Overview of Domestic Violence

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Overview of Domestic Violence
Molly M. Heck, MSW
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History of Violence Against Women
North Carolina State v Rhodes 1868 His Honor
was of opinion that the defendant had a right to
whip his wife with a switch no longer than his
thumb.
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• Women viewed as property historically
• (and currently?)

• Unequal Rights
• -No vote until 1920s
• -Not many individual rights until 1970s
• -Domestic violence not a ground for divorce
  until 1965 in New York. Still had to prove a
  sufficient number of beatings.
• -Could not charge husband with sexual assault
  until late 1970s and only in some states.

• Important social change began in the 1800s
• 1824-Mississipi court ruled that a husband can
• only use moderate chastisement in cases of
• emergency
• 1829-England abolishes a husbands right to
  absolute power of chastisement
• 1871-Alabama and Massachusetts declares wife
  beating illegal

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1970s A Time For Change

• 1971-Bay Area Women Against Rape forms in
• California

• 1972-First emergency rape crisis line starts
  in
• Washington D.C.

• 1973-1974-Al-Anon members who were
• battered women organized a shelter in
• Pennsylvania

• 1975-Nebraska makes marital rape a crime

• 1977-Catalyst founded in Chico, CA

• 1978-National Coalition Against Domestic
• Violence is formed

• 1979-More than 250 battered womens shelters
  in U.S.

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Catalyst Services

• 24-Hour Crisis/Referral Line
• 1-800-895-8476
• Emergency Shelter
• Drop-In Centers throughout Butte County
• Paradise, Chico, and Oroville
• Individual Counseling and Support Groups
• At all locations, including the shelter
• Legal Advocacy
• Temporary Restraining Orders
• Court Accompaniment
• Childrens Program
• Volunteer and Internship Program

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Definition of Domestic Violence
The abuse, mental, verbal or physical, of one
person to another person with whom the abused has
a significant and intimate relationship.
Violence in relationships can take many forms.
The abuse can range from verbal attacks to sexual
assault.
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Definitions of Relationships

• Current or former spouses or partners
• Live together or have lived together
• Are dating or have dated
• Are engaged in or have been engaged in a sexual
  relationship
• Have a child in common
• Family member

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Language

• Wife Battering vs. Domestic Violence vs.
  Relationship Abuse vs. Intimate Partner Violence
• Partner
• Victim vs. Survivor
• Abuser vs. Batterer

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Types of Abuse

• Physical Abuse
• Verbal Abuse
• Emotional/Mental Abuse
• Sexual Abuse
• Financial Abuse

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Physical Abuse

• Pushing, hitting, slapping
• Choking, punching
• Grabbing, kicking, biting, hair pulling
• Use of a weapon
• Denial of food, water or medication
• Threats of physical abuse
• Murder

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Verbal Abuse

• Yelling, screaming, name calling, put downs
• Cursing, sarcasm
• Putting partner down for religious beliefs or
  ethnic background
• Threats to commit suicide
• Threats to harm children
• Threats to harm pets/animals

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Emotional/Mental Abuse

• Manipulation, withdrawal, blaming abuse on
  victim,
• humiliating, guilt trips, extreme jealousy and
• possessiveness, gossip, spreading rumors,
• denial, crazy-making, fear
• Intimidation- destroying property, putting fist
  through wall, displaying weapons, intimidating
  body language, stalking
• Isolation- controlling what partner does, who
  they see, and where they go keeping partner from
  friends and family, limiting outside involvement

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Sexual Abuse

• Rape, manipulating or making threats to get
• sex, forcing any nonconsensual act (touching,
• talking about sex, kissing, etc), forcing partner
• to have sex with others

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Financial Abuse

• Stealing partners money
• controlling how money is spent
• giving partner an allowance
• making partner show receipts
• not allowing to work
• sabotaging work efforts
• stalking at work

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Stats and Facts

• 25 of intimate relationships are abusive

• 85 of victims are female, 15 are male

• Only 1/7 of domestic assaults are reported to
• the police

• Approximately 3.3 million children witness
• domestic violence each year

• It takes an average of 7 times for a woman
• to leave an abusive relationship
• Rates of abuse are not dependant on race,
• ethnicity, sexual orientation or socio-
• economic level. Domestic violence can
• happen to anyone.

