Beyond Consent:

1
Beyond Consent

• Healthy Sexuality Sexual Violence Prevention
• Brad Perry, VSDVAA
• Jayne Flowers, VDH

2
The role of sexuality has not historically been
addressed in our work to end SV

• Rape is about power and control it has nothing
  to do with sex.
• It is the victims sexual autonomy that is the
  object of the violation

3
The role of sexuality has not historically been
addressed in our work to end SV

• "The idea that Rape Is Not About Sex" is
  almost a liability as an idea---not about sex for
  whom?--obviously for the victim but not
  necessarily for the perpetrator---also there is
  the sexual connection to power and control. So
  the arena of sex, sexuality, and sexual violence
  still has not been well considered or mined in
  the modern era!!
• - Patti Giggans, Executive Director of LACAAW

4
Our Rationale

• Sexual perversion or uncontrollable desire
  not cause of sexual violence
• Sexuality and power have become incredibly
  intermingled in our culture
• We have been encouraged to detach from our own
  sexuality

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Our Rationale

• Examining the process by which our sexuality is
  corrupted and distorted can expose both the range
  of negative health outcomes in which sexual
  violence exists, and the manner in which harmful
  notions about sexuality are normalized and
  reinforced.
• This examination will also allow us to envision a
  positive alternative healthy sexuality.

6
What is healthy sexuality?

• Not defining according to normality
• Concept of normal varies significantly over
  time, and continues to vary between cultures
  today
• Concept of normal varies across schools of
  thought
• Biologist, Psychologist, Sociologist, Moralist

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What is healthy sexuality?Our working definition

• We experience our sexuality in a state of
  well-being at all levels
• Demonstrated by voluntary and responsible sexual
  expressions that enrich individuals and their
  social lives
• Not merely the absence of violence, coercion,
  dysfunction, disease, or infirmity

8
What is healthy sexuality?It also includes

• Capacity to enjoy and control ones own sexual
  and reproductive behavior in accordance with
  personal and social ethics
• Freedom from psychological factors that impair
  sexual relationships
• Freedom from organic disorders, diseases, and
  deficiencies that interfere with sexual and
  reproductive functions

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Healthy sexuality sounds great and achievable
whats the problem?

• In America, we are taught to view sexuality in
  ways that are often contrary to healthy sexuality
  (and supportive of sexual violence / unhealthy
  sexuality).
• Norms about sexuality often pronounced in
  different ways for men and women shape this
  view

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To Be A Man
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HIS Norms

• Action. Control. Achievement.
• Sexuality is a game (w/ rules), and he should
  play to win.
• Sexually adversarial climate SV is one of many
  inevitable negative outcomes .

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Range of Acceptable Behavior

• Harmless/Innocuous
• Disrespectful Behavior
• Sexual Assault

Clip Undetected Rapist
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To Be A Woman/Lady
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HER Norms

• Her value as a woman is strongly linked to her
  ability to be a skillful gatekeeper.
• Clip The Education of Shelby Knox
• Activity Small group discussion 5-10 min

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Gatekeeper shes not supposed to be an active
participant

• Implications of how we frame sexuality
• The Health Benefits of Sexual Expression
• Physical health
• Sexual reproductive health
• Pain management
• Psychological, emotional, social, spiritual
  health

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Gatekeeper shes at fault for any negative
outcomes

• What are examples of negative outcomes?
• How is the threat of these negative outcomes used
  to legitimize gatekeeper?
• Activity Jack Anna
• Her sexuality her ability to regulate the
  valuable commodity of sexual access.

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HIS/HER Norms (conclusion)

• Like boys, girls learn to view sexuality as
  something distinct from their humanity.
• Sexuality is distorted as a contest in which an
  economy of physical sexual acts determines
  winners and losers.
• These gender-based sexuality norms perpetuate SV,
  as well as a host of other negative outcomes of
  unhealthy sexuality.

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Healthy sexuality sexual violence prevention

• Focusing singularly on preventing sexual violence
  is not enough we need to address the bigger
  picture.
• Consensual sex is the bare minimum - We need to
  set the bar higher and promote healthy sexuality.
• Redefining sexuality as an important piece of our
  humanity rather than as a thing to be given or
  taken.

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HS SVP Healthy sexuality in practice

• Building on healthy relationship paradigm in
  IPV Prevention
• Positive attributes of H.R. naturally create a
  buffer against violence/abuse
• What are some examples of characteristics?
• Safety is a by-product Promoting satisfying
  relationships is the goal.

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HS SVP Healthy sexuality in practice

• Narrowing the focus to the characteristics of a
  given healthy sexual interaction
• Characteristics of healthy sexual interactions
• If healthy sexuality characteristics are present
• People are less likely to behave in a sexually
  violent/manipulative manner, and
• More likely to experience a positive interaction

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Distinction between Healthy Relationships
Healthy Sexuality

• Many of the characteristics overlap complement
  one another.
• Sexual interactions occur, and can still be
  healthy according to the definitions put forth
  herein, outside of a committed relationship.
• One potential goal for this work
• All sexual interactions will be defined by
  prudence, respect, honesty, and mutual enjoyment
  regardless of the amount of personal history
  between partners.

