THE EXISTENTIAL EMPHASIS OF POSTMODERN PERSONCENTRED THERAPY

1
THE EXISTENTIAL EMPHASIS OF POSTMODERN
PERSON-CENTRED THERAPY

• PROFESSOR DAVE MEARNS

Presented at the 18th annual conference of the
Society for Existential Analysis London, June
18, 2006
The Counselling Unit,University of
Strathclyde,Jordanhill Campus,Glasgow G13
1PPwww.davemearns.com
2

• Mearns, D. Cooper, M. (2005) Working at
  Relational Depth in Counselling and
  Psychotherapy. London Sage.

3
Person-Centred and Experiential Psychotherapies

• Co-editors Robert Elliott
• Bill Stiles
• Peter F. Schmid
• Dave Mearns
• www.pce-world.org/pcep.htm

4
A flow of ideas

• 1989 ?The clients experience
• Experiences of Counselling in Action, 1990
• ?
• 1991 ?The unspoken relationship
• Developing Person-Centred Counselling, 1994 and
  2003
• ?
• 1996 ?Relational Depth
• ?
• 1999 ?Configuration Theory
• Person-Centred Therapy Today, Mearns Thorne
  (2000)
• ?
• 2000 ?Revise Rogers Self Theory
• ?
• 2005 ?Existential Touchstones

5

• The Superficiality Myth

6
Challenging the Myth

• Mearns, D. (1996) Working at relational depth
  with clients in person-centred therapy,
  Counselling, 7(4) 306-11.
• Mearns, D. (1999) Person-centred therapy with
  configurations of self. Counselling, 10(2)
  125-30.
• Mearns Cooper (2005). Working at Relational
  Depth in Counselling and Psychotherapy. London
  Sage.

7
Definition

• Relational depth is a state of profound contact
  and engagement between two people, in which each
  person is fully real to the Other, and able to
  understand and value the Others experiences at a
  high level.
• Mearns, D. Cooper, M. (2005) Working at
  Relational Depth in Counselling and
  Psychotherapy. London Sage.

8

• Schmid, P.F. (2002). Knowledge or
  acknowledgement? Psychotherapy as the art of
  not-knowing prospects on further developments
  of a traditional paradigm, Person-Centered and
  Experiential Psychotherapies, 1(1/2) 56-70.

9
Encounter, not invasion
10
Two Aspects of Relational Depth

• moments of relational depth
• relational depth experienced as a continuing
  relationship

11
Presentational Level of Self
12
Approach/ Avoidance towards being met at
relational depth
13
CLIENTS EXISTENTIAL PROCESS

• CLIENTS PROBLEMS

CLIENTS PROCESSES
14
Client Processes
Psychotic Process (Prouty) Fragile Process
(Warner) Transference Dissociated Process
(Warner) Ego-Syntonic Process Existential
Disconnection
RestrictingExistentialContact
15

• Difficult process rarely defines the whole of
  the person. Often there is a dissonant part that
  houses a different conception of self. Its
  appearance can be erratic and its voice very
  small. Often its dominant feeling is sadness.

16
Dominic 1 At the start of session 3
From Mearns, D. Cooper, M. (2005) Working at
Relational Depth in Counselling and
Psychotherapy. London Sage.

• D1 I shouldnt have come today. Ill go away if
  you like.
• T1 Because youve been drinking?
• D2 Yeah Ive been drinking.
• T2 Do you want to go or do you want to stay?
• D3 I wouldnt mind staying.
• T3 I would like that too. But Id like us to
  keep the tape on like we usually do. Why I say
  that is that I want us to have a record of what
  happens when youre pissed its easy to forget.

17

• D4 Fine I hadnt realised it was on.
• T4 Good that I mentioned it then.
• D5 (Long pause) How do you feel about
  menowhere.
• T5 Dom, I want to tell you that I feel
  absolutely nothing about the fact that youve
  been drinking. But you asked how I felt about
  you, now, here (pauses) I feela bitscared.
• D6 Scared?
• T6 It surprises me tooI guess it does matter to
  me that youve been drinkingIm scared in case
  we have to start again. Its like I feel that
  weve made a really good connectionbut will
  that still be theretoday. Thats what makes me
  a bit scared.

