Cuneo: A Day in the Life of Billy Fuccillo

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Cuneo A Day in the Life of Billy Fuccillo

• From
• http//dailyorange.com/2016/02/cuneo-a-day-in-the-
  life-of-billy-fuccillo/

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A man awakes in his bedroom to the sound of
primal roaring. 715 a.m. is known to Billy
Fuccillo as feeding time. Fuccillo doesnt often
receive gifts, but when the Bosnian prime
minister offers you a Bengal tiger as a token of
gratitude, you take it. Sasha is 7 years old, and
when shes hungry, shell let you know about
it. At ease Sasha, Fuccillo mumbles. Daddys
home. Three uncooked filet mignon steaks later,
and Fuccillo begins his morning preparations. He
is still moving all of his belongings into the
mansion he rented from Derek Jeter in Tampa,
Florida, so his palace looks more like a
Minecraft map with boxes scattered across the
premises. This doesnt distract Fuccillo from
getting ready Armani suit, gold Rolex and a
Livestrong-style bracelet engraved with a
four-letter word that rhymes with luge.
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At the airport, he pulls into his normal spot in
the hangar and heads to the Fuccillo Jet, fully
equipped with food, drink and his favorite video
game system the original PlayStation. One
Crash Team Racing game turns into two, into
three, into twelve and before you know it, hes
in Syracuse. After his usual Brueggers bagel
with cream cheese and capers, Fuccillo heads
downtown to the OnCenter to confirm a brand new
billboard for Fuccillo Hyundai, his car
dealership and diamond sanctuary. Upon request,
he asked to see the advertisement firsthand to
ensure quality. Just like you said, mutters
the billboard representative from North Syracuse
as he tries to hide the fear in his eyes.
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This is not what I asked for. Its too
small. Then what do you want? It needs to be
bigger. How much bigger? Fuccillo walks
away from the representative from North Syracuse
and leaves him to contemplate. As he walks, he
hears behind him the open weeps of another grown
man who has fallen beneath the weight of an iron
giant. In the limousine on the way to the
Sheraton, he gets a phone call from No Caller
ID. He knows exactly who it is. The River
Thames begs to embrace the one and only Billy
Fuccillo. The London skies are just a bit more
gray when you arent around. I miss the United
Kingdom very dearly, you know this Sir Elton
John, but I have prior engagements. My work here
isnt done. When it is, you know who to
call. A beat passes, and then at the same time
they both answer, Ghostbusters. Its the type
of friendship that stands the test of time. The
type of friendship where they say their first and
last names on every phone call, as men do.
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Fuccillo gets out of the limousine with the
license plate that rhymes with refuge and cracks
a grin. This is it, what hes worked for his
induction into the Syracuse Car Salesman Hall of
Fame. The National Car Salesmen of America voted
him in first ballot, and today was the induction
ceremony outside of Marshall Square Mall, where
Fuccillo would be receiving his statue within the
next 3-5 years, depending on city planning. The
crowd outside the diminutive mall was massive.
Men in suits were throwing toilet paper out the
windows of Whitman and Starbucks renamed each of
its Frappuccinos after a different type of
Hyundai model. Today was cause for celebration
and, at the heart of it, was a monolith whose
name will ring in the ears of our
grandchildren. Today, I consider myself the
luckiest car salesman on the face of the Earth,
begins Fuccillo at his personal podium made of
gold, frankincense and myrrh. A stray, We love
you Billy! echos from a passerby leaving the
Sheraton, waiting to enter the brand new The
Sheraton Presents The Billy Fuccillo Atrium for
Hyundais and Other Important Things.
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You dont know what this means to me. Ive shot
so many commercials with so little care for the
quality, Fuccillo says. Ive sold cars to
Sheiks, CEOs and even the original Joe the
Plumber. The crowd Oooohs, and Fuccillo lets
the awe sink in. But I just want to say that
this town is where my heart will always be. Thank
you for your money and trust. You see, its not
the wheels or the engine or even the heated seats
in our latest Hyundai Elantra that you can pick
up with no down payment. A car cannot move
without a brave soul to hit the gas. The crowd
erupts into applause, anointing the patron saint
of Hyundai in a sea of gray and brown snow that
is thrown into the air like confetti. If it
werent so gross, it would be mesmerizing. And
through it all stands Billy Fuccillo, car
salesman extraordinaire with a satisfied smile on
his face. Its huge. Originally from
- http//dailyorange.com/2016/02/cuneo-a-day-in-th
e-life-of-billy-fuccillo/