Ordinary Failures of Compassion toward PWA and stigmatized populations:

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Ordinary Failures of Compassion toward PWA and
stigmatized populations

• Psychological and spiritual mechanics and
  resources

 Rev. Betsy Ritzman Licensed Clinical
Professional Counselor Email betsyritz_at_comcast.ne
t Website www.tenditmendit.com
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Gentle us, Holy One, into an unclenched moment, a
deep breath a letting go of heavy experiences, of
shriveling anxieties, of dead uncertainties, open
us to the mystery, fill us with the joy that is
you. AMEN
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Connection and Compassion

• Psychological, Social and Spiritual rules of our
  culture support compassionate responses to human
  suffering.
• These same rules of connection also undermine
  compassion.
• This is true among all peoples of faith.

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Social myths of autonomy

• American Culture directs us toward independence
  and separation
• Separation and connection become polarized.
• However, Human autonomy is actually the outcome
  of a ongoing dance between connection and
  disconnection.
• So, we seek independence and long for connection.

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Psychological factors in HIV/AIDS Stigmatization

• Failure of Compassionexists in many forms and
  degrees from interpersonal tension to murderous
  rage.
• Social isolation and rejection is an outcome of a
  community wide failure of compassion.
• Abuse (physical, emotional) is another response
  to a failure of compassion.

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Compassion vs Abuse

• Abuse is hurting the feelings or body of someone
  else to alter some unpleasant feeling within the
  self.
• Compassion regulates unpleasant (ego
  annihilating) internal feelings.
• Abuse occurs when compassion for self and loved
  ones fails to sufficiently support ego function.

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Emotional DisregulationWhy those who love us
hurt us

• Relationships serve as mirrors of our inner self.
  We know who we are by how others see us.
• Reflections can build or undermine ego strength
  E.g.
• A misbehaving child can evoke feelings of being a
  failure and thoroughly unlovable parent a
  thriving child strengthens the ego.
• Angry or withdrawn parents can evoke in children
  feelings of shame, and unworthiness loving
  involved parents build self respect.
• A distracted or controlling spouse can evoke
  feelings of worthlessness affirmation from a
  spouse supports the self.

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Disregulation and Revenge

• Feelings of shame, rejection, unworthiness
  stimulate an internal crisis, destabilizing ego
  and identity.
• They inspire revenge, not for the behavior of
  others but for the wound (to our sense of self)
  they seem to inflict.

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Communal mechanics of Abuse?

• Communities and cultures react in ways similar to
  the individual when communal thresholds of
  emotional dis-regulation are exceeded.

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Stigma and HIV

• HIV/AIDS diagnosis implies these conditions,
  often experienced as negative mirrors
• Forbidden sexual behavior
• Homosexuality
• Loss of Gods protection or blessing
• Consequential punishment
• Curse
• Affliction
• If a loved one discloses HIV status to you
  what kind of mirroring do you receive from them?

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Dynamics of stigma in community

• Stigma 1596, "mark made on skin by burning with a
  hot iron," from L. stigma (pl. stigmata), from
  Gk. stigma (gen. stigmatos) "mark, puncture,"
  especially one made by a pointed instrument, from
  root of stizein "to mark, tattoo," from PIE
  st(e)ig- (see stick (v.)). Fig. meaning "a mark
  of disgrace" is from 1619, as is stigmatize in
  this sense. Stigmas "marks resembling the wounds
  on the body of Christ, appearing supernaturally
  on the bodies of the devout" is from 1632
  earlier stigmate (1387), from L. stigmata.
• Community 1375, from O.Fr. communité, from L.
  communitatem (nom. communitas) "community,
  fellowship," from communis "common, public,
  general, shared by all or many," (see common). L.
  communitatem "was merely a noun of quality ...
  meaning 'fellowship, community of relations or
  feelings,' but in med.L. it was, like
  universitas, used concretely in the sense of 'a
  body of fellows or fellow-townsmen' " OED. An
  O.E. word for "community" was gemænscipe
  "community, fellowship, union, common ownership,"
  probably composed from the same PIE roots as
  communis.

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• Traditionally and ritually, those who are marked
  with disgrace are stigmatized and cast out or
  scape-goated - ritual or symbolic acts of
  cleansing for the community/family
• HIV or other disorders mark community members
  with disgrace, mirroring shifts from good to evil
  
• Communal emotional dis-regulation (loss of
  community ego strength) inspires radical distance
  stigmatization, scape-goating, etc
• Examples

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Laurens Birds
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Behavioral Pecking

• Fear
• Distance people as projects
• Spiritual If I avoid death and suffering of
  others, Ill be spared.

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Fear and superstition in Spirituality

• Reactions to suffering that emerge from and
  impact our faith
• Fear this might happen to me!
• Superstition I can control whether I suffer

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Reciprocity in relationships

• If a relationship consistently fails to do this,
  it loses its ego-building function.
• If it falls below the threshold of safety and
  security, it becomes ego-destroying.

• We expect relationships to build the sense of
  self
• They must provide
• Unconditional safety and security
• High levels of compassion
• Freedom from resentment, hostility, abuse, and
  other emotional constraints.

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Examples of Spiritual Pecking

• The biblical Jobs friends your afflictions
  define your worth and destiny ie, less than mine
• Prosperity gospel Spiritual faith worldly
  success, failure/pain is evil/weak
• Healing traditions may deny suffering and pain on
  the premise that we are already healed,
  forbidding any open expressions of suffering as
  inviting evil.

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A Neighborhood Story The Bike Theft at
Longfellow
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The Psyche of the Good Samaritan Building
compassionate human response with faith
resources.

• Identifies with the oppressed one
• Capable noticing, present, able (self regulated
  emotions)
• Observes the spirit of the law
• Compassion Takes effective action
• Fearless Violating cultural demands
• Radical Violates religious law

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Spiritual resources for maintaining community and
managing stigma and suffering

• Suffering seen as universal in every life
• Acknowledgement that suffering elicits fear
• Love-mandates to regulate fear - reduces distance
• Separation from others is seen as
  illusion/transient
• Others suffering is our suffering

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Faith traditions often teach

• True compassion arises naturally when our
  ego-protecting thoughts lie down
• Pay attention to your own heart, separate
  assumptions about yourself from assumptions about
  others egDont judge - a discipline that
  builds autonomy and self regulation
• Cultivate compassionate toward yourself (builds
  ego strength and self regulation)
• Listen for God in story of the weak and oppressed
  (undermines scape-goating)

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Marks of the Beloved Community

• Honoring connection with those who suffer with a
  willingness to suffer for common good.
• Willingness to engage transformation by
  confronting oppression of others and our own
  suffering and transgressions
• Planting seeds of forgiveness- scape-goating and
  revenge becomes taboo
• Harvesting joy from suffering.

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Consultations Discussion Questions Answers