Do people feel safe around you

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S.A.F.E.

• Do people feel safe around you?

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S.A.F.E.

• See yourself as other see you.
• Admit your anger
• Find healthy ways to express your anger
• Establish a plan to deal with your anger.

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Seeing Yourself As Others See You
Anger-Type
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Mad Dog Cartoon
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What are you lookin at?!
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• Whos highest score was
• G ?
• Golden Retriever

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• Whos highest score was P ?
• Terrier!

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• Whos highest score was
• H ?
• Husky!

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• Whos highest score was
• E ?
• Pit Bull!

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What happens when they are forced to be together?

• Pitbulls Street fight! Parallel conversations.
• Terriers Party! Great fun! House is a mess!
  Kool-Aid Home.
• Goldens Cant decide where to eat. Acquiesce
  and avoid confrontation (elephant in the room).
• Huskies Sock drawers are incredible! God
  usually gives this couple a bunch of
  Pitbill/Terrier children!

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You might be a Terrier if you. . .

• Feel like reading a book and invite 5 friends
  over to read it with you
• Phone a friend, get a machine, and need to place
  4 calls to leave your message!
• Are asked to contact people about a donation and
  end up contacting 172 people in 15 states and
  three countries!

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You might be a Pitbull if you. . .

• Walk around a lake and decide to walk across it
  for a change of pace
• Arrive at work at 8 am and by 803 no one is
  speaking with you.
• Feel the urge to direct traffic on a clogged
  freeway
• Decide to buy a car, find it and buy it in one
  day. . . (morning)!

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You might be a Golden if you. . .

• Listen for 30 minutes to a phone salesperson
• Plan to begin your summer vacation by reading to
  make sure everyone will have something to do
  together!
• Plan share times around family meals
• Patiently listen to the person sitting next to
  you on the plane the entire trip

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You might be a Husky if you. . .

• Run out of gas on purpose to find out exactly how
  far your car can go on a tank.
• Make a hobby out of checking the claims of
  various laundry detergents
• Spent 15 minutes on the phone giving a friend
  direction who lives within walking distance.
• Lay out all the things youll pack for vacation a
  week early, then wash /iron it all.

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Discovering Your ANGER-Type

• Response to You did a nice job!
• Pitbull I know it
• Terrier Yes, and let me tell you how I did it
• Golden That means so much to me coming from you
• Husky What do you want? Youre not an expert!

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Discovering Your ANGER-Type

• Furniture changed over the weekend
• Pitbull Looks good, should have done it years
  ago (on to the next room). . .
• Terrier COOL - Lets invite the neighbors over to
  see it tonight!
• Golden I was just getting used to the way it was.
• Husky (After about 10 minutes to see if anything
  is broken or missing) Who did this? Who gave them
  permission?

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Discovering Your ANGER-Type

• Manure-filled room
• Pitbull Cant find the room
• Terrier Theres a pony in here somewhere
• Golden Wants to name the pony
• Husky Tries to determine how many hours it would
  take to rid the room of the manure, and how could
  we prevent this from happening again.

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Discovering Your ANGER-Type

• Family Pictures
• Pitbull Lost the pictures.
• Terrier Lost the camera. If they find pictures,
  they are usually filled with goofy shots!
  (Mostly check for themselves first in the picture
  hardly notice that others are in the shot!)
• Golden Pictures everywhere! Knows a personal
  tidbit about everyone in the picture! Asks where
  they are now.
• Husky Counts (or actually numbers) the photos
  before handing them around the room, then counts
  them all when they are back. Makes sure the
  correct photos are placed back into the packet
  containing the corresponding negatives.

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Discovering Your ANGER-Type

• Listening to your mate
• Pitbull Are already gone before you finish your
  thoughts
• Terrier Looking for someone else to talk to
• Golden 1 Great listener
• Husky 2 Great listener

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Discovering Your ANGER-Type

• Referring to Instructions
• Husky According to Part 4, section 3, Paragraph 1
• Pitbull Lost the manual that included Part 4,
  section 3
• Terrier Manual is crumpled, and unreadable with
  peanut butter on it
• Golden Wants to share the experience by reading
  it out loud to you as you put it together. Once
  its built lets enjoy it as a couple!

