Putting Compassion to Work with Colleagues and Clients

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Putting Compassion to Work with Colleagues and
Clients

• Dr. Harry Stefanakis, R. Psych.
• 303-2806 Kingsway
• Vancouver, BC V5R5V1
• drharry_at_telus.net

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Two Wolves

• A Native American grandfather was talking to his
  grandson about how he felt. He said 'I feel as if
  I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf
  is the vengeful, angry, violent one. The other
  wolf is the loving, compassionate one.' The
  grandson asked him, 'Which wolf will win the
  fight in your heart?' The grandfather answered
  'The one I feed.'

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• Which wolf are we feeding in our own hearts?
• Which wolf are we feeding in the hearts of our
  clients?
• Which wolf is being fed in our interactions with
  each other?

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Outline

• Two World Views
• Fragmentation-Separation-Punishment
• Interdependence-Inclusion-Compassion
• Research Evidence
• Implications/Applications

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World Views

• World views we espouse shape our lives by making
  certain forms of relationships and certain
  actions visible while obscuring other forms of
  relationships and actions.
• Fragmentation
• Interdependence

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• This fragmentary perspective is currently most
  strongly sustained and reinforced within the
  orthodox view of science.
• The world is a collection of distinct and
  separate elements that are related to each other
  by systems that are ruled by mechanical laws
  (Weil, 1994).

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Framework of Separation (Stefanakis, 1999)

• General premises
• Prediction
• Control
• Objectification
• Separation
• Causality

• Premises as related to human interactions
• Continuity and stability in personality and
  behaviour
• Entitlements - Punishment
• Compartamentalize individuals (part is taken as a
  whole)
• Individualized explanations attachments/possessio
  ns
• People are seen as passive objects acted upon by
  internal (e.g., anger) and external (e.g.,
  provocation) forces

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Separation by

• Labeling objectifying pathologizing
• they are different
• Pathologize men What is implied by the questions
  why do these men abuse?
• rotten apples pitbulls/cobras batterer
  domestic terrorist antisocial personality
  disorder
• Pathologize women what is implied in the
  question why do women stay?
• Victim submissive dependant borderline
  personality disorder

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• Justifies Punishment Exclusion Disconnection
• The goal of involves holding individuals
  accountable for their actions.
• A key expectation is that using punitive measures
  with offenders will deter offenders from
  re-offending.

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Defining Punishment

• POINE also revenge pain
• Greek Goddess of Revenge

• Punishment is the deliberate infliction of pain
  on a person for the sake of attaining revenge
  (Gilligan, 2000).

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How well does this work?

• Punitive measures have done little to reduce
  crime in fact they have made it worse (increase
  recidivism by about 25) (McGuire 1995 What works
  in reducing reoffending)
• In DV cases the evidence suggests that for those
  men that are socially marginalized (rather than
  socially bonded), arrest and incarceration
  increases re-offences (Dutton Corvo, 2006
  Garner Maxwell, 2000)
• Prisons provide the ideal context for abuse to
  thrive.
• Paradoxically personal responsibility also
  misattributed

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• Returning violence for violence only multiplies
  violence, adding deeper darkness to a night
  already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive
  out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot
  drive out hate only love can do that.
• Martin Luther King Jr.

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• We are hardwired to connect
• Disconnection decreases ability to regulate
  emotions Rejection increases activity in brain
  to lead to reactivity

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Why do we separate them from us?

• If we listen to their stories we may begin to see
  them as whole persons
• This discovery of our common humanity is seems
  dangerous
• we lose some of our power privilege
• we are forced to look at the shadow side of
  ourselves our vulnerabilities
• we are also forced to own up to our
  responsibility
• Fear is at the heart of separation Jean Vanier,
  1998

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Creates Fundamentalism

• Fear closes our hearts and narrows our mind
• Our motivation to do this is to find some kind of
  ease freedom from the distress we are feeling
• In doing this we end up creating a fundamentalist
  mind a mind that has become rigid. First the
  heart hardens then the mind becomes hardened into
  a point of view, then you justify your reactions
  towards another human being because of what they
  represent and what they say or do Pema
  Chödrön

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• There will never be peace until someone softens
  what is rigid in their hearts
• Pema Chödrön

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A Case for Compassion

• Compassion is made visible scientifically within
  a perspective which highlights the
  non-fragmentary nature of the universe in which
  energy manifests in the form of matter, life and
  information that is linked or inter-connected
  (Weil, 1994)
• The Universe is one indivisible dynamic whole!

