BLOOPERS AND ACCIDENTAL HUMOR

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BLOOPERS AND ACCIDENTAL HUMOR

• by Don L. F. Nilsen
• and Alleen Pace Nilsen

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YOGI BERRA

• Yogi Berra was the catcher for the New York
  Yankees baseball team. He said
• I want to win 100 or 105 games this
  yearwhichever comes first.
• Its déjà vu all over again.
• It aint over til its over.
• Yogi Berra was the inspiration for the cartoon
  character on television named Yogi Bear.

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• ARCHIE BUNKER
• In All in the Family, Archie Bunkers mistakes
  showed that he was a xenophobic biggot
• Milton Berlin, Morgan David wine, Blackberry
  Finn, pushy imported ricans, and a regular Marco
  Polish showed he was racist.
• Englebum Humperdunk and welfare incipients showed
  he was uneducated.
• The immaculate connection, Dunn and Broadstreet,
  and groinocologist showed he was sexist.

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CHILDRENS BLOOPERS

• Children are often faced with language that they
  are unfamiliar with.
• Thats why children may change chess into
  chest.
• Or they may change the church hymn Gladly the
  Cross Id Bear into Gladly, the Cross-Eyed
  Bear.

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• From Richard Lederers Anguished English
• Queen Elizabeth was the Virgin Queen. When
  Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they
  all shouted hurrah. Then her navy went out and
  defeated the Spanish Armadillo.

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• Also From Richard Lederers Anguished English
• It was an age of great inventions and
  discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible.
  Another important invention was the circulation
  of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical
  figure because he invented cigarettes and started
  smoking. And Sir Frances Drake circumsised the
  world with a 100-foot clipper.

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CHILDRENS EXCUSES FOR ABSENCE

• Mary could not come to school because she has
  been bothered by very close veins.
• Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his
  fathers fault.
• Teacher, please excuse Mary for being absent.
  She was sick and I had her shot.

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SIGMUND FREUD

• Sigmund Freud said that slips of the tongue often
  are evidence of peoples subconscious desires, as
  when the President of the Lower House of
  Parliament opened a meeting by saying
• Gentlemen, I take notice that a full quorum of
  members is present and herewith declare the
  meeting closed.

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SAMUEL GOLDWIN

• Samuel Goldwin of Metro Goldwin Meyer said
• A verbal contract isnt worth the paper its
  written on.
• Every Tom, Dick, and Harry is named William.
• For your information, I would like to ask a
  question.
• Now, gentlemen, listen slowly.

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INTERNATIONAL ENGLISH

• Sign in a Norwegian cocktail lounge
• Ladies are requested not to have children in the
  bar.
• Sign in an Acapulco hotel
• The manager has personally passed all the water
  served here.

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• Sign in a Japanese hotel
• Cold and Heat. If you want to condition the
  warm in your room, please control yourself.
• Sign in a Hong Kong tailor shop
• Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

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NEWSPAPER STORIES

• The United Press International reported a story
  from Sheridan, California
• A farm goose flying along suddently exploded in
  mid-air. The sheriffs deputy explained that the
  goose must have swallowed a blasting cap, which
  was somehow set off.

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• An unoccupied car, parked near the Horseshoe
  Falls, turned its lights on.
• then the lenses shattered,
• the horn began to blow,
• the engine started,
• the car burst into flames, and
• the windshield exploded.
• Firemen blamed the cars activity on a short
  circuit.

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• The Salt Lake Tribune
• The Salt Lake City Track Clubs All-Womens
  10,000-meter race is scheduled Saturday at 8 a.m.
  at Sugarhouse Park. The entry fee is 4 with
  shirt or 1 without.

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NEWSPAPER HEADLINES

• Dr. Ruth Talks about Sex with Newspaper Editors
• Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
• Defendants Speech Ends in Long Sentence
• Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasnt
  Seen in Years

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PUBLIC SIGNS

• Sign on a ski slope in Northern Arizona
• Out of control skiers yield right-of-way.
• Sign on a West Coast bridge during World War II
• In case of bombing attack, drive directly off
  the bridge.

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WILLIAM A. SPOONER

• British clergyman William A. Spooner was a
  professor at Oxford University who is reported to
  have said
• Three cheers for our queer old dean (referring
  to Queen Victoria)
• Is it kistomary to cuss the bride?
• Stop hissing all my mystery lectures.

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CASEY STENGEL

• Casey Stengel, the manager of the New York
  Yankees baseball team, said
• I guess Ill have to start from scraps.
• Everybody line up alphabetically according to
  your height.

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TELEVISION BLOOPERS

• On The Worlds Funniest Videos you will find such
  things as
• a baseball player who loses his pants when he
  catches a fly ball,
• a bridegroom in a wedding ceremony who sprays his
  mouth before kissing the bride
• a child who searches for Easter Eggs in the
  baskets of other children

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• Accidental Humor Web Site
• KETCHUP CAR CRASH
• http//www.youtube.com/watch?vYQQD9bPrUPU

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Nuns at a Fruit Bar