if I told her how
I really felt, I risked losing my job and then I
would be really screwed. Fear was running my life
back in those days. I really gave all my power
away and had very little self-confidence. I had
picked up this multi level marketing gig,
miraculously had an 800 check rolling in and
with it, found some confidence and grew some
balls to stand up to this woman. I walked into
her office and asked her point- blank, Why was
it so hard for her to pay me on time each month?
I showed up and worked, I did my job and I
needed to get paid so that I could pay my own
bills and meet my obligations. Well she opened up
and explained she had a hard time getting the
other therapists to hand in their time sheets on
time and they delayed her from getting the
accounting done. I was stunned that this woman
who ran the show here was unable to set her own
boundaries and enforce rules for her own
employees. I told her that others bad behaviors
should in no way affect me
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ONLY getting paid on time. I told her to give
people a date to hand in their time sheets and
if they dont then they dont get paid until you
find the time, period. From then on, I was paid
on time. I also realized something else. My
speaking up, standing up for myself, taking my
Power Back and asking for what I want gave this
boss of mine, permission to do the exact same
thing! Beware of Controlling People Beware of
people who play on your guilt, try to shame you
or control and manipulate you into having you do
what they want you to do without any regard to
your feelings. The culture we live in has
brainwashed women to be wet dishrags who
sacrifice themselves for the good of others. What
a load of hypocrisy, it makes me so mad! If you
want to read a good book, pick up Controlling
People How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal
With People Who Try to Control by Patricia
Evans. It will open you up to understanding the
dysfunction in your agreements, your
relationships, why these relationships are very
addictive and hard to break away from. After
reading her book I asked myself, How did my
life end up with so many freak show people in it?
Unbelievable! Looking for and needing approval
from others in order to be okay, in order to be
loved is a lie and will cause you to suffer
unnecessarily. You MUST, MUST, MUST break that
agreement and realize the lie that it
is. Remember God created you, the only approval
you need is your own. Stop looking outside
yourself for permission from others to do the
things you feel called to do in your heart. When
you need someone elses approval, you stop
choosing God. You end up placing other people and
things ahead of tuning in and listening to that
inner voice. You become frustrated, resentful
and a bitter woman and let me tell you, that
isnt fun! There is no power there. Remember a
woman who has fun and takes her own pleasure 20
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seriously, cares enough about how she feels and
honors her feelings above pleasing others, is a
magnetic powerhouse to be reckoned with! The
forces of nature yield to her! You become
unstoppable, sexy, vivacious acting as a light
beacon to everyone around her. You Could Be
Right If you are feeling trapped in yes scenarios
out of fear or not wanting to deal with the
repercussions of other peoples guilt, shame
or anger then heres my challenge to you. The
next time someone tries to twist your arm, guilt
you into doing something or wants to argue with
you, simply tell them these words - it will drive
then nuts and allow you to completely disengage
from the argument and not let them sink their
hooks into you. Simply tell them, You could be
right. Even when they ask, Ya, but dont you
think your neighbor is crazy and should pay to do
xyz. Just reply with, Ya, you could be
right. If the person continues the argument
with, Dont you think you should do xyz to make
up for it? Calmly respond with, Ya, you could
be right. Just keep repeating it. It will drive
them nuts because, hey, you could be right but
you could be wrong! You are not making a decision
either way when you use this line. Notice thats
what they are trying to do. They are looking to
engage you, get their barbs into you and get a
rise out of you. Dont play into their games,
play your own game and disengage completely -
theyll hang up on you and go find someone else
to drain. Another great tip to practice, when the
little league soccer head coach calls you up to
ask you to make a cake for the team during your
busy and already overloaded schedule or when a
family member is requesting you to 21
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something you dont want to commit to. Just tell
them, Ya, let me get back to you on that one.
Theyll lose their mind! Remember controllers
want to make you do it their way, on their time.
They want an out for their own anxiety and they
want you to foot the bill. Dont buy into it,
delay making a decision. Who says you have to
decide right now? Now, when they ask you again
and again during the conversation and trust me
they will, simply say, Ya, Ill think about it
and get back to you. No one who doesnt give
you the courtesy to make decisions that honor
your feelings should be part of your life. Stop
Putting Other Peoples Feelings Above
Yours Another great communication tip Id like to
share with you that I often use is, That doesnt
work for me. No. That really doesnt work for
me. Heres what I suggest, heres what I would
like, heres my request. If youre a people
pleaser, simply by starting to voice your NO, is
perhaps a big challenge for you - if so, take
it. I dare you to say NO to the things that you
dont want to do this week. Have the courage to
take a stand for you and test it out. You wont
die if you stand up for yourself. I promise. If
you want to take it to another level, have the
courage to tell people the truth about how you
feel, what doesnt work and why. It is important
that you ask for what you want. You never get
what you want until you ask for it! If people
arent willing to negotiate, or respect how you
feel or if they blatantly disregard what you
just voiced, kickem to the curb. Theyre not
worth wasting your time on. I have no time for
disrespectful, irresponsible, narcissists, who
only care about themselves and what concerns
them. Cut those people loose, set your intention
and goal as collaborative and attract new
friends 22
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relationships with people who really see, hear
and understand you! Why? Because you are, a
Goddess and you deserve it! Thats why! Dont
settle for anything else. Remember there are no
victims here. You teach the world how to treat
you by what you accept.
