Four Quadrant ToolKit

1
Four Quadrant ToolKit

• Practical, Utilitarian Applications of
• Mixed Messages Technology

2
Ways to Use the WalkAround the Brain Technique

• Problem-Solving Conversations/Meetings
• Presentations
• Meeting Planning
• VoiceMail Messages
• Email Messages
• Conflict Management and Resolution
• Defining the Right Problem vs the Presenting
  Problem (bottom of iceberg)

3
Solving the Right Problem

• The Presenting Problem is NEVER the Real or the
  Right Problem
• .Remember the Iceberg 90 below water
• .Presenting Problem
• Always defined by Reaction, seldom any analysis
• Usually a result of being hooked emotionally in
  your Value System disguised as Logic
• Result is attempt to get rid of temporary
  discomfort
• Rather than get to the Root or Right Problem
• .Must get to Root Cause to prevent Repeat

4
Dealing with Right ProblemsOutline of
Insights/Tools

• Slides Topics and Tools
• 4-6 Walk Around the Brain
• 7-12 Key Principles and Blame
• 13-17 Common Mistakes
• 18-19 Preventing Mixed Messages
• 20-26 Blind Spot Management

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How to WalkAround the Brain

• Always start in Yellow
• Establish Common, Shared Objectives
• Be sure all parties solving the same problem
• Clarify that all parties trying to achieve same
  goal and outcomes
• Then go to Blue State the Priorities
• Then go to Green Define the Action Plan
• Last (Always LAST) the Red Celebrate Successes
  Together

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WalkAround the Brain Hints 1

• NEVER start with the Red
• Dealing with feelings before facts never gets to
  the facts and always causes scars
• Not establishing a common fact-base early on
  ALWAYS causes conflicts, disagreements, and
  disconnects later
• Focus the energy of the temptation to start with
  the Red on forcing a start in the Yellow to Blue
  to Green THEN Red

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WalkAround the Brain Hints 2

• CLARITY is the Mother of All Success
• WalkAround the Brain within each quadrant is
  wonderfully useful technique for clarifying with
  precision
• How?
• Ask the H5W (How, Why, What, When, Where, Who)
  questions within each quadrant before moving on
• Write down the answers for specificity

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Key Principles 1All Four Quadrants Are Needed

• Everyone has Vocabulary in All Four Quadrants
• We just use them differently and in varying
  frequencies and intensities
• No one quadrant is superior to another
• No one quadrant combination is superior to
  another
• Need to have ALL FOUR QUADRANTS INVOLVED to get
  best thinking/solutions

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Key Principles 2Blame Can Be Avoided

• Natural Tension between Quadrants is source of
  the energy necessary to truly solve problems
• Key is to focus the energy generated by Stress on
  Solutions through WalkAround the Brain techniques
  AND NOT ON FINDING BLAME
• BLAME IS TO BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS-THE 4Q MODEL
  REFOCUSES THAT ENERGY
• YOUR ENERGY IS YOURS HOW YOU FOCUS IT IS UP TO
  YOU! (Will you Blame or Build?)
• Check your emotions at the door!

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Key Principles 3Where Blame Comes From

• Blame is almost always a first response
• Blame happens in reaction to Surprises or
  perceived AttacksAND ALWAYS COMES FROM OUR
  VALUES, NOT OUR WORDS!
• We blame others because we dont want to blame
  ourselves
• We often (80 of the time) do not have words to
  describe our Values (Feelings), so Blame is a
  convenient escape from Discomfort
• Blame provides explanation without admitting we
  are wrong

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Key Principles 4UnFocused Stress is the Killer

• While I may have no control over what Happens to
  Me, I Have Complete Control over how I Choose to
  Respond! (Frankl)
• Stressors provide me with opportunity to make
  intentional choices or give in to mere reactions
  without thinking
• Stress Kills if the Energy of Stress is not
  Focused on Desired Outcomes
• Discomfort is GoodIts the Source of Energy

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Key Principles 5DisComfort is Good

• DisComfort is the source of all energy
• You know you are in DisComfort when
• .you are Blaming or being Blamed
• .you are Discounting Differences or being
  Discounted
• .you are Attacking or being Attacked
• .you are Minimizing or Being Minimized
• .you are Different

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Key Principles 6Two Dimensions to All
Interactions

• Normal not to have Words for Feelings BCS
  Vocabulary (Brain Dominance) and Motivators
  (Stress Response) are NOT the same thing
• All conversation is about Vocabulary and Brain
  Dominance (stars on 3x5 cards)
• All Feelings come from Personal Values and
  Motivations (dots on 3x5 cards)

14
Common Mistakes 1 Discounting Differences

• Strong Yellow discounted as Disconnected and
  Disruptive
• Strong Blue discounted as Cold, Uncaring, and Not
  Listening
• Strong Green discounted as Controlling,
  Compulsive, and Not Engaged
• Strong Red discounted s Weak and a Pushover
  easily taken advantage of
• REMEMBER DIFFERENCES ARE NOT WEAKNESSES OR
  INCOMPETENCIES

