Dr. Salah Soltan

1
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Islamic Society of Greater Columbus American
Center for Islamic Research Practical Shariah
Workshop ???? ????? ?????
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Marital Life in the West Realistic Problems and
Practical Solutions
?.?. ???? ????? ????? Dr. Salah Soltan
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?????? ??????? ?? ????? Marital Life in the West
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Marriage in Islam Definition, importance, legal
status and rulings
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Marriage between the West and Islam
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Goals of Marriage
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Realistic problems to marital life in the West
Before, during after marriage
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The most important practical means to solve
marital problems. Conclusion and Findings
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Part I Marriage in Islam Definition,
importance, legal status and rulings.
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Definition
Linguistically Zawaj Union mixing. They
are your garments and ye are their
garments.(Al-Baqara 187) Zawj mentioned in
the Quran 81 times
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Part I Marriage in Islam Definition,
importance, legal status and rulings.
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Definition
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Usage As most scholars see it It is a contract
that allows each partner to enjoy the other in a
permissible way.
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Part I Marriage in Islam Definition,
importance, legal status and rulings.
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Definition
Preferred Definition
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It is a contract that makes permissible the
living together (in a good way) and cooperation,
between a man and a woman and it defines their
duties and responsibilities.
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Importance of Marriage in Islam
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from an instinctive aspect
from a legal aspect
1 ?? ???????
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(??????50)
1) In humans He grants to whom He pleases
daughters and grants to whom He pleases sons.
(Ash-Shura 49)
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Importance of Marriage in Islam
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from an instinctive aspect
from a legal aspect
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2 ?? ???????
2) In animals and He has made for you eight of
the cattle in pairs (Az-Zumar 6)
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Importance of Marriage in Islam
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from an instinctive aspect
from a legal aspect
3 ?? ??????
??????? ?? ??????? ?? ???? ??? (??53)
In plants With it have We produced diverse
pairs of plants each separate from the others.
(Ta-ha 53)
??? ?? ?? ????? ????? ????? ?????? (???????? 49)
4 ?? ?? ??
4) In all things And of every thing We have
created pairs That ye may receive instruction.
(Adh-dhariyat 49)
5 ?? ?????? ???????????? ??? ??? ?? ??????
??????? (????? 72) ?? ???????? ?? ???? ???
??????? ?????? (??56)
5) In this life and the next And Allah has made
for you mates (and companions) of your own
nature.. (An-Nahl 72) They and their wives
shall be in shades, reclining on raised couches
(Ya-seen 56)
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Importance of Marriage in Islam
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from an instinctive aspect
from a legal aspect
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????? (????? 38)
(?????? ??????? ??? ??? ?? ???? ????
???) (??-???)
And certainly We sent messengers before you and
gave them wives and children (Ar-Rad 38) ..and
I marry women, whomever avoids my sunnah then he
is not one of my (followers)
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Obligation When there is a desire and a
certainty that adultery will be committed if he
does not get married. Preferred When there is a
desire and a likelihood of sin if he is not
married. Allowed Normal condition Discouraged
When there is a likelihood that he will do
injustice to his wife in terms of dealings and/or
spending. Forbidden When there is a certainty
that either of the partners will harm the other.
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People are like Metals

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There are the brave and the coward those who
keep secrets and those who cant the generous
and the miser the short tempered and the
patient the hot-blooded and the cold-blooded
the sociable extravert and the quiet introvert
the cheery and the broody the energetic and the
lazy the one who quickly understands but
memorizes with difficulty and the ones who easily
memorizes but understand slowly the emotional
and the logical
the scholar who cant explain well and those who
dont know much but teach well those who can
convince a crowd by an idea and those who cant
convince one person by his belief
those who succeed in everything and those who
fail in everything
those who read between the lines and those who
just read the lines and those who cant even
understand the lines
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People are like Metals

