Hogwarts Castle...

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Hogwarts Castle...
An Interpretation of The Adventures of Harry
Potter
By The Kidson Kids
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Every September, students are invited to attend
Hogwarts school for witchcraft and wizardry.
This year, Harry Potter and his friends,
Hermione, Ron, and Jackie Chan, were all invited
to come learn to be masters of magic! After
receiving their invitations, they quickly got
together to excitedly discuss their plans for the
upcoming school year. They had no idea what
adventures lay before them!
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Before heading off to school, the group of
friends went shopping for school supplies. Last
on their lists was an item that required a trip
to the pet shop in Diagon Alley! There they
found pets of every sort- owls to frogs to
lobsters to snakes...
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Ron left with a rat named Scabbers, Hermione
bought a cat named Crookshanks, Harry bought an
owl and called it Hedwig, and Jackie Chan bought
some fish. He refused to put them in a tank,
however and insisted on waving them around in the
air. They began to smell kind of funny.
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When they had finally finished shopping, they
took the Hogwarts Express to Hogwarts Castle.
The ride to school was interesting. Jackie and
his fish were forced to sit in a car at the end
of the train, away from the other students. Poor
Jackie Chan.
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Upon arriving at Hogwarts, the friends were to be
sorted into their dormatories by the Sorting Hat.
Ron, Hermione, and Harry were all placed in
Gryffindor. Malfoy, the bad kid, was placed in
Slytherin. Everyone else was placed in other
dorms, but we wont go into detail here because
thats irrellevent to the story.
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Then it was Jackie Chans turn to be sorted. He
sat on the stool, and placed the Sorting Hat on
his head. The hat grumbled a bit and then
announced that Jackie Chan didnt belong in any
of the dorms. The hat didnt believe that any
dorm should have to live with his stinky dead
fish. Poor Jackie Chan. So he walked the halls
of Hogwarts aimlessly.
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Soon it was time for classes to start. Harry and
Hermione had a class with the suspicious
Professor Quirrell. Rumor was that he was
actually Lord Voldemort in disguise. He was also
rumored to have very bad fashion sense. Harry
and Hermione didnt like his purple turban. They
thought it was weird.
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Ron and Harry had a class with Master Yoda.
Master Yoda was difficult to understand, and he
was regularly making references to using the
force and the dark side. Ron and Harry made a
note to ask for lightsabers for Christmas.
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Jackie Chan had a class with Professor Giraffe.
Jackie Chan had a lot of trouble in that class
because he didnt speak Giraffese. Poor Jackie
Chan.
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One day, Harry, Ron, Hermione and Jackie Chan all
decided to go on an adventure- they were to go in
search of the Evil Giant Broken Candy Cane of
Doom!!!
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The adventurers soon ran into a strange fellow.
He was short and had curly hair. . . On his
feet!!! Who are you? I mean, What are you?,
asked Jackie Chan. I am Sam the Hobbit, replied
the strange thing.
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The adventurers has a nice long chat with this
Hobbit. They discovered that he, too, was on
an adventure. He was not, however, in search of
the Evil Giant Broken Candy Cane of Doom. No,
no. He was looking for some guy named Gandalf.
The Hobbit explained a lot about a ring and
another Hobbit and some goblins and these things
called Elves and stuff, but the adventurers
werent really paying attention. Jackie Chan
fell asleep. The Hobbit, who was greatly
offended by his failure to take interest in his
tale, kicked Jackie Chan in the foot. He then
Ran off in another direction. Poor Jackie Chan.
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They continued on, Jackie Chan limping at the
head of their party, until they came to what
appeared to be a battle. Ron and Harry drooled
over the fancy lightsaber being used by one of
the fighters, and Hermione dragged them all away
from the excitement into another corridor.
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In this new hall, they encountered some trouble!
Malfoy, the bad kid, had cloned Harry, Ron and
Hermione to create an evil army! As the evil
clones marched closer and closer, it looked as if
the end was drawing near for our heroes!
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Luckily, before the evil clones could strike,
Professor Giraffe came walking down the hallway.
Malfoy quickly commanded the clones to stop their
attack, and our heroes were able to escape!
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They escaped into a room at the end of the hall,
and inside, they discovered a secret passage
way! We should investigate! shouted Ron.
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Harry Potter quickly whipped out his broom and
flew up to the top level of the passageway.
