You may be a victim of

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You may be a victim of
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Sign of Emotional Abuse

• Are you anxious and worried about what will
  happen when you and your significant other are
  together? Apart?
• Are you the subject of name-calling?
• Are you the subject of yelling?
• Are you the subject of screaming?
• Are you the subject of threats?

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• Many people assume that if they're not being
  physically abused by their partner, then they're
  not being abused. 
• That's not necessarily true.  
• You may be in a relationship which is draining
  something from you -- you might not have
  recognized that your partner has eroded your
  self-esteem and happiness.
•  

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Phase 1 - TENSION BUILDINGTension increases,
breakdown of communication, victim feels need to
placate the abuser.
Phase 4 - CALMIncident is "forgotten", no abuse
is taking place.
Phase 2 - INCIDENTVerbal and emotional abuse. 
Anger, blaming, arguing.  Threats. 
Intimidation.
Phase 3 - RECONCILIATIONAbuser apologizes,
gives excuses, blames the victim, denies the
abuse occurred, or says it wasn't as bad as the
victim claims.
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Hard to tell if your partner is abusive?

• An abusive partner will railroad discussions,
  so that you don't have time to think about what's
  right and what's wrong in their behavior.

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'Jeckell and Hyde behavior'
Common things an abuser might do or say...

• Your partner is wonderful and caring for a
  while and then will do an about face and be angry
  about things that they thought were fine at an
  earlier time. They switch back and forth between
  behaviors for no apparent reason.

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'Life Would be so Good If'
Common things an abuser might do or say...

• You frequently think that your relationship
  would be perfect if not for his or her emotional
  storms. The storms seem to be coming more and
  more frequently. Between times, life is
  wonderful, but when a storm is coming you can
  often tell by that 'Walking on Eggs Feeling'.

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'That Walking On Eggs Feeling'
Common things an abuser might do or say...

• You feel at times that any action on your part
  will cause your partner to erupt into anger. You
  try to do everything you can think of to avoid
  it, but the longer the feeling goes on, the more
  likely the blowup will happen, no matter what you
  do.

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'I Can't Stand You, But You Better Not Leave'
Common things an abuser might do or say...

• Your partner keeps telling you that you aren't
  worth having a relationship with, but will not
  consider breaking off the relationship. Acts more
  outrageously when he or she finds out you are
  attempting to leave the relationship.

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'So Much, So Fast'
Common things an abuser might do or say...

• Your partner just met you and doesn't know
  much about you, but he or she has to have you, so
  you must commit now.

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'It's You That's the Problem'
Common things an abuser might do or say...

• Your partner never seems to consider his or
  her own part in your domestic disputes. You get
  blamed for all problems because of the most
  ridiculous things.

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'This Happened to Me and It's All Your Fault'
Common things an abuser might do or say...

• You are blamed for your partners problems even
  when it was his or her responsibility to not make
  mistakes. This could be things like him or her
  not getting to work on time and getting in
  trouble, not getting a job, not paying the bills
  in a timely manner, etc.

13
'Overreacting'
Common things an abuser might do or say...

• Your partner way overreacts to little
  irritations. Small offenses like leaving the cap
  off the toothpaste cause him or her to have huge
  anger scenes or act out in an outrageous manner.

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'I Will Get You for That'
Common things an abuser might do or say...

• Your partner doesn't try to negotiate a better
  relationship, but retaliates by doing something
  to you that he or she knows will hurt you
  emotionally.

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'All the Fights are about What I Do Wrong'
Common things an abuser might do or say...

• You never seem to be able to talk about his or
  her wrong actions, the discussion seems to always
  be about what you did wrong and there seems to be
  always something new that you did wrong.

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'You are Worthless'
Common things an abuser might do or say...

• Your partner keeps telling you that all your
  problems are because you can't manage to do
  anything right.
• Your partner is dependent on you for all
  his/her needs and expects you to be the perfect
  mate, lover and friend. You are expected to meet
  all of his/her needs.

'Unrealistic Expectations'
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'Blames Others for His/Her Feelings'
Common things an abuser might do or say...

• You are told, "You make me mad," "you're
  hurting me by not doing what I ask, or "I can't
  help being angry".

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'Intense Jealousy'
Common things an abuser might do or say...

• Your partner tells you that expressing
  jealousy is a sign of love. Jealousy is a sign of
  insecurity not love. You are questioned about who
  you talk to and you may frequently receive calls
  or unexpected visits during the day.

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'Isolation'
Common things an abuser might do or say...

• He or She have attempted to cut off your
  family, friends, and independent financial
  resources. Your friends and family are put down
  and you are put down for socializing with them.
  You or they are accused of ridiculous motives.

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EFFECTS OF LONG-TERM EMOTIONAL VERBAL ABUSE 0N
THE VICTIM

• Isolation from others
• Low self-esteem
• Depression
• Emotional problems
• Illness
• Increased alcohol or drug use
• Withdrawal from real life into an Internet
  alternative reality

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If you or someone you know might be in an
emotionally abusive relationship

• Get Help!

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Contacts

• A Student Affairs Staff Member
• The College/University Counseling Center
• National Council on Child Abuse and Family
  Violence 1-800-222-2000
• National Resource Center on Domestic Violence
  1-800-537-2238
• National Women's Resource Center 1-800-354-8824