Whose Homework Is It Anyway PROMOTING ACADEMIC SELFRELIANCE

1
Whose Homework Is It Anyway?PROMOTING
ACADEMICSELF-RELIANCE

• Presentation By
• Dr. Brad Sachs, Ph.D
• www.bradsachs.com
• HCDrugFree
• Thursday, October 16, 2008

2
QUESTION 1

• What is the best way to motivate an adolescent
  to become more academically focused?

3
QUESTION 2

• What are the three primary functions of the human
  brain?

4
Question 3

• Which comes first, success or motivation?

5
QUESTION 4

• What is the square root of 27?

6
SIGNS OF INADEQUATE ACADEMIC SELF-RELIANCE

• Still requires one-on-one attention, restless and
  unproductive when asked to work on his/her own
• Displays difficulty beginning and/or completing
  academic tasks
• Withdraws attention and focus after inviting
  parents to instruct, help or intervene

7
Signs (cont.)

• Displays frequent temper outbursts, irritability,
  or abrupt mood shifts when doing homework or
  school-related activity
• Makes incessant and unrealistic demands on
  adults/parents (but is never truly satisfied)
• Difficulty organizing school materials at home
• Completes homework, but doesnt turn it in

8
Signs (cont.)

• Likely to interpret suggestions, advice, and
  feedback as criticism or indictment
• Appears to adopt an apathetic, I dont care
  attitude
• Lacks the capacity to entertain him/herself in
  general (without electronics)

9
Signs (cont.).

• Doesnt use teachers/tutors well, seeing them as
  adversaries not allies (dumb, boring,
• unfair , mean)
• Doesnt ask for help, or does so in ineffective
  ways, such as by asking for too much, asking too
  often, and/or asking at bad times
• Sabotages him/herself by not studying, or by
  studying ineffectively
• Focuses on what parents/others have not done,
  rather than what s/he has not doneassigns blame
  to others for academic problems

10
Signs (cont.)

• Attributes success to luck (The teacher asked
  the stuff I already knew) or innate ability
  (Im just good at math) rather than his/her own
  efforts (I worked hard and earned this high
  grade.)
• Focuses on isolated, sporadic academic acts,
  rather than the cumulative sum of actions or
  inactions
• Insists on being rescued from school-related
  consequences and difficulties
• Sees perfection and failure as the only two
  alternatives

11
Types of Academic Dependence

• Active Avoidance
• Passive Avoidance
• Clingy Avoidance
• Perfectionistic Avoidance

12
Additional Questions to Consider

• Do these difficulties display themselves in
  non-academic arenas, as well (with peers, in
  group or extra-curricular activities, etc.)?
• Have these difficulties displayed themselves
  gradually or suddenly?
• Do these difficulties display themselves
  consistently or intermittently?
• What does the child have to say about these
  difficulties when you ask him/her about them?

13
THE HOMEWORK MISSION

• The value of homework lies in providing students
  with an opportunity to learn how to become
  organized, efficient, self-reliant and
  self-assured
• Homework time begins as a shared journey on the
  part of parent and student but needs to
  ultimately end with the healthy differentiation
  of the child
• Parental over-involvement of any sort cripples
  the students self-reliance and handicaps the
  development of his/her love of learning

14
The 3 Stages of Parental Support

• Structuring (primary school)
• Weaning (middle school)
• Entrusting (high school)

15
The Homework Quicksand of theOverly Dependent
Student

• I am not only unable to help myself, I am also
  unworthy of being effectively helped by anyone
  else
• Student demands help ineffectively or
  inappropriately, or doesnt request help at all
• Parent tries to help anyway
• Student rejects/refuses help that is offered
• Parent becomes frustrated and helps
  over-critically or simply abandons helping
• Student becomes convinced that s/he is unworthy

16
When a Student Asks for Help

• Students are often not asking for help with
  homework when they ask for helpthey are usually
  asking for relief from the painful feelings that
  get stirred up by their homework (fear,
  inadequacy, insufficiency, ignorance, etc.)
• The focus needs to be on appropriate emotional
  support, not academic performance

17
HOW YOU GET SOMEONE OUT OF QUICKSAND

• Stand to the Side
• And Offer a Stick

18
Maladaptive Parental Responses toAcademic
Dependence

• Trying harder to make the child try harder
• Over-Monitoring academic behavior (in school and
  at home) and intruding on school life
• Incessant Rewards, which generally create
  problems
• --diminish true motivation
• --loss of value of reward over time
• --complicated when there are more
  self- reliant siblings
• --need for weaning
• --reinforces negative self-image