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MIND-EGO - YOUR MIND IS NOT YOUR FRIEND
CHAPTER 4
Yyour friend. It will warn you of the thousand
reasons why you
our mind is not your friend! Your mind or Ego
wants to control
you, it wants to protect you by using fear and it
is definitely not
cant, why you shouldnt and why you will never
succeed trying to do something new. Take that
leap of faith and follow God. Your Ego maintains
its existence by keeping you spinning in fear,
worry, self-doubt, mind chatter and most people
never take the time to discriminate and separate
themselves from the mind. Instead, they give
their power away to it, by believing they are
the doubts, they are the emotions and they are
where the problem lies, in giving your power
away. Your mind is a great tool that needs to be
used for remembering your bra size or where you
live and as a reminder when to eat your broccoli.
Just dont go asking the mind about how to make
more money or how to have better relationships
or how to lose weight and keep it off. The
mind is a processor - its job is to filter and
locate information in the field - to call up and
recall decisions you have made in the past, it is
a storehouse of information. Asking the mind to
find an answer it does not have is like looking
into a filing cabinet for a file that will never
be there.
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when your mind is spinning. Now identify the next
thing the mind would have you believe. Your
first thought is most likely that there is
something inherently wrong with you because you
cant figure out how to solve this problem.
Youll never solve the problem because the
answers come from God, from the source and to a
certain extent your mind has got you crazed,
racing around and beating yourself up. There is
no quiet space, no solace for Gods grace to
find you. Have you noticed when youre in the
shower or doing something very mundane that Bam
you are hit with this download? The answer all of
a sudden appears. Well thats because your mind
is not chomping onto it like a pit bull and God
can swoop on in and deliver. A mind racing with
thoughts and beating you up because you can never
find answers looking in an empty filing cabinet
is like a dirty muddy pond. You cant see through
the mud just as you cant hear the voice of God
with all that noise. Your job is to take your
Power Back and place it on God - on that
ever-unfolding joy, love and peace that is ALWAYS
inside you. When you tap into that consistently,
it takes over, and begins to direct and guide
your life in miraculous ways. Rather than
taking my word for it - prove it
to yourself. In chapter 21, The Release
Technique, Ill share with you
a phenomenal technique to help you take yourself
off automatic pilot and get you back into the
drivers seat of your life something you must
do if you want to be a powerful creator in life
instead of a victim of past programming and
continual self-sabotage. You are not your mind,
you are not your body, and you are not your
emotions. You are this larger unfolding presence
of God to the extent that you allow yourself to
be. The Ego would have you believe that if you
try something and fail you will die. Examine
every fear and you will come to see that at the
bottom of it, at the root is the fear of death.
That fear says, Dont take a risk and start
that new business, you might fail then youll
go 26
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youll be out on the street, renege on your
mortgage and die! Its crazy - the fear of
failure is what runs and rules most peoples
fate. You need to cut that out because that
behavior will never serve you. You Are the
MASTER of Your Mind! You are the master of your
mind. You know that famous dog expert, Cesar
Milan the Dog Whisperer? Im sure youve
seen his TV show. He goes into peoples homes
whose dogs are very out of whack, unruly,
barking, peeing all over the place, acting out
and out of control. He goes over there and
watches the family interact with the dog, watches
it freak out for 30 minutes to an hour then he
sits down with the owners and tells them, Your
dog is nuts. They say, We know hes nuts thats
why we brought you in! He tells them your dog is
nuts because you have made the dog the master of
the house. The dog just wants to be a little
happy dog that plays around and acts like a
little dog. When you give the dog all the
responsibility to be the master he feels your
anxiety and then acts out on it. Then you have a
troubled, unruly dog. Cesar shows people how to
take their Power Back and be the master of the
dog. Then very quickly, the dog magically
behaves. Our mind is the exact same way - dont
make your mind your master. Your mind is a
creative tool that requires you to command it!