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those who read between the lines and those who
just read the lines and those who cant even
understand the lines those who can be
approached with reason and those with emotion
those who like to show off and those who dont
like any attention those who are filled with
hope and are motivated and those who are filled
with despair and inaction those who can
multitask and those who can only focus one thing
at a time those who prefer reward over
punishment and those who are moved more by
punishment than reward those who are striving
to please God and those who are going about
angering God.
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Commonalities and Differences between women and
men in Islam
1- ??????? ???????
1- ??? ??????? ??????? ????? ????? ??? ???????
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Degree of emotion vs. logic. Physically. Dressing
and jewelry. Qawama. Right to divorce. Polygamy.
Some aspects of testimony. Taking on public
affairs jobs. The kind of responsibility Inheritan
ce
1.1. Instinctive traits Mutual attraction,
sexual desire, desire to own, born on fitrah,
human dignity. 2. Origin of creation from
clay. 3. Equal in responsibility. 4. Equal in
right to life. 5. Equal in legal punishments. 6.
Equal in right to learning.

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10- ???????
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Goals in Marriage Life in Islam
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Tranquility and affection And among His Signs
is this, that He created for you mates from among
yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with
them, and He has put love and mercy between your
(hearts).. (Ar-Room21)
??? ???????? ?? ???? ?????? ?????? ????? (??????24) ????????? ???????? ??????
Physical enjoyment and fulfillment Then as to
those whom you enjoy (profit by), give them their
dowries as appointed (An-Nisa 24)
17
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Procreation and raising good children And Allah
has made wives for you from among yourselves, and
has given you sons and grandchildren from your
wives, and has given you of the good things
(An-Nahl 72)
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Social cohesion And He it is Who has created
man from the water, then He has made for him
blood relationship and marriage relationship, and
your Lord is powerful. (Al-Furqan 54)
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Realistic problems to marital life in the West
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Goals of Marriage
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Tranquility and affection
Physical enjoyment and fulfillment
Problems of tranquility and affection
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incompatibility
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Inadequate sexual education
Sudden or quick marriage
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blind imitation
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misunderstanding the roles of the husband and
wife
excessiveness
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lack of consideration of special circumstances
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???)
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long working hours
(travel, illness, menstruation, overworking)
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Goals of Marriage
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Procreation and raising good children
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Social cohesion
Problems of tranquility physical enjoyment
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Problems of tranquility physical enjoyment
raising children
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unclear goals for education
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Not studying methods of education
Mothers and fathers interfering after marriage
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Not spending time with the kids, throwing the
responsibility on the mother
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lack of wisdom in reconciliation

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underestimating foreign influences
breaking family ties
peer pressure, media, advertisements, school
disparity in social status
sharing living quarters
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Problems before Marriage
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????? 26
Bad women .are for bad men and bad men are for
bad women. Good women are for good men and good
men are for good women. (An-Noor 26)
1- ?????? ??????? ?????? ??????? ???????
????????
2- ??? ????????
Being distracted by this life and being
influenced by its luxuries
3- ????? ?? ?????? ???????
Weak state of Godliness
Being away from good company
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Problems at time of Marriage
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Thy Lord does creates and chooses as He pleases
no choice have they
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Pick well for your (offspring), for the
characters are inheritable
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Problems at time of Marriage
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A woman is wed for four things For her wealth,
for her family, for her beauty, for her religion.
Seize the one with the (good) religion may you
succeed.
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Beware of the khadra- addiman They asked what
is that, Messenger of Allah. He said the
beautiful woman from a bad environment/upbringing

