SCIENTIFIC WRITING 5

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SCIENTIFIC WRITING 5 Data Commentary Robert
Blake, SLDC Nov05
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Outline

• Feedback on presentation of figures tables
• Structuring data commentaries
• Varying the strength of claims
• Examples of data commentaries from journals
• Language for dealing with imperfect data
• Choosing tenses in results other sections
• Further reading

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Problems with Graphical Presentation from
Assessed Work

• X Figure/Table is too small for quick access to
  information
• X Figure/table is located too far from text
  describing it
• X Poor layout figures in series of tests are
  not arranged to allow comparison
• X Information in figure/table is not accessible
  to any reader other than immediate supervisor
  lacks sufficient context explanation
• X Axes are unlabelled or poorly labelled
• X Values for axes are not specified
• X Values- obscured or difficult to read in
  relation to trend line
• X Figure is neither numbered nor labelled
• X Label in wrong position i.e. should be over a
  table v, below a figure v
• X Plagiarised data dataset is not your own but
  source not acknowledged

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Problems with Data Commentary Examples from
Assessed Work

• X Figure/table is not referred to in text
• X Figure/table is referred to in text but the
  number is omitted
• X Table or figure is referred to but content
  main purpose
• are not explained in text
• X Key patterns/trends are not summarised/highligh
  ted for reader
• X Commentary does not accurately describe the
  data
• X Unrealistic statements made in the text about
  the Figure/table
• - claim is too strong does not reflect the
  data produced add hedging- see
  slides
• - claim is too weak to describe the data
  produced too much
  cautious hedging-see slides
• X Commentary is not succinct, therefore purpose
  main trends are obscured

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Providing a commentary for data in graphical
format

• Writing the data commentary requires as much
  careful preparation as the presentation of
  graphical information.
• Commentaries have 2 main functions
• direct the readers attention to the figures
• enable the reader to focus on the most important
• aspects of the results.
• Data should not be presented without a commentary
  to guide the reader through them.
• Keep the commentary near to the graphical
  presentation of the data.
• material in slides 5-19 24-5 adapted from
  Weissburg Buker (1990) Swales Feak 1994)

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Providing a commentary for data in graphical
format

• Commentaries can consist of up to 3 elements
• A location/ summary statement
• Statements highlighting the most important
  findings
• Statements that comment on the results (in
  combined results discussions sections)

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Data commentary location summary statements

• Location/summary statement
  
• This directs the readers attention to
  
• a the location of the figures containing the
  results
• b expresses the main idea of the graphical
  information
• e.g. Table 3 illustrates the arithmetic mean
• e.g. The results in table 4 show that most of the
  compounds

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Location/summary statement

• Alternatively the sentence summarises the main
  idea of the graphical information with the
  location statement in parentheses e.g.
• Caffeine was somewhat more prevalent than
  theophylline in preventing leaf-eating (figure 1)

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Location/summary statement

• Typical location statements, using the PASSIVE
  FORM
• The most common forms of transmission are shown
  in table 5
• The most common forms of transmission are given
  in table 5
• The most common forms of transmission are
  provided in table 5
• As can be seen from table 5, the size of
  particles is reduced when
• As shown in table 5, the size of particles is
  reduced when

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Location/summary statement

• Typical location statements, using the ACTIVE
  FORM
• Table 5 shows
• Table 5 provides ...
• Figure 4.2 gives
• Figure 4.2 suggests
• As revealed by the graph,

SOME VERBS FOR REFERRING TO DATA show
provide display
summarise demonstrate
illustrate reveal
suggest indicate
display
give present
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Other elements in a data commentary

• 2. Statements that present the most important
  findings e.g.
• As can be seen in the majority of cases, the
  source of transmission can be detected by
• 3. Statements that comment on the results
  These statements can be
  categorised into
• generalisations from the results
• explanations for the possible results
• comparing the results with those of other
  researchers
• Note the specific to general pattern in 3

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A basic data commentary in a results discussion
section

• FOREIGN LANGUAGE IN THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL A
  COMPARISON OF ACHIEVEMENT
• Figure 7.2 displays the mean percentile scores on
  the four subtests for non-immersion and immersion
  French students. Students in the French immersion
  programs performed significantly better than
  their non-immersion peers on all four Modern
  language Association tests by more than two to
  one in terms of scores attained on each of the
  subtests. For example in the listening subtest,
  immersion students scored at the 80th percentile,
  while non-immersion students scored at the 14th
  percentile. Clearly, the findings indicate that
  the amount of exposure to a foreign language has
  a positive effect on student performance. It
  appears that the intensity of immersion program
  (an average of 75 of total instruction per week
  in French compared to approximately 10 for
  non-immersion) and the use of the foreign
  language to study basic subjects results in
  substantial differences in performances in all
  four skill area of the MLA test.
  
