Focusing our Ideas

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Focusing our Ideas

• My Room

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Good ideas means

• Say something worthwhile, not obvious.
• Clearly make a point.
• Stay focused.
• Dont go off the topic.
• Give several examples or details.
• Be thorough.
• Include adjectives, details, and plenty of
  explanation.

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Ideas Say something meaningful.

• Towering bookshelves are neatly lined with tales
  of adventures I pretend I have experienced.
• vs.
• The adventure books I like are on the shelves.

Well-said!
Obvious.
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Ideas Clearly make a point.
Meaningful!
Dancing freely on my bed is a release of excited
energy Ive been keeping inside after a long
afternoon of quiet studying. vs. I dance on my
bed. It is fun.
Bor-ing.
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Ideas Stay focused.
Pungent piles of last nights football equipment
steam in the corner while wet gym shoes drip as
they dangle from my unmade bed. Papers peek from
the unzipped binder reminding me that somewhere
inside homework waits to be completed. vs. I
played football last week and left the equipment
on the floor. I scored a touchdown. It rained
on the way home and my shoes got wet. I threw
them on my bed. I never make my bed. I have
lots of homework to do. I keep a messy binder.
On-topic, clear, and focused
You lost me.
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Ideas Be thorough. Give specific details.
Paint a picture with your words.
Thick black cords for remote controls for Guitar
Hero, PlayStation, and wii snake across the floor
in tangles and knots. vs. I have remote
controls in my room.
I can picture this!
No-duh.
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Organization Lets evaluate.
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Topic Sentences

• Introduce the topic without giving away too much
  detail. (Avoid listing reasons or saying
  because).
• Grab the readers attention by using an
  interesting quote, memorable saying, or making a
  strong statement (choose words carefully to make
  an impression)
• THIS IS JUST A PREVIEW!

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Some samples

• My hall of memories for my prized possessions.
• My 24 hour storage is full of junk long
  forgotten.
• My battleground screams the words Thats mine!
  and Get that off my bed!
• My art studio is full of cluttered sketches and
  drawings.
• My relaxation getaway is just down the distant
  corridor away from everything.

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More samples

• In my own many-land fantasy world I have traveled
  everywhere imaginable.
• My sound room is popping and my radio is
  constantly buzzing with loud music, making it
  feel like a music studio.
• The pale green walls in my relaxing paradise of
  life seem to bother my mom, but they soothe my
  patience and my mind.
• My horse stable is full of horses, and they way
  the sun shines on them makes them seem to come
  alive.
• My homework station is full of homework papers
  that are all piled up in 2 stacks, but are all
  finished and ready to turn in.

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TSAdd details or rearrange

• Try rearranging your sentence
• YOURS My comfort zone is in the back of the
  house on the main level.
• REVISED At the back of the house on the main
  level __________ my comfort zone, ______________.
• YOURS My natural disaster area is filled with a
  flood of papers and there is an earthquake of
  clothes on the floor.
• REVISED Floods of papers and mountains of
  clothes fill my natural disaster area, making it
  seem___________________.
• YOUR TURN! Try it with your sentence now.

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DETAILS They should be meaningful and
descriptive.

• Finally, I have mementoes from lots of different
  states.
• I always have bright fun colors to make me think
  of happy times.
• I watch sports games and read ESPN magazines.
• You have a place for just about everything and
  its all labeled.
• STOP BEING SO VAGUE!!!!

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DETAILS Make them meaningful. Paint a picture.

• At home, its always springtime with the
  butterflies, lady bugs, and dark and light green
  grasses on the wall.
• Dust-covered toys from long ago hide under my
  bed, anxious to be used again.
• An invisible line divides the center of the room
  and clearly states Warning Do not Cross.
• During the school year, paper tornadoes of
  homework can be seen soaring through the sky
  they suck you up and never let you go.
• Pictures, music, and games in my room inspire me
  to go places seeing The Wizard of Oz game
  transforms me into Dorothy.

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CS These are no-nos. Get rid of them. This
means you.

• These are examples of my room.
• When Im in my room I feel awesome.
• That is my room that makes me feel happy inside.
• That is why I love my room.
• This is how my room is a personal sanctuary.

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CS Suggest the emotional state of the room.
Stay on topic. You should have a theme going.

• While admiring my hall of memories, I feel proud
  of my accomplishments because I worked hard to
  earn all of the memories in my room.
• Even though my parents think they take up too
  much room, my trophies make me feel like an
  Olympic track medalist.
• My family knows to proceed with caution when they
  enter this disaster area, but I am protected from
  harm since it is my room.

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• IDEAS
• Say something meaningful, not obvious
• Clearly make a point, dont go off topic.
• Be thorough with details and explanations.

• Something that describes how
  organized I am would definitely be my room! My
  pleasing area of spotless floors and dressers are
  very pleasing to me and also my parents. My room
  is the place I am sealed from all the chaos of
  the world around me. This is somewhere that my
  sister looks at and ponders, but at the same time
  disgust in her eyes wondering how anyone could be
  so clean. This is a place that describes how
  clean I am and how that will never change.

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• IDEAS
• Say something meaningful, not obvious
• Clearly make a point, dont go off topic.
• Be thorough with details and explanations.

• My own personal style of all things
  purple is what my room is to me. Little
  dragonflies cover the walls, practically flying
  off and breezing around the room. The shelves
  are lined with sweet, fluffy stuffed animals that
  I cherish and adore. Long beads of flowers in
  all different colors replace curtains of fabric
  down my windows. The only other colors being
  aqua and line green, for purple is my favorite.
  My bed cover, purple, aqua, and lime green plaid,
  to me the best colors in the world. I know its
  only an opinion, but I really do think purple is
  the best color.

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• IDEAS
• Say something meaningful, not obvious
• Clearly make a point, dont go off topic.
• Be thorough with details and explanations.

• You must have a ticket to access the
  showcase. . .and the ticket is to be me. The
  showcase is the perfect place to stay, for its
  breezy state makes it a cool place to be. . .both
  ways. Its at the perfect temperature, and the
  artwork, trophies, and medals are astonishing.
  My showcase is organized, with books in one
  place, art, another, and awards somewhere else.
  Its a relaxing place to be, so still, and
  relaxing and clean. But a word of warning Take
  a nap in the bed, and you may never want to get
  up again.

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• IDEAS
• Say something meaningful, not obvious
• Clearly make a point, dont go off topic.
• Be thorough with details and explanations.

• My library is full of posters, books,
  papers, and nicely carved shelves. When I wake
  in the morning I can feel all of the bright paint
  making me so warm. If I am reading in my room, I
  feel as though the characters are right there in
  my room which makes my room adventurous. I have
  lots of memories, good and bad, in my room. No
  wars, nothing but pure peace. I love my room and
  it is my place of zen, peace, and pure love and
  joy!

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• IDEAS
• Say something meaningful, not obvious
• Clearly make a point, dont go off topic.
• Be thorough with details and explanations.

• My 24-hour storage is full of junk
  long forgotten. Under my bed, many toys are
  covered in dust from long ago. In my closet I
  have old clothes that havent seen the light of
  day in years. On my shelf, old books that
  havent been opened in many years with dusty
  covers and yellowed pages. Even though I just
  keep things in my room, it is still a placed
  where I know where everything is and can keep
  things forever.