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???????? (????? 27)
I desire to marry one of these two daughters of
mine to you on condition that you should serve me
for eight years but if you complete ten, it will
be of your own free will, and I do not wish to be
hard to you (Al-Qasas 27
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The best of women are those with the least
demands
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(?)
Istikhara Zainab Bent Jahsh prays istikhara to
seek guidance in the wedding to Prophet Muhammad
(SAW).
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Biggest problems during marriage
1- ?????? ?????
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3- ?????? ??????
Fast Marriage
Going for the outward appearance
Going for residency
4- ?????? ?? ??? ???????
5- ?????? ?? ?????? ??????
6- ?????? ????????
Over expenditure in Wedding
Different Cultures
Marrying Non-Muslim
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Problems after Marriage
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and treat them kindly (An-Nisa 19)
The best of you are the best to their families,
and I am the best to my family
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Problems after Marriage
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The best of women who rode camels are the good
women of Quraysh who is most caring to a husband
in her care, and the kindest to a child in his
youth.
Each of you is a caretaker, and each of you is
responsible for their flock.
28
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Inadequate Sexual Education
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Major Cause Undue Shyness
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Inadequate Sexual Education
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Major Cause Undue Shyness
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Faith (Iman) is sixty-something parts, and
shyness is a part of faith
Aisha said that she heard Asmaa ask the Prophet
about how the menstruating woman will make ghusl
and purify herself with a cotton. Then Aisha
said Great are the women of Ansar, shyness did
not prevent them from learning their religion
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Inadequate Sexual Education
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Major Cause Undue Shyness
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Ali said I was the kind of man who produced a
lot of pre-sexual fluid, but I was embarrassed to
ask the Prophet (SAW) so I asked Almiqdad Ben
Alaswad to ask him and he said You need to make
wudu for it.
Abu Moussa Alashari asked Aisha Is ghusl due
when ejaculation happens or just touching the
private parts?
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Sexual Education in the Quran
1- ??? ??????? ??? ?? ??? ???? ???? ?? ??? ?????
???????? (?????? 6?7)
1) On the creation of man He is created from a
drop emitted- Proceeding from between the
backbone and the ribs (At-Tariq 6,7)
2- ????? ?????? ??? ???? ????? ???? ????? ?? ??
???? ?????? ?? ?????? ?? ??????? ??? ???? ????
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???? ?????? (?????? 23)
2) On natural attraction There is no blame on
you if ye make an offer of betrothal or hold it
in your hearts. Allah knows that ye cherish them
in your hearts But do not make a secret contract
with them except in terms honorable (Al-Baqara
235)
???? ??????? ????? ??????? ?? ??? ?? ???????
????? ?????? (?????? 26)
Said one of them O my father! employ him,
surely the best of those that you can employ is
the strong man, the faithful one. (Al-Qasas26)
32
3- ??????? ??? ??????? ??????? ?? ????????
????? ?? ??????? ??????? ??????... ??? ????????
????? ?? ??????? ?????? ??????... (????? 30-31)
Alluding to the private parts
Say to the believing men that they should lower
their gaze and guard their (forujahom-private
parts) modestyAnd say to the believing women
that they should lower their gaze and guard their
(forujahon-private parts) modesty An-Noor 30,31)
????? ???? ????? ???? ????? ?????.... (???????
12)
And Mary the daughter of 'Imran, who guarded her
(farjaha-private part) chastity.. (At-Tahrim 12)
??? ??? ??? ?? ????? ?? ??? ???? ?? ??????? ....
(?????? 228)
Nor is it lawful for them to hide what Allah
Hath created in their wombs, (Al-Baqara 228)
33
4- ??????? ??? ?????? ?? ?????? ?????? ??? ???
????? ????? ??? ???? (?????? 233)
Alluding to enjoyment in what it is permissible
(Halal)
Your wives are as a tilth unto you so approach
your tilth when or how ye will.. (Al-Baqara
223)
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??? ????? ???? ???.... (?????? 187)
It is made lawful to you to go into your wives
on the night of the fast (Al-Baqara187)
??? ???????? ?? ???? ?????? ?????? ????? ....
(??????24)
Then as to those whom you (enjoy) profit by,
give them their dowries as appointed (An-Nisa
24)
34
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Sexual Education in Sunnah
?-????- ????????? ?????? ????? ????
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Make wudu and wash your organ then sleep
And you have made permissible their private
parts by Allahs word
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???? ???????? ?????
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"Won't you cover the backside of your reciter for
us?"
We were ordered to approach our wives and then
come to Arafah with our organs dropping semen
?-?????- ???? ?? ???? ??? ???? ???? ???? ?????
??-??? ?????- ?? ???? ?????? ??? ????? ?????
???? ???
He (SAW) died in my house, on my day, between the
lower part of my chest and the upper part of my
chest
The hour will not be established till the
buttocks of the women of the tribe of Daus move
35
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Sexual Education in Sunnah
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??????
??-????- ???? ???? ??????? ???????
Would not a virgin be better who will play with
you and you with her?
And then we approached our women, and we put on
scents, and we put on our clothes
??-??? ?? ???- ????? ???? ?????? ?? ????
?-??? ???? ??????- ???? ????? ?? ?????
Water (taking a shower) is due to (the secretion
of ) water (semen)
?-??????? ?? ????- ??? ????? ?? ??? ?? ??? ???
???????? ??? ??? ???? ?? ??????
A man will approach a woman then get lazy
?-??? ?? ????-?? ???? ?????? ???? ?????? ???
?? ??? ?????...??????? ?? ?? ????
"What a wonderful man he is! He never comes to my
bed, nor has he approached me since he married
me."
a woman who sees in a dream what a man sees ..
she must take a bath, Umm Sulaim.
36