  Table not included. Source
  Weissburg and Buker (1990)

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A basic data commentary in a combined results
discussion section

• LOCATION OF RESULTS Figure 7.2 displays the
  mean percentile scores on the four subtests for
  non-immersion and immersion French students.
• MOST IMPORTANT FINDINGS Students in the
  French immersion programs performed significantly
  better than their non-immersion peers on all four
  Modern language Association tests by more than
  two to one in terms of scores attained on each of
  the subtests. For example in the listening
  subtest, immersion students scored at the 80th
  percentile, while non-immersion students scored
  at the 14th percentile.
  
• COMMENTS Clearly, the findings indicate that
  the amount of exposure to a foreign language has
  a positive effect on student performance. It
  appears that the intensity of immersion program
  (an average of 75 of total instruction per week
  in French compared to approximately 10 for
  non-immersion) and the use of the foreign
  language to study basic subjects results in
  substantial differences in performances in all
  four skill area of the MLA test.
• NB Divided into 3 paragraphs headings added
  for purposes of analysis only normally a single
  paragraph or 2 at the most

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Qualifications and Strength Of Claim

• Highlighting statements need to be well judged to
  reflect the quality of your data the strength
  of the claim you can make about the data. You may
  need to
• be cautious- sometimes critical about the data.
  
• to choose appropriately cautious language
  (hedging) to express this caution. Hedging
  language that indicates certainty or commitment
  in varying degrees.
• Slides 14 to 19 examine ways of qualifying or
  moderating a claim in data commentaries.
• Material in slides 19- 20 24-adapted from
  Swales Feak (199486-89)

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Probability

• There are many ways to indicate probability in
  scientific writing. One straightforward way is
  the modal auxiliary, which is used to show how
  certain we are about something (Leech at al
  2001)e.g. will, may, might
• Notice how the claim progressively weakens in the
  3 sentences.
• A reduced speed limit will result in fewer
  highway injuries.
• A reduced speed limit may result in fewer
  highway injuries.
• A reduced speed limit might/could result in
  fewer highway injuries

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Probability

• Task Put the following sentence variations in
  approximate order from 1 (strongest claim) to 6
  (weakest claim).
• Furthermore, several case studies have indicated
  that climate change _________________ the
  detrimental effects of human exploitation and
  mismanagement.
• a. has contributed to
• b. has caused
• c. may have contributed to
• d. has probably been a major cause of
• e. has been one of the causes of
• f. might have been a small factor in
• Adapted from Swales Feak (1994)

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Choosing Weaker Or Stronger Verbs

• Task You can also reduce the strength of claims
  by choosing a weaker verb e.g.
• The widespread use of cfcs has caused global
  warming.
  (stronger)
• The widespread use of cfcs has contributed to
  global warming.
  (weaker)
• Task Underline the verb making the weaker claim
• e.g. The results indicate/establish that there is
  a link between smoking and lung cancer.
• Table 9 suggests/shows that Chinese scientists
  may need help with writing English.
• The latest series of experiments
  question/undermine much previous research.
• From Swales Feak 1994

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Choosing Weaker Or Stronger Verbs

• 3. The results given in figure 4 validate/support
  the second hypothesis.
• 4. The quantities displayed in the table have
  been assumed/shown to be about 98 accurate.
• 5. The test results create/suggest a basis for
  modification of the research design.
• 6. Changes in ambient temperature may have
  influenced/ distorted the test results.
• 7. In their earlier work, they failed/neglected
  to take ambient temperature into account.
• 8. As can be seen from table 3, the new pollution
  controls have encouraged/stimulated research
  into particulate filters.
• 9. Figure 12 depicts/clarifies the genetic
  relationship
• Slightly adapted From Swales Feak 199488-9

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Notice how these sentences weaken in strength
with weaker modals, adjectives etc

• It is certain that
• It is almost certain that
• It is very probable/highly likely that
• It is probable/likely that
• It is possible that
• It is unlikely that
• It is very unlikely/highly improbable that
• There is a strong possibility that
• There is a good possibility that
• There is a definite possibility that
• There is a slight possibility that
• There is a remote possibility that  a reduced
  speed limit will result in fewer injuries.