19
Maladaptive Responses (cont)

• Punishment
• Over-Diagnosing/Labeling (Excusing)
• Over-collaboration
• Fraudulent disengagement (on-line, etc.)
• Blaming of Teacher/School
• Blaming of Child
• Blaming of Self
• Angry withdrawal

20
The Self-Reliance Dilemma

• Every teen needs to create an I and a We,
  establishing loyalty to him/herself while
  maintaining loyalty to his/her parents/family.
• Teens will usually err in one direction or
  another in their on-going effort to establish a
  healthy balance, and sometimes solve the
  self-reliance problem in problematic ways

21
The Self-Reliance Dilemma (cont.)

• Parents need to be able to promote the teens
  autonomy while still maintaining appropriate
  connection and support
• Parents will err in one direction or another in
  their on-going effort to establish a healthy
  balance, and solve the self-reliance problem in
  problematic ways

22
Problem-Solving Problems

• Its important for me to be seen as helpless and
  dependent so that not too much is expected of me
• I cannot do exactly what is being asked of me
  academically because I wont feel or appear like
  Im my own person
• I will no longer recognize myself if I become too
  self-reliant, nor will others

23
Problem-Solving Problems (cont.)...
If I cant solve a problem on my own, it doesnt
count My parents can make me do my homework, but
they cant make me turn it in Making mistakes
means I have failed Ill feel humiliated if I
decide to change my ways, and my parents tell me,
I told you so. Doing things differently means
admitting that the my parents were right and I
was wrong
24
Solving Problems (cont.)

• If I am no different than my scholarly
  brother/sister, Ill become invisible and remain
  forever in his/her shadow
• If I become too successful, my parents will think
  that theyre not necessary, and become depressed,
  or pull away from me
• Ill feel guilty if I surpass one of my siblings
• Im still too angry at my parents for what
  happened to make them proud of me and give them
  a chance to brag
• And

25
Problem-Solving Problems

• It is better for me to fail to start than to
  start and fail
• If I try and dont succeed, everyone will know
  Im dumb instead of believing that I might be
  smart

26
Solutions

• The solution to a lack of academic self-reliance
  begins with parents focusing on changing their
  own behavior, rather than the behavior of the
  teen
• Only then will the teen develop faith and belief
  in his/her own ability, and be secure enough to
  solicit and receive help and support when they
  are truly necessary

27
CONSERVATION OF RESPONSIBILITY

• There is a finite amount of responsibility for
  academic matters in any parent-teen
  relationships
• The more responsible for these matters the parent
  is, the less the teen will be
• The less responsible for these matters the parent
  is, the more the teen will be (although not
  necessarily right away)

28

29
Strategies

• Heightened awareness of your own school-related
  experiences, memories and emotions
• Matching your nurture to the teens nature
• Heightened awareness of your own expectations
• Predictability of routine
• Jointly mapping out a schedule and evaluating its
  efficacy over time

30
STRATEGIES (cont.).

• Creation of electronic-free zones/times for
  everyone in the family
• Maintaining appropriate distance/space, while
  teaching how/when to refuel
• Teaching Time-out/Time-Away Strategies
• Meaningful incentives

31
Strategies (cont.)

• Distinguish between assistance and evaluation
  (the teacher, not the parent, is the final judge)
• Invite, rather than demand, that the student make
  modifications
• Support, and collaborate effectively with, school
  staff
• Speak to the advantage of auxiliary supports
  (tutors, etc.) without imposing them

32
Strategies (cont.)

• Envision/position yourself as consultant not
  subcontractor
• Allow your teen to dig a hole, and then dig
  his/her way out of the holehave more faith in
  his/her ability than s/he has in him/herself
• Note where non-academic self-reliance shows up,
  and find ways to apply it to academics

33
Strategies (cont.)

• School conferences that include the teen
• Emphasizing Mastery over Performance
• (to TRANSFORM not to PERFORM)
• Emphasizing Process over Product
• Emphasizing Parental Responsiveness over
  Responsibility
• Emphasizing learning for learnings sake

34
Strategies (cont.)

• Sensitivity to Advantages and Disadvantages of
  Diagnostic Labels
• Awareness of Internalized Stereotypes (gender,
  racial, etc.)
• Awareness of Gender Differences

35
Sex Differences in Brain Function

• Brain areas that process negative emotions are
  closely associated with language areas in girls
• In boys, these areas are localized primarily in
  the amygdala (which has scant connections with
  language, and is focused more on action)

36
Sex Differences in Brain Function

• So it becomes
• Easier for girls to answer the question
• How would you feel if you were x?
• Easier for boys to answer the question
• What would you do if you were x?

37
Strategies (cont.)

• Asking Yourself
• Will this information matter to him/her ten
  years from now?
• Is s/he more likely to remember the knowledge
  resulting from completing this assignment, or the
  fight we had about completing it?

