The Rolling Rock Bock Border

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The Rolling Rock Bock Border
The Rolling Rock Bock Border on the West wall of
Club Habel was an idea taken from an episode of
one of those remodeling shows entitled How To
Junk-Up Your Parents Basement and Turn It Into A
Nightclub. How we acquired the border is an
interesting story. It was the Spring of 1993 and
Thom (a Club Habel V.I.P. Cardholder) somehow
knew a guy who ran a liquor store. This guy
wanted to clear out his stock of Rolling Rock
Bock because it was not selling well and asked
Thom if hed be interested in buying it. Thom
asked how much and the guy stated 10.00 per case
and he had about 3 cases. Even at the (continued)
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The Rolling Rock Bock Border (part 2)
young age of 21, Thoms accounting powers were
starting to emerge. Using his knowledge of
numbers and other numerical knowledge, he used to
following calculation and figured 3 cases of
beer _at_ 10.00 per case ? specialty seasonal beer
? taste the getting drunk coefficient Ð
damn good deal. When Thom was given this option
to purchase the beer, he paged John who was at
UMBC taking an exam. Roughly two minutes after
being paged, John was paged again, but this time
with a 911, 911, 911. John stepped out of the
exam to call Thom to find out what was wrong.
Instead, John found out what was right. Thom
relayed the message and we agreed to purchase the
beer. Roughly two minutes of hanging up with
Thom, he paged John again with 911s and upon
returning the call said to John that his hook
-up had found another 2 cases of this premium
beer. SOLD! (next)
3 cases of beer _at_ 10.00 per case ? specialty
seasonal beer ? taste the getting drunk
coefficient Ð damn good deal.
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The Rolling Rock Bock Border (part 3)
This time before hanging up, Thom asked if this
guy finds any more cases, should I buy them? We
agreed yes and that we all would pitch in to
reimburse because hell, we were all broke ass
students. By the time John finished his exam and
called Thom to check the status of our purchase,
Thom his connection managed to unearth 9 cases
of beer. They were stacked on the floor and
against the wall of Club Habel. But wait,
theres a mathematical computation that Thom the
Accountant forgot to calculate
Unheard of beer ? Store owner unable to sell
it ? shitty taste expired date ? every
9th beer explodes for no reason causing red
beer stains ? and eternal ? stickiness ?? which
? worth it.
Rolling Rock Bock is an acquired taste and after
about the third or fourth case, we acquired the
taste. Note it is no longer being sold.
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A Lost Treasure - Found!
I forgot that this even existed. What we have is
an authentic, personalized Steve Stinnett bottle
opener. You know how when you go to a bar, you
can sometimes purchase your own mug?
Steve is the only person in the history of beer
drinking that purchased his own bottle opener.
Now, you may be asking yourself, thats great
for bottle beer, but what about when you wanted a
draft beer? Club Habel did in fact have their
own line of personal beer drinking mugs that were
available only to V.I.P members. Here are a few
of your choices as a V.I.P. member...
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Your Mug Selection
THE SWISS ARMY MUG NOTE
CONVERTS FROM MUG TO CRACK PIPE.
CAN YOU HANDLE IT
BOTTOMS UP
THE NIP SIPPER
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The Bar
The bar came in two versions unlit (above) and
lit (right). There were a total of four lights
lamp hanging from left wall (unlit), two
hobos with red lit noses, and a fully functional
1980s era vintage Coca-Cola sign. Lights not
used often due to potential fire hazard.
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Drunken Tales, Slurs, and Misquotes
How many times have you thought to yourself,
What the hell did they say last night? I know
someone said something incredibly stupid, but I
just cant remember what it was. Well, Club
Habel had its share of confusing conversations,
drunken debates, twisted tales, sloshed slurs,
and mangled misquotes. Too bad we dont have any
record of the way we mangled the English
language... or do we??? And whats the deal with
that brown cabinet??? I have to admit, I wasnt
expecting to find what I uncovered when I opened
the doors, but this was probably the single best
unexpected find on my archaeological dig of Club
Habel. Does it ring a bell??
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Proof! -- That We Were Trashed
Heres the inside of that cabinet door...
Documented proof of our own drunken slurs. Each
time we messed up while we were talking, one of
us was always gracious enough to write it down.
Having trouble reading them? Thats o.k. On the
next few slides I used my Drunk to English
translator. Also, the left picture shows a fifth
sticky note on the far right of the door. It had
a list of phone numbers we frequently called to
leave drunken, obnoxious, and/or obscene voice
mail messages on.
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Heres a Few Keepers
Thom becomes psychic foresees a health concern
of his- my (his) chest is about to hurt. If
you call Steve when hes drunk, hell tell you to
- give me (him) a wake up call
in 5 minutes. Yeah, that extra 5 minutes is
really gonna help. (Documented by John)
When its time to work out, Thom makes it clear-
let me carry my gig (gym) bag. (Documented by
Schwaab)
Thom loves an after minner dint. (Documented by
John)
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And Who Could Forget These!
Who knows what the frig Schwaab was talking about
when he garbled out his mouth -
Let me pop this in and she how it
says. (Documented by Schwaab himself) The
excitement of Johns pager going off was more
than he could handle so he got straight to the
point and told everyone that - I got a voicemail
on my message. (Documented by Schwaab)
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And Heres a Few Wed Like To Forget
Although these are impossible to read, I still
wanted to include them as proof of our
drunkenness. I considered going over the words
in a darker pen before scanning, but I did not
want to ruin the integrity of the note. So
instead, Im just going to write down what the
slur was. These are bad.
Top quote - Im taking it off layers of my
nail. We must have been deep into the case for
that one. Middle quote - I wouldnt leave you in
a ruh, roh, room alone with him. This ones
understandable because room is a big
word. Bottom quote - While talking about having
to take an exam someone said makerus takerus.
The Drunk to English translation is make us take
our exam. Im sure that exam was failed.