WELCOME TO TEXAS, YALL

1
WELCOME TO TEXAS, YALL
2

• Lets Ride!

3
You can always tell a Texan, but you cant tell
him much.

• Longhorns and Longnecks
• No Place But Texas

TOUCH MY TRUCK AND YOU DIE
4
You can always tell a Texan, but you cant tell
him much.

• Dear Lord, Please Send Another
• Oil Boom I Promise Not to
• Mess It Up This Time

American By Birth, Texan By the Grace of God
5
You can always tell a Texan, but you cant tell
him much.
NATURALIZED TEXAN
NATIVE TEXAN
6
You can always tell a Texan, but you cant tell
him much.
TEXAS SECEDE!
On Earth As It Is In TEXAS
7
You can always tell a Texan, but you cant tell
him much.
Lifes Too Short Not To Live It As A Texan
I Brake for Armadillos Hallucinations
8
You can always tell a Texan, but you cant tell
him much.
There are two kinds of people TEXANS and those
who wish they were.
If Im Good Say My Prayers, When I Die Ill Go
To TEXAS
9
Texans Talk Friendly

• I was just fixin to do that.
• I was thinking about doing that sometime soon.
• Gimme a holler
• Get in touch with me soon.
• Ill be talkin at ya
• Ill speak with you soon.

10
Texans Talk Friendly

• God willing and the creek dont rise
• If nothing unforeseen happens.
• Choppin in tall cotton
• Living well.
• Hes got a burr under his saddle.
• Hes irritable or anxious.

11
Texans Talk Friendly

• That really chaps my hide.
• That irritates me.
• You just gave it a lick and a promise.
• You didnt do it well.
• Hes plumb loco.
• Hes crazy.

12
Texans Talk Friendly

• Chunking rocks
• Texas kids dont throw rocks, they chunk em.
• Ill russle up a bite.
• Ill prepare something to eat.
• Uglier than a mud fence.
• Possessed of unfortunate features.

13
Texans Talk Friendly

• Taint worth diddly squat
• Isnt worth anything
• Ive got a hankerin for
• I have a craving for
• He must be from New York.
• Hes really crazy.

14
Texans Talk Friendly

• He couldnt find his butt with both
• hands cold and wet.
• He cant find anything.
• Buy ya books and buy ya books and still you
  never learn.
• You never take my advice.

15
Texans Talk Friendly

• He couldnt pour spit out of a boot if there
  were a hole in the toe and the instructions were
  written on the heel.
• Hes a complete idiot.

16
Texas Etiquette

• A native-born Texas will always touch two fingers
  to the brim of his hat when he meets a lady on
  the street.
• All women are ladies until proven otherwise.

Like herding cats impossible and chaotic
activity
17
Texas Etiquette

• Never make fun of a Texans hat.
• Children are taught to say Maam and Sir to
  anyone older.
• Ex. Joe Bill, did you feed the dog? Yes.
  Yes what, Joe Bill? Yes Maam.

This ain't my first rodeo I've been around
awhile.
18
Texas Etiquette

• It is not fit to ask a Rancher how big his ranch
  is. Its always just a little spread.
• It is sometimes considered rude to eat barbeque
  with silverware, except maybe a knife. Be
  prepared to use your fingers, get lots of napkins
  and avoid wearing white. Gentlemen are permitted
  to flip ties over their shoulders.

They ate supper before they said grace Living
in sin
19
Texas Etiquette

• Texans dont just jump into a conversation. They
  first ask about family, health and if you got
  any weather. Well come around to business when
  were good and ready.
• Never ask a man where hes from. If hes from
  Texas, hell tell you. If he isnt, dont
  embarrass him.

Lettin the cat out of the bag is a whole lot
easiern puttin it back in.
20
Texas Names (Christian Names vs. Given Name)

• Jimmy Ray
• Billy Bob
• Dianne Sue
• Beth Ann
• Joe Bill
• Tom Daniel

Even a blind hog finds an acorn now and agin
Everyone gets lucky once in a while
21
Texas Names (Nicknames)

• Bubba
• Crawdad
• Catfish
• Cowboy
• Mija and Mijo
• Bunny
• Cricket
• Stinky

Dumb as a sack of hammers too stupid to live
22
Texas Names (Town Names)

• Heavenly Elysian Fields, Star, Venus, Altair,
  Eden, Utopia, Paradise, Chapel Hill, Harmony,
  Odyssey, Trinity
• Borrowed Paris, Athens, Newcastle, Atlanta,
  Brookland, Canadian, Columbus, DeKalb, Denver
  City, Detroit, Dublin, Frisco, Holland, Iowa
  Park, Los Fresnos, Matagorda, Memphis, Miami,
  Palestine, Pasadena, San Diego, Sante Fe, Odessa,
  Yorktown