38
STRATEGIES (cont.)

• DEFINING MULTIPLE PATHS OF POTENTIAL DEPARTURE

39
Cant Versus Wont

• When there are legitimate, documented learning
  challenges, attentional deficits, or any other
  form of neuropsychological unevenness

40
Cant Versus Wont

• When there are legitimate, documented learning
  challenges, attentional deficits, or any other
  form of neuropsychological unevenness
• The issue is not that students cant do the
  work, but that its harder to do the work than
  the student would like it to be

41
Cant Versus Wont

• When there are legitimate, documented learning
  challenges, attentional deficits, or any other
  form of neuropsychological unevenness
• There are also the unavoidable feelings of anger
  at the injustice of watching other students no
  smarter than him/herself having an easier time
  succeeding

42
Communicating to PromoteAcademic Self-Reliance

• Listening
• Identifying feelings (yours and theirs)
• Empathy/Understanding
• Attracting the Teens Curiosity regarding his/her
  goals and goal-directed behavior (next slide)

43
Attracting the Teens Curiosity

• What do you tell yourself when its time to begin
  a homework assignment that you are dreading?
• What impact does it have when you say this to
  yourself?
• What else might you try saying to yourself that
  might be more effective?

44
Attracting the Teens Curiosity

• You seem to have been pretty focused on your work
  this evening
• Was that your experience as well?
• If so, how did you create that experience?
• What was it like?
• If not, whats it like to hear that it looked
  different from the outside?

45
Attracting the Teens Curiosity

• You seem to have a tendency to procrastinate
• When did you first notice this about yourself?
• Do you always procrastinate, or only under
  certain conditions?
• What are the advantages and disadvantages of
  procrastinating?
• Do you imagine you always will?

46
SELF-RELIANCE PROMOTING COMMUNICATION (cont.)

• Careful Observation
• Conveying affection, pride and support
• Emphasizing effort
• Using Praise like Penicillin
• All evaluation is judgmental

47

• Conveying Realistic Optimism/Hope
• Focusing on his/her goals, not yours (We know
  you want to be successful vs. We want you to be
  successful.)

48
Try to Avoid

• Absolutes (Youre never going to get this, are
  you?)
• Face value interpretations (I dont care,
  Im bored, I dont care what the teacher
  thinks, etc.) and negating/suppressing strong
  feelings
• Sermons and lectures (less is more)
• Impossible Questions (Do you want to fail?,
  Whats wrong with you?)
• Catastrophizing

49
Try to Avoid (cont.)

• Closed Questions
• Did you learn anything in school today?
• versus
• What kinds of things are you working on in
  Social Studies?

50
The Goal-Setting Dialogue

• What are your goals for this next marking period?
• What will you need to do differently, or more or
  less of, to reach these goals?
• At what average effort level (1-10) were you
  operating at this past marking period?
• At what average effort level (1-10) will you need
  to operate at to reach these goals that you have
  established?

51
The Goal-Setting Dialogue (cont.)

• What role do you think I/we (as parents) ought to
  be playing in support of your reaching those
  goals?
• What support from others (besides us) might be
  helpful (peers, teacher, tutor, etc.)?
• How will you feel about yourself if you dont
  reach those goals?
• How will you feel about yourself if you do reach
  those goals?

52
The Goal-Setting Dialogue

• What will you think you ought to do differently
  should you not reach your goals?
• What will you think we ought to do differently
  should you not reach your goals?
• What are the advantages of reaching your goals?
• What are the disadvantages of reaching your goals?

53
QUESTION 1

• What is the best way to motivate an adolescent
  to become more academically focused?

54
ANSWER 1

• It is impossible to motivate anyone to do
  anythingmotivation is an internally-driven
  phenomenon not an externally-driven one
• All you can do is create a climate that raises
  the odds that an adolescent will find reasons to
  motivate him/herself to achieve a goal

55
QUESTION 2

• What are the three primary functions of the human
  brain?

56
ANSWER 2

• NOT
• Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic

57
ANSWER 2

• Survival
• Reproduction
• Caring of dependents

58
Question 3

• Which comes first, success or motivation?

59
ANSWER 3

• Success always precedes motivation

60
QUESTION 4

• What is the square root of 27?

61
ANSWER 4

• For most of us, it doesnt really matter

62
ANSWER 4

• For most of us, it doesnt really matter
• because imagination is more important than
  knowledge (Einstein)

63
What Do High School Students Want to Learn?

• More about people of all cultures
• Social success skills
• Manners
• How to fix things
• How to find a job
• How to protect yourself
• How to care for one another

64
POWER-GRAM
65
RESPONSIBILITY-GRAM
66
RELATIONSHIP-GRAM