22
Healthy sexuality sexual violence prevention

• Healthy sexuality is rarely addressed in the
  manner were describing due to
• General discomfort with sexuality,
• Fears about the consequences of bucking
  sexual/gender conventions, and
• The pervasiveness of unhealthy sexual norms that
  make it difficult to even fathom

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Healthy sexuality sexual violence prevention

• Weve focused our efforts on being against sexual
  violence.
• While there are advantages, this perspective can
  also hamper our ability to conceive of the
  positive.
• Lets challenge ourselves to think creatively
  about how to promote healthy sexuality.

24
Healthy sexuality sexual violence prevention
programming

• Currently, there are not many projects overtly
  linking the promotion of healthy sexuality and
  the primary prevention of sexual violence.
• More commonly programs do neither, and instead
  fall back into the more familiar territory of
  avoidance.

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Healthy sexuality sexual violence prevention
programming

• Sexual Violence Avoidance Programs teach people
  to recognize signals that precede a potential
  sexual assault, and react appropriately.
• Intended impact specific set of behaviors
  related to sexual interaction.
• Larger context of sexuality/gender in which these
  behaviors exist is not addressed.

26
Sexual violence avoidance programs for men

• Typical topics in SVAPs for men
• Penalties for sexual assault
• How to know if your partner is uncomfortable
• Various forms of no
• What to do if your partner tells you no
• How do men react to this content?

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Sexual violence avoidance programs for women

• Typical topics in SVAPs for women
• How to stay safe from sexual assault
• Sending clear signals (e.g., say no and mean
  it)
• Warning signs of dangerous situations
• How to get out of a dangerous situation
• What to do if youve been sexually assaulted
• How do women react to this content?

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Healthy sexuality sexual violence prevention
programming

• Critical examination of norms governing sexuality
  puts skills/tips/etc. into context.
• Promoting well-being rather than evading harm
  Teaching people how to develop their own positive
  personal experience of sexuality
• Emotional, intellectual, spiritual, social,
  physical
• Positive approach will likely genuinely appeal to
  a wider range of participants.

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Healthy sexuality sexual violence prevention
programming

• Developing ones own positive personal
  experience of sexuality is probably the most
  challenging idea to put into action.
• Must look outside of the United States for
  inspiration

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HS SVP The role of general sexuality education

• European model
• Better national statistics for teen sexual health
  outcomes than the U.S
• Cultural perspective that views sexuality as a
  normal part of being human

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HS SVP The role of general sexuality education

• Effective program elements
• Media campaigns support specific sexually healthy
  behaviors and avoiding using fear or shame
  tactics.
• Great value is placed on individual ethical
  behaviors
• Emphasize benefits of responsible sexual behavior

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HS SVP The role of general sexuality education

• Effective program elements
• Sexual development is seen as a normal and
  healthy biological, social, emotional, and
  cultural process
• In schools, no topic is prohibited
• Parents and communities accept youth as sexual
  beings
• Public policy about sexuality and sexual health
  is generally dictated by pragmatism and research

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Healthy sexuality sexual violence prevention
programming

• Small Group Activity
• Create your own program using all of the
• concepts weve discussed!

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Shared Obstacles Opportunities For Alliances

• Encouraging people to overhaul their experiences
  of sexuality through a lens of well-being
  directly questions the legitimacy of our
  cultures unhealthy sexual status quo.
• What groups/interests benefit or uphold this
  status quo?

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Shared Obstacles Opportunities For Alliances

• Healthy sexuality paradigm big tent!
• What types of organizations are working to end
  our unhealthy sexual status quo?
• Example of a unifying challenge
• The abstinence-only-until-marriage (AOUM)
  Movement

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Shared Obstacles Opportunities For Alliances

• AOUM Movement is an organized and well-funded
  interest group dedicated to upholding
  traditional notions of sexuality
• These traditional notions qualities of
  unhealthy sexuality previously discussed
• AOUM Movement specifically seeks to shut down
  meaningful sexuality education, and generally
  hopes to impede people from questioning these
  traditional views.

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Example

• In what areas are the girls trashable Styrofoam,
  common ceramic, or priceless china? - Pure
  Freedom

38
Excerpts from Why kNOw

• Women gauge their happiness and judge their
  success by their relationships. Mens happiness
  and success hinge on their accomplishments.
• Tell the class that the Bride price is actually
  an honor to the bride. It says she is valuable to
  the groom and he is willing to give something
  valuable for her. (from a session about wedding
  traditions)
• The father gives the bride to the groom because
  he is the one man who has had the responsibility
  of protecting her throughout her life. He is now
  giving his daughter to the only other man who
  will take over this protective role.

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Shared Obstacles Opportunities For Alliances

• ACTIVITY Whats At Stake?
• Break into 3 groups and receive assigned advocacy
  community.
• Using the challenge of AOUM Movement as the
  example, generate prospective reasons as to why
  opposing AOUM might be important to your assigned
  advocacy community. Whats at stake for them?

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Conclusion

• Our goals and challenges are connected
  Organizing under a shared vision of healthy
  sexuality promotion.
• The right and ability to create spaces where a
  person can explore their own sexuality in a
  positive and healthy manner is at stake.

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Conclusion

• Creating such space is crucial to achieving a
  culture where people are connected to sexuality
  in a state of well-being
• A culture incompatible with sexual violence
  because of a deeply-shared belief that sexuality
  is a beautiful part of everyones unique humanity.

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Conclusion

• If you want a copy of this PowerPoint
• presentation, please e-mail Brad at
• bperry_at_vsdvalliance.org
• Thank you!