• STRONG
• WEAK

How is this reduction in strength of claim
achieved?
Swales Feak 19947
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Examples of data commentaries from journals

• Look at the examples of data commentary from a
  range of journals
• 1 Underline the hedging
• Several properties of a plant community might
  influence its resistance to climate change. i
  Previous exposure to climatic extremes 7,8. For
  example, plant communities that frequently
  experience dry conditions may be more resistant
  to the effects of extreme droughts. ii Species
  richness. Some experimental evidence suggest that
  diverse plant communities are more resistant and
  resilient.

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Examples of data commentaries from journals

• 2 Which format is used here for referring to the
  figure?
• Following leaf injury or application of OGAs,
  systemin, or JA through the transpiration stream,
  pin 2 transcripts become detectable after 2 to 4
  hours (Fig 1). . (ODonnell et al. 1996.)
• 3 Identify 2 verbs used for hedging here
  ODonnell et al. 1996.
• These data suggest that at least one site of
  ethylene action in the wound response is the
  regulation of JA levels in the plant. Whereas ASA
  pre-treatment abolishes any rise in JA,
  presumably through its multiple inhibitory
  effects, the specific inhibition of the ethylene
  synthesis or action only reduces the overall
  level to some 20 or 30 of that found in wild
  type This suggests that two processes contribute
  to the wound-induced increase in JA, only one of
  which is ethylene-dependent. This data suggest
  working levels in the plant . (ODonnell et al.
  1996.)
• Extracts 1 2 From ODonnell et al. Ethylene as
  a Signal Mediating the Wound Response of Tomato
  Plants In Nature. 12 Oct 1996.

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Data Commentaries Example 4
a. Underline
comment on the location statements.
b. Can you find any
hedging?

• Ice core data reveal that, prior to human
  disturbance, atmospheric pCO2 appears to have
  remained at a pre-industrial level of
  approximately 28 pa for several thousand years2.
  As a result, the GCC must have been in a state of
  quasi-equilibrium over this period and it is
  reasonable to assume, therefore, that the
  perturbations in pCO2 above 28 pa, shown in
  Figure 1b, result primarily from the increases in
  the anthropogenic emissions, U, shown in Figure
  1a. The difference between these two time series
  is determined by the dynamic mixing
  characteristics of anthropogenically sourced CO2
  within the relevant elements of the GCC,
  including the atmosphere. Initial statistical
  analysis of the time series shown in Figure 1a
  and b, without any presumption about the model
  form or order, suggests that the relationship
  between U and
• extract from Nature article by an ES lecturer

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Data Commentaries Example 4.
Identify a) location b) summary
statements

• Quite objectively, this SDP analysis suggests
  that, while there is no evidence of any
  nonstationarity in the offset parameter c and the
  input parameter b, there is clear evidence that
  the estimated parameter a varies as a function of
  DT, at least over a significant part of the
  observation interval, as shown in Figure 2a. On
  the basis of this nonparametric estimation
  evidence, the temperature dependency in the a
  parameter was investigated further by estimating
  the parameters in the following nonlinear dynamic
  SDP model (2).
• Various parametric functions for a () were
  investigated, based on the form of the initial
  non-parametric identification results shown in
  Figure 2a. Table 1 gives the estimated
  parameters of the model (2), for linear and
  sigmoidal parameterisations of ., and the
  associated form of these estimated functions are
  shown in Figures 2b and c for comparison with the
  non-parametric estimate. The model based on the
  sigmoidal temperature dependency function
  explains the data marginally better than the
  linear temperature function (RT2 0.99951
  compared to RT2 0.99947) but it has one
  additional parameter that is not well defined
  (see Table 1). The model fit and predictive
  validation for model (2) in this case are shown
  in Figure 3. NB problems with inserting equations
  symbols

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Language For Dealing With Imperfect Data

• Hedging can also be used where you are having
  problems with your data need to reduce
  certainty when discussing possible causes
• The difference between expected and obtained
  results may be due to the incorrect calibration
  of instruments
  may possibility i.e. less
  certainty than is
• The discrepancy can be attributed to the small
  sample size
  can reduces certainty of is
  i.e. there may be other explanations is only
  explanation.

