The art of loving

1
The art of loving

• hkz

2
What is love? Compassion vs. passion

• Compassionate love
• Feelings of intimacy and affection without
  physical arousal
• Exists in both sexual and non-sexual
  relationships
• Passionate love
• Feelings of intense longing, accompanied by
  physiological arousal
• Brings in extremes of emotion happiness
  ecstasy vs. sadness and despair

3
Triangular Theory of LoveSternberg (1988)
What is love?

• 3 basic ingredients
• Intimacy feeling of being close and bonded
• I have a mutual understanding with my partner
• Passion physiological arousal, sexual attraction
• I find myself thinking about my partner
  frequently during the day
• Commitment
• Short-term I love my partner
• Long-term I want to stay with my partner
• I expect my love for my partner to last for the
  rest of my life
• These ingredients can be combined in varying
  degrees to form 7 basic forms of love.

4
(No Transcript)
5
Hendrick Hendrick (1992)
What is love?

• Basic theories people have about love that guide
  their behavior in relationships.
• Love Attitudes Scale assesses 6 styles of love

6
Eros

• passionate, physical love, where the partners
  physical appearance is highly important.
• My partner and I have the right physical
  chemistry between us.
• High in passion

7
Ludus

• love played as a game, never taken too seriously.
• I try to keep my partner a little uncertain
  about my commitment to him/her.
• Low in commitment

8
Storge
What is love?

• slow-growing love, evolving out of affection and
  friendship, where similarity between partners is
  very important.
• It is hard for me say exactly when our
  friendship turned into love.
• High in compassion (intimacy commitment)

9
Pragma

• pragmatic love - commonsensical, realistic.
  Partners have conditions that must be met.
• In choosing my partner, I believed it was best
  to love someone with a similar background.
• Low in passion

10
Mania
What is love?

• highly emotional, roller-coaster ride of love.
  Obsession about lover vacillate between elation
  and despair.
• When my partner does not pay attention to me, I
  feel sick all over.
• High in passion

11
Agape

• Selfless, giving, altruistic love. More spiritual
  than physical.
• I try to always help my partner through
  difficult times.
• High in commitment

12
Cultural Definitions of Love
What is love?

• If a woman (man) had all the qualities you
  desired, would you marry this person if you were
  not in love with her (him)?
• Most Eastern cultures say yes and western
  cultures say no.

13
Eastern Vs Western

• Collectivistic cultures
• Compassionate love Storgic love
• Individualistic cultures
• Passionate love
• Marry for love

14
What is love?
Gender Differences in Love Styles

• Gender differences?
• Eros (passionate) Agape (selfless) no
  differences
• Ludus (love game) Men are higher
• Storgic (slow) Pragmatic Women are higher

15
Real life

• Real-life couples show similarity in their
  life-styles.
• Relationships that last are low in Eros (passion)
  and low in Ludus (game playing).

16
What is love?
Evolutionary explanations of love Buss (1988)

• Basic tenets of evolutionary theory
• An animals fitness is measured by its
  reproductive success its ability to pass on its
  genes to future generations.
• Reproduction is associated with different levels
  of costs for females and males
• Females A lot of time, energy, and effort
• Males Lower levels of costs

17
What is love?
Evolutionary theory...

• Differential costs get translated into sex
  differences in strategies for the pursuit of
  love.
• Females
• Strategically selective
• look for a male who can supply the resources and
  support she needs to bear a child
• Will respond to the economic career
  achievements of men
• Males
• The more, the better
• look for a female who appears capable of
  reproducing successfully
• Look for beauty because it is indicative of
  reproductive health

18
What is love?
Evolutionary theory...

• Buss et al. (1989) asked more than 9000 adults in
  37 countries how varies characteristics were in
  choosing a marriage partner.
• Women valued ambition, industriousness, and good
  earning capacity more than men did.
• Men valued physical attractiveness in a mate more
  than women did.
• Buss and others (1992) asked college students to
  imagine sexual or emotional infidelity.
• Women were more upset by emotional infidelity
  than by sexual infidelity.
• Men were more upset by sexual infidelity than by
  emotional infidelity.

19
What is love?
Evolutionary theory...

• Critique
• Preferences for different qualities can be
  explained without evolutionary psychology.
• 1) Differences in economic resources
• Gangestad (1993) The more economic power women
  had in a given culture, the more they were
  interested in a physically attractive man.
• 2) Social learning
• Men and women are socialized into these
  different roles.

20
The art of loving

• http//www.spiritsite.com/writing/erifro/part2.sht
  ml