Jackalyn Rainosek - How to Cope with Grief

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Jackalyn Rainosek

• How to Cope with Grief

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• Jackalyn Rainosek holds a Ph.D. in Counseling and
  Educational Psychology from Texas AM University.
  Losing a loved one or a close friend is a painful
  experience. People going through grief could
  experience various kinds of emotions. Though
  there is no right or wrong way to grieve, there
  are several healthy ways to process grief, which
  are included in the following paragraphs.
  Jackalyn Rainosek completed her doctoral
  dissertation on Death Anxiety with Medical
  Personnel, where she provided two different
  workshops to nursing students from two different
  universities.

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• One workshop focused on using the concepts of
  Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. The other workshop focused
  on the well-researched program by Carl and
  Stephanie Simonton, and their book, Getting Well
  again. Both workshops provided powerful ways for
  nursing students to deal with dying patients, and
  the grief process.
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• Elisabeth was the first doctor to provide the
  steps that a dying patient goes through that
  could also help the family member or friend. The
  Five Stages are a clear way of processing through
  grief.
• Some of the important things to consider when
  processing through grief are
• In order to deal with grief, you will need to
  face it and actively deal with it. Ignoring the
  pain, while grieving a loss, keeps the person
  stuck, and the unprocessed feeling can later come
  out inappropriately.
• Consciously process through the thoughts and
  Feelings of the Five Stages of Grief

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Here are the five stages of Elisabeth Kubler-ross
for the dying patient

• Denial and isolation. "No not me, it cannot be
  true."
• Anger. "Oh, yes, it is me, it was not a mistake.
  Feelings of anger, as well as rage, envy and
  resentment. Also, the question "why me? It may
  be the last loud cry, "I am alive, don't forget
  that. You can hear my voice I am not dead yet."
• Bargaining. "If God has decided to take us from
  this earth, and he did not respond to my angry
  pleas, he may be more favorable if I ask nicely."
  I will give my body to science only if the
  doctors will use their knowledge of science to
  extend my life.

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• Depression. Awareness of loss. The stage where
  preparatory grief is involved. The reactive
  depression comes first and involves the real
  lose. Then, comes the preparatory depression--the
  time of dealing with impending losses.
• Acceptance. He/she is neither angry nor depressed
  about the "fate." It is not particularly a happy
  stage but more often a void of feelings.

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The following shows how the family member may
feel and experience the Kubler-rosss five stages
of grief

• Denial This would not be possible that my
  family member is dying.
• Anger Why does this have to happen to her/him?
  This is totally unreasonable. I feel anger,
  disgusted, upset, dismayed, etc.
• Bargaining Maybe if we take them to
  __________doctor, since the diagnosis may be
  different with another doctor or maybe
  ______________hospital or _____________may have
  another treatment protocol, which can prevent the
  progression of the disease.

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• Depression We have not been able to find any
  other answers or approaches to treatment. The
  loss then becomes more paramount, and then
  individual can be in agitated depression or
  finally process through the painful feelings of
  loss, and start moving through their depression.
• Acceptance This is not resignation. The family
  member accepts that state of the patients
  disease, and comes to terms with the impending
  death.

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• Kubler-Ross talked about the fact that the dying
  patient and the family member may not move in an
  organized way through the stages, and may jump
  back and forth. Getting help from a professional
  such as Dr. Rainosek can allow the patient and
  family member to come to a place of understanding
  and process through their feelings of grief about
  the impeding loss.

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• Jackalyn Rainosek had four years of training in
  Death and Dying with the Elisabeth Kubler, and
  had the privilege of having personal and
  professional conversations with Elisabeth.
• Kubler Rosss five stages of grief are still a
  way of understanding the grief process, and
  moving through grief.