Preventing Divorce

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How to Avoid Divorce
missionirresistible.com/how-to-avoid-divorce/
January 4, 2018 If youre wondering how to avoid
divorce, you need to pay careful attention to the
relationship advice discussed in this article.
Current divorce statistics speak volumes one in
three marriages end up on the rocks. The reasons
for divorce mentioned are so far-fetched that it
is seriously doubtful whether the marriage
partners have done everything to make their
marriage a success. We go back to statements
such as clashing personalities, drifting
apart and many other that do not touch the core
of the problem by any means. How do you save a
marriage from divorce? Where there is a will15
steps to help save your marriage
1. How to avoid divorce by talking about your
needs The success of a marriage depends on how
many needs are to be fulfilled when two people
are involved. It is therefore important to find
out where the needs of the other person
lie. Sometimes those needs are very small and
simple little things you say such as the other
person looks good or that you are proud of
him/her brings fulfilment.
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You need to write down what you want to see more
or less of in the other person and what your own
needs are to avoid misunderstandings. Which
behavior of the other person disturbs you, and
which behavior do you appreciate, but you see too
little of? Both partners should write down these
things on a list and then compare each others
list and acknowledge the wishes of the other
person. Show your willingness to examine your own
behavior and help the other person to meet your
needs. 2. The emotional wall Many people have
unconsciously built up emotional walls that
prevent them from ever becoming close to friends
or family. They are unreal. Some people also
wear a social mask a protective measure that
mostly leads to misunderstanding. The most
serious consequence is that you do not really
ever get to know the other person, even if you
have been married for years.
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If you want to get closer to your husband or wife
again, you need to make sure you do not have a
blockage that can get in the way of emotional
intimacy with your partner. No one can help you
with this. You can address this issue by never
being afraid to show your vulnerability to your
partner. Breaking down your emotional wall will
make you to become more accessible to your
partner from now on. 3. How to avoid divorce by
determining standard of behavior Many marriages
suffer because the spouses have failed to make
rules about how they want to be treated by their
partner. Never accept disrespectful behavior and
emotional neglect. Keep yourself a
well-functioning basic rule The standard is to
treat me with dignity and respect at all times.
Working from this basic rule, of course, many
more behavior standards can be drawn up by both
partners. When setting up what the rules should
be, consider very simply what your definition of
a good marriage is. So go back to the basics and
work from there.
4. How to avoid divorce by solidifying your
friendship The same things you would do with
other people, for example talking about trifling
matters, sharing a good joke and thus laughing
with each other should be exactly the same in
your marriage. If that does not work because you
believe that the other person is not willing to
do that, first make sure that you yourself are a
good friend to the other person. Friendship is
necessary to make a marriage sustainable and is
the best basis for a successful marriage.
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When marriage problems arise, take a step back
from the pain of the interactions and focus on
your partners qualities. Turn back the clock and
remember what the initial reason for the
friendship was that eventually grew into
marriage. What exactly does a solid friendship
mean? Friends spend time together. They share
things with each other and support each other.
Real friends do not ignore each other. Friends
are always there for each other, in good times
and bad. If you cannot imagine friendship with
your partner in your own marriage, then your
marriage may have a very fragile basis. Now You
Can Stop Your DivorceEven If Your Situation
Seems Hopeless! 5. Do not neglect the other
person Never think of your partner as a piece of
furniture, and that no expressions of love are
needed in your marriage. She knows that I love
her is not the issue. The point is that you need
to do the RIGHT thing like occasionally show
that you care about the other person and love the
other person. You achieve this in very small
things like calling from the office just to say
hello, or giving a compliment. If you ignore
these apparent trivialities in your marriage, you
will cause an accumulation of indifference,
ignoring and frustration in your partner. In
short emotional neglect. And that is difficult
to rectify.
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6. How to avoid divorce by understanding your
past Many marriages are doomed to fail because of
the emotional baggage that one of the two
partners brings into the marriage because of past
disappointments. Recognize that personal
barriers from the past may be the main reason
that the other person or you cannot properly
give in the marriage. Sometimes it is a lack of
trust that has arisen in the past that the person
carries through into the current marriage,
sometimes a history of fear of commitment and
failed relationships is the reason for current
marriage problems. Do not let the past of the
other person sabotage your marriage but help
them to solve the issues causing problems in your
marriage.
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7. How to avoid divorce by speaking from your
heart Always communicate from your heart in your
relationships and marriage. Especially in times
of crisis it is very important that you reveal
your true self and do not simply say those words
that you think your partner wants to hear, just
to get rid of them. What you really think and
feel is what matters, not about the content of
any bickering or whining.
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So be open to feedback from your partner, you do
not have to say everything you think, but
everything you say must be the truth and
accurate. It is important for both to know that
everything that is said is the truth. However,
control the impulsive temptation to attack your
partner. Once you realize that the negative
things you perceive in your partner are often the
things you see in yourself, you will be able to
literally change the nature of the interactions
with your partner. 8. Acknowledge what the
other person says If the other person tells a
story about what is bothering him/her, then you
can split that story into two parts. Be sure to
do that so the other person knows that he/she is
being heard. So first say So what you are
saying is this. Then, to make sure that you
understand how your partner feels you can, for
example, indicate I think you are
angry/hurt/sad/ offended, etc. It is extremely
important to recognize the underlying emotion in
the other person and to acknowledge it
immediately.
If you have caused damage to your marriage, one
of the ways to fix a marriage is by fully
understanding the effect on another persons
self-esteem, emotions and mental state. If you
ignore that fact, there will be an endless
vicious circle of quarrels, incomprehension,
playing games, anger and revenge. Most people in
a relationship or marriage that are on the verge
of collapsing lack the recognition and
understanding of the emotions that have arisen in
the other. In short They miss the point. 9.