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Cycle of Violence
Make up/Apology
Honeymoon Phase
Power control
Abuse and Violence Phase
Tension Phase
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Cycle of ViolenceThings to remember

• Over time the honeymoon phase goes away
• Violence typically escalates over time
• The cycle can occur 100 times before it becomes
  physically abusive
• The abuser has control over this cycle, but they
  make the victim think that they do

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Cycle of a Healthy Relationship
Apology
Honeymoon
Argument
Equality
Tension
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Cycle of a Healthy RelationshipThings to remember

• Both people in the relationship drive this cycle.
• The Honeymoon Phase never goes away.
• Both people take responsibility for their
  feelings and for their actions.

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Fair Fight Rules

• Identify the problem
• Focus on problem NOT person
• Take responsibility
• Make I statements
• No fouls
• Dont hold grudges
• Dont be stubborn
• Pay attention to timing
• Take a break
• Listen
• Try not to get defensive or offensive

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Signs of an Abuser

• Push for quick involvement- comes on very strong,
  presses for exclusive commitment almost
  immediately.
• Jealousy- excessively jealous, acts possessive,
  calls
• constantly, visits unexpectedly.
• Controlling- interrogates partner about where
  they were, who they were with, controls the
  money, insists partner asks permission to go
  anywhere or do anything.
• Verbal Abuse- continually criticizes partner,
  says cruel or harmful things, degrades partner or
  calls them names, may do this to other family
  members or friends.

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Signs of an Abuser

• Unrealistic Expectations- Expects partner to be
  perfect
• person, expected to meet all abusers needs while
  ignoring
• partners needs.
• Isolation- Limits partners contact with friends
  and family,
• accuses partners supporters of causing
  trouble, may deprive partner of vehicle or job.
• Blames others- Doesnt take personal
  responsibility for
• actions and problems, makes everyone else
  responsible for
• their feelings, blames everyone else especially
  partner.
• Cruelty to animals and children- Kills or
  punishes animals brutally, may expect children to
  do things that are far beyond their abilities or
  may tease them until they cry.

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Signs of an Abuser

• Use of force during sex- holds partner down
  during sex, degrades partner during sex
• Sudden mood swings- switches from loving to
  explosively violent in minutes.
• Past Abuse- Admits abusing or hitting partners in
  the past, blames the abuse on them or the
  situation.
• Threats of Violence- directly threatens partner
  with physical abuse, is aggressive in other areas
  of life (puts fists through walls, throws things
  when angry), minimizes the abuse.

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Signs of a victim

• The victim is fearful of being late, expressing
  opinions or feelings, making a decision without
  their partner, constantly tries to please abuser.
• The family organizes their time around the
  abuser.
• Victim makes excuses for abusers behavior.
• Visible, unexplained signs of injury, especially
  during
• pregnancy.
• Victim is secretive about relationship or holds
  back
• information.
• Isolated from friends and family.
• May self medicate with drugs or alcohol to escape
  the psychological pain of the relationship.

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A Victim May

• minimize or rationalize injuries or violent
• episodes

• believe that no one can help, be afraid of
• intervention

• seem evasive, embarrassed, or ashamed

• be unable to act in own interest

• seem distant, jumpy, frightened, flinch when
• touched or at sudden noises

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Why a Victim Stays

• Fear
• Low self esteem
• Love
• Children
• Guilt
• Hope
• Religion
• Shame

• Lack of funds
• Lack of support
• Lack of resources

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How to be Supportive

• Power and Control. Emphasize that domestic
  violence is about power and control.
• Ask questions gently. Give the person ample
  opportunity to talk. Dont rush into providing
  solutions.
• Listen without judging. Victims of domestic
  violence often believe their abusers negative
  messages. They may feel responsible, ashamed and
  afraid they will be judged.
• Be available. Let them know that you are
  available when they are ready.

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How to be Supportive

• There is no excuse for violence. Not drugs or
  alcohol and not because the victim did something
  wrong.
• Talk about the children. Share that kids who
  witness domestic violence can have many troubles
  including low self esteem, difficulties in school
  and in relationships with peers. Behavior is
  learned.
• Share that violence typically gets worse.
  Although their partner may make promises that
  things will get better, without intervention,
  violence escalates.

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Supportive questions to ask

• What do you foresee happening if you stay?
• What do you foresee happening if you leave?
• How does it make you feel when your partner ?
• What would you like to do?
• What are you ready to do?
• What can you do to feel safe?
• Would you like to create a safety plan?

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Victim Blaming Statements

• What did you do to cause this?
• Did you try to stop them?
• Why dont you just leave?
• I would never let anyone do that to me.
• That doesnt sound so bad.

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Supportive Statements

• Its not your fault.
• You dont deserve to be hurt.
• You dont deserve to feel afraid of your partner.
• If you want to talk, I will listen.