Hilarious Facebook Status Updates

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Hilarious Facebook Status Updates
Looking for some status update inspiration? I
won't bore you with stories about where these
came from I'll just give you a list of funny and
sarcastic Facebook status
Updates. I have tried to include the authors for
the lines I did not develop on my own. And hey,
if you know the source of an unattributed quote,
feel free to leave that info as a comment at the
bottom
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Facebook status Updates
1. Never interrupt your opponent while he's
making a mistake.
2. Sarcasm
helps
keep
people
from understanding
you're saying what you really think of them. 3. I
once prayed to God for a bike, but quickly found
out He didn't work that wayso I stole a bike and
prayed for His forgiveness. 4. A train station is
where the train stops. A bus station is where the
bus stops. On my desk, I have a work
station... 5. You can't be late until you show
up. 6. War doesn't determine who's rightit
determines who's left.
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7. If you think things can't get worse, it's
probably only because you lack sufficient
imagination. 8. Parents spend the first part of
our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the
rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. 9.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because
you
are good is like expecting the bull
not because you are a vegetarian.
to charge
10.
Books have knowledge, knowledge
is power, and crime
power corrupts, corruption is a crime,
doesn't pay. So if you keep reading, you'll go
broke.
Facebook status Updates
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11.
You can go anywhere you want if you look
serious and carry a clipboard.
12.
It may look like I'm doing nothing, but
I'm
actively waiting for my problems to go away.
13. 14.
Every rule has an exception, especially this
one. History teaches us that men and nations
behave
wisely
once
they
have
exhausted all other
alternatives. Abba Eban
15.
The United States is a nation of laws
badly
written and randomly enforced. Frank Zappa
16.
Don't let your mind wanderit's too little to be
let out alone.
17. 18.
Life's a bitch if it were easy it'd be a slut.
I'd
call you
a
tool, but
even they serve
a
purpose.
19.
Death is life's way of telling you that
you've
been fired. Suicide is your way to tell life,
"You can't fire me, I quit!"
20.
Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to
their level, then beat you with experience.
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Facebook status Updates
22. I wouldn't say you're stupid. You are, but I
wouldn't say it. 23. If at first you don't
succeed, destroy any evidence that you ever
tried. 24. If at first you don't succeed,
redefine success. 25. If you can't beat them,
arrange to have them beaten. 26. Why does life
keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to
learn? 27. I have a busy day ahead I
have trouble to start, rumors to spread, and
people to argue with.
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28. I am a bomb technician. If you see me
running, try to keep up. 29. I once stood in the
back and said, "Everyone attack!" but it didn't
turn into a Ballroom Blitz. 30. Learn from
Pandora's mistakethink outside the box.
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funny-facebook-status-updates/