How to avoid divorce by not hiding
anything People who have nothing to hide also do
not hide anything. Lying, concealing,
manipulating and deceiving are most definitely
not the keys to a good marriage. No human being
is open hundred percent of the time, but at
least you can make a start. Always try to be an
open book to your partner and be sure that he or
she knows you through and through. Do not expect
anything less from the other person.
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By the way, nothing is more frustrating than a
partner who says one thing in a conversation but
actually means something completely different.
The childish Get the message is a major insult
to your partner, and after all, the other person
cannot youre your thoughts. So always be clear
in your communication and about your feelings in
an adult and responsible manner. When youre
honest about your feelings you build your
marriage based on integrity and not on lies and
even deceit. 10. Being right does not make a
happy marriage Evaluate the things you do in your
marriage and see if your thoughts, feelings and
actions work. You do not have to constantly
prove that you know better than your partner in
whatever you are talking about. Instead, you can
choose a different emotion, for example,
understanding
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or tolerance, as these are emotions which will
not escalate and bring hostility into your
marriage. So, how to have a happy marriage?
Decide to be happy from now on instead of being
right. You will become more receptive to your
partners attempts to ban hostility and you will
be able to have decent conversations with one
another.
11. How to avoid divorce by talking things
out Always make sure that discussions and
disagreements about marriage are carried out in
full, but do not let them drag on endlessly. Do
not walk away angry also do not allow things to
get out of hand by bringing up all kinds of
other things from the past. The best thing is to
specify a time limit that you stick to. During
discussions never focus on the differences, but
on those things that bind you. Be sure that you
are both aiming to reach the same interests and
goals.
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12. Running away does not solve anything, resolve
to save it Some people have a tendency to escape
their marital problems by leading another life.
They deliberately drown themselves in work, in
drinking, or in extra-marital affairs so as to
not to face the problems. Your marriage problems
cannot be resolved outside of the marriage, so
either stay one hundred percent in your marriage
or draw a line through it before you go
elsewhere.
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13. How to avoid divorce by encouraging unwilling
partners Use your knowledge and persuasion to
encourage your husband/wife to be constructively
involved as you do not wish to be saving your
marriage alone. Point out to your partner his/her
fears and resistance but also make it clear that
there are meaningful and immediate benefits
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for him/her. Resistance will be minimal once the
partner realizes that he/she will get along with
it themselves. Then tell your partner what you
have learned yourself so far. That you have read
about how to improve your marriage, and so on.
Do not come across as the relationship expert but
rather that you have learned and that you
continue to learn important elements that will
permanently improve your marriage. Encourage
your partner to also want to avoid divorce and
save your marriage just like you instead of just
letting it break down. Be diplomatic, strong,
responsible, open and specific. 14. How to avoid
divorce when anger reigns supreme Anger does not
arise about the things that happen in life, but
about expectations that fall apart. The higher
your expectations, the greater your anger will be
if the other person downplays it. Do not make
yourself dependent on other peoples whims, but
keep your expectations as realistic as possible.
This means that you can at least expect the other
person to contribute to the relationship or
marriage in an adult way and has recognition for
your feelings should your expectations be
intercepted in one way or another.
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Do not let your happiness in life depend on a
partner who is obnoxious and who labels normal
expectations as too high. Some partners waltz
over feelings and are not emotionally mature for
a marriage. 15. How to avoid divorce by
realizing marriage requires sacrifice As in any
friendship or relationship, sacrifice is also
required for a happy marriage. Two people come
together, children are added again, and living
together under one roof is not always easy. So
do not be so unrealistic as to think that any
disagreements between you and your partner are
signs of a bad marriage and that you are not
destined to be together or when things dont
always run smoothly. Do not lose yourself in the
latest trends where causes of divorce are cited
as Being bored with each other and We are
slowly drifting apart. These are not grounds
for divorce! A marriage requires responsibility.
Both partners need to take up that
responsibility.
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How to avoid divorce by considering divorce as
your absolute last resort
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If fixing your marriage is the reason why youre
still reading, I urge you to strongly consider
avoiding divorce at all cost, at least until such
time that you have thoroughly investigated all
steps to save your marriage. Avoid years of
misery by ensuring that you have done all you
could to save a marriage.
There are ways to avoid divorce including the
following things, also in the interest of any
children Read about marriage and
relationships Consult an expert and get marriage
counselling Thoroughly examine your own role in
your marriage crisis Find out what puts the
wedding under pressure You need to be prepared
to let your marriage succeed
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Is my marriage worth saving? Calculate the cost
whether you stay or leave Can this marriage be
saved? Ask yourself the following Do you still
love your partner? Do you feel hurt or
angry? Are you anxious? Are you confused?
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If you answered yes to any one of the four
questions above, now is not the time to make
decisions that will drastically change your life.
Your emotional issues have not yet been
addressed so there is more work to be done. Only
once you can look in the mirror and know
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for certain that you have tried everything in
your power to save your marriage, that you can
walk out the door in peace and without remorse,
that you no longer have unfinished emotional
issues, are you ready getting a divorce. How to
avoid divorce by improving now, not after
divorce It is a well-known phenomenon that people
suddenly start doing their best after their
divorce. They lose weight, start looking after
their body, start training, and above all, they
brush up their behavior and character. Returning
to the singles market forces people to make
changes that make them more attractive and
interesting. Why not make these improvements when
you notice any signs your marriage is in
trouble? Do not postpone the changes you can make
today until tomorrow. Make yourself the ideal
partner in your marriage and you will be
preventing divorce! Love your partner avoid
becoming part of the divorce statistics.
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