The Sound Marital House: A Theory of Marriage

1
The Sound Marital House A Theory of Marriage

• Gottman, J. M. (1999). The sound marital house
  A theory of marriage. In The marriage clinic
  (pp. 87-110). New York Norton.

2
Three Types of Stable, Happy Couples

• Three Types (each with rich climates of
  positivity)
• Volatile great deal of affect
• Validating intermediate amounts of affect
• Conflict-Avoidant very little affect.

3
The Critical Distinctions Influence Attempts and
Emotional Expressiveness

• Volatile
• begin influence attempts right away
• the most emotionally expressive
• positive and negative affect are freely expressed
• strong, passionate individuals
• high levels of disagreement as well as affection
  and humor
• Validating
• influence attempts peak during middle part of
  interactions
• emotional expressiveness in moderation, at the
  right time, and only on really central issues
• emphasis on we-ness and companionship
• Conflict-Avoidant
• minimize importance of a problem
• emphasize strengths in their relationship

4
Mismatches, the Real Problem

• Influence Function Mismatches

• Results

Validator with Avoider
The validator is constantly pursuing the avoider
and feeling shut out emotionally. The avoider
starts feeling flooded.
Validator with Volatile
The validator starts feeling not listened to and
flooded, like he or she is doing combat duty all
the time. The volatile feels that the validator
is cold and unemotional, distant and disengaged.
There seems to be no passion in the marriage.
Avoider with Volatile
This is the worst of the pursuer-distancer
combinations. The avoider quickly feels that he
or she has married and out-of-control crazy
person. The volatile believes that he or she has
married a cold fish and feels unloved, rejected,
and unappreciated.
5
The Sound Marital House
6
Two Staples of Marriages that Work

• An overall level of positive affect.
• An ability to reduce negative affect during
  conflict resolution.

7
Essential Elements of the Theory

• The foundation is composed of marital friendship
  and its ability to create three levels of
  positive affect in nonconflict contexts. There
  are three components
• Cognitive room (which leads to Love Maps
  intervention)
• Fondness and Admiration System
• Turning toward versus turning away (the emotional
  bank account).
• Components of friendship lead to Positive
  Sentiment Override if they are working well or
  Negative Sentiment Override if they are not.
  Sentiment override determines success of repair
  attempts during conflict discussions.

8
Essential Elements of the Theory (cont.)

• Conflict and its regulation (not resolution) form
  the next level. Three parts to this level
• Establish dialogue, not gridlock with perpetual
  problems
• Solvining solvable problems with some basic
  skills
• Physiological soothing (mostly self-soothing)
• The final level has to do with creating a shared
  meaning system. This consists of
• Meshing individual life dreams
• Meshing rituals of connection, goals, roles,
  myths, narratives, and metaphors.

9
The Foundation of Marital Friendship Creating
Positive Affect in Nonconflict Contexts

• Amount of cognitive room partners allocate to one
  another (especially husbands)
• Frequency of spontaneous expressions of fondness
  and admiration
• Frequency of spontaneous expressions of
  disappointment and negativity
• Degree of we-ness in conversations
• Degree of couple efficacy in dealing with
  problems
• Degree to which couples describe their lives as
  chaotic or out of control
• Degree to which differences relate to gender
  issues
• Size of the emotional bank account --
  demonstrated by frequency of turning toward
  versus turning away from one another during
  nonconflict interactions.

10
Potential Contributions of the Sound Marital
House Theory

• Marital therapy should not be based exclusively
  on how couples resolve problems.
• Effective conflict resolution is based on middle
  level of the Sound Marital House that includes
  everyday marital interactions that produce either
  Positive or Negative Sentiment Override.
• Develop alternative interventions to active
  listening.
• Focus on dialoguing with perpetual problems.
• Resolution of gridlocked conflict requires
  exploration of symbolic meaning of partners
  positions on gridlocked issues.