Dont ask it what to do, COMMAND it with
statements, visuals and of the types of scenes
and feelings you want to experience. Letting your
mind run your roost is like handing over the
steering wheel to a tyrannical 4 year old! Stop
doing that! The mind, the Ego will have you
running jumping through hoops playing small,
hiding out, not rocking the boat, not taking
risks, feeling resentful, angry, worried and all
of these lower emotions spinning around in 27
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soup. While lost, you end up identifying yourself
as your feelings, you are unable to make
decisions based out of fear and that fear
protects you. Let me tell you something, I have
failed and failed and failed and I am still here
to tell you Im not dead! Failure is never
failure its just another way not to get the
result you want. Take note and keep going. Most
people will never remember your failures but
they will remember your achievements! I used to
do live product demos in a big chain store in
front of crowds of sometimes 50 people 10-12
times a day. I have to admit to you sometimes I
bombed the shows, epic failures in front of all
these people on a regular basis. After a while,
I came to understand that the process to nailing
the show and getting it right was usually about 2
days of bombing and figuring out what worked and
what didnt with the crowd. Then after that, it
was smooth sailing and I had a license to print
money. Now Ive paid my dues, I was heckled, Ive
fallen off the stage, experienced power outages
in the stores, Ive had people fart and clear a
place out, you name it! Its embarrassing public
humiliation but you dont die. Watch that fear of
failure, if you let it - it will rob you of the
most fantastic life you have waiting already
lined up for you! Clearing Your Resistance to
Greatness I remember one evening driving back
home up north in the Laurentian mountains after
attending a Canadian Association of Professional
Speakers (CAPS) meeting. I was driving this
crummy beat up minivan, making 900 because I
was sure that, I would get nailed if I committed
myself to a car payment. Nuts eh? Thats the
freedom seeker in me, always out for
freedom. Im driving back from this CAPS meeting,
beating myself up because I dont have an
impressive opening story to my speech. There I
was trying to 28
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whether or not I should go to the big convention
coming up later in the same month, spend 1,500
on the ticket, not to mention the money I would
lose out by not showing up to my mop job during
the busiest time of the year. In December,
retail is always wild. So, all of a sudden I have
this major release around the subject of money
and realize that I was holding onto all this
safety around money. I remember the moment
clearly while driving back north. I felt this
immense fear release in the van. That morning at
5 am, I woke up and had this huge download about
my opening story, about my dad, the famous
artist. I furiously wrote while sobbing through
tears this moving story and went back to bed. I
woke up at 9 am noticing that I had missed a
phone call from a 713 number. I listened to the
message from a woman in Costa Rica who said she
bought my book last March and had been thinking
about inviting me to teach her yoga community
some of my mindset principals. She said that she
had been too afraid to ask me and for some
reason today, she decided just the heck with it
and rang me up. Wow! Synchronicity strikes! It
was just the day before that I had put on my
Hawaiian scarf, stuck some feathers behind my
ears and danced around the house to very loud
Hawaiian music to start calling on Hawaii. It
was October in Canada and there was snow on the
pumpkin outside my door. I was desperate to get
the heck out of there! Instead, I ended up
attracting Costa Rica - I can do Costa Rica I
tell myself. Its similar to Hawaii so, that
began my international speaking and event
touring. I ended up speaking twice in Costa Rica,
two years in a row. That very same morning
something else really wild showed up. Out of the
blue, and I do mean OUT OF THE BLUE. I was
called up by a man inviting me to speak at,
Lets Spread Success, a TED talk event in
Montreal. The next day I had a lady ring me up
wanting to help me for free to launch, promote
and market my tele- summit because she wanted
to learn 29
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ins and outs of being a personal development
leader. All of these radical fabulous things
showed up on a silver platter as soon as I simply
released my inner resistance! Hows that for
manifesting on speed dial! Want to learn how it
works then go to Chapter 21, which covers the
Release Technique. If Youre not Afraid, Youre
Not Going Fast Enough! A marketing mentor, Adam
Urbanski once shared with me a quote from a
famous racecar driver, Michael Andretti. He said,
If everything is under control, youre not
going fast enough. It applies beautifully to
both business and personal life. When clients
seek me out for my sales and confidence
coaching, and say YES theyre always a little
afraid. Often the coaching I do comes before the
sale to show these women the exact mechanism
that has been keeping them playing small all
along! Your mind and the fear are not your
friends. Either in the end, you have reasons for
your excuses or you have results. You chose whom
you give your power to. I find that with
selling, coaching, consulting or mentoring
services, people are really just saying YES to
themselves and taking you along for the ride.
Mindset is the biggest hurdle because until you
can take yourself off of automatic, use real
discrimination with your feeling and thoughts and
not let fear stop you - you will never get into
action. Success is a combination of right
action from inspirational action, commanding
the mind with visuals and getting your cue from
God or the source. Think about Thomas Edison who
failed 3,000 times before he invented the first
practical, light bulb. No one remembers the
failures. So if youre life isnt on par with
where you thought it would be at this stage in
the game, I dare you, triple dog dare you to take
the leap of faith, take the risk of finding out
how to say YES and really show up to who you want
to be. Take action towards your goals. Sometimes
you will fail but, if you keep 30
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goal in mind, keep your eye on the prize and
command the mind, you WILL succeed you have to!