18

• D7 Like it matters to you?
• T7 Yes it does Dom.
• D8 Like this isnt just a game to you?
• T8 I think you know that, Dom. In fact, I know
  you know that Dom.
• D9 Yes sober me knows it, but does drunk
  me?!
• T9 I dont know. Does he? Do you?
• D10 Big question maybe Ill need another vodka
  before I can answer that.
• T10 Dom be here be here drunk but dont
  play fucking games with me. Neither you nor I
  deserve that.
• D11 SILENCE
• T11 SILENCE

19

• D12 Youre really serious about this, arent
  you?
• T12 As ever.
• D13 Im sorry.
• T13 Apology accepted - where should we start
  today?
• D14 We started long ago this is me this is
  who I am.
• T14 Yes youre right I see we started at
  the beginning as usual but the start was
  different because you were different. Yes, I
  missed that.

20
Dominic 2 Later in session 3

• D15 Its not easy to live up to a holy name.
• T15 Dominic.
• D16 Yes a good Catholic upbringing kept
  telling me how important my name was.
• T16 Like it told you what you should be?
• D17 Yeah but it was a fantasy pure
  fantasypurefantasy.
• T17 Their fantasy?
• D18 YeahIt was like I didnt existyou know?
• T18 Like they had some image of you that was so
  far from who you were that it was like they were
  talking about someone else.
• D19 Got it in one. Youre good at this shit!
• T19 Hope so. What are you with just now?

21

• D20 (long pause)(looks directly at T)I dont
  know what Im about.
• T20 (looks intensely at D and moves towards him,
  speaking slowly). That sounds like a lot,
  youdontknowwhatyoure-about
• D21 Im so full of crap.
• T21 and?
• D22 I dont know whether to believe myself or
  not.
• T22 Say more Dom.
• D23 Im just so full of crap.
• T23 You dont know whether to believe yourself or
  not.
• D24 I think Im serioussincere. But, really, Im
  only a drunka fuckin drunk.
• T24 You think that you are seriousand sincere.
  But you are really, only, a fuckin drunk.

22

• D25 Yes.
• T25 A fuckin drunk thats all you are.
• D26 (tears welling up)
• T26 A fuckin drunk.
• D27 (hits fist on arm of chair in apparent
  angerand cries)
• T27 Dom, you are angryand you are crying.
• D28 Im so fuckin full of shit (cries).
• T28 (moves to Dominic and puts his arm round him)
• D29 (cries more and more)
• T29 It feels like a lonely place.
• D30 (looks up at T) Yes(shivers).
• T30 Cold, and lonely

23

• D31 The only warmth comes through the bottle
  whether its single malt or cheap vodka it
  doesnt matter.
• T31 It still works it still gives a feeling of
  warmth.
• D32 It doesI cant describe itIm alivebut
  its killing meand everything I love.
• T32 Dom can you really help me get hold of this
  It sounds really strong like you feel really
  alive that sounds real powerful. But, then,
  it is also killing you, and everything you
  love.
• D33 One part of me is really hooked on it it
  is the only buzz I get and I cant get enough
  of it.
• T33 And, there is another part?
• D34 The other part is a loving husband and
  father
• T34 Yes?

24

• D35 Who is killing his family.
• T35 You are carrying a lota helluva lot.
• D36 And I cant carry it any more.
• T36 That sounds seriousNo. I dont mean to be
  glib it really does sound like you are
  serious.
• D37 Ive got to do something.
• T37 Do? What would you do Dom?
• D38 Either give it upor give it up.
• T38 I think I understandone part the one
  that is really hooked would give up on your
  normal lifeand the other part the one who is
  a loving husband and father would give up the
  booze.
• D39 Most people dont realize how difficult a
  choice that is.
• T39 Is itdoes it feel like giving up on living
  for the life you have?

25

• D40 Yes.
• T40 SILENCE
• D41 It feels like living when youre drunk
  but it isnt really.
• T41 SILENCE
• D42 Ive been scared of living all my life Ive
  been scared of living. Ive never felt like other
  people Ive never felt sure of myself the way
  other people do. If you feel sure of yourself
  you can go out and do things with your life. If
  you dont feel sure of yourself you cant you
  cant really do things with your life youve
  always got to make safe choices choices that
  dont really test you choices that arent
  really living.
• T42 SILENCE
• D43 And so, I have an ordinary life did you
  see that film?
• T43 Ordinary Lives yes.