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Common Mistakes 2Pigeon-Holing

• Diagonals are always in Conflict
• Desire to Avoid Conflict Causes OverSimplifying
• Avoid this Pigeon-Holing by
• Not classifying across-axis as Bad
• Not going for Speed/Efficiency instead of
  understanding and valuing
• Remembering that Vocabulary and Values are
  different things and both cause confusion BCS
  often dont have words to express feelings (WE
  ONLY HAVE WORDS TO EXPRESS FEELINGS WHEN STARS
  AND DOTS IN SAME QUADRANT)

16
Common Mistakes 3MisUnderstanding Congruity

• About 20 of us have dominant Vocabulary (stars
  on 3x5 card) in same Quadrants as dominant Values
  (dots on 3x5 card)
• That means we will be Absolutely Consistent and
  without Mixed Message this consistency is rare
  and is to be celebrated!

17
Common Mistakes 4Self-Worth Defined by Values

• Vocabulary is falteringly used to try to define
  Feelings of Worth when Values are what is at
  issue, not words
• Self-Worth is defined by Values, not Vocabulary
• Self-Worth is often threatened when DisComfort is
  introduced either with Words or Feelings

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Common Mistakes 5Fear/DisComfort to be Avoided?

• ABSOLUTELY NOT! This is the source of your most
  valuable energy
• Fear is Normal (Fight or Flight) and Unavoidable
• Do Not Repress Fear as a bad thing
• Focused Fear is Power!
• Fear is your Best Early Warning System
• Means youre about to get energy to focus
  laser-like on Desired Outcomes
• Just avoiding Fear means squandering resources

19
Preventing Mixed Messages 1Jekyll or Hyde???

• Mixed Messages happen when there are dots without
  stars on 3x5 card (80 of us)
• Most apparent under Stress
• Mixed Messages are Source of Most Relationship
  and Expectation Confusion
• Cues that Mixed Message Activated
• Stress or Surprise or Blame of any kind
• Confusion at not being understood

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Preventing Mixed Messages 2Pre-Experiencing

• 80 of Stresses and Resistances in a day can be
  predicted in advance
• Each of us can visualize or pre-rehearse our
  Desired Outcomes thats called Pre-Experiencing
• Pre-Experiencing allows us to take responsibility
  in advance and avoid Blame
• Im the Problem is the Key!

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Your Blind SpotHow to Compensate 1

• Admit you have it and its Your Responsibility
• Have an interest in not causing problems
• Recognize your personal behaviors that indicate
  your Blind Spot is activated
• Denial -Avoidance -Discounting
• Disparaging -Destroying -Devaluing
• Quizzical Looks from others -Discomfort
• MINIMIZING ACTIVATED BLIND SPOT

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Your Blind Spot How to Compensate 2

• Acknowledge that YOURE the Problem
• Stop Blaming others for your discomfort
• Remember You tend NOT to use the words familiar
  to your Blind Quadrant, so coping with your Blind
  Spot can be very off-putting
• Compile lists of words unique to Blind Spot
• Practice WalkAround the Brain in all cases

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Your Blind SpotRecognizing your Yellow Blind Spot

• Will avoid Strategy, Big Picture, and Creative
  Brainstorming discussions
• Will avoid long chats or discussions
• Will judge the above as a waste of time
• Will try to spin to your preference
• Take control/overpower
• Not listen
• Discount
• Use Efficiency as an excuse

24
Your Blind SpotRecognizing your Blue Blind Spot

• Will feel pain at Blue Words and avoid and
  sometimes even run from them
• Will try to talk your way out of Blue
  pointedness by talking long and hard and often
  faster and faster
• Will be hurt and confused by Directness
• Will skip over/avoid facts, numbers, analysis

25
Your Blind SpotRecognizing Your Green Blind Spot

• You will consider Detail work to be grunt work
  and probably beneath you or your level or pay
  scale
• Organizing, controlling, setting deadlines,
  following up on details and commitments will be
  considered anal and you will leave those
  activities to others
• You will try to keep as many balls in the air as
  possible (plus some!) as evidence of value

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Your Blind SpotRecognizing Your Red Blind Spot

• You will drive for Results regardless of the
  Human or Feeling Consequences
• You will often say its a business, for Petes
  sake!
• You will see and/or characterize Red as a
  weakness
• You will unconsciously attack anything Red and/or
  criticize it constantly

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Your Blind SpotAntidote Template

• Acknowledge it
• Pre-Experience when it will be triggered
• Practice vocabulary in that Quadrant
• WalkAround the Brain in every situation
  (conversation, presentation, email, voicemail,
  problem resolution, etc) to assure you dont
  leave one quadrant untouched