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The Forbidden in the sexual relationship between
a man and a woman is this - Entering through
the rectum. - Intercourse during
menstruation. - Intercourse during fasting. -
Intercourse during the pilgrimage. And everything
else is permissible as the husband and wifes
tastes would enjoy.
37
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The most important practical means to solve
marital problems.
38
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The Godliness of the Muslim Family
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Defining Godliness
Ways of Godliness
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Godly marriage
Godly selection
Godly procedures
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Bearing children or being barren, wealth or
poverty, contentment and anger, health and
sickness, in travels or at home
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Godly family
Godly family in changing times
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39
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Defining Godliness
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875 ??? ??? ????? ??? ????? ???? ?????
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99 ???? ?????
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125 ??? ?????? ???? ?????? ????? ??????
Attesting to the Oneness of the Divinity of Allah
(Oloohiya)125 times (a practical commitment that
fulfills its legal aspect.
Attesting to the Oneness of the Lordship of Allah
(Roboobiya) 875 times ( Fear and hope, honesty
and crying, humility to God and praying to Him.)
Attesting to the 99 names and attributes of
Allah. (99 names Praised be He)
40
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Ways of Godliness
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???????? ( ???????? ???????? ????????? ????????)
Godliness of marriage and being certain that
guidance precedes selection, Bad women .are for
bad men and bad men are for bad women. Good women
are for good men and good men are for good
women.
?????? ?????? ???????? ( ???? ???? ?? ????
??????) ????????? ?? ?????? ?????
Godly selection Thy Lord does creates and
chooses as He pleases no choice have they (in
the matter) Glory to Allah! and far is He above
the partners they ascribe (to Him)! (Al-Qasas
68) Praying istikhara and not allowing blind
desire to take over.
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Brother deceiving his Lord Utter Failure
Godly sister in her selection
Godly brother in his selection
41
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Godly procedures
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????????
and I do not wish to be hard to you If Allah
pleases, you will find me one of those who are
good (Al-Qasas 27)
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Saeed Ben AlMosayyabs daughter
Sayyeda Fatima
???? ??????
Easing marriage expenses
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the prisoner
the Godly sister in selecting her wedding dress
Marrying him on what he has of the Quran
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42
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?????? ???? ???? ???? ???? ????? ?????? ?? ????? ??????? ???? ???? ????? ???? ????? ?? ???? ????? ???? ???? ????? ???? ??? ??? ??????? ???? ???? ?? ??? ???? ??? ???? ????? ???? ????? ?????? ?????? ????? ????? ??????? ????? ?????? ??????? ?????? ??????
?         Daily Praying on time, Duha prayer,
daily Quranic recitation, the azkar of day and
night. ?         Weekly Qiyam (praying at
night), fasting a day, connecting family ties
(the story of the man whos mother died a year
and a half ago and he doesnt know.) ?        
Monthly Charity, fasting three days, visit for
the sake of Allah, visiting an ill
person. ?         Yearly Attending a camp or a
conference, i3tikaf (staying in the mosque) the
last ten days of Ramadan. Lifetime Omrah,
Hajj.
43
?????? ??????? ?????? ???????
??? ???? ?? ??????
?????? ?? ??? ????? ???????
????? ?????
?????? ?????
?????? ?? ?????? ??? ????
?????? ?? ??????
Study Project More Quranic memorization,
studying Islam, learning languages, learning how
to raise children, studying how to do dawah.
??? ?????? ??? ????? ?????? ?????? ????? ?? ???
???? (????) ?? ?????? ????? ????? ??? ???? ?????
??? ??????
????? ?????
Educational Project Finishing the Quran between
the husband and wife during Qiyam. Daily reading
where he reads a part and she listens and then
she reads a part and he listens.
44
?????? ??????? ?????? ???????
???? ?????? ??? ?????
????? ?? ??????? ???????
????? ????
????? ??????? ????? ???????
???? ???????? ???????
????? ????? ????????? ?????
???? ????? ?? ??????
????? ???????-???? ?????-???? ?????
Dawah Learning circles at the mosque and in the
homes, boy circles and girl circles, dawah rounds
to new Americans, making a committee to settle
disputes, a social committee, adopting a project
at the mosque.
45
????? ????? ?????? ???????
Practical Advice for Muslim Families

