Liking and Loving

1
Liking and Loving

• The Science of How and Why People are Attracted
  to Each Other

2
Early Theories

• Charles Darwin and the evolution of the smile
• Reward Theory
• We like people whose behavior provides us with
  maximum reward at minimum cost
• Impossible to argue against, but useless as a
  predictive theory

3
The Effects of Praise and Favors

• As expected, we generally like people who
  evaluate us positively
• Although we think that critical individuals are
  more intelligent
• However, if we believe that ulterior motives lie
  behind the praise, we dislike the person
• Similar logic with favors
• Best way to get someone to like you is to get
  them to do you a favor
• The answer lies in cognitive dissonance

4
What about personal attributes?

• Competence
• In general we prefer competent people.
• However, we find the highly competent person who
  makes a mistake to be the most likable.
• This finding is tied to self-esteem. Low and
  moderate self-esteem individuals differ, with low
  self-esteem (non-competitive) males preferring
  the perfect individual (dont perceive person as
  a threat).

5
Physical Attractiveness

• Elaine Walster found that despite our objections,
  the strongest determinant of liking another
  person is physical attractiveness.
• White, found that even more important was the
  similarity in level of attractiveness in a
  couple.

6
What is Beautiful is Good

• Dion and colleagues. Attractive people are
  assumed to have a multitude of other positive
  characteristics.
• Think about our fairy tales (Walt Disney).
• These effects begin as early as nursery school.
• Internal attributions are made for misdeeds of
  unattractive children.
• Handsome men receive higher starting salaries
  Attractive women get larger raises.

7
What is Beautiful is Good

• Courtroom issues. In misdemeanor cases, lower
  bail and fines assessed to physically attractive
  individuals
• Not true for felony cases
• A man is perceived as friendlier and more
  self-confident in the presence of an attractive
  female

8
Self-fulfilling Prophecy

• Snyder, Tanke, and Berscheid
• Males shown a photograph of a woman that they
  will then talk to over the phone
• Men shown an attractive photo rate the women as
  more poised, humorous, and socially adept
• More importantly, individuals merely listening to
  the females half of the conversation are more
  impressed by the women whose partner thought she
  was attractive
• In essence, positive qualities were drawn out

9
Similarity and Attraction

• We tend to like those with similar opinions
• Rewarding and not threatening to our self-esteem.
• Fritz Heider first proposed this with Balance
  Theory
• We will prefer a disagreer, however, if we
  succeed in converting them to our opinion.
• We assume that people we like agree with our
  opinions

10
What do men and women look for in a partner?

• Women look for
• Record of achievement
• Leadership qualities
• Skill at his job
• Earning potential
• Sense of humor
• Intellectual ability
• Attentiveness
• Common sense
• Athletic ability
• Good abstract reasoning

• Men look for
• Physical Attractiveness
• Ability in bed
• Warmth and affection
• Social skill
• Homemaking ability
• Dress sense
• Sensitivity to others needs
• Good taste
• Moral perception
• Artistic creativity

11
Styles of Love

• Hendrick and Hendrick Love has different meaning
  to different people
• Six styles of loving
• Eros Passionate Love
• Ludus Game Playing Love
• Storge Friendship Love
• Pragma Logical Love
• Mania Dependent Love
• Agape Selfless Love

12
Dealing with Dissatisfaction

• Rusboldt and Zimbrodt identified 4 general
  responses
• Exit ending or actively abusing the relationship
• Voice actively attempting to improve conditions
• Loyalty passively waiting for things to improve
• Neglect passively allowing the relationship to
  deteriorate
• Two dimensions constructive/destructive and
  active/passive