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Discovering Your ANGER-Type

• Typical Spring Behavior
• Pitbull Begins spring cleaning by throwing out
  teenage son
• Terrier Finally taking down the Christmas tree
• Golden Seen putting ice packs around the
  childrens snowman to keep it from melting
• Husky Raking snow across the lawn to help it melt
  evenly

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• What sets off a Golden?
• Broken Trust
• Loss of security in relationships
• Covert Anger Statements of a Golden
• I want to hurt her as badly as I can.
• I want to show her what a rotten person she is.
• I want to make him feel guilty about what he has
  done.
• I want to convince others Im not that angry
  even though I am.
• I want to humiliate her make her pay for what
  she did to me.
• I want to stay angry for a good long time!

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• What sets off a Golden?
• 4. Typical Manifestations of Anger
• Silent treatment
• Peace at any price!
• Denial ignore it and it will go away
• Form Support groups
• Cut off contact
• Suicide / Murder!

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Discovering Your ANGER-Type

• What ticks off an Pitbull?
• People who move too slow.
• Threatened agenda.
• No options Rules for rules sake.
• Competition from other Pitbulls!
• Huskies who cite rules.

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• What ticks off an Pitbull?
• 5. Typical Manifestation of Anger
• Walk over slow people
• Leave or Quit Disappear with no explanation
• Fire people
• Change the rules or eliminate the people who keep
  you from changing the rules

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• What makes a Husky Go nuts?
• Inequity
• Inaccuracy
• Injustice
• People who avoid/ignore rules/system
• Corrupt judicial system

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• What makes a Husky Go nuts?
• 6. Manifestation of Anger
• Due Process
• List of Grievances
• Review laws and rules
• Punishment befitting the crime

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• What ticks off a Terrier?
• Lost attention
• Popularity threatened
• Gossip about THEM
• Loss of significance

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• What ticks off a Terrier?
• 5. Typical Manifestation of Anger
• Spread dirt on others
• Bigotry prejudging groups of people
• Blackball those who hurt you
• Dump old friends and begin new communities

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Discovering Your ANGER-Type

• Defusing a Pitbull
• Provide direct answers PC isnt a concern
• Get to the point!
• Confront directly and firmly
• Create vehicles for listening
• Encourage them to think of creative alternatives
  to the problem.
• Disagree by finding commonalities

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Discovering Your ANGER-Type

• Defusing a Terrier
• Provide follow through on detail (keep a copy of
  the instructions for them)
• Provide accountability (Reminders, PDA, strings,
  notes, phone calls, etc.)
• Publicly affirm them - significance is huge!
• Have fun! Lighten up. . .
• Disagree by letting time pass (Theyll forget!)
• Provide opportunities for PAUSE (Cuing keywords)

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Discovering Your ANGER-Type

• Defusing a Golden
• Face-to-face interaction (dont send memos
  paraphrase back to them )
• Be warm and relational
• Listen with your eyes!
• Hugs and touching (May I add. . . UGGG!)
• Give them time to make decisions
• Never disagree and walk away (pitbulls!) work it
  out TOGETHER.

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Discovering Your ANGER-Type

• Defusing a Husky
• Provide clear direction and deadlines
• Provide quality and necessary tools
• Leave them alone when they are busy
• Pick up your stinkin socks! (Fail at this and
  you will experience the angry wrath of a Husky!)
• Reward them with praise for accuracy
• Disagree by providing FACTS and credible reasons!
  Do your homework.

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Biblical Characters and their ANGER Types
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Husky Martha

• Luke 1040 But Martha was distracted by all the
  preparations that had to be made. She came to him
  and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister
  has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to
  help me!
• John 122 Here a dinner was given in Jesus'
  honor. Martha served, while Lazarus was among
  those reclining at the table with him.
• Anger grows from ignoring detail

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• Golden Barnabas
• Acts 926-27 When he came to Jerusalem, he tried
  to join the disciples, but they were all afraid
  of him, not believing that he really was a
  disciple. But Barnabas took him and brought him
  to the apostles. He told them how Saul had
  preached fearlessly
• Acts 436 Joseph, a Levite from Cyprus, whom the
  apostles called Barnabas (which means Son of
  Encouragement)
• Anger grows from threatened relationship

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• Terrier Peter
• Matt 2635 But Peter declared, "Even if I have to
  die with you, I will never disown you." And all
  the other disciples said the same.
• Matt 1428-29 "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied,
  "tell me to come to you on the water. "Come," he
  said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked
  on the water and came toward Jesus.
• Anger grows from lack of adventure and personal
  significance

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• Pitbull Paul
• 2 Tim 411 Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and
  bring him with you, because he is helpful to me
  in my ministry.
• Phil 120-21 I eagerly expect and hope that I
  will in no way be ashamed, but will have
  sufficient courage so that now as always Christ
  will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by
  death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is
  gain.
• Anger grows from lack of purpose and rigid rules