• 1- ?????? ?? ?????? ?? ???????
• 2-???? ??????? ?? ????? ??? ???? ???? ??????? ??
  ?????? ???? ?? ????? ?????? ????.
• 3- ?? ???? ?? ?? ??? ??? ?? ?????? ??? ?????
  ????? ?? ???? ???? ?????? ??? ?? ???????? ???
  ????? ??????? ??????.
• 4- ?? ???? ???? ??? ???? ?? ????? ??????? ??????
  ?? ????? ????? ???????? ?? ???????.
• 5- ???? ????? ?????? ????? ???????? ??? ???
  ?????? ?????.
• 6- ???? ??? ???? ??? ????? ??????? ???????? ???
  ?? ????.
• 7- ???????? ??? ????? ?????? ??????? ???????
  ??????? ?????? ??????? ???????

• 1- Pray in the masjid with your children
• 2- Pray together in the house if you miss the
  congregational prayer in the masjid, particularly
  at fajr time.
• 3- Every husband should read a quarter of a hizb
  of Quran to his wife and she should do the same
  for him every day. They should also keep up their
  regular Quranic recitation.
• 4- Quran memorization for the children
• 5- The Duha prayer and remind your family of it
• 6- Fast one day each month and break the fast
  together as a family
• 7- Keep doing the morning and evening remembrance
  of Allah and the special dua for waking up, going
  to sleep, eating, drinking, leaving and returning.

46
????? ????? ?????? ???????
Practical Advice for Muslim Families

• 8- Keep your cleanliness and wudu as much as
  possible because it is half of your belief
• 9- Be gentle and calm when taking to each other
• 10- Always be truthful when talking to all family
  members to instill in them the noble character
• 11- Set a good example for your children with
  your social interactions so that they will
  inherit a love for community and stay away from
  backbiting and spreading rumors.
• 12- Connect the activities of the family with
  those of the masjid to develop an attachment
  between the children and the masjid
• 13- Be very careful in establishing Islamic
  standards for usage of the television.

