Bullying: A parents guide to helping children

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BullyingA parents guide to helping children

• Presented by
• Shelley Klaas, Armstrong Counselor
• Created by Shelley Klaas, Neil Armstrong
  Counselor, and Haley Wikoff, K-12 Guidance Team
  Leader

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What Is Bullying?

• Bullying involves repeated acts of physical,
  emotional, or social behavior that are
  intentional, controlling, and hurtful.
• Bullying is defined by a power imbalance between
  the bully and the target.
• A bullys power can be derived from physical
  size, strength, verbal skills, popularity, or
  gender.
• A bullys target feels tormented, helpless, and
  defenseless.
• Bullying can include hitting, name-calling,
  threatening, intimidating, kicking, spreading
  rumors, teasing, pushing, tripping, excluding
  someone from a group, eye rolling/facial
  expressions meant to hurt or exlude, or
  destroying someones things.
• Bullying is NOT a disagreement or conflict
  between two people.

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How Safe Do Our Children Feel?

• 1998, United States A national study found
  that about 30 of 6th-10th grade students who
  were sampled reported moderate or frequent
  involvement in bullying, as a bully, a victim, or
  both.
• Armstrong student surveys in 2007 indicate
  that, in grades 1-3, only 5 of the students
  report that they do not feel safe at school. In
  grades 4-5, this number increases to 20.
• Guidance classroom lessons, counseling small
  groups, and school-wide interventions helped to
  increase students sense of safety at school
  post-tests indicated that the number of students
  in 4-5 feeling unsafe decreased from 20 to
  12.
• We continue to collect data to help us address
  the issue of bullying at Armstrong!

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You Need to Know

• Bullying is a form of abuse, harassment and
  violence. Parents should NOT consider bullying
  just a part of growing up.
• Bullying usually takes place over time it is not
  a one-time incident. Children often feel
  helpless in the face of bullying and do not know
  how to get it stopped.
• Physical bullying/harassment can be a one-time
  incident if the bully is told to stop and
  refuses.
• The National Institute of Health reports that in
  the United States bullying affects more than 5
  million students in grades 6 through 11.
• One out of 7 students report being victimized.

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Is Your Child Being Bullied?

• If your child exhibits one or more of these
  warning signs, s/he may be the victim of
  bullying. Talk with your child to find out what
  is going on. Concerns include
• Withdraws socially, has few or no friends.
• Feels isolated, alone and sad.
• Feels picked on or persecuted.
• Feels rejected and not liked.
• Frequently complains of illness.
• Doesnt want to go to school.
• Brings home damaged possessions or reports them
  lost.
• Cries easily, displays mood swings and talks
  about hopelessness.
• Displays victim body language - hangs head,
  hunches shoulders, avoids eye contact.

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If You Suspect Your Child Is Being Bullied

• DO
• Make sure your child knows being bullied is not
  his or her fault.
• Let your child know that s/he does not have to
  face being bullied alone.
• Discuss ways of responding to bullies.
• Teach your child to be assertive (mouse,
  monster, me).
• Help your child to know when and how to get help.
• Tell your child to report bullying IMMEDIATELY to
  a trusted adult.
• Contact the school/teacher/counselor.

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If You Suspect Your Child Is Being Bullied

• DONT
• Ask children to solve their own bullying problems
• Advise the bullied child to fight the bully.
• Try to mediate a bullying situation.
• Blame either the victim or the bully.
• Ignore the situation and hope it will go away!

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Prevent Your Child From Becoming a TARGET

• Instill self-confidence in your child.
• Help your child establish good social skills.
• Teach your child to speak out for him or herself.
• Teach your child to seek help, if harassed, from
  you and other caring adults.

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How do I find out if child is BULLYING?

• Warning Signs

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If your child

• Displays aggressive or spiteful behaviors if
  s/he talks about getting even or revenge
• Has a marked need to dominate or manipulate
  others
• Seems to like to insult, push around, or tease
  other children
• Has problems dealing with anger and/or impulse
  control.
• S/he may be exhibiting bullying behaviors and
  needs help!

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If You Think Your Child Is A Bully, Remember

• Bullying is NOT acceptable behavior.
• There are penalties for bullying and
  experiencing consequences is one way to help a
  child to stop bullying (rescuing a child from
  consequences never helps).
• There are always alternative ways to deal with
  anger/frustration.
• It is important to teach and reward more
  appropriate behavior.
• It is important to help your child develop an
  understanding of the impact of bullying.
• Empathy is the best approach to changing
  bullying.
• Every child who bullies needs help to make
  amends/make restitution (making it up to the
  person/people who have been hurt).
• It is always ok to seek support/counseling.
• Staying calm is critical - TRY NOT TO BECOME
  ANGRY AND DEFENSIVE if contacted by the school.

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Who Bullies?

• Children who believe violence is the way to solve
  problems.
• Children who are aggressive.
• Children who have a need to dominate and suppress
  other students, to assert themselves by means of
  force and threats, and to get their own way.
• Often hot-tempered and impulsive children those
  who can not handle obstacles and frustrations.
• Children who find it difficult to fit in with
  others.
• Children who find it difficult to follow rules.
• Those children who seem to lack EMPATHY they
  tend to be self-absorbed and have little concern
  for others.
• Children who are good at talking their way out of
  difficult situations.

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Armstrong Bullying Prevention Procedures

• Bullying Behavior Reported
• Level One Intervention with Counselor - Students
  Work to Solve Their Own Problems Children Are
  Advised of the Consequences of Continuing
  Bullying Behaviors (Principal or Other Staff May
  Be Involved in a Level One As Needed)
• Level Two Second Incident - Intervention with
  Principal Includes Documentation and Policy
  Review
• Parent Involvement (determined by Mr. Hatfield)
• Official Bullying/Harassment Letter to
  Parents/Cum Folder (determined by Mr. Hatfield)
• Note more serious incidents may involve
  immediate principal referral many situations are
  dealt with at the classroom level before they are
  reported as bullying.

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Prevent Your Child From Becoming A BULLY

• Model non-violent behavior for your child
  discuss problems that you are attempting to solve
  in peaceful ways.
• Clearly state that violence is not acceptable.
• Assist your child in finding non-violent
  strategies for anger management and conflict
  resolution.
• Seek help from mental health/school counselors to
  help stop bullying and aggressive behavior.
• Discuss alternatives to bullying with your child
  talking about problems/ feelings, use of the
  problem-solving chart, anger management
  strategies.
• Remember your school counselor can assist with
  anger management strategies and problem-solving
  ideas.
• Contact Shelley Klaas, Armstrong Counselor, for
  more information/support.