PROJECT NEPAL

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PROJECT NEPAL
Modern bridge near Sete. Photo courtesy Jeroen
Neele Photo Gallery, www.home.versatel.nl/jneele/n
epal.

• Advanced Professional and Technical Editing
• Term Editing Project
• Amy Malsbury Nowak - Spring, 2005

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Project Nepal - Major Hurdles

• Visual
• Verbally dense
• No pictures/graphs
• Organization
• Disjointed
• Grammar/Style
• ESL Issue

Kathmandu City. Photo courtesy of
www.raonline.ch.
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Solutions

• Visual
• Newsletter format
• Incorporate pertinent photos and a graph
• Organization
• Inviting introductory paragraph
• Present issues from the ground up literally
• Grammar/Style
• Concise rewrite (avoid sermon factor) yet
  maintain original meaning
• Add flare without being whimsical

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Sample Issue Introductory Paragraph

• Original Introduction
• This article is a follow-up for the article
  (Road to Kathmandu Volume 7,1999). Problems
  cited in this article might be representation for
  other underdeveloped and developing countries in
  South Asia and Africa. It also provides the
  broad overview of the transportation scenario of
  Nepal. Underdeveloped country like Nepal is
  always challenged with need of good governance
  in terms of better policy and better
  implementation. Another reason this article may
  be interesting to US readers is that some of
  these problems do exist now in US and many have
  been solved in the past. For some readers, it
  might be completely astonishing to find that some
  countries have still such problems. Developed
  countries like US and Europe have faced these
  problems in the past, tackled and solved them,
  but underdeveloped countries like Nepal is still
  facing it.

• Revised IntroductionNavigating Nepal.
• For those who curse the inconveniences of modern
  travel, a trip to Nepal would provide an
  eye-opening experience. Annually, thousands of
  American and European tourists flock to Nepal to
  seek enlightenment, to study history and to
  absorb ancient culture. Just as Mount Everest is
  unique to Nepal, so is the transportation system.
  Aside from the dense haze of pollution, which
  one may encounter globally, Nepals
  transportation system would make a western
  traveler feel as though he or she stepped back in
  time. Unfortunately, Nepals transportation
  system is not a treasured remnant of antiquity,
  but a financially strained source of pollution,
  accidents and death.

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Newsletter On The Move

• Dynamic Format
• (sample issue)
• Visually appealing
• Verbally Concise
• Professional Tone

Rush hour in Kathmandu City. Photo courtesy of
www.raonlinee.ch.
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Navigating Nepal - Subtopics

• Flora and Fauna
• The Wild, Wild East
• Bad Air Day
• Ground Effects

• Flying High
• Behind The Scenes
• Looking Forward

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Sample Improvement (1)

• Original - Transportation Service and Quality
• There are also dangerous loopholes in the law
  against drivers who is responsible for accidents.
  For example If a person is injured in an
  accident, the driver of the vehicle who is
  responsible for the accident has to provide
  medical treatment for the rest of his life.
  However, if the person is killed, the driver pays
  a small amount and gets out in bail. There have
  been cases where drivers tend to go over the
  injured person and kill the person to avoid
  long-term injury payment.

• Revised The Wild, Wild East
• Traffic laws are loosely enforced, and careless
  drivers are rarely apprehended. Under the
  current law, a driver who injures a passenger or
  pedestrian must pay for all medical expenses
  incurred by the injured party. However, a driver
  who kills a passenger or pedestrian is released
  from jail after paying a modest bail. Hence, it
  is more cost-effective to kill people than to
  injure them.

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Sample Improvement (2)

• Original Planning and Funding
• To this day it is difficult to understand why
  government allowed competing subsidized transit
  service to independent private operators. To dig
  into reality, many politicians financially
  invested in with these private transit
  entrepreneurs. Hence, it is apparent that
  lawmakers, administrators and politicians do not
  seem to care when government owned public company
  is liquidated.

• Revised Ground Effects
• Eventually, the NTC went bankrupt. It is
  suspected that many politicians invested in the
  privately-owned companies thereby compromising
  the financial success of the NTC.

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Concluding Remarks

• Looking Forward
• Stress Education
• A program where promising Nepalese students
  could be educated abroad would be a good start.
  (research team)
• Stress the needs of the Nepalese
• Once tangible improvements are realized,
  Nepalese citizens will progress within the
  framework of their unique needs and culture.

Modern road leading from Kathmandu City. Photo
courtesy of www.raonline.ch.