• 8- ???????? ?? ???? ??? ??????? ??? ???
  ???????.
• 9- ???????? ?????? ?????? ??????? ??????? ???
  ????? ?????? ????????.
• 10-?????? ????? ?? ?????? ??? ??????? ????????
  ??????? ???????? ??? ???? ???? ??????? ???????.
• 11-?? ???? ???????? ?????????? ?????? ?????? ??
  ??????? ??? ????? ??????? ?? ??????? ???????
• 12-?? ???? ??? ??? ????? ?????? ??????? ????????
  ????????? ?????? ????? ??????? ?????? ???????.
• 13-?? ????? ??? ??? ????? ?????? ???? ??
  ?????????.

47
????? ????? ?????? ???????
Practical Advice for Muslim Families

• 14- Encourage your children to be good to their
  parents and their extended family. They should
  also respect those who are older, be merciful
  with those who are younger and be gentle with
  every living creature.
• 15- Every father must make the time to allow
  family activities, going to parks and playing
  with the children, regardless of the fathers
  age.
• 16- Consider the age of your children as they
  grow up. Recognize their accomplishments however
  small. Start giving them more responsibility.
  Advise them in private and do not humiliate them
  in public.
• 17- Have your children participate in household
  choirs. Take their advice on family decisions.
  Give them opportunities to start learning to
  manage their money. Give them an opportunity to
  voice their opinion on family decisions.

• 14-?? ????? ??????? ??? ?? ????????? ??????? ??
  ??????? ???? ???????? ??????? ??????? ???????
  ???????? ?????? ??? ???? ??.
• 15-?? ?? ?? ???? ???? ?? ????? ??? ??? ???????
  ???????? ??????? ??? ???????? ?????? ?? ???????
  ???? ??? ???? ??? ???? ????? ???????.
• 16-?? ?? ?? ?????? ???? ?? ??????? ?????? ?????
  ??????? ??? ????? ????? ??? ???? ??????????
  ?????? ???????? ???? ???? ??????? ????? ?? ????
  ???? ???? ??????? ??? ????? ?????? ?? ??????? ???
  ???? ??? ????? ???? ??????? ??? ?????.
• 17-????? ??????? ?? ????? ????? ????????? ??????
  ??????? ???????? ??? ???? ??????? ???????? ??????
  ????? ?????? ??????? ???? ???? ??????? ?????
  ????? ???????? ?? ???? ?????? ????? ?? ?????????
  ?????? ?????????.

48
????? ????? ?????? ???????
Practical Advice for Muslim Families

• 18- Sit with your children on a daily basis,
  particularly if they go to public school. Listen
  to their concerns and problems and give them
  Islamic advice and support to help them. If
  needed, call the school administration to inform
  them of way they could better respect our Islamic
  principles.
• 19- Provide age appropriate Islamic material
  (like cassettes or videos) for the children to
  utilize in their spare time.
• 20- Visit other Muslim families and facilitate
  for your children to have Muslim friends. If we
  dont do this they will find friends around them
  who might not be good. Remember that person will
  be on the religion of his best friend.

• 18-????? ?? ???? ???? ??? ???? ????? ?? ???????
  ???? ??? ????? ?? ??????? ?????? ?????? ??? ???
  ?????????? ???? ????? ??? ?? ????? ??????? ..
  ?????? ????? ???????? ??? ??????? ???? ???? ??
  ????? ??????.. ????? ????? ??????? ?????? ???????
  ???????? ??? ?????? ????? ??????? ?? ??? ???????
  ???????? ??????... ?? ??????? ??????? ???????
  ????????? ???????.
• 19-????? ?????? ????????? ????????? ?? ?????
  ????? ?? ????? ??? ???? ????? ??????? ?????
  ?????? ???????.. ?????? ?????? ?????? ???????
  ????????? ???? ???????.
• 20-???????? ????? ??????? ?????? ?? ????????
  ???????.. ????? ?? ?? ???? ??? ?????? ??????
  ???????? ??? ?????? ?????? ??? ???? ??? ????.
  ?????? ??? ??? ?????.

49
Love ????
????? Heart
????? Body
????? Mind
Harmonization ???????
Understanding ???????
50
(No Transcript)
51
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?????? ???? ????
? ???? ????? ?????