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Language For Dealing With Imperfect Data

• The lack of statistical significance is probably
  a consequence of weaknesses in experimental
  design statement strength reduced by probably
  (modal adverb)
• The anomaly in the observation can probably be
  accounted for by a defect in the camera.
• Modal adverb probably substitution of is-
  by can gives a lower degree of probability
• The difficulty in dating this archaeological
  site would seem to stem from the limited amount
  of organic material available.
  would (conditional) reduces
  strength choice of verb seems expresses
  further caution
• Source Swales Feak 199497

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Tenses For Results Sections

• Read the excerpt from Worrall et al (1998)
• What 2 tenses are used?
• Why is there a change in tense?
• The carrot AFP was found to be N-glycosylated
  (fig.2) (10) however, enzymic removal of the
  small glycan side did not affect its RI activity.
  This result contrasts with the Solanum active or
  the fish antifreeze glycor protein (AFGP), which
  lost activity on removal of their glycan
  groups(6,11).

(tense The form of the verb group. This shows
whether you are referring to past, present, or
future time. (Collins Cobuild Dictionary, 1995)
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Tenses For Results Sections

• Reporting what you found i.e. results past
  tense
• Both species of ants exhibited a behavioural
  sequence.
• Referring to figures tables present simple
• Figure 1 shows time series of anthropogenic
  emissions of carbon dioxide to
• Discussing your results implications/conclusions
  present present perfect
• Thus, the recumbent protein is stable in plants
  grown at greenhouse temperatures.

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Tenses For Other Sections

• Reporting what you did i.e. method past tense
• we isolated a 36-kD glycoprotein from
• Introduction Present simple e.g.
• Recent research shows
• Present perfect e.g.
• Research has established that.
• One strategy that has evolved

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CWA part 2b

• Using 2 sources Worral et al (Science, 2
  October 1998, pages 115-6)- I ii, and
  O'Donnell (Science, 13 December 1996, pages
  1915-6)- iii iv
• Underline or identify 4 location/summary
  statements. (in Worral et al.)
• Which pattern is used most the insentence
  reference to the figure or the bracketed style?
  (in Worral et al)
• Find 5 examples of hedging of different
  strengths. Arrange them in approximate order of
  strength. (In O'Donnell)
• Which verb is most commonly used when findings
  are cautiously interpreted? (In O'Donnell)

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CWA part 2b

• Weighting 10 of total for CWA 2b
• Please add to CWA part 1 with the same cover
  sheet, identifying this work as CWA 2b. Assessor
  RB.
• NB If using the original passage to highlight or
  underline the answer, you need to make clear
  which question you are answering.
• For CWA 2a, see Powerpoint slides by Andrew
  Jarvis
• Website url
• http//www.lancs.ac.uk/depts/celt/sldc/sciencewrit
  ing.htm

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Further reading

• Maeve O'Connor's Writing Successfully in Science.
  (1991). Chapman and Hall. Chapter 4 on Preparing
  Effective Figures (pages 31-54) provides a very
  good discussion of effective data presentation
  is well illustrated with good bad examples.
• A.S.C Ehrenberg's Conference Paper Graphs or
  tables? (1977) offers a more critical discussion
  about choosing appropriate graphical
  representation.
• Almost Everything You Wanted to Know About Making
  Tables and Figures Bates University (2003)
  http//abacus.bates.edu/ganderso/biology/resource
  s/writing/HTWtablefigs.html This provides a very
  useful introduction, with many clearly explained
  examples.
• Weissburg and Buker's Writing Up Research
  Experimental Research Report Writing for Students
  of English (1990) geared at international
  students studying science, it provides excellent
  analysis of the structure of data commentary
  gives lots of language advice on structure and
  tenses.
• Swale's and Feak's Academic Writing for Graduate
  Students geared at international students. it
  has a lot of useful advice on structuring various
  types of postgraduate writing e.g. critical
  reviews, writing summaries for literature
  reviews. Source of materials for these slides