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The True Peace

• The first peace, which is the most important, is
  that which comes within the souls of men when
  they realize their relationship, their oneness
  with the universe and all its powers and when
  they realize that at the centre of the Universe
  dwells Wakan-Tanka, and that this centre is
  really everywhere, it is within each of us. This
  is the real peace and the others are but a
  reflection of this. The second peace is that
  which is made between two individuals and the
  third between two nations. But above all you
  should understand that there can never be peace
  between peoples until there is first known that
  true peace, which as I have often said, is within
  the souls of men.
• Black Elk

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Framework of Inclusion (Stefanakis, 1999)

• Premises as related to human interaction
• Encouragement/Respect Invitations to
  Responsibility
• Compassion/Understanding/Love
• Communal Responsibility
• Forgiveness (seeing persons as whole beings),
  Empathy/Compassion
• Individual Responsibility (people are agents of
  their actions)

• General premises
• Change is natural and expected
• All life and matter are inter-related
• Individual elements can only be understood in
  context
• Holistic perspective
• Agency

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Compassion Inclusion

• At its core, Compassion is a process of
  connecting by identifying with another.
• Compassion evokes a desire to do something to
  relieve the suffering of another.
• Disconnection undoing the identifications with
  others so as to make them aliens leads to
  violence and atrocities

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Compassion is an emotional competency a target
of intervention

• Compassion has neurological correlates that
  increase in activity with practice. It is a
  flexible skill that can be trained (Davidson,
  2003)
• Teaching Compassion is essential in our work As
  men begin to identify with others feelings,
  needs and concerns (empathy) and they begin to
  care about the other persons feelings, needs and
  concerns such that they wish attend to these
  needs (compassion), control and power as choices
  of interaction become less visible.
• Empathy without compassion can be used
  manipulatively.
• Compassion and Fear are incompatible emotional
  states (Baker, 2003).

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Compassion regulates physiology and increases
cognitive capacity for problem solving

• Broaden and Build Theory (Fredickson, 2000 2003)
• Negative Emotions narrow an individuals momentary
  thought-action repertoire towards survival
  function (decreases frontal lobe activity)
  Positive Emotions (e.g., compassion) broaden an
  individuals momentary thought-action repertoire
  which helps with problem solving and builds
  enduring resources also has an undoing effect on
  negative physiological states from negative
  emotions. Moves people from survival mode to
  growth mode.

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• The heart is a sensory organ that has its own
  internal nervous system (Armour Ardell, 1994)
• Heart-Math Research (Childre and Rozman, 2003)
• The hearts nervous system relays important
  information back to the brain. Negative emotions
  trigger disordered heart rhythms which increase
  emotional distress trigger survival mode in
  survival mode you cant think coherently.

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• Positive emotions create coherent heart rhythms
  that increase cognitive capacity.
• The quickest way you can shift your heart rhythms
  into coherence is to feel more love, caring and
  compassion.

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We need to model what we teach

• Research findings show that anothers intention
  to help calm down anxious individuals as measured
  by sympathetic nervous system activity indicate
  that others can have almost the same mind-body
  effect on you as you have on yourself.
• Greatest effects happened with those who really
  needed it (highly anxious)
• Increased effect if intervener practiced of
  relaxation techniques and viewed everything as
  connected (Schlitz Braud, 1997)
• Physiological data has shown that an aggressive
  persons physiological activation diminishes in
  the context of a person demonstrating compassion
  and loving-kindness (Ekman, 2003)

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• Research suggests that the heart rate variability
  in one person can have an impact on another
  person (McCraty, 2002)
• Mirror neurons neural networks for perception
  and action share a common code - our initial
  perceptions prepare us for action (Goleman, 2006)
• Emotion stirs a related urge to act observed
  emotions, whether of contempt or compassion,
  activated the neural circuitry in the pre-motor
  cortex to respond as if we were experiencing the
  emotion

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• If you cannot generate compassion for your
  clients you should not be in the room with them
• We are not advocating for peace and nonviolence
  if we cannot show each other compassion

Man cannot do right in one department of life
whilst he is occupied in doing wrong in another
department. Life is one indivisible whole
Mahatma Ghandi
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Approaches based on compassion build connections
Build Alliances

• Keeps men in treatment and therefore reduce risk
  and recidivism
• The rate of attrition in DV groups has been in
  the order of 50 even though we should expect it
  to be about 20 (Gondolf)
• Drop-outs tend to be younger, single, unemployed
  and generally a higher risk for re-offending.
  (Disconnected)
• Program completion is associated with reduced
  recidivism. Need to keep them in treatment.
• Facilitators skill in engaging the client
  reduces attrition and manages risk. (Andrews,
  1995 MacMurran Ward, 2004 Stefanakis, 2000
  Stefanakis Trimble, 2001).