Tighter than bark on a tree Not very generous
or close friends
23
Texas Names (Capital Claims)
Poteet Strawberry capital of Texas Crystal
City Spinach capital of the US Luling
Watermelon capital of Texas Fredericksburg
Peach capital of Texas Tyler Nations largest
rose showplace (childhood home of Earl Campbell
The Tyler Rose)
Big hat, no cattle All talk and no game
24
Texas Names (Capital Claims)
Terlingua Quicksilver capital of Texas and
Chili Cookoff capital of Texas Beaumont Museum
capital of Texas Austin Live music capital of
the world
The engine's runnin' but ain't nobody driving
Not overly-intelligent
25
Texas Names (Capital Claims)
Dalhart, Texas, in the Texas Panhandle, is closer
to the state capitals of New Mexico, Colorado,
Kansas and Oklahoma than it is to Austin.
In has been said of Texas politics that the only
things in the middle of the road are yellow
stripes and dead armadillos.
26
(No Transcript)
27
Only damn fools and Yankees try to predict the
weather.

• West Texas has areas that are the driest in
  the nation and East Texas has areas that are
  among the wettest in the nation.
• In the middle of the night in the summer the
  temperatures can still be above 100 degrees.

As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party.
28
Only damn fools and Yankees try to predict the
weather.

• In the winter it is said that there is nothing
  between Amarillo and the North Pole except a
  barbed wire fence with two wires down.
• A blizzard can rage across the Panhandle while
  it is 85 balmy degrees in the Rio Grande Valley.

As full of wind as a corn-eating horse Rather
prone to boasting
29
Only damn fools and Yankees try to predict the
weather.

• We can (and often do) have a sandstorm in El
  Paso, a tropical depression in the Gulf and a
  soft, gentle breeze in the Hill Country at the
  same time.
• A Blue Norther can drop the temperature by
  50 degrees in less than an hour.

That dog wont hunt That doesnt work
30
Only damn fools and Yankees try to predict the
weather.

• We have hurricanes along the Gulf Coast and
  theres a stretch of west- central Texas known as
  Tornado Alley. Try not to have to fly into
  Wichita Falls. You might drop out of the sky
  instead.
• The wind can stack tumbleweeds eight feet high
  along buildings in West Texas.

Like pulling hens' teeth! very difficult
31
Only damn fools and Yankees try to predict the
weather.

• Creeks and rivers can flood in ten minutes and
  in a few weeks the ground will be cracking from
  the dryness. Go figure.
• It is often said that the number one thing that
  Texans like most about Texas is the weather. It
  is also the thing they like least.

Dumb as a bag of hair too stupid to live
32
Six Flags

• Texas under Spain
• 1519-1685 1690-1821
• Texas under France
• 1685-1690
• Texas under Mexico
• 1821-1836
• Dead as Elvis quite dead

33
Six Flags

• Texas as a Republic.
• 1836-1845
• Texas in the Confederacy.
• 1861-1865
• Texas in the US.
• 1845-1861 1865-Present

The cheese has done slipped off the cracker
not right in the head
34
Texas Holidays

• LBJs Birthday August 27
• Im off today, thanks to LBJ.
• Emancipation Day (Juneteenth) June 19
• News of Lincolns emancipation of the slaves
  didnt reach Texas until June 19, 1865 (two
  years later). The proclamation was read in
  Galveston and later became the first state
  holiday in the nation to honor emancipation.

Big as all Texas Huge
35
Texas Holidays

• Confederate Heroes Day January 19
• Confederate Heroes Day combines the birthdays
  of Robert E. Lee (Jan. 19) and Jefferson Davis
  (June 3) to honor those who died defending the
  Confederate States of America during the
  American Civil War.
• Cesar Chavez Day March 31

One brick short of a load not right in the head
36
Texas Holidays

• Texas Independence Day March 2
• We, therefore, the delegates with plenary
  powers of the people of Texas, in solemn
  convention assembled, appealing to a candid world
  for the necessities of our condition, do hereby
  resolve and declare, that our political
  connection with the Mexican nation has forever
  ended, and that the people of Texas do now
  constitute a free, Sovereign, and independent
  republic, and are fully invested with all the
  rights and attributes which properly belong to
  independent nations and, conscious of the
  rectitude of our intentions, we fearlessly and
  confidently commit the issue to the decision of
  the Supreme arbiter of the destinies of nations.

37
Texas Holidays

• San Jacinto Day April 21
• The freedom of Texas from Mexico won here led
  to annexation and to the Mexican War, resulting
  in the acquisition by the United States of the
  States of Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada,
  California, Utah, and parts of Colorado,
  Wyoming, Kansas and Oklahoma. Almost one- third
  of the present area of the American nation,
  nearly a million square miles of territory,
  changed sovereignty.

Jumped on it like a duck on a June bug got to
work on it quickly
38
Texans wish they really did own a ranch and an
oil well.

22,118,509 PEOPLE Dallas Cowboys lovers
8,600,002 Dallas Cowboys haters
8,600,001 (UNOFFICIAL DATA)
We've howdied but we ain't shook yet We've made
a brief acquaintance, but not been formally
introduced
39
Texans wish they could annex Colorado, but just
for August and ski season.