This is the recipe for success. One of the take
actions that help to take your Power Back is
create your goals statement such as, I am so
happy and grateful NOW THAT I have xyz. To do
this, see yourself in the present tense wearing
the clothes you are wearing right now, having
ACHIEVED the goal. Get to the place where you
know that you have it without a doubt. See, feel
and hold that in mind, feel it in your body,
every day make it a habit of visualizing your
goals and the way will manifest. It will never
be the way you think it will be, however, a way
always opens. The HOW is not your job - the HOW
is Gods job. Your job is to get really clear on
what the goal is and affirm it - command it into
the mind and let God handle the details.
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RADICALLY HONEST
CHAPTER 5
Isimply frustrated and resentful that you
HAVE TO EVEN ASK,
Give Yourself Permission to Want What You Want!
f youre having trouble in relationships, feeling
like you give more
than you get, feeling disappointed that your
needs arent met or
then sit up and pay attention. This chapter will
rock your socks off in radical ways! You see
theres a fundamental difference between men and
women. A mark of a good woman is the ability to
know what another woman wants and expects
without her even asking. That shows compassion,
caring and the mark of a truly exceptional woman
is about intuitively KNOWING what another woman
needs. It is an unspoken expectation that women
easily meet. This is the absolute opposite with
men. Men have no problem giving you what you
want but, you have to ask them and then theyre
more than happy to give it to you. When women
feel resentful its usually, because their needs
are not being met and always at the root of this
is a disconnection between being really honest
about what you want! Showing up and taking your
Power Back demands radical honesty with yourself
first so that you can later communicate that to
others.
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the example of my client Denise who came to see
me wanting to work on her mindset and to stop
procrastinating in her business. When we got
down to it, it was evident that what Denise
really wanted was to have a lot more fun. She
gave herself permission to really want what she
wanted and we worked on clearing away some of
the resistance and mental cobwebs that prevented
her from having a more balanced life, putting her
pleasure first and then focusing on the ideal
clients she would like to serve. Well it didnt
take long, only two short weeks after Denise was
emailing me and celebrating the fact that she
closed a new contract for 13,000! The next time
I saw her she was absolutely, glowing, radiant,
vibrant, looking sexy, had a new haircut and had
put herself back on the dating scene! Amazing
what a little permission can do! I cant tell you
the number of calls I have been on with hundreds
of women entrepreneurs who are struggling and
suffering simply because they have a mental
program thats telling them either you cant have
xyz or its not possible for them and it will
never happen. Instead, they suffer in silence,
not even allowing the possibility of their
experience becoming public. What you become
aware of, you allow into your vibration. Give
yourself the permission to want what you want,
then if you need to, go and research other
examples, people who have done what you are doing
and then some. Fill your mind and your
consciousness with a ton of proof build
momentum on why its possible, versus why its
not. My Dream House Goddess Temple Palace Heres
a fun story about a house I was looking to buy
here on Kauai. It was a mansion listed at 1.6
million on Kapuna Road with mature fruit trees
and lots of land. I had met the owners, exchanged
a few emails and photos of the house and asked
myself how I would pull together a 300,000
deposit. I even deduced which driveway it
was on because I had briefly 34
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on the same road. Then fast-forward, 8 - 9
months I was invited by my good friend to rent
out a room in the exact same house! Yup, funny
how that happens. I went to take a look at it and
Im not surprised it is the same house. Crazy
synchronicities like this happen often in my
life. The only problem was that the room needed
to be rented within 10 days at the beginning of
August. I had just come back from a 60-day
speaking, networking tour on the mainland and all
settled into this beautiful house on the north
shore for the summer. The north shore is the best
place to be for summer fun on the island. I was
in no mood to move and then have to move again
because come first week of September I had
travel plans for an 8-week tour. I wanted to say
yes to the house yet I wanted to move only in
November, which meant I would need to sublet my
room for 3 months to someone who would be
willing to have me come in with all of my
belongings halfway through September. That person
would also lose half the closet with my things.
Now, this is a dream house, a serious Goddess
temple. All the women living there are high
priestesses, rock stars, serious rock stars for
God, my kind of people the house is stunning,
the land amazing and still, I choose to honor my
feelings. My feelings told me to stay where I
am, not rush into moving and find someone who
would be a perfect fit to sublet this Goddess
room for 3 months. Now, 2 days prior to seeing
the house I had a chat with a woman named Kelly
who randomly connected and friended me on
Facebook. I was not selling her anything, she
wasnt selling me anything and it was only a
friendly chat. Well as soon as I posted the room
for sublet on my Facebook page a woman Kelly
calls me up and says, Yes thats exactly the
right fit for me! She paid the rent and agreed
to have my stuff moved in halfway through
September. Shes a totally aligned r