26

• D44 LONG SILENCE
• T44 Are you stuck? Are you thinking about the
  film?
• D45 Yes their ordinary lives were blown apart
  when something terrible happened. They had taken
  the safe choices for so long that they hadnt
  developed the strength to deal with real life.
• T45 And youwhat about you.
• D46 Part of me tries to break free, but it also
  hasnt got experience it doesnt know how to do
  it.
• T46 SILENCE
• D47 SILENCE
• T47 I am feeling sad for it. I think I am seeing
  it better. It desperately wants to do something
  but it has been scared of living for so long
  it doesnt know what to do.
• D48 So all I can do is to go into that feeling of
  being sad and get drunk. Thats the closest I
  can get to living.

27
DOMINIC 3 session 4

• after spending time going through part of the
  tape of session 3
• D49 It is difficult to listen to that.
• T49 Why is that, Dom?
• D50 Because Im drunk.
• T50 Yes yes, you are drunk.
• D51 I hate listening to it its not me.
• T51 Its not you.
• D52 SILENCE
• T52 Its not you.
• D53 How can I be like that? How can I be a drunk?
  How can I have let you tape that.
• T53 DomIf you want, I can wipe that tape right
  now.

28

• D54 NoNoIts meIt is me.
• T54 It is you.
• D55 but not a part of me I want.
• T55 Do you recognise him?
• D56 Surehes only a bottle of vodka away.
• T56 Where should we go with this, Dom? Where
  should we go with this right now? Where are you
  with this right now?
• D57 Ive got to meet him.
• T57 You heard him, didnt you Domyou really
  heard him.
• D58 YesyesI heard him.
• T58 You are keeping him outbut, really you heard
  him

29

• D59 I heard me the drunk. I hate him. I cry for
  him. I cry with him. I am him. He is part of
  me.
• T59 And you feel you have got to meet him.
• D60 I dont know what made me say that I hate
  him. When Im sober I believe he is gone
  forever. Why did I say that I have to meet
  him?
• T60 SILENCE
• Dominic meets Ts eyes
• D61 I have been running way from him for years
  but what I need to do is to meet him.
• T61 SILENCE
• D62 Lets play some more of the tape.

30
DOMINIC 4 later in session 4

• D63 Dominic begins to cry as he listens to the
  tape particularly D34
• T63 SILENCE
• D64 Its like Im listening to him to me to
  that part of me, properly, for the first time.
  Ive been locked into antagonism to him
  antagonism and denial and hate. I had to deny
  he was really a part of me. He was an evil
  drunk. But he is a part of me, not just when I
  am drunk, but every minute of every day he is
  a part of me. He is sad me, lost me,
  desperate me, crying me though Im also
  crying now. Its like hes with me now, and Im
  not drunk nor am I going to get drunktoday.
• T64 This sounds different like you are
  meeting him rather than dismissing him.

31

• D65 It feels strange like I am excited but also
  tense this feels different. Its not like I
  imagined it. I came into therapy to kill that
  drunk and now I am listening to him and crying
  for him/crying with him. He really is part of me
  a part that I have not been open to we had
  to be separated by a bottle of vodka.
• T65 SILENCE
• D66 LONG SILENCE
• T66 Where are you in your silence Dom?
• D67 I have suddenly become aware that you are
  here.
• T67 And how is that for you that I am here
  with you?

32

• D68 The first feeling was an acute embarrassment
  but that quickly passed. Now it feels good that
  you are here that you are sharing this with me.
  I feel so excited but also tense might this
  pass? Could I lose it?
• T68 It?
• D69 This is the first time that sober me has
  met drunk me in a way that he can understand
  him.
• T69 Can drunk me also understand sober me?
• D70 Wow thats a big question thats too much
  right now that panics me.
• T70 In case he cant?

33
SESSION ENDS

• D71 Yes. Its like Ive won a lot at the tables
  today and if we go too far I might lose it.
• T71 Fair enough. I thought I might be pushing too
  far I knew it was a big step. In fact, part
  of me told me not to push and another part a
  kind of delinquent part said go for it!
• D72 Hah! So the therapist is crazy too he has
  different parts too.
• T72 Ive been found out guilty as charged!
• D73 Can we come back to your question when Ive
  lived with this for a while? (smiles)
• T73 Why cant I be as wise as that!