White 71.0 Hispanic 32.0 African
American 11.5 Asian 2.7 Other 11.7
He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow
He has a pretty high opinion of himself
40
Texans wish that everyone could have as much fun
as they do.

Foreign Born 13.9 Home language other than
English 31.2 Nicknamed Bubba 9.2 (UNOFFICIAL
DATA)
Cant swing a dead cat by the tail without
hittin one there are plenty
41
Texans wish that Alabama had kept its imported
fire ants all to itself.

STUDENTS 4,239,911 TEACHERS 288,386 LEAs 1,2
24, including 185 charter schools 1,224 LEAs
means 1,224 independently elected school boards
with oversight of 16.4 Billion in local revenue.
Texas Home of the mechanical bull.
42
Texans wish that folks didnt think that Texas
land was all dry desert and tumbleweeds.

Largest school district Houston ISD 210,000
students Smallest school district (K-12) San
Vicente 20 students
Hes so short hed have to stand up to look a
rattler in the eye.
43
Texans wish Oklahoma would take up a sport other
than football (like knitting, maybe).

CAMPUSES 7,733 ESCs 20 Campus
Administrators 15,562 District Administrators
5,756
Shes like the highway between Ft. Worth and
Dallas No curves.
44
Texans wish that Alaska was about half the size
it is.

Sq. Miles 261,797 Persons per square mile
79.6 Households 7,393,354 Median
Income 39,927 Below Poverty 15.4
You can put your boots in the oven, but that
doesn't make them biscuits You can say whatever
you want about something, but that doesn't change
what it is.
45
Texans wish that people didnt think that Dallas
was the state capital.

State Budget 11.9 Billion Federal
Revenue 1 Billion Local Revenue 16.4
Billion Ttl. public school budget
29,334,447,69 Total per pupil 6,919
It's so dry the trees are bribin' the dogs We
really could use a little rain around here
46
Texans wish that they really were as rich as most
people think they are.

Economically Disadvantaged
2,201,534 Bilingual/ESL 572,019 Ttl.
school budget 29,334,447,69 Total per
pupil 6,919
Dont squat with your spurs on.
47
School Finance

• July 10, 1968 - Demetrio Rodriguez of San
  Antonio's Edgewood school district and other
  parents file a federal class-action suit saying
  Texas' school finance system violates the U.S.
  Constitution.
• Dec. 23, 1971 - A federal court rules the finance
  system unconstitutional.

Hes all foam and no beer. He has no substance.
48
School Finance

• May 23, 1984 - Thirteen school districts file a
  lawsuit, Edgewood vs. Bynum, in state district
  court in Austin. They say the school finance
  system violates their residents' rights to an
  adequate education and equal and uniform
  taxation. The lead plaintiff is San Antonios
  Edgewood Independent School District, and the
  lead defendant is Commissioner of Education
  Raymond Bynum.

Always drink upstream from the herd.
49
School Finance

• June 7, 1990 - After four special legislative
  sessions, Gov. Bill Clements signs into law a
  school finance bill, SB 1. It provides an
  additional 528 million in state funding to
  school districts in the 1990-91 school year and
  would phase in other changes through 1996.

I hear you cluckin but I cant find your nest.
50
School Finance

• Jan. 22, 1991 - The Texas Supreme Court declares
  the new law unconstitutional, saying it does not
  go far enough to remedy inequities.

Never slap a man thats chewin tobacco.
51
School Finance

• Oct. 2, 1989 - The Texas Supreme Court
  unanimously declares the school finance system
  unconstitutional and orders the state to design a
  fairer method for funding public education.

Thatll break that dog of suckin eggs. He
learned his lesson.
52
School Finance

• April 1991 - The Legislature passes and Gov. Ann
  Richards signs a bill, SB 351, that shifts money
  from property-rich to property-poor school
  districts. The bill partially consolidates the
  tax bases of the 1,058 school districts into 188
  county education districts.

He's just as happy as if he had good sense.
53
School Finance

• Jan. 30, 1992 - The Texas Supreme Court says the
  CEDs and the taxes they levy are illegal. The
  court orders the Legislature to write a new plan.

That boy is one beer short of a six-pack.
54
School Finance

• May 1993 The Legislature adopts SB7, which
  creates a new school funding system that makes
  property-wealthy school districts give funding to
  property-poor districts. This share-the-wealth
  plan is dubbed the Robin Hood Plan.

This is as nutty as a pecan pie.
55
School Finance

• April 2001 Four school districts filed a
  lawsuit in state district court saying that the
  states cap on the maintenance and operation tax
  amounts to a statewide property tax, which is
  prohibited by the Texas Constitution. Dozens of
  additional school districts, led by the Edgewood
  and Alvarado districts, ultimately intervene in
  the lawsuit.

Fit to be tied Very upset.
56
School Finance

• September 2004 - State district Judge John Dietz
  of Austin declares the system unconstitutional.
  Again.
• Cowboy up!

All swole up Aggravated or self-absorbed
57

• What Texans can dream, Texas can do.