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• Keeps women connected to healthy voices
• Senter Caldwell (2002) reported that survivors
  of DV noted the importance of repeated, patient
  compassionate messages that countered the
  messages of abuse
• This keeps them connected to those messages and
  facilitates exiting abusive relationships
• Promotes forgiveness of self (Turnage et al.,
  2003) and other (Senter Caldwell, 2002) that
  promotes healthy resilience (Worthington
  Scherer, 2004)
• Helps create open and positive communication
  which is essential for an effective coordinated
  response

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Intelligent Compassion also indicates that we
need to be clear about accountability

• Compassionate approaches attend to responsibility
  not blame
• Emphasizes agency in choices this highlights
  accountability and is empowering at the same time
• When a man is engaged in tactics of control he is
  suffering even as he creates suffering
  compassion moves us to hold him accountable as it
  is the only way to end suffering
• A good therapist always practices deep,
  compassionate listeningWhen psychotherapists
  practice Right Listening, their patients have the
  courage to say things they have never been able
  to tell anyone before. Thich Nhat Hanh
• Compassion is universal compassion for those who
  offend does not take away from those victimized.
  Safety is always the priority.

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Compassion makes change (and obstacles to change)
visible and invites men into change process

• If change is natural and expected we focus on how
  to facilitate change and remove obstacles from
  change.
• Instead of getting caught up in blame/rhetoric of
  resistance or pathologizing labels (e.g.,
  domestic terrorist) we focus on asking questions
  regarding obstacles to change and how we can
  intervene to facilitate further change.
• This is made easier when we see people
  holistically
• Challenges Offenders Face
• How do you acknowledge abuse while protecting
  self from pathology/dehumanization (Mad or Bad)?
• How do you take responsibility for using
  violence/abuse and still remain redeemable as a
  person?
• If you have acknowledged abuse, how do you make
  change comprehensible to self and others?

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Summary Compassion

• Compassion is a process of connecting by
  identifying with another and creates energy to
  respond wisely.
• It is made visible and sustained within a
  framework that highlights our interdependence.
• Compassion is an emotional competency and a
  target of intervention
• We need to model what we teach
• Approaches based on compassion and dignity build
  connections keep men in treatment and therefore
  reduce risk and recidivism
• Compassion also indicates that we need to be
  clear about accountability
• Compassion makes change (and obstacles to change)
  visible and invites men into change process

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Practical Implications

• Starting with OURSELVES
• If the internal enemy of hatred is not tamed,
  when one tries to tame external enemies, they
  increase. Therefore, it is a practice of the wise
  to tame themselves by the means of the forces of
  Love and Compassion.
• Bodhisattva Tokmay Sangpo

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Which wolf are we feeding in our own hearts?

• Compassion and Compassion Fatigue
• Compassion Broadens and Builds (Fredrickson, in
  press) and activates neural centers associated
  with well-being (Davidson, 2003)
• Compassion Fatigue can result from handling the
  pain and suffering of others for too long
• Symptoms energy depletion reduced
  effectiveness decline in compassion towards
  others avoidance detachment irritability etc.
• Remedies practice self-compassion (self care)
  practice intelligent compassion (boundaries
  focus on your responsibilities) practice
  detachment practice entering in the state of
  compassion.

If you want others to be happy, practice
compassion. If you want to be happy practice
compassion. Dalai Lama
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Which wolf are we feeding in the hearts of our
clients?

• Need faith in the process the foundation of
  which is the work we do with ourselves
• Repeat If you cannot generate intelligent
  compassion for your clients you should not be in
  the room with them.

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Which wolf are we feeding in our interactions
with each other?

• Compassionate leadership invites the best from
  all parties by creating an open environment and
  forging alliances (Mannix Neale, 2005)
• Sustainable leadership is compassionate
  leadership (Boyatzis et al, 2006)
• Diversity increases group effectiveness when
  collectivist values rather than personal goals
  are emphasized (Mannix Neale, 2005)
• Coordinated responses are the most effective
  responses to reducing relationship violence (Lots
  of research)

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Common Ground for Coordination
Commonalities
Mission Vision
Compassion
Practice Service Delivery
Policies Mandates
Community Organizations Institutions
Differences
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Conclusion

• To the degree that each of us is dedicated to
  creating peace in the world, then we have to take
  responsibility when our hearts and minds harden
  and close. We have to be brave enough to soften
  what is rigid, to find the soft spot and stay
  with it. We have to have that kind of courage and
  take that kind of responsibility. Thats true
  spiritual warriorship. Thats true practice of
  peace. Pema Chödrön

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THANK YOU

• Dr. Harry Stefanakis, R. Psych.
• 303-2806 Kingsway
• Vancouver, BC V5R5V1
• drharry_at_telus.net