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Then his fellow adventurers decided that using
the stairs would be easier. When they all
reached the top, they opened a door they found
and discovered a three-headed dogbeast called
Fluffy on the other side! Jackie chan decided to
take charge...
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Jackie jumped up and karate kicked the dogbeast
Fuffy in the head! Yay!
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The dogbeast Fluffy did not take kindly to being
kicked in the head, however, and he decided to
eat Jackie Chan. Poor Jackie Chan. Harry and
his friends could not stop Fluffy. After
finishing his snack, Fluffy turned to Hermione,
who was closest to him, and started to drool.
The kids couldnt fight back because his bad
dead-stinky-fish breath was overpowering!
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Luckily, before the three-headed dogbeast could
make a meal of our heroes, Sam the Hobbit
materialized between them. He began to talk to
Fluffy and convinced Fluffy to come with him on
his adventures.
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Sam the Hobbit, Fluffy, and a semi-digested
Jackie Chan left the adventurers to continue
their search in peace, for the time being.
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Meanwhile, back at the ranch. . . I mean,
Hagrids hut, Jackie Chan was playing with some
spiders. Yes, yes, we know that doesnt make
sense since Jackie Chan was eaten by Fluffy.
Just go with it. Hagrid was a good friend of
Harry Potter, and lived just outside Hogwarts
Castle.
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After their encounter with Fluffy, the kids
decided to visit Hagrid. They were surprised to
see their friend Jackie Chan there, and even more
surprised to see that he was playing with
spiders. Hermione warned him that perhaps he
should look for some new playmates.
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Unfortunately, Jackie Chan chose not to heed her
warning, and the spiders attacked him and began
to chew on his head. Little had he known that
the spiders he was playing with were the vicious
head-chewing spiders of Azkaban. Poor Jackie
Chan.
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The kids shook their heads at their foolish
friend and followed Hagrid inside his hut. There
they related to him the story of their adventures
with Malfoy and Fluffy and all of their other
encounters. Hagrid, who had things to tend to,
offered to let the kids rest in his house before
they continued their quest.
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Exhausted, they quickly agreed to his suggestion.
They rested for a while. Ron, who was getting
bored, decided they should play a game. Harry
spotted a trouble game board in a corner, and so
they sat down to play. It was an intense game.
Finally, Ron won. Then they just played with
the little popper ball thingy for a while.
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Then they had a Quidditch match against Slytherin
because it sounded like a good idea. Naturally,
the good guys won.
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After the Quidditch match, the kids went back to
Hogwarts to discover that they were having a
Christmas party. Thats kind of weird, said
Ron. Its only November. But then they saw it-
the Evil Giant Broken Candy Cane of Doom! And
with it, Professor Quirrell! So he had been
behind it all along!
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Behind what, you ask? Well, the Evil Giant
Broken Candy Cane of Doom is the source of all of
the bad knock, knock jokes in the world. Bet
you didnt know that, eh? Its true. That
incredibly long knock, knock joke about oranges
and bananas? That was the first joke ever
created under the influence of the Evil Giant
Broken Candy Cane of Doom. Professor Quirrell, or
should we say LORD VOLDEMORT!, had been using the
Evil Giant Broken Candy Cane of Doom to rid
Hogwarts of all of its funny jokes. Instead, the
only jokes students could come up with were
painfully stupid, and as a result, no one told
jokes anymore and everyone went around
frowning. To destroy the Evil Giant Broken Candy
Cane of Doom, the heroes would have to destroy
Lord Voldemort!
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Lord Voldemort spotted Harry and his friends, and
sent his friend Fluffy after them! He tossed the
Evil Giant Broken Candy Cane of Doom towards the
kids and yelled Fetch, Fluffy!. The Evil Giant
Broken Candy Cane of Doom landed on Hermione and
Ron before Fluffy got hold of it, and it knocked
them out. (Ha, ha- get it? It KNOCKED them out?
Ha, ha!)
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This made Harry pretty mad, so he decided to make
some Voldemort Stew. As Voldemort was steaming,
the Evil Giant Broken Candy Cane of Doom began to
disappear! And Ron and Hermione woke up and
everyone did a little dance.
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Other people in the castle came to see what all
the noise was about- when they saw that Harry and
his friends were dancing around candy cane goo,
they started to try to tell knock, knock jokes.
Some of them were funny! This made everyone
happy and they continued on with their November
Christmas party. Then they were all attacked by
a giant cat.
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The End