How To Choose A Partner

1
How To Choose A Partner

• Fr. Jacob Ghaly

2
The 4 CategoriesThese categories are suggestions
of what may be ideal

• When
• Where
• How
• Expectations

3
When

• An ideal time would be towards the end of your
  college career
• - Before that age, heterosexual attraction is
  usually general Later on, the attraction is
  towards 1 person (psychological maturity)
• By law over 18 years old
• -Before that age, the relationship will
• lack spiritual, psychological, and financial
  maturity

4
When

• Females usually mature around 2 years earlier
  than males.
• The maturity level usually equalizes between
  males and females between the ages of 25-30
• The ideal difference in age is up to 5 years

5
Where

• Church
• Including activities such as retreats,
  service, trips, Sunday school, etc.
• Work
• Could be anywhere according to the will of God

6
How

• Prayer is the best tool to find a partner where
  God will chose the person, the time, and the way
  through his wisdom.
• The dangers angers of finding a partner through
  the internet

7
Expectations

• Some people will form unreal expectations of what
  they are looking for in a partner.
• Beauty is fading and charm is deceitful
• My partner should be very close to me in terms of
  my
• Spirituality
• Financially
• Academically
• This will generally minimize many problems later
  on

8

• It is very important for Churches to run some
  sort of program that will prepare partners for
  marriage.

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5 Factors that go into choosing a partner

• Spirit
• Mind
• Parents
• Feeling
• Open Doors

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Spirit

• Gods Voice
• Father of confession Has wisdom and discernment
  will help and pray for you
• We need Jesus to be the center of the
  relationship from the beginning Jesus Christ
  should be the 3rd person in a relationship
• The Holy Spirit is the guidance

11
Mind

• Everything makes sense
• Difference in age, personality, etc.

12
Parents

• 1 of the signs of Gods approval is the comfort
  of the parents
• In our Coptic culture, the marriage is between 2
  partners However, both families are very much
  involved. If there is no harmony between the 2
  families, it will create countless problems.
• If there is discomfort with parents prayer and
  time are key.

13
Feeling

• Our love to our partner must be aghapy love, not
  aerus love
• Do not rely on feelings 100. Feelings will be
  overwhelming at first, but later on, you need
  aghapy love to sustain the relationship.

14
Open Doors

• We prayed, we are comfortable, parents agree, we
  have the blessings of our families, all the doors
  are open
• This usually means Gods will is taking place
• This doesnt mean you will not experience any
  obstacles.

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Factors affecting the Decision

• Family
• love and respect between parents,
• how they deal with relatives,
• there is harmony between the 2 families
• Culture
• Communication
• Dialogue
• Ability to express feelings
• Responsibility (Level of success in life)
• Financial Status
• Diseases (hepatitis, Cancer, infertility,
  psychological disorders, etc.)

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Questions to ask yourself after you find your
potential partner

• Q1 Faith
• Q1 Life
• Q3 Culture
• Q4 Personality

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Q1 Faith

• Is the person attached to the Church?
• Does the person have a relationship with God?
• Why does the person go to Church?
• Is Jesus the first in his/her life?
• Are they living a life of repentance?
• Is God their first refuge when there is trouble?
• What is the value of the Bible in their life?

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Q2 Life

• How do they spend money?
• Do they love to serve others?
• Do they respect other people?
• Do they respect the lowly?
• Is there any kind of addiction present in their
  lives?
• Is the person stubborn or heard-headed?
• Are they able to keep a private life with their
  spouse?
• Are they quick to lose friends?
• How long does it take to forgive someone? A
  moment, day, year, forever?
• Ambition, greediness, laziness

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Q3 Culture

• Who are their friends?
• What books do they read?
• What websites do they go on?
• What shows/ movies do they watch?
• How do they spend their free time?
• Hobbies?
• Music?

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Q4 Personality

• The dangers of comparing?
• Are they hesitant in making decisions?
• Punctuality in time?
• Do they like to own everything they see?
• Are they able to say sorry when they are wrong?
• Are they suspicious/ paranoid about people around
  them?
• Humility?

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Notes

• Marriage is an establishment of the house of the
  Lord
• Whenever 2 or 3 are gathered I will be in the
  midst (these are husband, wife, and children)
• The bodies are holy as long as they are faithful
  to each other
• Marriage is a spiritual gift, but not with
  non-believers
• As wine and water are mixed, also husband and
  wife to be in harmony

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Wrong reasons for marriage

• Money
• Papers
• Position in company
• Just to have kids
• To serve ME

23
Goals for marriage

• To become 1 unity
• Aghapy love
• Sharing
• Salvation
• Godly Children

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Bible References

• Eph. 522
• Heb. 1324
• 1 Cor. 72, 74, 710,
• Eph. 528
• Mat. 194, 196