Narrative Essay

1
Narrative Essay

• Central Idea and Concrete Details

2
Main idea and concrete details

• Although Chubby acted somewhat rudely to me, I
  gained tremendous happiness due to feeling needed
  by her. She would leap back and forth pleasantly
  when offered fruit and vegetables. Moreover, her
  tiny round head always appeared from the nest as
  I called her name. She also loved to welcome me
  with her melodious chirps.

3
Main idea and concrete details

• (re-arranging the sequence)
• Although Chubby acted somewhat rudely to me, I
  felt needed by her. As I called her name, her
  tiny round head always popped out of the nest
  right away. She also loved to welcome me with her
  melodious chirps. When offered fruit and
  vegetables, She would leap back and forth
  pleasantly. (When not being fed? A bit more
  details.)

• Although Chubby acted somewhat rudely to me, I
  gained tremendous happiness in feeling needed by
  her. She would leap back and forth pleasantly
  when offered fruit and vegetables. Moreover, her
  tiny round head always popped out of the nest as
  I called her name. She also loved to welcome me
  with her melodious chirps.

• Although Chubby acted somewhat rudely to me, I
  gained tremendous happiness due to feeling needed
  by her. She would leap back and forth pleasantly
  when offered fruit and vegetables. Moreover, her
  tiny round head always appeared from the nest as
  I called her name. She also loved to welcome me
  with her melodious chirps.

4
Main idea concrete details

• No one could awake me from my sleepiness, even
  thought Elvis Presley was now standing in front
  of me and singing Love Me Tender to me. Nothing
  could draw my attention at this moment, except
  for a hot spring shower, and a king-size water
  bed. However, things just never go as smoothly as
  we like. A mans voice continuously came to my
  ears. I would feel better if he was singing a
  lovely lullaby with soft voice, but anyway, his
  voice was not charming at all, and even kind of
  harsh to my poor ears.

5
Main idea concrete details

• No one could awake me from my sleepiness, even if
  Elvis Presley has been standing in front of me
  and singing Love Me Tender to me. Nor could
  anything draw my attention at that moment, except
  for a hot spring bath and a king-size water bed.
  Against my wish, however, a mans voice
  continuously came to my ears. I would have felt
  better if he had been singing a lovely lullaby
  with a soft voice, but his voice was not charming
  at all, and even kind of harsh to my poor ears.

• No one could awake me from my sleepiness, even if
  Elvis Presley had been standing in front of me
  and singing Love Me Tender to me. Nor could
  anything draw my attention at that moment, except
  for a hot spring bath and a king-size water bed.
  Against my wish, however, a mans voice came to
  my ears continuously, low but coarse. Not
  soothing as a lullaby sang in a soft voice, the
  voice disturbed me as a mosquito flying around
  me.

• No one could awake me from my sleepiness, even
  thought Elvis Presley was now standing in front
  of me and singing Love Me Tender to me. Nothing
  could draw my attention at this moment, except
  for a hot spring shower, and a king-size water
  bed. However, things just never go as smoothly as
  we like. A mans voice continuously came to my
  ears. I would feel better if he was singing a
  lovely lullaby with soft voice, but anyway, his
  voice was not charming at all, and even kind of
  harsh to my poor ears.

Voice
Redundant
6
Concrete details avoiding rep.

• In a chilly afternoon several years ago, my home
  was suddenly invaded by a skinny lovebird. This
  furry creature with untidy feathers shivered in
  the warm kitchen. Her spiritless big eyes
  expressed her hunger and desire for a sweet home.
  Facing such a poor wanderer, I could not help
  grabbing my purse and heading to the nearest bird
  shop to buy her some nutritious food.

7
Concrete details avoiding rep.

• In a chilly afternoon several years ago, my home
  was suddenly invaded by a skinny lovebird. This
  furry creature with untidy feathers shivered in
  the warm kitchen. Her spiritless big eyes
  expressed her hunger and desire for a sweet home.
  Facing such a poor wanderer, I could not help
  grabbing my purse and heading to the nearest bird
  shop to buy her some nutritious food.

• In a chilly afternoon several years ago, my home
  was suddenly invaded by a skinny lovebird. This
  furry creature with untidy feathers shivered in
  the warm kitchen. Her spiritless big eyes
  expressed her hunger and desire for a sweet home.
  Facing such a poor wanderer, I could not help
  grabbing my purse and heading to the nearest bird
  shop to buy her some nutritious food.

8
Avoid Sweeping Generalization

• People spend their time on their brilliant career
  rather than paying sympathy for others. A blind
  person can never go out without taking his guide
  dog with him, because only a few people will
  notice him and even, only part of them will help
  him. Human warmness, which is supposed to exist,
  seems to be something out of the ordinary on the
  contrary, indifference takes the place where
  warmness and enthusiasm should be.

9
Avoid Sweeping Generalization

• People spend their time on their brilliant career
  rather than paying sympathy for others. A blind
  person can never go out without taking his guide
  dog with him, because only a few people will
  notice him and even, only part of them will help
  him. Human warmness, which is supposed to exist,
  seems to be something out of the ordinary on the
  contrary, indifference takes the place where
  warmness and enthusiasm should be.

• Thanks to the rapid improvement of information
  technology, todays adults tend to be busier with
  their work, and children, with their selection
  of electronic games and websites. We may be
  reserved to give a blind person a hand, when the
  latter cannot tell whether it is green light or
  red light in front of him at an intersection.
  Human warmness can also vanish from our hearts,
  which are numbed by the many disasters and
  killings covered on the newspapers on daily
  basis. Indifference, then, seems to set in and
  occupies us.